Chapter 44: Love Me?

“I’m not leaving. I’m too dirty to get into bed.” Ji Zhenshi braced one hand against the edge of the sink, and Xia Siyuan couldn’t budge her an inch.

Xia Siyuan let out a cold laugh, utterly helpless. “You sure have principles. Even drunk, you still care about being clean.”

Ji Zhenshi hung her head limply and mumbled to herself, “But I think no matter how big the obstacles are, as long as we’re together, we can face them. I’m not afraid of not getting over that mountain. I’m afraid she won’t give me a chance.”

Her voice was so slurred that Xia Siyuan had to strain to make out the words.

So this whole time, she hadn’t been talking to her at all. She had someone else in mind.

Watching the usually carefree Ji Zhenshi reduced to such a disheveled state made even Xia Siyuan, an outsider, feel a pang of sympathy.

“You’re only in your early twenties. What do you have to be afraid of? Strictly speaking, hasn’t your life been smooth sailing? Who else can stick to their dreams like you? Who else gets signed by a company right after graduation and assigned to a project directed by Tang Xien? You’re just twenty-something, with endless possibilities ahead, and you haven’t even experienced much yet. But Yunli Sis is almost thirty. She’s been through so much, so it’s normal for her to lack the confidence to keep up with you. Don’t let emotions hold you back. Look at me—I’ve been chasing her for so long without success, and I’m not in a rush. You need to take it slow too. Some things really do take time to resolve. Stop looking so pathetic. Stand tall, chin up, and show some spirit.”

Xia Siyuan earnestly advised Ji Zhenshi, patting her back.

“She’s straight. What’s the point of rushing? Besides, you don’t even like her. You’re not heartbroken at all that she has a boyfriend.”

Ji Zhenshi’s single languid retort left Xia Siyuan speechless.

Xia Siyuan stared at her in exasperation, swearing to herself that she really wanted to toss her into the trash bin and let her sleep with the garbage for the night.

“I’ll meet my own soulmate someday,” she stubbornly defended herself.

Ji Zhenshi kept her head down, ignoring her.

As Xia Siyuan supported her, she continued her pep talk. “You know as well as I do that Yunli Sis’s firm rejections aren’t just because she doesn’t trust you—it’s because she lacks confidence in herself. She wants to be responsible to you and to this relationship.”

Li Yunli’s gentleness wasn’t always effortless; sometimes it stemmed from the helplessness of being unable to speak.

This time, it seemed Ji Zhenshi actually listened. Her upper body slumped over the sink’s edge as she struggled to turn on the faucet and splashed cold water on her face.

A long while later, she finally said, “I need to take a shower. You go back to the room. Don’t worry about me.”

When Ji Zhenshi got drunk, the only thing she did in front of Li Yunli was cry. Otherwise, she never threw tantrums. If no one paid attention to her, she’d quietly fall asleep on her own after a bit.

That’s why Ji Zhenshi had come up with drinking as a way to knock herself out—it might work better than sleeping pills, since too many pills could mean you’d never wake up.

Ji Zhenshi had only lost a love she hadn’t even fully had yet. She wasn’t ready to end her promising young life prematurely.

“Can you manage on your own?” Xia Siyuan asked worriedly, watching her.

It was unclear if she’d even heard.

Ji Zhenshi dunked her entire face into the cold water, bubbles gurgling up.

“I’m fine. I was fine to begin with. You barged in making a fuss and even suspected I was possessed.”

“…”

Xia Siyuan didn’t feel reassured at all. After some thought, she secretly called Li Yunli.

“Ji Zhenshi, listen to me. We have our whole futures ahead of us. You can’t drink yourself into illness.” After the call, Xia Siyuan wrestled the bottle from Ji Zhenshi’s hand, trying every gentle persuasion short of kicking her.

“Yunli Sis is thinking of you. You’re so stubborn about pursuing your dreams—violin, making a name for yourself. She wants to support you, not be a burden. She sees her own physical limitations and thinks you should take your time. Doesn’t that just prove how rare a woman Yunli Sis is? So gentle, so considerate, unwilling to trouble you.”

“Ji Zhenshi! If you drink any more, I’ll call the cops!” In the end, Xia Siyuan used all her strength to yank the bottle away, panting heavily.

Before Ji Zhenshi could say a word, she slammed the door shut.

The girl really couldn’t hold her liquor. What if she drank herself into a vegetable?

Then she’d be with Li Yunli without any burdens—two people with strong spirits despite their disabilities. How noble.

Xia Siyuan was catching her breath outside the door when suddenly five handprints appeared on it, followed by Ji Zhenshi’s choked voice. “But I’m willing to take on all those risks. They only make me love her more, cherish this relationship more. Does a physical disability mean she’s unworthy of love? Her dad’s a gambler, my mom’s no saint—we’re a perfect match!”

Xia Siyuan jumped back several steps in fright.

Clutching her chest, she stared in horror at the handprints on the door, recovering after a couple of seconds. “Fine, fine, you’re a good person too. You’re all good people. Come out quick. You’re scaring me in there.”

With that, Xia Siyuan started checking her phone, pacing anxiously in the living room.

Either Ji Zhenshi would mercifully emerge, or Li Yunli would arrive—only one of those could save her.

Ding-dong, ding-dong.

Li Yunli must have pressed the doorbell, probably considering that Xia Siyuan was still there.

The moment Xia Siyuan heard the bell and saw Li Yunli, it felt like seeing a savior.

“How’s Xiao Zhen? Is she crying again?” Li Yunli’s first question was frantic as she asked Xia Siyuan.

Xia Siyuan grabbed her jacket, relief washing over her like she’d been granted amnesty. She almost saluted Li Yunli and patted the back of her hand. “Yunli Sis, you’re finally here. You’re my absolute savior. Thank goodness the world has you, making my life brighter and better.”

Li Yunli could tell she didn’t understand sign language and hurriedly pulled out her notebook from her bag to ask about Ji Zhenshi’s condition.

Though Xia Siyuan couldn’t read sign language, she knew exactly what Li Yunli wanted to know.

Before Li Yunli could write anything, Xia Siyuan shoved the hard-won bottle—still with its straw—from Ji Zhenshi’s hand into hers, as if handing over a vital mission. “Yunli Sis, no need to worry. She’s okay for now, just been crying nonstop. No fussing, nothing but tears—I really can’t deal with her. This is what Ji Zhenshi’s been calling ‘water’ all night. She’s been in there forever. I called out, no answer, but she’s probably still alive. I peeked through the door crack—there’s movement inside. Don’t worry. I’m crashing at a friend’s tonight. You two take your time chatting.”

Li Yunli frowned slightly. The fruit-flavored booze in her hand was basically high-proof liquor, and Ji Zhenshi had been sipping it through a straw?

Crying the whole time—Li Yunli could picture it all too clearly.

Her worried gaze fixed on the closed bathroom door. From outside, she couldn’t see what was happening inside.

Xia Siyuan blurted it all out and slipped past her. Before Li Yunli could respond, she dashed back. “Oh, right—she’s had a ton already. Don’t let her drink more. It could be dangerous.”

Having fulfilled her final duty, Xia Siyuan saw herself as a mere NPC, stepping aside to leave the space for Li Yunli and Ji Zhenshi.

Though she often teased Ji Zhenshi for her outrageous pursuit of her nominal sister-in-law, deep down Xia Siyuan believed they healed each other. And after six years of secret love, Li Yunli had feelings for her too—what wasn’t fated about that?

Li Yunli had no time for Xia Siyuan. She set down the bottle and knocked on the bathroom’s glass door.

The scene felt familiar, the bathroom too—but their positions had switched.

She was outside now, Ji Zhenshi inside.

Unable to speak, Li Yunli knocked while calling Ji Zhenshi, hoping to check on her.

The ringtone echoed from the bedroom. Ji Zhenshi hadn’t brought her phone in.

As Li Yunli hesitated whether to push the door open, Ji Zhenshi suddenly yanked it from the inside. “I’m really fine. It’s late—go to sleep first…”

Her words cut off abruptly. Seeing Li Yunli instead, Ji Zhenshi’s stunned expression froze for several seconds. She didn’t dare blink, afraid it was just a drunken hallucination.

She must be drunk. Hallucinations were setting in.

Li Yunli should be at the coffee shop this late. She hadn’t come here in ages and probably never would again.

Ji Zhenshi lowered her eyes, murmuring in confusion, “Must be a dream. I’m actually seeing Sister A-Yun.”

Their eyes met. The first thing that caught Li Yunli’s gaze was Ji Zhenshi’s dripping wet long hair and her white shirt, soaked through with two buttons undone, hanging loosely to reveal faint traces of her underwear beneath. She looked like she’d just been pulled from a pool, water dripping everywhere.

She steadied herself with one hand against the wall, water beading on her taut waist and abs—utterly sensual. But her face was pale, her condition clearly poor.

Li Yunli gazed at her with heartache. Ji Zhenshi fell silent, her beautiful eyes shimmering as she stared, transfixed. Water—or tears?—streaked her face, but her reddened eyes suggested she’d been crying again.

Just seeing Li Yunli in a dream was enough to make her lose control.

“Xiao Zhen, are you okay?” Li Yunli reached out to steady her; she looked on the verge of collapse, as if she might topple over any second.

Ji Zhenshi’s hand slipped from the doorknob, falling limply.

She swung the door fully open and burst into tears again, her voice choked. “I’m not okay. I’m really not okay at all. I don’t even dare think of you during the day, afraid I won’t be able to control myself. But at night, I can’t escape it.”

She always thought of Li Yunli, so she’d been sleepless, forcing herself to take on every grueling work assignment from the company without leaving any room for rest.

Heaven knew how much self-control it took to avoid contacting Li Yunli for these two months.

Only upon feeling Li Yunli’s real warmth did Ji Zhenshi snap out of her daze. “It’s not a dream. You’re really here in front of me.”

Seeing Ji Zhenshi like this, Li Yunli could no longer harden her heart.

Her own eyes reddened. She couldn’t think of what to say; even a single breath filled her mouth with bitterness.

It wasn’t a dream. Hearing Ji Zhenshi was unwell, she’d still come.

Dropping all pretense, Ji Zhenshi pitifully opened her arms. “Sister A-Yun, please don’t push me away, okay?”

“Mm, come here.” Li Yunli stepped forward and pulled Ji Zhenshi into her embrace. The drenched body pressed against her, hot tears falling onto her shoulder, as if warming Li Yunli’s heart too.

Xiao Zhen burned with intensity in everything she did.

“I’m sorry, Xiao Zhen. You’ll surely hate me. I hurt you.” Li Yunli felt the unnatural heat from the soaked body clinging to her—probably a fever.

Her brow furrowed, gentle eyes frosting over with worry as she patted Ji Zhenshi’s back soothingly.

Ji Zhenshi’s shoulders trembled nonstop. Drunk and faced with Li Yunli again, she shed all her masks, speaking without overthinking every word, just raw emotion.

Her nose pink and runny, she sobbed, “I don’t blame you. I’m just a little regretful. Maybe if I were a bit more grown up when I told you, you wouldn’t feel so conflicted. It’s because I’m too weak. It’s my fault.”

“Don’t say that, Xiao Zhen.” Li Yunli patted her head.

The more she comforted, the more Ji Zhenshi wanted to cry, sounding even more aggrieved. “Sister A-Yun, truth is, I’ve been faking it these past few days. I’m not mature at all. I tried so hard to seem steady, but you’re still pushing me away. It hurts so much. You ignoring me is one thing, but you can’t push me away like that.”

She was truly aggrieved—and genuinely angry last night.

Li Yunli, you could hit me, deny me, clumsily force me away—these are the grievances I’ve bottled up. I’m so sad. I don’t want to lose you.

But Ji Zhenshi’s love spanned mountains and seas. Instead of voicing her hurt, she said, “Li Yunli, don’t be afraid. I’ll love you properly. I’ll be your support. I’m willing to be the villain, the despicable one. Don’t fear—I’ll shoulder it all alone. Let me love you, okay?”

“You’re as important to me as the violin, taking center stage in my life. I’m not afraid of choices or starting over. I’m only afraid of not being able to love you. You love me too—you can’t bear to let me go. Why won’t you believe in me, just once? I said it—I won’t be afraid of losing.”

Every word was a secret buried deep in Ji Zhenshi’s heart for six full years. The young woman’s heartfelt stirrings, carried on that piano piece, resonated powerfully in Li Yunli’s soul.

Ji Zhenshi truly loved her—more deeply than Li Yunli had imagined.

From the moment she crossed into adulthood at, loving Li Yunli felt like a boundless blessing, letting her pursue it openly. Practicing that piano confession had filled her with satisfaction—at least she’d confessed once.

But her greed grew. Now she wanted to hold Li Yunli’s hand.

A surge of heartache bloomed in Li Yunli’s depths, unsettling her.

Xiao Zhen, why so persistent? Why so brave?

Feeling the heartbeat pounding against her chest, Li Yunli’s iron walls seemed to crumble under its rhythm. She pressed closer to Ji Zhenshi’s chest. “Xiao Zhen, the road is long. We won’t reach the end.”

Ji Zhenshi’s arms tightened around her waist. Her frost-pale face held a desperate resolve, unwilling to let go for even a second, as if Li Yunli would vanish otherwise.

If this was just a dream, she’d truly go mad.

“We will. I’ll crawl to the finish line if I have to. I’ll love you until my heart’s last beat. You can watch me forever.” Ji Zhenshi forced her eyes open, each word firm and resolute.

She could barely stand, yet her words carried undeniable weight.

The damp heat at her neck seared into Li Yunli’s heart. Ji Zhenshi’s determination left no room for refusal, and Li Yunli’s softening heart couldn’t muster any insincere denial.

Without a response, Ji Zhenshi’s tears flowed faster. She clutched Li Yunli’s collar, pleading, “Li Yunli, love me, okay?”

There was no way to return to the old tracks anymore.