Chapter 12: MAMA-12

MAMA-12: But she wants to sleep.

There were so many hospitals in Ning City. Mi Shanxin didn’t know much about hospice wards; it was Jian Wanji who introduced her to them.

After hearing Jian Wanji list a few conditions, Mi Shanxin asked: “If the patient themselves must know their condition and accept it to enter… how long has your grandmother been staying here?”

“Over four months.” Jian Wanji’s expression didn’t reveal whether she was sad or not. “She hadn’t mistaken people yet when she first moved in.”

Mi Shanxin asked again: “And besides you, what about other relatives?”

“I have an uncle, but he already passed away.” Jian Wanji paused. “My aunt came once.”

The ward was on a specific floor, very quiet. Jian Wanji took Mi Shanxin there; occasionally they encountered passing nurses and visiting family members.

Jian Wanji’s grandmother’s room was deep inside. She first asked about the old lady’s condition today, and soon the caregiver left.

The News Simulcast had just finished. The old lady hadn’t rested yet and was sitting on the sofa eating fruit.

The elderly woman was very old. Her hair was grey but not sparse. Her movements were slow, as if she couldn’t hear people coming.

Mi Shanxin had been to the hospital many times; both her grandparents had underlying health conditions. Sometimes she went to get their medicine. During Grandpa’s last days in the hospital, Mi Shanxin went to see him after school every day.

A hospice ward was different from a regular ward, perhaps the difference between palliative and active treatment.

On her way here, Mi Shanxin had also seen very young patients.

She imagined that someday, she would also want to reduce pain and die comfortably, peacefully, like this.

“Grandmother.”

The high costs here were entirely borne by Jian Wanji. After Uncle passed away, Aunt had her own social circle and life, not to mention being in a different city; coming once was already quite something. As for cousins from the same generation, there was an older male cousin and his wife, seen once at New Year’s; and a younger female cousin, recently newly married, who occasionally visited Ning City for fun, and Jian Wanji would have a meal with her.

Blood being thicker than water was sometimes a paradox. Jian Wanji’s reason for choosing to stay single also stemmed from here.

Looking at Grandmother’s life, she didn’t see what good choice marriage was. Too bad Mom passed away too early, otherwise Jian Wanji would have wanted to ask her why she and Father loved each other so much.

The old lady turned a deaf ear, her fruit-eating motions still very elegant. Mi Shanxin followed behind Jian Wanji, noticing this room didn’t have an overpowering disinfectant smell. Perhaps because Jian Wanji was so close, she had already been invaded by the other’s fragrance.

“Grandmother.”

The old lady had no reaction. Jian Wanji called out again, pushing Mi Shanxin forward.

The reason Mi Shanxin could agree to come with Jian Wanji, aside from that absurd, almost obscene dream, was mostly her line “no one but you will do.”

She needed this need. At first, she didn’t care if she would be mistaken for someone else.

But just now, Jian Wanji had agreed to her request.

As long as she could do it, it was fine.

It’s just doing me, what couldn’t she do?

Mi Shanxin sat down beside the old lady. The room’s light was white. The furnishings were still very hospital-like, with medical equipment convenient for examinations at the head of the bed.

Organ failure was a normal result for humans. The old lady’s movements were slow; her cloudy eyes slowly lifted, showing a puzzled expression upon seeing Mi Shanxin.

Jian Wanji asked from her other side: “Look, who is she?”

This face was full of gullies and wrinkles, showing no resemblance to Jian Wanji.

Mi Shanxin didn’t know at what age a person started heading towards senescence. In Li Yin’s view, Jian Wanji’s age was similar to everyone’s mothers’ generation, completely middle-aged leaning towards elderly. But if measured against eighty, Jian Wanji was in her prime, with many years still to live.

Would Jian Wanji’s raised eye corners also droop like her elder’s when she was old?

Just as Mi Shanxin’s mind wandered, her hands were suddenly grasped.

“…Lingling?” The old lady held her hands, abruptly leaning close, so close Mi Shanxin was startled. The next second, her mask was removed. The elderly woman’s gaze was kind, her tone caring, fixed on Mi Shanxin’s eyes. “You’re back from school?”

Mi Shanxin didn’t know how to respond and looked towards Jian Wanji standing on the other side.

Jian Wanji seemed to be smiling, yet also seemed to be crying.

When Mi Shanxin looked carefully again, the other was clearly smiling with great satisfaction, her expression seeming to say: I told you so.

Jian Wanji wasn’t surprised by this scene.

Her previous attempts to hire actors had failed repeatedly. It was simply because playing a dead person with no frame of reference was too hard.

Mi Shanxin’s physical appearance only had a slight resemblance. It was her feeling that was unparalleled; the spiritual likeness came in an instant.

Mi Shanxin didn’t pull her hands back. She made an “mm” sound. The old lady, who just moments ago had been woodenly eating fruit, seemed suddenly wound up like a clockwork toy, talking to her incessantly.

“Have you eaten dinner?”

“Did Dad bring you here?”

“The Century Egg Wontons you wanted are already prepared.”

These completely required no answers from Mi Shanxin. The old lady asked and answered herself. At this moment, she got up to look for her Century Egg Wontons. Mi Shanxin had to look at Jian Wanji again. The other shook her head. “It’s fine. She’ll switch scenes again soon.”

As expected, after searching around for the Century Egg Wontons, the old lady came back holding a box of fruit from the table.

Mi Shanxin was very full from dinner and ate a symbolic mouthful. The old lady asked worriedly: “Is someone at school bullying you?”

Her hands were warmer than a twenty-year-old’s. Unlike Mi Shanxin, whose hands and feet turned icy in winter, taking ages to warm up in bed. She always said she’d buy an electric blanket, but still hadn’t.

“No.” Mi Shanxin shook her head. The old lady smoothed her hair again, tucking her stray locks behind her ears, revealing Mi Shanxin’s full face.

Jian Wanji leaned against the opposite bed’s footboard, watching this scene with great interest.

Mi Shanxin’s hair was messy. Even if she tidied it slightly for class, her bangs were still unruly. Now seeing her full face, it was like a hollow goose egg, still not fully formed, very fragile-looking.

“That’s good.”

Just then, the caregiver came looking for Jian Wanji. Jian Wanji went outside the ward. Mi Shanxin felt a bit flustered and wanted to follow her, but the old lady held her hand and asked, “Lingling, where are you going?”

Mi Shanxin knew nothing about the past of Jian Wanji’s mother, so she could only say: “I have to do my homework.”

“What time is it already?”

“The News Simulcast finished a long time ago.” Mi Shanxin fudged the time. The old lady became a bit anxious. “Then you go and do it quickly.”

“What about you?” Mi Shanxin stared at the elderly woman. Her skin and flesh were very soft. She carried the scent of old-fashioned Snow Flower Cream, probably the kind with the cheongsam-clad lady on the packaging; Mi Shanxin’s grandmother had liked this brand too.

“Me?” The old lady looked somewhat lost.

“You need to sleep.” Mi Shanxin stood up. Just then, the caregiver came in. “I’ll handle this.”

The caregiver was in her fifties, a bit plump, with very short hair, and very efficient in her movements.

The old lady recognized her again. “Little Wang, slow down, my dentures aren’t easy to remove…”

So those were dentures.

Mi Shanxin opened the door and went out. Jian Wanji’s figure was nowhere in the corridor; she didn’t know where she’d gone.

“Young lady, Wanji went to the doctor’s office. Turn right up ahead.” When the old lady was washing up, the caregiver came out and told Mi Shanxin.

Mi Shanxin: “Thank you.”

She hadn’t gone far when Jian Wanji and a female doctor walked out from a room.

It was very quiet here. One could occasionally hear the sound of doors opening and closing, different from the elevators going up.

Hospital wards in Mi Shanxin’s memory were also very noisy, not individual rooms. Someone wanted to watch TV, someone had visitors, sounds of chatting, pouring water, phone calls.

Also the smells of fruit and rice. The elderly would still compare whose kids were more successful.

When Mi Shanxin visited Grandpa, she heard the granny in the next bed ask Grandpa where his child was. Hearing they were abroad, she said “so successful” while also seeming to feel he was pitiful.

Jian Wanji was different from Mi Shanxin’s father. Grandmother should be her closest person. Everywhere here screamed “not cheap,” whether the single room, the hospice facilities, or the very pleasant caregiver.

Dying with dignity wasn’t easy. Looking at the old lady’s state, one could tell she was well cared for. Her grip on Mi Shanxin’s hands was very strong. For a moment, Mi Shanxin doubted who exactly was suffering organ failure at life’s end.

Jian Wanji hadn’t seen Mi Shanxin yet. She was saying something to the female doctor; the other laughed.

Jian Wanji was quite tall. You couldn’t rule out her high heels, but at least she didn’t lose out even in crowded elevators.

When Mi Shanxin came up earlier, she didn’t worry about being squished at all; Jian Wanji would shield her anyway.

Her words were flippant, but the proper attitude expected of an elder wasn’t lacking at all.

The female doctor might be Jian Wanji’s age, her hair pinned behind her head. The hem of her white coat swayed as she walked, colliding with the hem of Jian Wanji’s trench coat. Mi Shanxin pinched the drawstring of her hoodie, starting to doubt the possibility of her request being rejected.

But she wanted to sleep, in the literal sense of sleeping well.

Yet precisely to sleep well, she had to go through a non-literal meaning.

“… Yes, really looks like her,” Jian Wanji had her hands in her trench coat pockets, talking to the doctor on duty. “You never met my mother, so you probably wouldn’t understand.”

The doctor smiled and said: “You and your mother must be alike, right.”

“That’s actually not necessarily…” Jian Wanji saw the little girl leaning against the wall by the corner.

The other seemed only a bit taller than the trash can, or maybe the trash can had a bouquet on top, obscuring Mi Shanxin.

“What’s wrong?” The doctor on duty looked over. Jian Wanji was already walking over. “Student Shanxin.”

“Your grandmother was going to sleep, so I came out.” Mi Shanxin explained, first glancing at the doctor who followed. The other sized Mi Shanxin up twice and asked Jian Wanji: “This is the actress you found? Isn’t she too young?”

Jian Wanji didn’t mind at all: “As long as my grandmother recognizes her.”

She said she was looking for a mother; everyone thought she meant someone in their fifties or sixties, never expecting her to find someone so young.

The doctor was surprised for a moment and asked: “High school student?”

Jian Wanji: “College student now.”

The doctor sighed in relief. “Good then. Just think of it as a part-time job.”

The last sentence was directed at Mi Shanxin. After finishing, she brought up the registration matter with Jian Wanji again.

Mi Shanxin stood to the side, listening to them talk, unable to interject a single word.

When the doctor left, the girl spoke: “Is she married?”

“…Who? You mean Dr. Qian?”

“Mm.”

Jian Wanji: “No. She’s the ex-girlfriend of my friend’s ex-girlfriend.”

Mi Shanxin found it convoluted and couldn’t be bothered to think it through, just nodding.

Jian Wanji noticed that Mi Shanxin, who appeared cold and indifferent, seemed quite gossipy. “What’s up? You like that type?”

Although perpetually single, Jian Wanji wasn’t without friends in same-sex relationships. “I hear doctors are especially popular, especially highly educated female doctors. Do you like that type?”

Mi Shanxin made an “mm” sound: “I like older ones.”

Jian Wanji had absolutely no idea the girl in front of her was planning to devour her entirely. She made an exaggerated expression, then kindly warned, “I believe in love and freedom, but isn’t that a bit too hasty?”

“Did I just witness a love-at-first-sight scene?” She was still laughing, looking to be in a good mood, “But Dr. Qian…”

“I just like this type of person.” Mi Shanxin interrupted Jian Wanji’s suggestion, probably finding her annoying. “Can I go home now?”

She turned and headed for the elevator. Jian Wanji followed. “Wait a moment, Student Shanxin! Wait up!”

Mi Shanxin turned her head. “Are there other problems?”

Jian Wanji: “You’re not thinking of backing out, are you?”

Still in the public corridor, Jian Wanji’s voice was lowered. Her permed bangs swayed, further irritating Mi Shanxin. “No.”

“You said it. So you’re agreeing then?” Jian Wanji leaned very close to Mi Shanxin. Their two shadows intertwined shamelessly, just like in the dream.

Mi Shanxin bit her lip, suppressing an inexplicable sour feeling. “Mm.”

“I’m going home first.”