013 Morning Exercise, Novel, Park
“Qin Ren, do you have a day off today?”
“No.”
“Then why aren’t you going to work?”
“Because it’s the weekend.”
The weekend Qin Ren was talking about was a normal weekend, a weekend without overtime.
Since Luo Yao’s arrival, such weekends had been almost non-existent, until today.
So, early in the morning, Qin Ren spread out a yoga mat on the balcony and, bare-chested, began to do push-ups.
“What are you doing?”
“Morning exercise.”
“Morn… oh! Are you doing foundation building?”
“?”
“No, wait, I think it’s body tempering… This eminence can’t remember clearly. Anyway, back in the Flowing Cloud Sect, some of the younger disciples would also do this in the morning.”
Qin Ren found this interesting but didn’t say anything more. Talking would affect his form.
Luo Yao sat curiously on the sofa, watching. Tuantuan was also squatting in her lap, watching with her.
Judging by this closeness between the person and the cat, their relationship had recently been completely repaired.
However, just like at the very beginning, when Tuantuan was in Luo Yao’s lap, it was limited to just squatting, not rubbing.
It was different in Qin Ren’s arms. Not only would she rub all over him, but she would also demand to be petted, and wouldn’t be satisfied until her mouth was crooked, her eyes were askew, and her little tongue was hanging out, dripping with drool.
Luo Yao could pet her too, but Tuantuan would refuse sensitive areas like her belly and ears, and at the same time, wouldn’t have too positive a reaction.
“Forty-nine… fifty!”
Honestly, to be able to do fifty push-ups in one go after a year as a corporate slave, even Qin Ren himself was impressed. It was all thanks to the physical foundation he had built up over years of exorcism.
Of course, given his style of exorcism, this foundation was mostly built up by running away.
Fifty push-ups were followed by fifty sit-ups. Qin Ren didn’t know if this morning exercise routine was scientific, he only knew that he felt great after finishing. Covered in sweat, he walked into the bathroom. The moment he turned on the faucet, a certain naked Pixiu burst in, clutching a small pink bath towel.
“What are you doing again?” Qin Ren frowned and glared at her.
“Let’s shower together~”
“Didn’t you shower last night?”
“I didn’t get clean enough.”
“…”
This kid was deliberately making excuses, trying to muddy the waters. As a Spirit Beast, Luo Yao really loved to play in the water. Even now, if Qin Ren didn’t remind her, she would still lose herself in the shower.
“I already told you the water bill is expensive. You still want to play while showering?”
“That’s why we should do it together. If we shower together, we’ll use less water~”
“Get out.”
“Qin Ren, you’re so shy…”
“…”
Luo Yao had a look of contempt, showing off the new word she had just learned from the dictionary. Qin Ren, on the other hand, simply closed the door and kicked her out.
But after kicking her out, the image from a moment ago drifted through Qin Ren’s mind, and he couldn’t help but think of the question that had been bothering him for a long time.
Luo Yao, does she or doesn’t she have one of those…
…
On Earth, legend has it that the Pixiu feasted on gold, silver, and jewels every day. But one day, it ate too much and couldn’t help but relieve itself in the Jade Emperor’s Miraculous Mist Palace. The Jade Emperor was furious and slapped it, hitting the Pixiu right on its bottom. And so, that part was sealed up, and from then on, it “devoured all things but never excreted.”
Qin Ren couldn’t verify whether Luo Yao’s ancestors on the Myriad Demon Continent had really been sealed by the Jade Emperor. But since a Pixiu in the flesh was right beside him, this question was undoubtedly very intriguing.
Regarding this point, Qin Ren had asked tactfully and directly, but the High Immortal would only blush angrily and refuse to speak.
As for his daily observations, Luo Yao herself had never mentioned things like “using the restroom” or “doing a number two.” Although she would go into the bathroom once a day and press the flush button, Qin Ren seriously suspected she was faking it.
Because he had checked. Every time she came out of the bathroom after flushing, there wasn’t the slightest trace of any odor!
Could it be… even that is fragrant?
Qin Ren once had such a bold conjecture, but in the end, he was still more suspicious about whether she even possessed such a function.
What was the truth?
He didn’t know.
The little girl wouldn’t say, and Qin Ren couldn’t possibly pry her open to check by force, could he?
“Hiss… speaking of which, I don’t think I’ve ever heard her mention peeing either?”
Although Qin Ren was contemplating these questions with a very serious, research-oriented mindset, he was, after all, preoccupied with the nether regions of a three-hundred-plus-year-old hag. Thinking too much about it would still make his old face flush.
So after he finished his shower, he simply decided not to dwell on it anymore and unilaterally decided that Luo Yao didn’t have one of those.
————————
The High Immortal, of course, had no idea that in the time it took to take a shower, she had been arbitrarily given a very foolish setting by a foolish mortal.
With no shower to take, she sat on the sofa, holding the tablet and reading a novel.
The learning ability of a Spirit Beast was enviable. After reading the Xinhua Dictionary he had downloaded for her for less than two days, she was already engrossed in things like novels.
“What are you reading?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then you’re just reading blindly.”
Qin Ren took it from her and looked at it for a long time, only to find that between the lines were the four words “not suitable for children.”
“Stories to Caution the World?”
Qin Ren frowned. He hadn’t noticed that he had somehow selected this kind of reading material.
Although the Three Words and Two Slaps were semi-vernacular and indeed good teaching material for familiarizing oneself with Earth’s Chinese language, much of the content was restricted. Qin Ren felt it would be very troublesome to explain it to a little girl, especially one whose true form was a Spirit Beast.
“Qin Ren, Qin Ren, what does ‘to wish for immortality or wish for death’ mean?”
As expected.
“It means to either ascend to become an immortal or have your Dao perish and your body die.”
“I see…”
Luo Yao understood. It seemed that when the Sect Master and the head disciple were undergoing their tribulation, they must have been in a state of wishing for immortality or wishing for death.
Qin Ren deleted the Three Words and Two Slaps. As a replacement, he simply found an early, relatively clean, entry-level xuanhuan novel to serve as Luo Yao’s textbook.
“The weather is nice today. Change your clothes. I’ll take you out for a walk.”
“What do you mean ‘take me out’… Qin Ren, I feel you’re not respecting this eminence. Are you walking this eminence like a little dog?”
“Yes. Do you want to go?”
“I do~”
————————
Luo Yao now had an access card, so she no longer had to force her way into the community or the building. This gave her a sense of vindication. Every time she saw the security guard, she would proudly hold her head high and puff out her chest.
Living near a park was a very pleasant thing, especially since it was a riverside park. After coming here for the first time, the water-loving Luo Yao had taken a great liking to it.
“Bobo—”
“Yaoyao—”
In the children’s playground area of the park, they ran into another little girl from the community, Tang Bobo.
Luo Yao had met Tang Bobo while on the swings downstairs. Due to her heaven-defying skill of being naturally friendly, she had become Luo Yao’s first “same-age” friend on Earth.
Actually, for Qin Ren personally, he didn’t like overly friendly kids.
For example, when he wanted to watch a video in a convenience store, there would often be this kind of overly friendly little brat who would come and stand behind you, brazenly peeking at your screen, and from time to time, brazenly commenting:
“Damn, what’s this? It’s so yellow and violent.”
Social death often comes just that suddenly.
Qin Ren had experienced such situations more than once, so he had never had a good impression of overly friendly kids.
But Tang Bobo was an exception.
Although they were “the same age,” Tang Bobo was actually only six years old, half the age of the twelve or thirteen-year-old-looking Luo Yao. She had fair skin and red lips, with a bit of that chubby baby fat. She was neither naughty nor introverted, giving off a very well-behaved feeling. She was very polite to people, and Qin Ren quite liked her.
“Hello, Uncle Qin~”
Qin Ren actually wished she would call him “big brother.” After all, being called “uncle” just a year after graduation made him feel a bit unwilling, but he couldn’t force her. He smiled and replied to her.
“Hello, Bobo. Where’s your mom?”
“Mom is over there buying fruit.”
Tang Bobo pointed to a graceful figure in a long black gauze dress in the crowd not far away.
The children’s playground area was relatively semi-open. With a child of this age and so many people around, a temporary separation didn’t pose a safety issue.
“Yaoyao, let’s go on the seesaw, okay?” Tang Bobo invited her friend to play with her.
“No, it’s too childish.”
Luo Yao rubbed her little tummy.
“Besides, it’s almost noon. This eminence will have to go back for lunch after a short walk.”
Qin Ren, listening from the side, felt his eyelids twitch. So this kid also referred to herself as “this eminence” when they were out.
“Oh, I see…”
Tang Bobo looked very disappointed, but she didn’t insist. She waved and watched the two of them leave.
“Qin Ren.”
“What.”
“Did you understand this eminence’s indirect scolding just now?”
“You mean ‘subtle hint,’ right…”
Of course, Qin Ren understood. It was only 10:50 now, not “almost noon” as Luo Yao had claimed. The reason Luo Yao said that was most likely because she hadn’t eaten enough of the congee this morning, so she was already hungry now.
“Go home, cook.”
“You’re the best, Qin Ren~”
Translator’s Notes
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Three Words and Two Slaps (三言二拍): A collective term for five famous collections of vernacular short stories from the late Ming Dynasty. They are known for their realistic and sometimes racy depictions of urban life, which is why Qin Ren deems them “not suitable for children.”
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To wish for immortality or wish for death (欲仙欲死): The literal meaning of “yù xiān yù sǐ.” However, in modern Chinese, it’s a common idiom for reaching the height of ecstasy or climax during sex. Luo Yao takes it literally, while Qin Ren knows the modern connotation.
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Yellow and violent (好黄好暴力): “Yellow” (黄, huáng) is Chinese slang for pornographic or obscene content.
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Indirect scolding (指桑骂槐): The idiom “zhǐ sāng mà huái” literally means “to point at the mulberry tree and curse the locust tree.” It refers to scolding someone indirectly by criticizing something else. Luo Yao uses the wrong idiom here.
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Subtle hint (旁敲侧击): The idiom “páng qiāo cè jī” literally means “to beat the drum on the side and strike the gong from the flank.” It means to approach a subject indirectly or to give a subtle hint, which is the correct idiom for what Luo Yao was trying to do.
