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Chapter 1:


In the inner courtyard of the Yongding Marquis’s Shen residence, the ice of early spring had just broken, the warm sun was just right, and a layer of sparkling ripples covered the Thousand Carps Pond.

In the center of the pond, a teenage boy, along with five or six servants, was on a small boat, chattering as they cleaned up the withered branches and leaves.

The boy casually looked up and spotted a maid in pink hurrying across the covered bridge toward the Octagonal Pavilion built in the middle of the pond.

“Chun Rui!” the boy called out, tossing the long pole in his hand to someone nearby. “What’s happened that’s so urgent?”

His shout not only stopped Chun Rui but also woke the person napping in the pavilion.

Bamboo blinds surrounded the pavilion on all sides. A very annoyed voice came from inside, cursing, “Shen Qingjue, do you want to die?! What’s all that racket about?!”

Chun Rui paused, then spread her hands helplessly at the boy called Shen Qingjue, shaking her head.

Shen Qingjue showed no sign of being angered by the scolding. Instead, his face lit up with interest. “Did it fall through again?!”

Chun Rui silently nodded. Having received confirmation, Shen Qingjue immediately ordered the boat to be rowed to the pavilion.

His robes fluttered as he vaulted over the railing onto the pavilion, then bent to lift the bamboo blind.

Inside, besides a stone table and stone stools, there was also a Beauty Couch. Lying on the couch was a beauty in her twenties, a black-and-white kitten cradled in her arms.

If the beauty had remained still, silent, and with eyes closed, the scene might have possessed a certain ethereal, orchid-like charm. But unfortunately, Shen Qingjue’s boisterous arrival had interrupted her nap.

“Sis! Wake up! Your marriage match just fell through again!”

Shen Yuezhuang, aged twenty. Her father was the only hereditary and irrevocable Marquis of Yongding in Great Liang, commanding thirty thousand troops in the city’s Patrol Garrison.

Her great-grandfather had been a sworn brother of Taizu, the founding emperor.

Her mother was the legitimate daughter of the Huo clan.

Her maternal grandfather was a veteran of three reigns and the Grand Preceptor personally appointed by the current Emperor!

As a child, Shen Yuezhuang had entered the Palace as the Companion to the Princess. Later, she studied under a great contemporary Confucian master and was even a childhood friend and playmate of the current Emperor!

However, Shen Yuezhuang was born unruly and arrogant. In her youth, she galloped her horse down long streets, laughed drunkenly in jade towers, gambled away fortunes in casinos, got drunk and made a scene at the Imperial Observatory, once drove a carriage recklessly into the Palace at night, and once declared at the Court of Judicial Review that she would become a nun…

A storyteller could talk for three days and three nights straight about Shen Yuezhuang’s glorious exploits without repeating a single one. Anything bizarre or unbelievable, as long as you added “Shen Yuezhuang did it,” instantly became perfectly logical.

She was once called the Capital’s number one profligate. Families of all ranks strictly forbade their sons from associating with her.

Under these circumstances, the sons of court officials all avoided her. It seemed only natural that Shen Yuezhuang’s marriage prospects were poor.

At first, the Marquis of Yongding thought so too.

If court officials’ families were out of the question, then find an ordinary family. If it had to be an ordinary family, it would be better to just get a son-in-law who entered the bride’s family. If it was a son-in-law who entered the bride’s family, then he should ideally be handsome, well-read, with both parents deceased and no brothers or sisters…

The Marquis of Yongding doted on his daughter. This search lasted three years.

Over those three years, the Marquis understood one truth: In other people’s eyes, Shen Yuezhuang’s family background was not the reason she could act however she pleased—it was the only reason she was still alive!

A good man might be willing to become a son-in-law who entered the bride’s family. But one wrong move, and he would either be carried up to the clouds by the Marquis or dragged straight to hell along with Shen Yuezhuang!

Even ordinary people understood this reasoning. It only turned the Marquis’s temples white with worry.

But at that time, the new Emperor hadn’t yet ascended the throne. When he did, the Marquis felt that his daughter’s self-destructive—er, marriage prospects—had improved slightly. So he turned his attention back to the sons of court officials.

The Marquis didn’t seek out valued eldest sons. He only looked for the spoiled younger sons.

After all, no one was a good bird anyway. Their big profligate could discipline their little profligate. They might as well just bundle them together and let them muddle through life!

At first, they actually negotiated with one family: the nephew of the Chief Minister of the Court of Judicial Review. Shen Yuezhuang had once declared in front of that very official that she would become a nun. Perhaps she had left too deep an impression on him, because when he saw his own nephew, who only knew how to eat, drink, and have fun, the official made a firm decision and agreed!

Both families agreed, and the betrothal was put on the calendar. But then the nephew started making a fuss, threatening to jump into the moat. Only then did the engagement fall through.

However, a story script titled “The Absurd Affairs of Shen Yuezhuang” began circulating in every street and alley.

Volume One, First Episode: Son of the Jiang Family Bravely Leaps into the Qingsi River; Daughter of the Shen Family Resolutely Severs a Fatal Marriage.

Soon after.

Volume One, Second Episode: Second Son Zhao Lingers in the Hundred Flowers Pavilion; Daughter of the Shen Family Breaks a Branch and Gives It as a Taunt.

Volume One, Third Episode: Third Son Qian Cuts His Sleeve to Declare His Ambition; Daughter of the Shen Family Sorrowfully Interrogates Her “Broken Sleeve” Lover.

Volume One, Fourth Episode: Son Li…

The story scripts mixed truth and falsehood, but they certainly gathered enough excitement. In the less than a year since the new Emperor ascended the throne, everyone in the Capital went from laughing at Shen Yuezhuang’s misery to laughing at the various families’ wayward sons. It seemed as if Shen Yuezhuang had suddenly transformed from a great scourge into a litmus test for each family.

If one family kept concubines, another kept catamites. Everyone was eager to see the next spectacle. Even Shen Yuezhuang’s younger brother, Shen Qingjue, was no exception!

Shen Qingjue and Shen Yuezhuang shared the same father but different mothers. Shen Yuezhuang’s mother died shortly after giving birth to her. Shen Qingjue was the son of the Marquis’s second wife. He was ten years younger than Shen Yuezhuang.

He plopped down on the narrow Beauty Couch and waved at Chun Rui, who had just entered. “Come on, tell me. Who’s the unlucky guy this time?”

Shen Yuezhuang still looked dazed from just waking up. Upon hearing this, she instinctively kicked him and said curtly, “Scram!”

Shen Qingjue chuckled, leaned over to grab the teapot on the stone table, poured a cup, and respectfully handed it to his sister. Then he grabbed her leg, placed it on his lap, and began pretending to massage her calf.

“Chun Rui, tell me quickly! Who is it this time? What’s the drama?”

Chun Rui bowed slightly. “The one who withdrew this time is Chen Jinzhou, the youngest son of Chen Chuan, the Vice Minister of Works. The reason given is that although Chen Jinzhou appears healthy, he actually suffers from a severe, incurable illness. The Chen family has sought famous doctors all over the land without success, and they fear ruining Miss Shen’s excellent marriage prospects.”

Shen Qingjue pressed, “And the truth?”

“The truth is…” Chun Rui hesitated. “The young Master Chen… is impotent.”

“Pfft!”

Shen Yuezhuang didn’t swallow the tea in her mouth; she spat it all out. “Impotent?!”

Chun Rui nodded.

Shen Yuezhuang was now fully awake.

Shen Qingjue crowed, “Episode Thirty-Four should be out soon!”

He shook his head and clicked his tongue repeatedly, then turned to Shen Yuezhuang. “Sis, you’re almost done collecting a whole Hundred Family Surnames at this rate!”

Shen Yuezhuang: “…”

“You dare say you haven’t read that book?”

She raised an eyebrow and lifted her hand to smack his head. Shen Qingjue skillfully ducked. “Sis, sis, sis, sis! Listen to me!”

He got up and sat on a stone stool, his expression becoming earnest. “Sis, I’m not saying this to nag you, but you really need to take this seriously!”

“At this rate, you’ve practically churned through all the young masters in the Capital, good and bad. If you keep going like this…” Seeing her inattentiveness, he suddenly leaned forward. “Sis, if you keep going, there’s a good chance the only one willing to take you in will be His Majesty, in his harem!”

“Shut your crow’s mouth!” Shen Yuezhuang pushed his face away in disgust. “And what do you mean, ‘willing to take me in’?”

Shen Qingjue’s handsome face was squished out of shape. He mumbled, “I heard Mother and Father talking. You and His Majesty have deep feelings. He definitely wouldn’t watch you stay unmarried like this!”

“My mother also said that my two older cousins on my uncle’s side are taking the Imperial Examination this year. She’ll tell them to keep an eye out for any talented candidates from out of town with good looks, so Father can persuade one to become a son-in-law who enters our family. But if that doesn’t work, after the examinations comes the Imperial Consort Selection…”

“Wait!” A light bulb went off in Shen Yuezhuang’s head. “Imperial Examination?”

“That’s right.” Shen Qingjue freed his face from his sister’s grip. “The Emperor ascended the throne; he’s ordered a Special Examination.”

“Oh~” Shen Yuezhuang looked at Shen Qingjue with a warm smile.

But Shen Qingjue immediately broke out in goosebumps.

He was all too familiar with that look. He eyed her warily. “What are you thinking? I’ve already spent all my allowance!”

“I don’t need your money!” Shen Yuezhuang sat up on the couch. She slowly poured herself a cup of tea, lowered her eyes for a moment, then seemed to remember something. “By the way, what day is the Announcement of the List?”

Rongxing First Year, Third Day of the Third Month. Firecrackers popped along North Street, and the place was thronged with people.

A luxurious carriage with no identifying marks burst out of the crowd. Besides the driver, eight strong, young men flanked the carriage on either side. They wore headscarves and blue long robes. At first glance, compared to the scholars waiting behind them for the list to be announced, they seemed… completely out of place.

It was clear that these eight were trying to blend in, but their effort was… not worth mentioning.

Everyone watched as eight burly, athletic men ran alongside the carriage. Then the carriage turned and entered a quiet alley.

The eight men tacitly waited outside the alley. They looked fierce and menacing yet behaved comically, so everyone else kept their distance.

The carriage stopped inside the alley. Inside, Shen Yuezhuang and Chun Rui stared at the person Second Brother Nie had captured.

This person had a sack over his head. Outside the sack, a hemp rope was tied around his arms. His hands were exposed outside the sack, but his wrists were similarly bound with many loops of rope.

After Second Brother Nie threw him into the carriage, he didn’t shout or struggle. He just sat down on the floor, leaning against one side of the carriage.

From the exposed fabric of his clothes, the material was ordinary. It seemed his family wasn’t wealthy.

Good, not wealthy!

She had specifically instructed Second Brother Nie to capture someone who wasn’t rich, was from out of town, and, most importantly, was good-looking. As long as the face was passable, she would force him to sign the marriage contract first!

As for entering the Palace? She’d rather die than enter the Palace!

Shen Yuezhuang and Chun Rui hurriedly untied the hemp ropes on the person. They lifted the sack to reveal a face that, in Second Brother Nie’s words, “looked damn striking!”

He might be poor, but that didn’t diminish his upright, pine-like bearing. This was probably the pride of a scholar, but compared to other scholars Chun Rui had seen, this one was more oppressive and sharper. Perhaps it was because he truly had knowledge in his gut. It reminded Chun Rui of the dominating rulers in story scripts, who seemed to look down on everyone.

As for his appearance: exquisite, delicate. Except for his bold eyebrows, his eyes, nose, and mouth were a bit feminine. A man with feminine features was not an auspicious sign for longevity. And those eyes… when you looked closely, they were quite eerie, like a bottomless spring, cold and sinister. They didn’t look like they belonged to someone with a good temper.

But his frame seemed frail and scholarly. If he ever had a dispute with their young miss, he would surely lose a fight against her.

Good thing! Twice the good thing!

Chun Rui’s face lit up with joy. She immediately went to pull out the marriage contract. But then she saw the smile freeze on her young miss’s face. Shen Yuezhuang quickly put the sack back down.

The person’s face was once again completely covered. And their young miss took a deep breath, placing a hand over her heart.

“Good heavens!”

Chun Rui smiled knowingly, thinking her young miss had finally felt the stirrings of love. She was about to tease her when she heard a cold, clear voice come from inside the sack.

“Meeting an old friend again, Miss. You never fail to surprise this Dowager!”


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The Empress Dowager Claims to Be My Ex-Girlfriend

The Empress Dowager Claims to Be My Ex-Girlfriend

太后自称是我前女友
Status: Completed Native Language: Chinese

Shen Yuezhuang, the Capital City’s number one female profligate.

Her great-grandfather, Shen Zhi, had at a young age, among a group of grubby little brats playing in mud and piss, singled out the boy who would later become the founding emperor, becoming his sworn brother.

Shen Yuezhuang, a descendant of nobility and meritorious officials, at the same age of muddling through, made two friends: a fox-like friend — the orphan Liu Yun, and a dog-like friend — the neglected Third Prince.

Ten years passed in the blink of an eye. The little prince of yesteryear had leaped to become the current Emperor, while the orphan girl with no family to rely on had become the current Empress Dowager. Only Shen Yuezhuang remained, the Capital’s number one aging leftover woman...

Tsk. The development of this affair was very suspicious. Her great-grandfather became sworn brothers with the Emperor, and he became a highly sought-after husband. How come, when it got to her, she turned into a hot potato?!

Later, Shen Yuezhuang heard a rumor coming from the Palace: the Empress Dowager had said that the young Miss of the Shen family was her old flame!

~~~

The new Emperor ascended the throne and ordered a Special Examination. Shen Yuezhuang, brimming with excitement, took her family’s servants to the Capital on the day the list was announced to try her hand at the tradition of Groom-Snatching Below the List. Her only requirement: good looks above all else!

And so, her burly servants brought her the current Empress Dowager, who was out of the Palace in disguise!

~~~

Speaking of the current Empress Dowager’s life, it was famously tumultuous. From a criminal slave to Empress Dowager, everyone said Emperor Jiande was her benefactor.

When Emperor Jiande ascended the throne and proclaimed a Great Amnesty, she was freed from her slave status.

When Emperor Jiande held his Imperial Consort Selection, she entered the Palace to await selection.

Before Emperor Jiande died, she had risen from a low-ranking Worthy Lady to the Empress of the Central Palace.

After Emperor Jiande’s death, when the Third Prince ascended the throne, she became the most powerful woman in the Palace: the Empress Dowager!

Rumors said the Empress Dowager was ruthless. Rumors said the Empress Dowager framed loyal officials. Rumors said the Empress Dowager was a woman usurping authority. Rumors said the Empress Dowager intended to usurp the throne...

Liu Yun turned a deaf ear to the rumors. But the one rumor she admitted to was that the Empress Dowager, unable to bear the jealousy of being a substitute bride, had secretly ruined all of Miss Shen’s marriage prospects.

Yes. She was alone and desolate within the Palace; how could she let Miss Shen enjoy a harmonious marriage outside?

***

Mini-Story:

Palace Attendant: Your Majesty, it’s terrible! Miss Shen and the Noble Consort are arguing in the Imperial Garden!

The Emperor, who was about to head to the Imperial Garden, immediately turned around: “Go fetch the Empress Dowager.”

Palace Attendant: “Then, Your Majesty...”

Emperor: “I’ll make myself scarce. She curses dirty.”

***

Mini-Story 2:

Miss Shen argued with a consort in the Palace, and the Empress Dowager punished her by ordering her to clean the Study Room. After an hour, the Empress Dowager’s personal female official looked at the still-wet ink stains and the messy bookshelves in the study, and sighed helplessly in persuasion, “Miss Shen, even if no one is watching, Her Highness has given the order. Could you at least pretend to do a good job?”

Shen Yuezhuang, with an incredulous look, pointed at the abacus on the table and retorted, “Pretend? Can’t you see this abacus is already neatly arranged?”

The female official was stunned. But the Empress Dowager looked completely unsurprised.

“If it’s sorted, it’s sorted. What do you want for dinner?”

Their germophobic Empress Dowager said this while closing the open book.

Female official: “...”

Your Highness, do you even see what you’re doing? Is this what you call “sorted”?!

Later, the training for new arrivals in the Empress Dowager’s Palace included memorizing a few special terms: that an abacus is also called a study, that soup with burst wontons is called “meat soup with sliced noodles,” and that the number “seventeen” is taboo in the Palace.

***

Reading Guide:

1. HE (Happy Ending), Both are pure, Sweet story. Feel free to read safely. 2. Silly and light-hearted. This one is absolutely not angsty (emphasis). ...

Content Tags: Palace and Nobility, Special Favor, Happy Enemies to Lovers, Sweet, Historical, Main Character is the Receiver

Search Keywords: Main Character: Shen Yuezhuang, Liu Yun │ Supporting Characters: │ Others:

One-Line Summary: The unspeakable affairs between the Empress Dowager and Miss Shen.

Theme: Strive hard, pursue a beautiful life.

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