Chapter 30

It had been a long time since Yu Mian had been in Pei Songxi’s room.

Nothing here seemed to have changed — even the cashmere blanket Auntie Pei used to hand her sat in its old place. She couldn’t help touching it: still soft, still warm.

Just like Auntie Pei.

Pei Songxi told her to bathe first, then bathed herself; by the time they were both lying down, the clock pointed to two.

The lights were off, but the lights outside were bright, and the room wasn’t too dark.

A faint smell of firecrackers drifted in the air. Yu Mian didn’t like it, so she edged closer to Pei Songxi, until she caught that familiar, cool woody fragrance… like cedar mixed with fir, clean and serene.

She was still too excited to sleep well. “Auntie Pei, Xiaoyan says she’s giving me a bottle of perfume. Guess what scent?”

Pei Songxi, eyes closed: “What scent?”

“Orange!”

Pei Songxi made a small sound. “Seems Xiaoyan knows you well. You’ve called yourself an unclaimed Little Orange since you were tiny.”

Yu Mian huffed in protest. “I am too claimed.”

“Sleep, Mianmian.”

“Okay.”

She agreed out loud, but her body didn’t obey at all. She quietly tugged at Pei Songxi’s hem; seeing no reaction, she grew bold, rolled over, and wrapped her arms around her. “Auntie Pei, I’m going to sleep hugging you!”

Pei Songxi had just felt drowsiness rising; the commotion jolted her awake. She was resigned. “Mianmian… it’s late. Stop fooling around. Didn’t you say we’re going running tomorrow morning?”

Yu Mian refused to let go. “But I want to hug you. You sleep! I won’t disturb you!”

Ever since she’d grown up, Auntie Pei rarely held her anymore — probably because she wasn’t as cute as when she was little.

Pei Songxi moved to push her away, raised her hand, and only after a long moment let it fall, patting the girl’s shoulder. “Mianmian, you’re getting a bit unreasonable.”

She was holding her — how was she supposed to sleep like this?

“I’m just going to be unreasonable a little! It’s the first day of the New Year — just this once this year!”

The more Yu Mian spoke, the less she let go, nuzzling gently against her arm. When Pei Songxi turned to speak to her, she not only didn’t release her, but pressed even closer into her arms, like a little hamster burrowing into its hole. “Don’t be mad at me, okay? Just let this unloved, unwanted Little Orange be happy for a little while!”

Pei Songxi was amused, discovering she was in a remarkably playful mood, and didn’t truly blame her. She had meant to indulge her for a bit — but she… was squirming in her arms… and she had to press down her little head. “Mianmian!”

Yu Mian really did go still. She instinctively lifted her head to speak to Pei Songxi… and only then discovered… something awkward.

She was… too close.

Auntie Pei was… different from her…

Just… mm, so big.

Pei Songxi realized it too. The moment she went still, she rolled onto her back, rubbing the bridge of her nose. “I’m sleepy, Mianmian.”

Yu Mian was dazed for a while before blinking, not daring to fuss anymore. “Okay. You rest.”

She finally lay down properly and still. Maybe she’d just been too happy tonight.

In years past, after the New Year’s Eve dinner, Auntie Pei would go to her room and she could only do homework, occasionally staring out the window at the ten thousand household lights.

But not this year. She liked Brother Zhiyuan, liked Uncle Linmo, liked Auntie Pei… For the first time, the New Year had been this lively and happy. She was just so delighted.

“Auntie Pei, are you mad?”

“No.”

“Okay. But if you’re mad, you have to tell me.”

“I’m not mad. It’s fine.”

Pei Songxi adjusted her tone. She rarely saw Yu Mian fuss and clown around with her like this, and she treasured it in her heart. But… she only felt that Mianmian had grown up, and shouldn’t be so close and dependent on her as before.

Yu Mian lay flat on her back, and couldn’t help letting her gaze drift downward, suddenly marveling, “Lying down… it really is flat… But Auntie Pei, you’re different.”

Auntie Pei really was different from her — very obviously…

Pei Songxi sighed softly inwardly, and with some resignation reached out a hand, her fingertip tapping lightly against the girl’s lips, a touch and gone. “Shh. Sleep. Goodnight.”

Yu Mian blinked. “Okay. Goodnight.”

From that night on, Pei Songxi never again let Yu Mian stay overnight in her room.

Even during those days of Spring Festival spent at the Pei household, Pei Songxi no longer opened her door to her — only kept her company in her own room until she fell asleep.

Yu Mian cursed herself. She was truly full of regret — she must have fussed too long that night, and Auntie Pei had gotten a little angry after all.

She sulked for several days, and only perked up again on the third day of the New Year, when Pei Songxi took her home — back to their own home.

That evening, Auntie Zhao invited her over to the Xu Family for dinner. She and Xu Xiaoyan hadn’t seen each other in days, and they chatted happily for hours. She showed Xu Xiaoyan the sketches she’d drawn over the break, while Xu Xiaoyan evangelized TV dramas at her with fanatical devotion.

“This one, this one! The male lead is so handsome! You have to watch it!”

Yu Mian looked at the screen. “I watched that one! I didn’t think it was good. I watched it with Auntie Pei that day — she wasn’t interested either, and wanted to watch the news channel.”

Xu Xiaoyan froze. “You watched an idol drama with a grown-up? Wait… you didn’t happen to see the kissing scene, did you?”

Yu Mian nodded. “Mm, I did. I really thought it was so strange — why would two people gnaw on each other while hugging for that long?”

Xu Xiaoyan sucked in a cold breath. “…You watched it with your Auntie Pei?”

“Mm. Why?”

Xu Xiaoyan: “…”

She wouldn’t dare watch idol dramas with her own parents, okay!

Good heavens, this silly bestie — wouldn’t that be mortifying! Though maybe… Yu Mian’s situation was different from hers. Either way, she would never dare watch kiss scenes with her parents!

But Yu Mian’s face was perfectly calm and open. “Xiaoyan, why are you looking at me like that?”

Xu Xiaoyan tapped her head. “It’s over. Your brain must be packed solid with crystallized wisdom — there’s no ocean of love left to slosh around in.”

Yu Mian frowned, puzzled. “Really… I don’t understand what love is, and I don’t want it.”

Love…

What was love, anyway?

She didn’t understand, and didn’t want to think about it. She went on chatting with Xu Xiaoyan about the happy things of the break, until Pei Songxi came to pick her up, bringing a New Year gift for Xu Xiaoyan as well.

Xu Xiaoyan thanked her in delighted surprise and wanted to tear open the gift box on the spot, but her father stopped her.

Xu Yang was somewhat flustered by the honor. “President Pei… the children playing together is one thing, but you didn’t need to bring a gift to the door.”

His company had business dealings with the Pei Family’s, so he naturally knew the reputation of this young woman barely past thirty — decisive and merciless in the workplace. He hadn’t imagined she would bring Xiaoyan a gift.

Zhao Ruo swatted her husband. “Go, go, what’s with all the false politeness.”

She had met Pei Songxi quite a few times — sometimes at parent-teacher meetings, sometimes when one family or the other had commitments and they’d shuttle the children back for each other. The two families were quite familiar; it was just that Xu Yang was rarely home and didn’t know.

Pei Songxi’s smile was gracious. “Mr. Xu is too courteous. Mianmian and Xiaoyan are very good friends. Xiaoyan has always brought Mianmian gifts, so it’s only right that I return the favor now.”

Xu Xiaoyan chimed in from the side. “Right! Mianmian and I are very good friends! Thank you, President Pei… Ai, should I call you Auntie or Sister?”

Mianmian said her Auntie Pei was thirty, so by Mianmian’s seniority she should call her Auntie — but they were already in their teens, so Sister would work too, right?

Besides, she was so pretty. It was as if she hadn’t changed at all in all these years.

Zhao Ruo scolded her fondly, “No respect for your elders.”

Pei Songxi slipped an arm around Yu Mian’s shoulder. “It’s fine — children joke around. Mr. Xu, Mrs. Xu, Xiaoyan — we’ll be going.”

Yu Mian waved at Xu Xiaoyan. “Xiaoyan, I’m off!”

“Mm! Get home safe, Mianmian!”

“I know! It’s so close, just a few steps. Goodnight!”

Coming out of the Xu household, Yu Mian realized it had gone fully dark — no wonder Auntie Pei had come to pick her up.

Snow was drifting from the sky. They walked beneath the streetlights, printing rows of deep and shallow footprints.

Pei Songxi rarely made demands of her, but she would remind her to come home promptly after school, to always check in with her before going out with friends, never to wander outside alone after dark. She was exceptionally particular about safety — but Yu Mian never found it annoying, or controlling the way some classmates complained their elders were… On the contrary, she knew it was Auntie Pei’s way of caring.

Though she no longer knew who her parents were, and felt a pang of loss whenever she saw other families laughing together while playing at their homes, that negative feeling was brief, fleeting — it had never truly weighed on her.

Because someone cared about her.

Thinking this, Yu Mian hugged Pei Songxi’s arm tightly, her heart quiet and content.

Pei Songxi was a little lost in thought too.

Remembering the warm, harmonious atmosphere of the Xu household just now, she always felt she owed Mianmian something… Ai, but there were things she simply couldn’t give.

A few minutes later they were home. Pei Songxi pushed open the door and switched on the living room chandelier, warm orange light instantly flooding the whole house — a quiet, serene winter night.

Yu Mian cheered and flopped onto the sofa. “Pei Songxi and Mianmian’s home — the best home in the whole world!”

Pei Songxi didn’t know what had prompted the sudden declaration, and asked, curious, “Why do you say that? Xiaoyan’s parents are lovely people. Isn’t her home nice?”

Yu Mian shook her head, smiling. “Her home is lovely, of course. But it isn’t my home. I like our home. We haven’t been back in days! Tonight I get to sleep in my own bed — I bet I’ll sleep so, so well!”

She had always been a homebody of a child, convinced that nowhere else was any good — only her own home was best.

Pei Songxi took off her overcoat and hung it on the coat rack as she spoke. “Maybe you’re just used to your own bed. But you should sleep early — you’ve been up late these past few days. I’ve drawn a bath for you. Go wash up.”

Yu Mian made a sound of agreement, but her gaze snagged on her and stayed.

Pei Songxi wore a white coat today, over a black sweater and an emerald-green dress — a simple, clean palette, lovely to the eye.

She had her head slightly lowered, brushing snowflakes from her coat, two faintly curling strands falling from her temples, flattering the graceful line of her jaw, her profile clean and gentle. From her slender neck downward… were the beautiful curves and graceful lines of a mature woman, extraordinarily lovely in the warm orange light.

Yu Mian watched the woman in the lamplight as if gazing at a beautiful world that didn’t belong to her.

She instinctively thought of New Year’s Eve… the curve she had glimpsed — graceful, beautiful.

Yu Mian quietly went red.

…She wondered whether she would turn out like that someday too.