Chapter 56: A New Beginning
Ruan Xi squatted in front of the sofa, gazing at the sleeping Tong Yao.
She really wanted to smooth the slight frown on Teacher Tong’s brow.
And so, she really did it.
Her soft fingertips traced from between Teacher Tong’s eyebrows, outlining the features of the sleeping beauty, and finally stopped on those rosy lips.
Her face suddenly turned red. She retracted her hand and pressed that finger to her own lips, as if she had indirectly received something.
A day without seeing her, the longing is maddening.
She hadn’t seen Teacher Tong for two days.
She had so much she wanted to say to Teacher Tong.
She wanted to say that Chen Mo would be fine, she wanted to tell Teacher Tong to take care of herself, she wanted to say that she missed her very much…
“Teacher Tong.”
She called out softly.
No response.
She stood up, as if to leave, then suddenly turned back and said, “Hey!”—
Still no response.
Teacher Tong was really sound asleep.
The young girl’s breathing was a little rapid. She sat on the floor, not even daring to look directly at the sleeping Tong Yao. Then, she said in a small voice, “Teacher Tong, I like you.”
Naturally, she received no response. She treated it as a confession practice.
“Teacher Tong, will you marry me?
“If you don’t say anything, I’ll take it as a yes.
“Teacher Tong, although we are both girls… but, I will love you very much. I will give you the best of everything I have.
“Can you give me a little time…” don’t fall in love with someone else.
…
“Teacher Tong, shall we adopt a daughter in the future? That way, we’ll have someone to take care of us when we’re old.”
The young girl leaned against the sofa. With a slight tilt of her head, she could see Teacher Tong’s side profile. She moved a little closer, held her breath, and then drew back when she was just inches away.
This was probably her only chance to say these things to Teacher Tong.
The road of life is long. Some people’s paths will intersect and extend together, while others will drift further and further apart, never to cross again.
Where will I go?
Ruan Xi didn’t know. She only knew that if it wasn’t in Teacher Tong’s direction, then she would rather give up everything and go back the way she came.
It was already 11:30 at night.
If she didn’t go back now, the dorm auntie would probably scold her.
She brought the bedding from the bedroom she had slept in and gently covered Teacher Tong. Then she went out quietly, even closing the door in a gentle, slow motion.
Goodnight, Teacher Tong.
**
The campus, having experienced a student’s suicide, had undergone some subtle changes.
Although human sorrow is not universal, the ability to read people’s expressions is mostly innate. The solemn faces of the teachers inevitably infected the students, and the entire school became silent.
All the teachers of Class 4, including Tong Yao, were pulled in by the leaders for a round of criticism and education. This matter had, as expected, alarmed the Education Bureau. They had a detailed discussion with the teachers about the reasons for the student’s suicide and the teachers’ negligence of the students’ mental health, stating that the social impact was extremely negative. And the teachers could only smile wryly.
There were even some troublemaking tabloid reporters squatting outside the school gate.
In this bleak atmosphere, a week later, there seemed to be a turning point.
Chen Mo had woken up.
As soon as Tong Yao finished her morning classes, she rushed to the hospital. The ward was filled with flower baskets, containing fruits and postcards. During Chen Mo’s coma, Class 4 had organized a visit.
“Go for it, get well soon!”
“We all love you.”
“Come back to us healthy and whole!”
Various handwritings expressed the classmates’ concern and blessings.
Tong Yao stood in the ward, still panting from running up the stairs. She was met with the dazed eyes of Chen Mo on the hospital bed. Her whole body was in a cast, and the striped hospital gown all showed her weakness. The girl looked at her, and whether it was out of guilt or grievance, she gently bit her lower lip.
As long as you’re alive.
Only these four words were in Tong Yao’s heart.
She found that after becoming a girl, she was becoming more and more emotional.
She raised her hand, covered her eyes, and secretly rubbed them. With a trembling, nasal voice, she said, “You brat… you scared the teacher to death this time.”
Chen Mo’s nose tingled. For some reason, hearing Teacher Tong’s words made her want to cry.
I’m being cared for.
Someone is concerned about me.
“Teacher Tong…” She couldn’t hold it in, and tears suddenly burst from her eyes. She choked out, “I’m sorry…”
After waking up, she realized that the world was not so bad.
Teacher Tong, Teacher Liu, her classmates… everyone was willing to help her, and her father was not impossible to communicate with. Many times, God closes a door and doesn’t open a window for you, but maybe with a gentle push, the door will open.
And she, on the other hand, had curled up in a corner, waiting for the oxygen inside to run out.
Tong Yao sniffled, sat by the bed, took out a tissue, and wiped the tears from the girl’s face. She asked in a somewhat fierce tone, “How did it feel to jump off a building?”
The girl shrank back, but her body was restrained, and her range of motion was limited.
“…It was scary.”
“Will you dare to do it again next time?”
“I won’t,” Chen Mo lowered her head and said again, “Teacher Tong, I’m sorry.”
“The best apology is to recover well.” Tong Yao looked up, her voice softening. “Let me tell you a story.”
“A story?”
Chen Mo’s eyes widened.
“Once upon a time, there was a person who saw that everyone else was happier than him. His own life was hopeless, so he jumped off the roof of a building. As he was falling, he saw that the model couple he admired on the fifth floor were fighting, the lady on the third floor who wore designer clothes every day was being hounded by debt collectors, and the man on the second floor with a good job was suffering from a painful illness—he finally realized that everyone has their own misfortunes and troubles, and his so-called despair was actually better than many people’s. But what’s the use of realizing it now? Splat, he hit the ground.”
Tong Yao looked at the girl and smiled. “You see, you’re still alive, luckier than many people who jump. You don’t need brain surgery, your hair doesn’t need to be shaved, you’re luckier than many beauty-conscious girls in the hospital. The teacher will help your father with the surgery fees, you’re luckier than many people who can’t even afford to be in the hospital…”
Reality may be cruel, but it is not without warmth. By getting rid of the cold air around you, you can discover the beauty of the world.
“Don’t say any more, teacher,” the girl said with a sob. “I won’t do anything stupid again.”
“Okay, I won’t nag anymore,” Tong Yao made a zipping motion over her lips. “Be good.”
She continued to wipe Chen Mo’s tears. The girl’s eyes were red, and she was crying like a rabbit. They were alone in the ward. The pristine white walls and the faint smell of disinfectant made the environment look spotless. Chen Mo blinked, looked at Tong Yao in front of her, and suddenly asked, “Does Teacher Tong have any worries?”
Tong Yao was taken aback, looked up, thought for a moment, and said, “I guess so. My worry is probably… not being able to be with the person I like.”
Chen Mo was stunned, unable to believe it.
“Who does Teacher Tong like?”
“No one for now,” Tong Yao smiled and held up her slender index finger. “But I can tell you a secret.”
She said softly, word by word, “I like girls.”
Chen Mo’s mouth opened slightly, too shocked to react.
Teacher Tong… the person who was perfect in her eyes, actually likes girls. She didn’t think it was a flaw or a stain, but for society, it was indeed an anomaly that many people couldn’t accept.
She secretly glanced at Teacher Tong’s face, thinking, such a beautiful, gentle person, if she really likes someone, who could refuse?
Even if it’s a girl…
“Teacher Tong…”
“You’ll keep my secret, right?” Tong Yao smiled. “I have more worries than just this. I’ll tell you when I have time.”
The girl nodded, her eyes welling up with tears again.
“Where’s your father?” Tong Yao didn’t see Chen Baihao and was a little puzzled.
“He went out with my mother,” the girl said.
“Mother?”
“Mhm, they’re divorced,” Chen Mo lowered her head, as if telling someone else’s story. “This time, Dad wanted to borrow money from Mom, and Mom wanted to take me with her.”
“What do you think?” Tong Yao poured a cup of water and held it to the girl’s lips. “Are you thirsty?”
Chen Mo shook her head. After a long moment, she said, “I don’t want to go with Mom.”
She knew very well that in the nine years since she was seven, that woman had been absent every single day, had not contributed a single cent to her upbringing, and had not even come to see her. “Mom” had abandoned this family, abandoned her, and then quickly remarried while she was still young and beautiful, having no contact with her and her father anymore. Now that she was grown up and had an accident, that woman’s heart might have softened. She remembered that she had this forgotten daughter and was mercifully going to take her with her.
What’s the point?
Since you left, don’t come back.
Am I that unbearable? In the past, she had cried every day to see her mother, but it was to no avail. If that woman had loved her even a little, she might not be in a hospital bed.
Now, that woman had a new family, and if she left, her father would be all alone.
The door of the ward was pushed open.
The first to enter was a glamorous woman. Tong Yao looked at her. She looked very young, and only upon close observation could one see the wrinkles under her makeup. Her features were exactly the same as Chen Mo’s. No wonder she could give birth to such a beautiful daughter. The man behind her was a little stooped. Seeing the people in the ward, he forced a smile.
“Teacher Tong is here.”
The heavily made-up woman walked to the bed in her high heels and coaxed, “Momo, I’ve talked to your father. It’s still up to you. Do you want to be with Mom or with Dad?”
“You…” The man’s face was pale. He wanted to stop her, but his arm fell.
“If you’re with Mom, Mom will take you to the United States for treatment, okay? Didn’t you say you wanted to go to the United States to play when you were little? Momo?”
Chen Baihao lowered his head helplessly. He thought, this is retribution, right? I was the one who pushed my daughter to the point of suicide, and now, the one judging me is my own daughter.
The woman’s hand caressed Chen Mo’s face. The girl turned her head and said through gritted teeth, “You still remember when I was little?”
The woman was stunned.
“Why did you leave by yourself then and not let me choose? Now you’re thinking of me, is it because you can’t have children of your own?!”
It was hard to imagine a 16-year-old child saying such ruthless and realistic words. The louder she spoke, the more hysterical she became, pulling at her wounds and coughing uncontrollably.
The woman’s hand froze. She heard the girl continue, “I won’t go with you.”
“Momo…” The woman’s expression was incredibly hurt. She shook her head, as if about to cry. “How could you hurt Mom like this…”
Chen Mo closed her eyes, shutting out the outside world.
And Chen Baihao, sitting in a chair, his hands clasped, lowered his head and wept silently.
“Momo… Dad will never force you again,” he kept saying.
The damage was done in an instant. People can quickly forgive others’ mistakes, but the scars that remain can only be soothed by time. The wound heals, but when you occasionally think of it, the pain from that time is still fresh in your memory.
True pain is never forgotten. It is just buried deep, like a bullet that cannot be removed from a veteran’s body, untouched by ordinary people.
And in Tong Yao’s heart, these children were all angels. At least, everyone was at birth. It was just that some had their wings clipped, and some, without support, were seduced by depravity.
She was just trying to catch them as they fell.
She walked out of the hospital, shielding her eyes from the afternoon sun with her hand, and went back to her afternoon classes.
Today is another day.
***
Author’s Note
PS: The prototype for Chen Mo is actually a girl from my high school class.
Her grades were explosively good, a question-grinding maniac, quiet and beautiful, and she once got first place in the joint exam of the four famous schools in Changsha.
Because of mentality issues, she collapsed in her third year of high school. She would get first place in small tests, but would rank in the one or two hundreds in major exams.
She also had a breakdown and took a long leave of absence to rest at home. In the end, she still bombed the college entrance exam. With the level of a top scorer, she only scored a little over 600 in the end.
But hardworking people have many ways out. She got her IELTS in a month during the summer vacation and went abroad to a very good university. But foreign countries, the tuition is expensive.
I hope the learning and exam atmosphere at the university is more suitable for her~
Don’t give up hope.
Today is another day.
