When unleashing your true self, it’s actually easier in front of strangers.
For example, growing up, whenever the school held events, the part she disliked most was the segment where her parents or family were invited to watch her perform.
In front of unfamiliar people, she could play the piano or sing, host programs with poise and freedom. But the moment her parents or elders appeared, she just had to steel herself and continue.
She compromised with Yun Huizhi, “Since you don’t want me to go to the bar, I won’t go and waste the venue. We’ll just stroll around the streets tonight.”
“I do want you to go! I also want to take you to lively places, to accompany you to a bar to let loose. I was unhappy earlier because I thought you were so upset you needed to drown your sorrows in alcohol you don’t even like. I was worried I wasn’t being much use to you anymore.”
Her pitiful tone made Chu Ruoyou’s heart feel as if it had been struck by something. She immediately asked, “Why would you think that?”
“Didn’t you come here and choose me as a travel companion precisely to relax? I’ve always known that. But if you haven’t become happier, and instead need to rely on alcohol to find oblivion, then coming to Jianjia Town or not makes no difference. I was afraid you didn’t need me anymore.”
Yun Huizhi analyzed herself for her. She rarely felt like telling the truth, but because Chu Ruoyou was apologizing to her, she didn’t want to let this sincerity down either.
She had wanted to add, superfluously, ‘It’s not for the money that I’m afraid you don’t need me.’
But she deliberately held back. She needed to leave Chu Ruoyou room to misunderstand. And it was only within that space that she could, for now, openly cling to Chu Ruoyou.
“I was afraid you didn’t need me anymore.” She treated herself like a tool. Chu Ruoyou couldn’t guarantee she had never thought of her that way.
But hearing Yun Huizhi say it out loud made her feel terrible. She felt it shouldn’t be said that way.
“Don’t be silly, I didn’t mean it like that.”
Chu Ruoyou took a sip of milk tea and carefully organized her thoughts:
“Alcohol is just alcohol. It’s not that I haven’t tried. Aside from being undrinkable, it’s also useless for me. How could someone as smart as you reverse the order? If drinking to oblivion worked, I wouldn’t have come to Jianjia Town.
Alcohol either makes a drinker happy or gets them drunk. Basically just those two effects. How could it possibly replace the experience you give me? Yun Huizhi is vibrant—something I never saw coming.”
She actually teaches Chinese, right?
Chu Ruoyou’s voice, even under the scorching July sun, remained cool. When she spoke at length, it was especially calming, easy to listen to.
“I’m that amazing?” Yun Huizhi used a smug, airy lift of her brows to hide her shyness at being praised.
Chu Ruoyou’s tone shifted, turning into the sharp-witted banter she used when bickering with Yun Huizhi.
“Of course you’re amazing. You are the famous Massage Therapist Bai Wei, the sunshine-bright, as-yet-unemployed female pilot, the School Belle and Town Belle with heaven-defying looks. Who wouldn’t be a fan of your looks? So, alcohol can be skipped, but I haven’t had enough of Jianjia yet. I don’t plan on leaving this early. Don’t you try to rush me.”
Even Yun Huizhi’s thick skin was embarrassed by such praise. She downed half a cup of milk tea to steady her nerves.
Huffing, she said, “So you really don’t blame me for meddling?”
“I don’t blame you. I regretted saying those things the moment they left my mouth. You’re frank and open, never having conversational landmines with me. Likewise, I need to be able to take a hit too, not explode at the slightest spark.”
Chu Ruoyou said, with the utmost grace.
Yun Huizhi finally fully relaxed, feeling genuinely happy from start to finish.
“Then let’s go drinking tonight. No matter what you want to do, I’ll be with you.”
“Because I’m your client?” Chu Ruoyou thought of her cold, polite words.
“Not at all, because you’re… you’re Chu Jiazhen.”
Chu Ruoyou smiled, remembering making up that name on a whim, because Yun Huizhi had said her own name was “Shufen.”
In that light, casually making up names to fool people was a habit of hers.
Yun Huizhi smiled too. Smiling, she felt her eye was still a bit uncomfortable and rubbed it with the back of her hand again.
Chu Ruoyou looked at those eyes, like a clear stream covered by sunset clouds—beautiful yet broken.
She felt a pang in her heart. The ache was intense, but she decided not to delve into it.
“So, let’s make peace. Please don’t cry anymore, okay?”
Yun Huizhi was amused by her, saying brightly, “I wasn’t even crying. What’s there to cry about over this? I was chopping vegetables earlier and a chili seed bounced into my eye. That’s why I teared up.”
Hearing this, Chu Ruoyou’s expression grew more tender. She nodded and said gently, “Alright, alright. Then it’s all the chili seed’s fault. Since your eye is uncomfortable, you should rest a bit. I’ll do the cooking.”
Yun Huizhi held down her hand, “No, absolutely not. I said I’d do it.”
Who ever heard of the client serving her?
“Why not? Let you try my cooking. Even if it’s not great, just treat it as an experience.”
Chu Ruoyou cooked faster than Yun Huizhi because her methods were simpler, preparing dishes in the most trouble-free way possible.
So the flavors weren’t as rich, the texture just average. But Yun Huizhi ate with utmost focus, wanting to sweep every dish clean.
Because this was a special treat after an argument, an unexpected delight, a bonus!
It would definitely never happen again, so she had to cherish it.
Watching Yun Huizhi eat, the void in Chu Ruoyou’s heart seemed to be temporarily filled by an intangible, unseen substance.
Maybe it was a breeze, maybe just air.
You know it can’t truly fill a container, yet a sense of contentment rises, and you can’t deny it.
While standing in line at the milk tea shop, the street on both sides was lined with faux-ancient commercial buildings. The long street was divided by eaves into three sections: dark, bright, dark.
Chu Ruoyou stood in the southern shadow, looking at the boundary line between light and dark just half an arm’s length away, willfully wanting to take a few more steps into the sunlight.
She looked at the Lucky Bead tied to her bag, the one Yun Huizhi had carefully chosen for her, stroking the Dog zodiac figure more imposing than the tiger, recalling the heart-fluttering moment she received this gift.
Back then, she and Yun Huizhi weren’t even close yet, hadn’t fully figured out what positions they both liked, but Yun Huizhi could sense her unhappiness and found a way to buy a small gift to cheer her up.
At that time, her act of kissing Yun Huizhi was impulsive. She hadn’t thought much; she just wanted to kiss the girl in front of her, with no hint of flirtation—it was simply a reward.
There were many moments like this, but she never sorted through or responded to any of them, letting her heartbeat race and then return to its calm pace on its own.
Sometimes, even when Yun Huizhi, bored out of her mind, simply called her name, saying nothing more, she could still feel inwardly unsettled for a good while.
She waited patiently in line. Today’s line was even longer than when she’d queued with Yun Huizhi before.
She asked herself over and over: Since saying the wrong thing made her feel guilty enough to run off and suffer, why did she let it slip out in the first place?
What had she been so afraid of a moment ago? What was she defending against?
Was she afraid Yun Huizhi would take their fleeting relationship seriously, care about her excessively, try to interfere with her, thereby affecting her vacation mood?
Or was she afraid that the poorly hidden affection in Yun Huizhi’s eyes would make her mistakenly think Yun Huizhi cared deeply about her, so much so that she would get irrationally jealous over a non-existent “ex-husband,” when in fact, it wasn’t like that at all?
This kind of “mistaken belief” had caused her years of suffering. She’d had more than enough.
Yun Huizhi was just very good at making people like her, very fond of mingling with all sorts of people. She could chat with anyone and make them laugh.
Who knows how many women Yun Huizhi had made feel like she cared about them?
That’s why Chu Ruoyou had impatiently drawn a clear line, commanding Yun Huizhi to step back behind it.
But her words had been too harsh. Something that could have been settled calmly was turned into an extreme overreaction because of her.
Carrying the milk tea back, when she found Yun Huizhi, she happened to see her squatting on the floor, wiping tears.
Seeing the shadow on the ground, she looked up, blinking innocently, first saying the meal wasn’t ready yet.
Chu Ruoyou then saw the counter with several plates of chopped vegetables and Yun Huizhi’s spotless, pure face. Suddenly, the boundary line vanished, and instead, she felt revulsion towards herself.
Whatever Yun Huizhi’s true intentions were, she only gave, never asking for anything beyond money.
Even regarding money, she didn’t ask for much, because the accommodation fee took up most of it.
Beyond money, so far, all Yun Huizhi wanted was to be informed before she left, and that one time on a whim, she asked if Chu Ruoyou could treat her to a plate of crayfish in Xiacheng.
She didn’t agree, and Yun Huizhi didn’t push, happily fooling around again that very night.
It was clear Yun Huizhi had no unrealistic expectations. At the very least, this relationship would never be at the other person’s expense.
That being the case, why couldn’t Chu Ruoyou accept everything Yun Huizhi gave her completely? Why overthink it?
Who cares if it’s genuine or fake? As long as the other person can satisfy you, being happy together is all that matters.
Chu Ruoyou, in the past, had been truly sincere and genuine with another person, respectful and cherishing enough, every move made after careful deliberation and planning.
And she was also certain the other person had some genuine feelings for her.
What was the result?
Not only did she get nothing good out of it, but over a decade of painstaking, silent devotion put together didn’t bring half the unbridled pleasure and ease of these shallow few days of amusement with Yun Huizhi.
Clearly, overthinking is useless. The degree a relationship can reach between people depends mainly on fate.
Without fate, even ten-plus years are wasted.
With fate, no matter how much you restrain yourself, you can’t help but move forward.
She believed she and Yun Huizhi had fate. She just didn’t believe this fate possessed the attribute or necessity of permanence.
Yun Huizhi volunteered to clean up, going into the kitchen to wash the dishes and plates. Chu Ruoyou waited for her in the dining area.
Not long after, Little Zhang came in during his lunch break, took his lunchbox from the fridge to heat it up.
Neither of them felt like talking; there was no communication at all.
Chu Ruoyou saw his back turned to her, figured he felt awkward, and went back upstairs to the room first.
When Yun Huizhi came out, she didn’t see Chu Ruoyou but saw Little Zhang. He was wearing an electronic watch with a pink strap and a bright magenta short-sleeved shirt—very conspicuous.
Yun Huizhi sat down opposite him. “Why are you dressed so youthfully? Trying to seduce some virtuous woman?”
She expected Little Zhang to deny it coldly, but instead, he looked up and asked slowly, “Will this attract people?”
“Men or women?”
Little Zhang emphasized: “Straight women.”
He had specifically ruled out Yun Huizhi and her kind.
Yun Huizhi scoffed, “How should I know? I’m not straight. I think guys should look fresh and handsome too. As for what straight women think, I wouldn’t know. Why don’t you go ask Chu Ruoyou?”
Little Zhang looked as shocked as if he’d heard the Pacific Ocean had dried up, “Ms. Chu is straight?”
“She’s very straight.”
But Yun Huizhi didn’t intend to spill the fact that Chu Ruoyou had been divorced.
Little Zhang agonized for a long time. Out of politeness, he didn’t ask more private questions and just nodded.
“Then help me ask her.”
“Hold on.”
Yun Huizhi immediately messaged Chu Ruoyou: [Mr. Little Zhang asks, can his outfit today attract girls?]
[Chu Ruoyou: It looks good, but a bit youthful. Not quite mature or steady enough.]
Yun Huizhi relayed it word for word.
“Thank her for the opinion. I’ll consider it.”
Little Zhang closed his lunchbox, sat perfectly straight, and said to Yun Huizhi very seriously, “But I think the matter of her being straight is doubtful.”
Yun Huizhi mocked him, “Tsk, you’re even more narcissistic than me. Saying you look youthful means she isn’t straight?”
“Aren’t you two dating?”
“No.”
“Are you two just friends?”
“No.”
Little Zhang stood up, “Huizhi, please don’t set the definition of ‘straight woman’ too broadly.”
Yun Huizhi propped her face on her hands and asked, “So do you think she likes me?”
“I’m not sure. Either way, I wouldn’t go stand in line for forty minutes in the peak of summer to buy you milk tea.”
