Chapter 69: Hospital
If life is predetermined, how boring would that be?
I’m bored with the conventional path of life, yet I have no choice but to be its most faithful follower.
I have had doubts about such a life, wanting to break free from the reins, like a stray sheep. But I also worry that I will fall too far behind when I return to this path. This keeps me tossing and turning at night, my empty mind almost filled with anxiety.
What is the purpose of living? This is a question I can’t answer, no matter how much I toss and turn.
But no matter what, life will have to go on under this meaningless suspicion, until I am covered in wounds and defeated.
…
“Name?”
“Gu Zhi.”
“Age?”
“17.”
“Do you know what today’s date is?”
“The 16th.”
A pretty young nurse stood in the hospital room with a chart. This was the best mental hospital in all of Qingchuan, and this room was the best-equipped in the hospital. The patients who lived here were mostly from the noble and wealthy families of Qingchuan.
“Then you can be discharged today. You’ve been here for so long, it’s time to go out and start a new life.”
The nurse put away her routine checklist. It was also the last time. She looked at the silent woman sitting on the bed. The bright morning sun shone through the light blue curtains, the light cool and clear. She sat in the light, her loose hospital gown draped over her, looking thin and fragile.
The woman had a beautiful face, especially the mole under her long, narrow eyes, which added a few points of indescribable charm.
She had a devastating beauty, as if a single smile or frown could overthrow a country. But she didn’t show it, as if her seductive body contained a completely opposite soul, like a clear, bottomless deep pool, always so calm, as if even the heaviest stone could not stir up a ripple.
“Is it today? So fast…”
A colorful butterfly flew over the surface of the water, and the calm pool was stirred up with ripples. Gu Zhi looked up at the nurse and smiled. “Thank you… for this time.”
“Not at all. This is what I should do. And you are the most worry-free patient.”
The young nurse quickly shook her head. She knew the woman’s status was noble. After all… in Qingchuan, there was only one wealthy family with the surname Gu.
She envied the woman’s good family background, and also sighed that the woman was so young and had ended up in such a place. Being in a mental hospital… if this got out, people would despise her.
As the nurse said, Gu Zhi was a worry-free patient. Her personality was gentle, and she often had a smile on her face when she talked to people. She wouldn’t suddenly go crazy and shout, nor would she need someone to take care of her hygiene because of physical inconvenience. Most of the time, she would just sit on the rattan chair on the balcony with a book, and she would sit there for a whole day.
The nurse had also secretly read Gu Zhi’s books out of curiosity, but she didn’t understand them very well. She only knew that they were about psychology and economics.
A seventeen-year-old girl had an intellectual maturity that was completely at odds with her age. A mental patient… was studying psychology. It was strangely absurd.
“Is there anything you want in this world?” Gu Zhi gently closed the book in her hand and suddenly asked a question, her tone casual.
“Huh?” The nurse was stunned. Gu Zhi rarely spoke. Her conversations with Gu Zhi were basically one-way. Now that Gu Zhi had taken the initiative to ask a question, she was a little surprised.
“What do I want? That’s too much.” The nurse didn’t take the question too seriously and answered jokingly, “But of course I want money the most. With money, I wouldn’t have to work so hard every day. I’m still young. With money, I can go out and see the world, and live a carefree life.”
Gu Zhi listened silently, but this was not the answer she wanted. “Let me rephrase the question. Why do you want to live? For what?”
“Uh… that’s too deep. I’ve never thought about it. You are a cultured person, I can’t compare. Just living is tiring enough. Why would I think about these… philosophical questions, right?” The nurse knew she wasn’t very cultured and shook her head in embarrassment. But seeing Gu Zhi’s serious eyes, she thought of it as a casual chat and still spoke.
“People live for the people around them, right? I’m getting married in the second half of the year. My boyfriend loves me very much. We took out a loan together to buy a second-hand, renovated house in the city. Next week we will have a home. And my dad, who injured his leg at the construction site and was hospitalized for half a year, was discharged last month without any sequelae.”
“Is it because of love? Because you have someone you love, so you want to live.”
The nurse was a little confused, but she felt that Gu Zhi was right, so she nodded repeatedly. “Something like that. People support each other. One person can’t make it alone.”
The nurse suddenly remembered something. For the past year, Gu Zhi had been no different from a normal person. She had almost forgotten why Gu Zhi was admitted to the hospital for a mental illness. Curiosity drove her to flip through the files that were about to be submitted to the data office. It contained information about the patients who were being discharged today.
“Manic disorder, with severe antisocial personality.”
Her finger, which was pointing at the data sheet, slowly stopped. The nurse looked at the short line of words, the smile on her face disappearing, replaced by a growing fear in her eyes.
“What’s wrong?”
Gu Zhi noticed the change in the nurse’s face and asked with concern. She looked at the fear in the nurse’s eyes, her face still filled with a gentle smile.
“N-nothing.” The nurse forced a smile on her face. She quickly put away the files. “Then Miss Gu, please pack up and get ready for discharge. Your family has prepared clothes for you. Go find them when you’re ready.”
“I know, thank you.”
Gu Zhi nodded in agreement, her well-behaved appearance making it impossible to associate that line of words with her.
If a madman can remain rational for a long time, can he… still be called a madman?
The young nurse gently placed the clothes on the bed, turned and left the ward, her steps much faster than when she had come.
“Wait…”
Gu Zhi suddenly called out to the nurse. The nurse’s shoulders trembled. She felt like this was a scene from a horror movie. She had discovered the villain’s secret and was about to be killed. The gaze behind her felt chilling.
“Wh-what’s wrong?”
The nurse turned around and saw Gu Zhi still sitting on the hospital bed, and she sighed in relief.
“Congratulations on your wedding.”
Gu Zhi pursed her lips, her smile gentle, like a pleasant, soft floral fragrance.
“Okay, okay, thank you.”
The nurse nodded repeatedly, feeling less afraid. She secretly scolded herself for letting her friend send her horror movies late at night these past few days, making her paranoid. She then slowed her pace and walked out of the ward.
