Chapter 134: Rust
The city center was developing, and the towns were beginning to modernize. This small city was slowly shedding its past decay, but the old things were still aging. After a few years, everything here seemed to have not changed.
“I’ll go alone. You can just wait for me here.”
“Then you should be careful.”
Xia Qiange was still holding the last stack of unburned paper money in her hand. She was standing obediently at the entrance of the neighborhood, watching Su Yu leave. The distance between the two of them was gradually widening. She had not changed from beginning to end. The smile on her lips was pure and beautiful, as if it were a sky that had been swept clean of all wind and sand.
Su Yu withdrew his gaze and turned to walk into the neighborhood. He stepped on the rusty threshold, and his steps were heavy, as if he were facing a great resistance. The threshold was creaking. He stepped into the past.
The neighborhood was already dilapidated. The flowerbeds were overgrown with wild branches and weeds. The fitness equipment had lost its paint and was covered with brown rust. He walked over the green and small path, which was bald in one place and concave in another. He then realized that this place was already unrecognizable. The lawn, which he had stepped on and had hurt himself countless times, was completely lifeless. The shop signs on the first floor were crooked and were swaying in the cold wind. He had been walking for so long, but he couldn’t hear a single human voice.
He stopped at the second intersection and raised his head. He looked up at the old building in front of him. The wall of the building, which was half-facing the sun, was covered with ivy. The roots were already dark yellow, but the wall was soaked in green.
Su Yu reached out and counted up. The fourth floor… that dark and square window. He paused for a few seconds and then jumped up to the fifth floor.
He buried his head and walked in. The low steps in the corridor were covered with a thin layer of dust. The handrail by his hand was rusty. He walked up layer by layer with his empty hands, and the three floors had made his chest feel stuffy, and his breathing was chaotic.
He was holding on to the handrail on the third floor. He began to fantasize about the possibility, and at the same time, he had set a prohibition in his heart. They should still be here. Then he should be a little more careful. Just a glance… just a glance.
He was clearly going back to his own home, but his careful appearance was as if he were a thief with a guilty conscience. He clenched his fists and took a deep breath, and he had left the third floor behind him. In the end, he had stopped in front of an old-fashioned iron door. There were a dozen or so hollow and vertical bars, and inside was a wooden door that was painted with red paint. A thin layer of an old gauze curtain was between the two doors.
Su Yu stared at the keyhole on the iron door. His fingertips trembled and were on it, and he had rubbed it. His hands were covered in dust, and a few pieces of dark red rust had fallen into his palm. His thoughts were in a mess for a moment, and they had escaped his control like a wild horse that had broken its reins.
His past had already been stained with mottled rust. This place was suddenly so strange.
His fingertips were pinched into his flesh, and he turned and ran to the fifth floor. His footsteps were echoing in the narrow and cramped corridor. He was rushing to the fifth floor, and his rapid heartbeat could not catch up with his escaping speed.
It was just the height of one floor, and a few seconds was enough. He used to like to squat at the bottom and try to take a step up. He had fallen countless times, and the wound on his knee had never healed properly.
It was almost the same layout as the door of his house. The old-fashioned iron door with a hollow in the middle, the doorbell with a fingerprint, and the small advertisements that were all over the door…
But the center and both sides of the iron door were empty. Compared with the bright red “fu” character and the spring couplets on the opposite door, this side was so deserted and dilapidated that it didn’t look like anyone had lived here.
It was the New Year. How could there be nothing on the door? This building was so quiet that it was as if he were the only one. It was as if he were already dead. He had just dragged a remnant soul back. But everything about him had been erased.
Su Yu knew that the doorbell on the door was broken. He reached out and tried to touch it. It was full of dust again. But how could that be? Auntie He was such a clean person. She had never been able to tolerate a single grain of sand in her eyes. How could this door be so dirty?
He didn’t believe it. It was as if he had been blinded by the dust. His eyes suddenly became hot. He began to knock on the door, and he used more and more force. With every knock, a rustling of dust would fall from the doorframe. It was mixed with the wet and sticky sweat on his forehead and was on his skin. His whole person suddenly looked dejected.
There was still no answer. His palm was so painful from the knocking. He suddenly became dejected, and the desolation was bending his spine. The morning sun was just rising, but the sunlight could not penetrate the dark corridor, which was blocked by the ivy. The wind had brought the cold to every corner of the building.
Suddenly, the sound of a lock popping open came from behind him. Su Yu instinctively turned his head. The door hinge was creaking and was pushing open the door. Behind the door was an obviously old person with gray hair. Deep wrinkles were piled up on his face.
“Are you looking for Xiao He? This family has long since moved away. They left in the middle of the year.” The old man coughed twice, and his voice was old, and his hoarse and low voice was a little blurry.
“Grandma Qi…”
Su Yu immediately stopped. He subconsciously touched his face, and he only stopped his panic after he had touched the thin layer of cloth.
“What? I’m old. I can’t hear clearly.”
The old man looked up and glanced at him. His eyes were half-closed, and the whites of his eyes were cloudy and dark yellow. He couldn’t find a focus with him for a long time. “Who are you?”
“I…”, Su Yu opened his mouth, and his Adam’s apple rolled up and down. He said in a hoarse voice, “I’m a classmate of their daughter. I came back for the New Year and came to see if she was still here…”
“Oh, oh… Mu Qing’s classmate. She’s not here anymore. She went to Jiangnan to study at university. This little girl is so promising. Xiao He also got a promotion at work. They’ve all moved to the city. This family is really good.”
His heart was suddenly also covered in dust, and it was rusty.
…
The sun had completely risen, and all the darkness had been dispelled by the dazzling light.
Xia Qiange reached out and tried to touch the sky. The golden sunlight shone through her outstretched fingers and fell into her deep black, impurity-free eyes. She spread her slender fingers and watched as the sun slowly rose, dreaming of being hung in the distant and unattainable clouds. But in the end, it had still fallen into her palm.
Her steps were light, as if she were walking through the wind. The warm and bright sunlight was shining on her, and her snow-white skin was translucent and crystal clear, like the half-melted white snow on the side of the road.
Su Yu was following behind her. When she turned her head, his face was a little gloomy, and his lips were flat and without a smile. But his tone was still gentle.
“What’s wrong?”, he looked at her and asked.
“Nothing. I just wanted to see you.”
Xia Qiange smiled and shook her head. But to be honest, she still liked the way Su Yu’s eyebrows and eyes were relaxed and he was smiling. She would not get tired of looking at him no matter how many times. She didn’t like to see him sad and unhappy.
Her heart was suddenly not so happy.
She subconsciously touched her heart. It seemed to be empty, and there was nothing. There was no love, and there was no hatred. It seemed that there was really nothing left.
She had actually known a long time ago that this trip was doomed to be in vain. But she really didn’t understand. Why was Su Yu so sad? Were friends or relatives really that important?
She really couldn’t figure out the reason, no matter how hard she tried. She couldn’t understand it at all.
Her naturally thin feelings for others were as if she were missing something. She only knew that she had to love the person in front of her. The love in her heart was only as big as a grain, and it was only enough to love one person, but it was crazy and persistent enough.
No matter what he was like, whether he was stupid or cowardly, she loved him. Before, it was her mother. Now it was Su Yu…
She loved the two most important people in her life so much. But who would love her?
She had no ability to love others, and she also couldn’t accept others’ love. Those people all said they loved her, but did they really love the living Xia Qiange?
But why was it that when she had torn off her outer skin and had exposed the real Xia Qiange, they had stopped loving her?
She couldn’t get an answer. Perhaps she never would.
