Chapter 49

They strolled along the green path in a nearby park, wandering aimlessly by the lake.

Sang Ning always felt that Shen Tingwan was quieter than usual that day. She glanced at her several times before finally speaking up. “Senior…”

Shen Tingwan looked at her. “Hm?”

Sang Ning said, “If there’s something on your mind, you can tell me.”

Shen Tingwan smiled and nodded at her.

Sang Ning didn’t press her further. Accompanying her like this was enough.

Sang Ning remained as calm as ever, but Shen Tingwan knew she could be quite reserved. Much of her care and concern hid beneath that composed exterior—the longer they spent together, the more obvious it became.

They reached a scenic pavilion, where the two stood by the railing overlooking the lake and the night view. Birch City had excellent greenery, with plenty of lakes both large and small.

Sang Ning gazed at the night sky, where a full moon shone beautifully.

Shen Tingwan watched her quietly tilt her head up, momentarily lost in thought. She then looked at the lake surface, where the bright moon seemed to have fallen into the water, gently rippling with the evening breeze.

“Your birthday is coming up soon. Got any plans?”

Sang Ning turned her head at the sound. “You still remember?”

Shen Tingwan said softly, “Of course. The day before Christmas Eve.”

Sang Ning couldn’t help but smile. She’d only mentioned her birthday once, on the day they’d celebrated Shen Tingwan’s, and Shen Tingwan had remembered it. She felt very happy.

I want you to spend it with me. Sang Ning was too shy to say her true feelings outright, so she gave an ambiguous reply. “Haven’t thought about it yet.”

“Invite a bunch of friends to celebrate, or…” Shen Tingwan looked at her. “Should I keep you company?”

Sang Ning huffed. “I’m not used to crowds.”

Shen Tingwan understood. “Then I’ll keep you company?”

Sang Ning’s smile deepened. “Yeah.”

Shen Tingwan eyed the dimple at the corner of her mouth. “You’re this happy just because I’ll spend your birthday with you?”

“…” Sang Ning toned down her smile a bit. Often, it was Shen Tingwan who pointed it out that made her realize she wasn’t holding back enough.

With the topic of birthdays brought up, Shen Tingwan gazed into her eyes and seized the moment to ask, “How did you know my birthday before? Wei Xue said she never told you.”

The question came out of nowhere, catching Sang Ning off guard.

Shen Tingwan watched her intently. She’d suddenly asked Wei Xue about it that day because her intuition told her Sang Ning knew her too well—including the birthday cake that day, which had been exactly her favorite flavor…

Too many coincidences stopped being coincidences. Like all those chance encounters. At first, she’d thought it was just fate with this junior.

“I found out back in college.” Caught unprepared, Sang Ning blurted out the truth from her heart. She immediately grew anxious—this answer revealed too much.

“And you’ve remembered it all these years?” Shen Tingwan’s voice softened. “You’ve been paying attention to me since college, haven’t you? Right from the start?”

Sang Ning’s eyelashes fluttered, and her gaze instinctively darted away.

Shen Tingwan didn’t give her a chance to evade, her eyes still locked on.

In their silent standoff, Shen Tingwan took a light breath and paused for a moment. “The person you’ve liked for so many years… is it me?”

The moonlight shone brightly as they gazed quietly at each other.

Sang Ning’s breathing fell into disarray. Staring into Shen Tingwan’s eyes, she knew her secret had nowhere left to hide.

Shen Tingwan found her answer in those gentle eyes as well.

Their secrets were laid bare in that gaze—

A really good, really gentle person.

Because I knew Senior was wonderful.

Shen Tingwan realized then that Sang Ning’s eyes held the same look when she’d said those two phrases. She’d been too slow on the uptake—not overthinking, but underthinking.

Why Sang Ning’s gaze toward her was always so soft. Why Sang Ning got so tense whenever she felt wronged. Why Sang Ning always did whatever she asked…

All of it had answers now.

Sang Ning barely held her emotions together, instinctively bracing for the worst. What would Shen Tingwan think of her? Would she suspect all her kindness had ulterior motives? Would she find it burdensome to have been secretly liked for so many years? Even repulsive…

Every nerve was taut as she forced a calm facade, though her mind swirled like a vortex of chaotic thoughts. She’d known this day would come once she could no longer control her feelings for Shen Tingwan.

Like awaiting judgment, she waited for Shen Tingwan to speak.

But Shen Tingwan stayed silent for a long time. Sang Ning’s anxiety peaked, and she mumbled, “Sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?” Shen Tingwan’s heart raced; she’d never felt so unsteady. They’d spent so much time together that even when Sang Ning stayed quiet, Shen Tingwan could sense her affection. But she’d never imagined herself as the one Sang Ning had been thinking of for years. Something heavy settled in her chest, leaving her at a loss. “I’m a bit messed up right now. Give me a minute.”

Sang Ning, utterly bewildered, replied, “Okay.”

The air grew still.

The reality was calmer than Sang Ning had imagined. Shen Tingwan didn’t say “Don’t do this” or “Let’s not meet anymore.” Vaguely, Sang Ning heard her murmur, “You idiot.”

That night, they stood together in silence for a long while, saying nothing more about it.

Back at her apartment, Sang Ning was still in a daze, her mind buzzing numbly. She headed to the bathroom for a shower, hot water pouring from her hair down as she took deep breaths.

Even though Shen Tingwan hadn’t reacted with rejection, she still felt uneasy. Maybe she’d never have the chance to get close again… Her eyes stung instantly, her shoulders trembling with quiet sobs as tears mixed with the water streaming down her face.

The next morning, Sang Ning woke with red-rimmed eyes, traces of prolonged crying. She stared blankly in the mirror for a long time before skipping the studio and calling Yu Shuang.

Soon, Yu Shuang’s voice came through. “What’s up?”

“I’ve got a gig. Can you take it for me?” Sang Ning explained. “I want to take a few days off.”

Yu Shuang asked, “A few days off? What’s going on with you?”

Sang Ning said, “Heading home for a bit.”

“Oh, is everything okay at home?” Yu Shuang asked nervously. She knew Sang Ning put work above all; even when sick, she’d tough it out without taking leave.

“Nothing’s wrong. I just want to go back and rest.” Sang Ning forced a smile. She didn’t have the mind for work right now.

Yu Shuang still worried. “You sure you’re okay?”

Sang Ning felt a bit warmed. “Yeah.”

“Then rest well. I’ll handle your shoot.” Yu Shuang had no choice; she knew Sang Ning bottled things up and endured negative emotions alone.

Once her eyes had swollen down a bit, Sang Ning returned to Muyang that afternoon.

Home was the one place where she could feel utterly safe and secure, especially when she was deeply upset or at a loss—that’s where she wanted to be first.

It wasn’t mealtime, so the noodle shop wasn’t busy. Sang Mingjing was feeding the cats out front that afternoon. Spotting Sang Ning, she paused. “Back so suddenly? You didn’t say anything—I could’ve picked you up.”

Sang Mingjuan soon came out too.

Sang Ning smiled and called, “Mom.”

Sang Mingjuan asked her, “What brings you back?”

Sang Ning said breezily, “Just wanted to come rest for a few days.”

Sang Mingjuan nodded, grabbed her suitcase, and headed inside. After a short walk, she asked quietly, “Nothing happened, right?”

Sang Ning shook her head.

Sang Mingjuan paused. “If something did, tell me.”

“No grievances.” Sang Ning reassured her. None of this counted as grievance—it was just her own one-sided turmoil.

Sang Ning’s room was on the second floor, a sunny south-facing bedroom. Though she hadn’t been back in a while, Sang Mingjuan kept it clean.

After unpacking, Sang Ning went downstairs to feed the cats. The black cat downstairs, Dou Dou, had grown up eating from every house on the street and was something of a mascot.

Usually, Sang Ning forgot everything the moment she got home, but not this time. As she fed the cat, she zoned out. I wonder what Senior’s feeling right now… Lost in thought, she nearly got nipped by Dou Dou.

“Careful,” Sang Mingjing teased, seeing how listless she’d been since arriving. “Did you just go through a breakup or something?”

Sang Ning gave a wry smile, her eyes stinging again. She’d checked her phone countless times, but Shen Tingwan hadn’t messaged her that day.

She really doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore.

…

Shen Tingwan had barely slept the night before. She’d caked on heavy makeup and powered through several meetings during the day. That evening, with a bit of downtime, she leaned on the sofa to rest.

She picked up her phone and stared at the familiar contact for a moment but didn’t call. Up to now, she hadn’t reached out to Sang Ning. Her thoughts were a tangle, her heart still in turmoil.

Of course she hoped Sang Ning liked her—and that there was no one else in her heart… But reality differed from her expectations. She’d thought Sang Ning had only fallen for her after they reconnected.

She thought Sang Ning was too foolish. They hadn’t even known each other back then—how could she pine away like that for years?

Joy, gratitude, heartache—all mixed in, perhaps with a touch of disappointment.

What made her fall for me? The perfect image everyone talks about? Lots of people liked her through rose-tinted glasses, but she hoped Sang Ning wasn’t one of them…

She thought about so much more.

As night fell, Sang Ning was in the kitchen helping Sang Mingjuan prepare dinner. She’d left her phone outside, trying not to obsess over messages.

So she had no idea when it rang.

Sang Mingjing eventually brought it into the kitchen, chuckling at the “Senior” label. “Your senior’s calling. Must be urgent—she’s tried several times.”

At “senior,” Sang Ning looked up, stunned.

Sang Mingjing urged, “Answer it.”

Sang Ning reached for the phone impatiently.

Sang Mingjing frowned. “Wipe your hands first—they’re wet.”

Sang Ning fumbled around before finally picking up. As soon as she did, that familiar gentle voice slipped into her ear. “Why didn’t you pick up?”

She stepped out to the backyard. “I was in the kitchen and didn’t hear.”

They both fell silent for a few seconds. With the secret out, the air between them felt ambiguous.

Sang Ning called, “Senior?”

Shen Tingwan paused half a second before cutting straight to it. “You free tonight? Let’s meet up.”

Sang Ning’s heart raced, though it still hung in suspense. Shen Tingwan sounded a bit down; she had no idea what she’d say, but at least she was still willing to talk.

“I’m not in Birch City. I went home today.”

Shen Tingwan asked, “Why’d you go back?”

Sang Ning: “…”

Her mind must’ve blanked, or maybe she was just a coward. After last night, she hadn’t had the courage to face Shen Tingwan.

“When are you coming back?” Shen Tingwan asked again. There were things she wanted to say face-to-face. This call had come sooner than she’d expected—she’d thought she’d hesitate longer…

Sang Ning replied, “In a few days.”

Shen Tingwan acknowledged her. “Okay.”

After the call, Sang Ning remained anxious. She stood dazed in the yard, good scenarios and bad swirling in her mind, until Sang Mingjing called her for dinner.

The next morning, Sang Ning helped out at the noodle shop, though her mind was elsewhere. Shen Tingwan wanted to see her, and she debated changing her ticket to head back that day.

Sang Mingjing saw through it. “Go rest. You’re not even here.”

Sang Ning went outside to sunbathe and play with the cat.

Lost in thought, idle for a while.

“Sang Ning.”

Hearing that familiar “Sang Ning,” she thought she’d imagined it. She snapped her head up, her gaze locking clumsily. “Senior…”