Xu Yinian’s fingers tightened against the doorframe.
She’s never invited anyone else?
Not even Shen Ruoshuang… or Qin Jiashu?
The meaning behind those words was crystal clear: she was the very first person to step foot into this home. This sudden realization that she held an exclusive privilege sent a wave of flustered panic through Xu Yinian.
Finally, she voiced the question that had been weighing on her heart for so long. “W—Why am I the exception?”
Ji Yan watched her. Xu Yinian was clearly terrified but trying to act calm; her eyes were wide with a frantic sort of chaos as if she didn’t dare cross the threshold without an answer.
“I’d like to know that myself,” Ji Yan replied, her eyelashes fluttering upward lazily. She stared directly into Xu Yinian’s eyes. “Why is it that, from the very first moment we met, I didn’t feel any physiological repulsion toward you?”
Ji Yan’s gaze held no hidden agenda, let alone any intent to tease, yet the sheer intensity of it made Xu Yinian feel as though she were going up in flames. Her brain felt like it was melting into a muddled mess as she tried to process the words.
Physiological repulsion… is that how Ji Yan’s germaphobia manifests? But why doesn’t she feel it with me?
In the original novel, to emphasize how the Protagonist-top and Protagonist-bottom were a match made in heaven, the only person Ji Yan didn’t find repulsive was Shen Ruoshuang. As a “scumbag” character, Ji Yan’s obsession with cleanliness made her hate physical contact with anyone else, yet she was willing to be entangled with the heroine.
But that was Shen Ruoshuang. What did it have to do with her?
Xu Yinian looked at Ji Yan, searching for any sign that she was joking, but the other woman’s gaze remained burning and sincere. Moreover, Ji Yan truly had been reckless with her physical contact since they met. Previously, Xu Yinian had assumed the novel had simply exaggerated the germaphobia trait for the sake of the plot—after all, Ji Yan hadn’t looked like someone with an obsession with cleanliness at all.
A possibility struck Xu Yinian. Could it be because of my awakening?
Their first meeting had occurred the day after her “awakening” dream, where she had reflexively called out Ji Yan’s name before they had even been introduced. Since this was a novel world, it wasn’t impossible for things to shift because of her presence.
“Do you feel repulsed by Shen Ruoshuang?” Xu Yinian asked suddenly. She was desperate to know if Shen Ruoshuang’s “buff” had somehow transferred to her, or if she had somehow gained this “fated connection” usually reserved for the main couple.
Ji Yan’s brow furrowed almost imperceptibly. She was sharp; she had noticed Xu Yinian bringing up Shen Ruoshuang multiple times, whether intentionally or not. Given how much Xu Yinian usually tried to distance herself from the woman, this fixation seemed increasingly bizarre. It was as if she were trying to force Ji Yan and Shen Ruoshuang together.
“Why would I want to touch someone I loathe? Can’t you tell we don’t get along?”
Not only did they not get along, but the very reason for their friction was the oblivious girl standing right in front of her.
As Ji Yan spoke, she didn’t miss a single flicker of emotion on Xu Yinian’s face. Sure enough, Xu Yinian looked utterly stunned.
Xu Yinian had assumed that with so much time having passed since the start of the semester—and without her interfering—the relationship between the two leads would have progressed rapidly in the shadows, just like in the book. Why was the tension between them even worse than before?
In the original story, even a Ji Yan who fell for Shen Ruoshuang first hadn’t truly lost her heart, and the Unreachable Beauty certainly wouldn’t have stepped down from her pedestal so easily. No wonder Shen Ruoshuang’s attention was still fixed on her lately.
Xu Yinian suppressed her unease and doubt, trying to rationalize it. Maybe they’re just in the “push-and-pull” phase of a love-hate relationship?
Hate was still a form of investment; it was better than being indifferent strangers. The “enemies-to-lovers” trope—she understood how it worked.
“Aren’t you curious why we don’t get along?” Ji Yan asked. Her tone was calm, but beneath it lay a desire to dismantle whatever nonsensical fantasies or excuses Xu Yinian was cooking up.
Xu Yinian couldn’t help but be curious. The plot was currently a tangled mess, and she was desperate to know what had gone wrong between the two of them. She looked up, her curiosity piqued.
“Are you sure you want to stay standing at the door to discuss this?” Ji Yan changed the subject abruptly and turned to walk further into the apartment.
Xu Yinian realized she was indeed still hovering at the entrance. She looked at the pair of slippers sitting quietly before her, like a silent invitation. She had no idea what was waiting for her inside, but she had already committed. Gritting her teeth, she stepped in and changed her shoes. She had promised to help Ji Yan, and those wounds couldn’t wait any longer.
***
Xu Yinian’s plan was to finish as quickly as possible and leave before the 11:00 PM curfew. No matter how much she let her guard down, she didn’t dare spend the night at Ji Yan’s place. Besides, this one-bedroom apartment didn’t seem to have a second bed.
With time ticking away, she pushed her shyness aside and took the initiative to take Ji Yan’s hand.
Ji Yan’s fingers were colder and paler than usual, with flecks of dried blood splashed across them—a sickly, almost sinister beauty. The wounds were better than Xu Yinian had feared; though they looked gruesome, they weren’t on any major arteries and were already starting to clot.
The deepest cut, the one that had lost the most blood, was in the palm of her left hand. It seemed that because Ji Yan hadn’t treated it and had instead insisted on continuing to paint, the wound had kept seeping, blood dripping steadily. It was hard to imagine how long she had been painting to reach the point of collapsing from exhaustion.
Ji Yan clearly had no regard for her own well-being.
“Even if you couldn’t go to the hospital, you shouldn’t have kept irritating the wound…” Xu Yinian murmured to herself. Even though she was still a bit afraid of Ji Yan, she couldn’t help but scold her.
Thinking of that frantic, mad painting of Xiao Lin… Ji Yan’s mother… what was the purpose of it? Was this wound somehow related to—
Xu Yinian didn’t dare follow that thought. To the public and her fans, Xiao Lin’s image was always one of gentleness, elegance, and soft beauty. And since she was Ji Yan’s biological mother, Xu Yinian felt she shouldn’t make wild assumptions.
She didn’t realize that her mindless nagging caused the light in Ji Yan’s eyes to deepen. This soft, hesitant lecture had accurately struck a chord in Ji Yan—a deep-seated craving for a gentle, maternal presence. Even in her memories of a healthy Xiao Lin before her illness, Ji Yan had never felt such a strong sense of being cared for.
