A Promise in a Thought 37

Chapter 37

“Alright, don’t think about it anymore,” Lin Chuwan said, recovering more quickly, though her voice was slightly hoarse. “Come to my room.”

Bo Muyu nodded, no longer looking at the door, and followed Lin Chuwan into her room.

The photo frames were still on the desk. As usual, Bo Muyu glanced at them after coming in before sitting down on the sofa with Lin Chuwan.

After pouring her a glass of water, Lin Chuwan asked, “What have you been busy with lately? Is there anything I can help you with?”

Bo Muyu took a sip of water and shook her head leisurely. “Work is going smoothly. Senior has been taking good care of me.”

A smile appeared in Lin Chuwan’s eyes. “So focused on your career. Don’t you have any time for rest and relaxation?”

“I do,” Bo Muyu said, putting down her water glass and thinking for a moment. “Lately, I guess I’ve been reading some novels.”

For the past few days, whenever she had free time, she would think about the clues to Jiang Chenyin’s past. Of course, she couldn’t tell Lin Chuwan this. Besides that, the only thing that could be considered entertainment was the few minutes she had spent reading Jiang Chenyin’s fan fiction today.

Although the experience had been a bit strange…

Lin Chuwan was curious. “Reading novels? Do you still like classical literature like before?”

“No,” Bo Muyu shook her head and said directly, “It’s yuri novels.”

Lin Chuwan’s expression immediately changed. She looked a little grave and hesitant, and for a rare moment, she, who had always been polite even with acquaintances, frowned.

Bo Muyu’s expression was normal, without any hint of concealment or unnaturalness, but the doubt in Lin Chuwan’s heart grew heavier. Because Bo Muyu was not sensitive by nature, it was possible that she hadn’t thought to be discreet.

With this thought, a wave of emotion surged through Lin Chuwan’s heart, and she blurted out, “Xiaoyu, have you fallen for a girl too?”

“No,” Bo Muyu replied quickly, but the moment she answered, she noticed Lin Chuwan’s choice of words. She was so surprised that she turned to face her. “Sister Chuwan, what did you say? ‘Too’?”

Lin Chuwan was a little startled and slightly raised her hand to cover her lips, her eyes lowered to try and hide the panic that had quickly appeared in them. In her haste, she had accidentally let something slip. It was, after all, her own personal experience. Sometimes, when emotions ran high, it was hard to notice these slips.

Bo Muyu was still staring at her. She calmed herself and sighed.

“I didn’t expect to accidentally let you know today,” Lin Chuwan said with a bitter smile, something Bo Muyu had never seen before. “You haven’t experienced the taste of love yet, so I’ve never mentioned it to you. And my relationship is a mixed bag of feelings. You probably wouldn’t want to hear about it. To be influenced by my experience before you’ve even tried, how can that be good?”

Bo Muyu was silent for a long while, her words filled with concern. “Sister Chuwan, everyone’s experience is different. Where a road leads depends on a person’s thoughts and views, not on the twists and turns of another road, right?”

Lin Chuwan was taken aback for a moment, then nodded and smiled. How had she gotten it mixed up? Bo Muyu was only insensitive in certain aspects, especially when it came to emotions. But this girl was not completely clueless, nor was she foolish.

With this thought, the desire to confide that had been buried in Lin Chuwan’s heart grew wildly.

“Yes,” she smiled slowly, and then the smile in her eyes faded, replaced by a look of sadness. “The person I like, she’s a girl. We met in university. Her grades were excellent. At first, we barely interacted, because she was always a loner, and her eyes were like a sword, making people afraid to get close. Later, the reason I became interested in her was because I heard many classmates mock her for being an orphan and yet so arrogant. From that moment on, I felt that my thoughts about her had changed a little.”

Bo Muyu had never heard any of this. As soon as Lin Chuwan paused, she pressed, “What change?”

Lin Chuwan smiled, picked up her water glass, and continued, “I felt that her keeping people at a distance was to protect herself, not to hurt others. Precisely because she was an orphan, she felt that she had no other ties in the world. She was all alone, so she had to protect herself and not let others get close. Those who intended to hurt her thus stayed away, and those who wanted to get to know her also became timid.”

Bo Muyu listened quietly. Lin Chuwan’s voice was gentle, her pace slow. It was a pleasure to listen to, but the content of her words inexplicably made one feel a little melancholic.

Lin Chuwan looked down at the water in her glass and sighed softly. “After I realized that I was paying too much attention to her, not only did I not restrain myself, but I also grew to like observing her more and more. The corner of her dormitory building, the corner of the library she liked to go to, and the corner of the classroom during class, there was no place I hadn’t been.”

A hint of surprise appeared in Bo Muyu’s eyes. She had never thought that the gentle and graceful Lin Chuwan had such a past, that she would so passionately pursue someone without letting go.

“Then did you get together?” Bo Muyu couldn’t help but ask.

“It wasn’t that easy,” Lin Chuwan replied with a smile. “Just as I said before, she refused to let anyone get close to her, and that included me. Even though I had never said anything to her, just silently watching her, following her, she eventually found out. I thought I would be driven away by her sword-like gaze, but she just looked at me coldly and finally turned and left. In the days that followed, she deliberately avoided me. Unless it was absolutely necessary, she would not be under the same roof as me.”

Bo Muyu asked, “Was she a little special towards you?”

Lin Chuwan just smiled and then continued, “I felt that her attitude towards me was not as rejecting as it was towards others. Although she didn’t let me get close either, she took the initiative to avoid places where I was. But her usual style was to make others stay away from her. When it came to me, it became her avoiding me.

Having been indulged for a long time, my courage grew. I was no longer satisfied with this little bit of special treatment. I wanted more. So I started to shorten the distance between us, even appearing just a few steps in front of her, or following behind her, pretending not to know when she stopped and bumping into her, and then pretending to be innocent and apologizing to her.”

As she spoke of these things, her eyes were filled with a look of adoration that Bo Muyu had never seen in them before. Bo Muyu guessed it was adoration, because her usual warmth was tinged with a hint of longing and shyness.

“And then?” Bo Muyu couldn’t help but urge her on.

“And then…” Lin Chuwan murmured, her eyes suddenly dimming. “My actions didn’t last long. One day, she finally exploded, so suddenly that it caught me off guard. That day, I was still following behind her, accompanying her back to her dormitory. On the way, I discovered a boy who had the same idea as me. That boy was more proactive than me. He quickly caught up to her, blocked her way, and then confessed to her.”

Bo Muyu’s heart was in her throat. “What happened next?”

Lin Chuwan shook her head with a bitter smile. “I thought that this time, she would still use that frightening gaze to drive the other person away, but I was wrong. That time, she was not just silent. It was as if she wanted to release all the anger that had accumulated from my repeated and unrelenting advances. That boy was beaten black and blue by her. That was also the first time she had stood in front of me for so long. Her tone was as cold as her eyes. She only said one thing to me: ‘If you don’t want to be in as much pain as this person, then stay away from me.'”

Bo Muyu’s lips parted slightly in surprise. The girl in Lin Chuwan’s story seemed very reclusive. From what Lin Chuwan had said at the beginning, she even resisted the most ordinary contact with her classmates.

“But you know what? After she spoke to me that time, my feelings for her did not diminish. On the contrary, they grew stronger. But it was also because of that time that I learned to restrain myself, not daring to let her find out that I still liked her. It wasn’t because I was afraid of ending up like that boy, but because my heart ached for her. Her reason for rejecting others’ closeness was very simple. It was just because she was subconsciously protecting herself. The strange looks she got for being an orphan were not something we could imagine. I didn’t care about those things, but not everyone was kind-hearted.”

Lin Chuwan unconsciously gripped the water glass in her hand, her eyes growing even dimmer.

“Sister Chuwan…” Bo Muyu reached out to touch Lin Chuwan’s wrist, not knowing what to say to comfort her for a moment.

After all, even though Lin Chuwan had told her about these things now, it was only a small part. She couldn’t guess what had really happened in between.

Lin Chuwan’s lips curved up faintly, signaling that she was fine, and she continued, “Later, I still followed her secretly, sat in the seats she had sat in, read the books she had borrowed, and ate the snacks she liked. I thought we would go on like this until this feeling disappeared. Who knew that one time in the library, she had just left, and I went over to get the book she had just put back. But as soon as I turned around, I saw her, who had come back for the book.”

A hint of nervousness appeared in Bo Muyu’s eyes. The hand that had just touched Lin Chuwan’s wrist unconsciously clutched her sleeve.

This time, the shyness in Lin Chuwan’s smile was even more pronounced. She patted Bo Muyu’s hand to signal her to relax, and then said leisurely, “I was stunned at that moment, not knowing what to do. The two of us stood face to face for a long time. In the end, I was the first to react. I handed the book to her, apologized, and was about to leave, but she didn’t let me go…

She didn’t even bother with the book, because right there in that corner, she hugged me. At that moment, my nose was so sore that I could hardly speak. She kept whispering in my ear that she liked me, that no matter how she tried to escape, she couldn’t escape this feeling. She asked me what she should do.”

“Did you get together just like that?” Bo Muyu was engrossed, very insistent on the answer.

Bo Muyu’s question was like a spark that lit a fuse. Lin Chuwan’s smile disappeared, and bitterness filled her eyes again. “We didn’t get together. I never said that I liked her either. Because I knew she was afraid of having someone else in her life, afraid that in the end, I would leave her, afraid that she would be alone again. So I never talked to her about this. And I could feel that she liked me, but she was afraid to take another step forward.

In the days that followed, she no longer deliberately avoided me, but we never confirmed our relationship. The most intimate contact we had was when she walked me back to my dormitory and was reluctant to leave, and I jokingly hugged her. At that time, our eyes were only a finger’s width apart.”

This seemed to be the end, because Bo Muyu had not seen Lin Chuwan with a lover now. That girl must have been lost in time.

She asked with difficulty, “Sister Chuwan, is it over?”

“Mmm,” Lin Chuwan’s lips curved into a smile, continuing to bury the bitter taste. “I lost her, because of a decision I later made on my own.”

Bo Muyu bit her lip and said in a low voice, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have made you remember these things.”

Lin Chuwan smiled warmly. “It’s okay. Being able to tell you these things has made me feel much better. Besides, these things won’t be removed from my life just because you don’t bring them up. I don’t have amnesia.”

Bo Muyu’s mood had not yet completely calmed down. Her thoughts were a jumble. It was as if Lin Chuwan’s confession from just now was still echoing in her ears, and she could almost see the scenes from her words.

Could love really make a person so persistent, and also make a person restrain themselves because of it? Lin Chuwan’s deep feelings made her never give up, but at the same time, they also made her learn to restrain herself, so as not to trouble the other person.

Then what about that Gao Yan who had pursued Jiang Chenyin back then? If he had really used extreme methods to pursue Jiang Chenyin, and his current lover, could such an affection that disregarded the other person’s feelings be called love?

Thinking this, Bo Muyu asked, “Sister Chuwan, can there really be a love where someone disregards everything and must have the other person?” She paused, then murmured, “Is such a love really love?”

Lin Chuwan smiled, put her water glass back on the table, and let out a sigh of relief, as if she were speaking to Bo Muyu, and also to herself, in a soft voice, “Love will always be accompanied by restraint. It’s just that it may not be visible to the eye, but it can be felt with the heart. If you love someone, then you will definitely hope that they will return that love, not tolerance or other feelings, because those are not what you want.”