Chapter 18: Blindness
She didn’t remember her childhood. Perhaps it wasn’t that she couldn’t remember, but that the flying eaves and glazed bamboo tiles had never changed. The sun and moon rose and set, the clear skies gave way to rain, and the pagoda tree in the courtyard turned yellow then green, then yellow again. Her childhood was like an old calligraphy practice sheet, endlessly repeating the character for “eternity.” Remembering or forgetting made little difference. Over time, Zhu Qiao no longer wished to reminisce about her childhood.
She stood in the courtyard, looking at the verdant green-skinned bamboo, and for some reason, her thoughts drifted to her childhood.
Grandma Zhu was shaking a flower drum, her face not yet so wrinkled that it erased her features. Grandma Zhu said, “Little Qiao, look what this is. This is Grandma’s birthday present for you.” Zhu Qiao was losing her baby teeth that year, and her speech whistled with the gaps.
After being away for so long, she wondered how Grandma Zhu was doing.
Zhu Qiao squatted on the threshold, letting the clean silk of her clothes become stained with dust. It seemed as though her days hadn’t changed; she had merely been moved from one cage to another. In fact, these days with the Yan Family were even more oppressive and bleak.
A sparrow with withered and dull feathers landed in front of the pagoda tree, hesitating to take flight. Zhu Qiao guessed the little creature must have mistakenly eaten some pesticide. She tiptoed closer to the small sparrow and gently cupped it in her hands. “Hello there, my name is Zhu Qiao.” Saying hello to a sparrow was likely a foolish thing to do, but Zhu Qiao found joy in it.
The little sparrow tilted its head, its eyes clouded. It wouldn’t live much longer.
Zhu Qiao gently enclosed the sparrow, whispering, “I hope in your next life you can still be carefree, soaring in the sky. Don’t be a low-flying little sparrow again; become a hawk that lives high in the heavens.” When she opened her palms, the little sparrow within was silent, having turned into a tiny corpse.
It was dead.
Just like Mr. Producer. Just like Lu Li.
A murky light filled Zhu Qiao’s eyes as all sorts of thoughts swirled in her mind: dark, regretful, pitiful, and self-deprecating. Mr. Producer was her first friend, the only outsider she had ever had contact with since she was brought into the world. If Lu Li were alive and well, he would have remained just a symbol of friendship. But death had elevated the value of that symbol. Having once had him and then lost him, Lu Li had become extraordinarily significant in Zhu Qiao’s heart.
Even Zhu Xi hadn’t anticipated that a false report of his death would give rise to such an obsession in this naive girl.
Ever since she was little, she had lived for others. As a child, she lived for Grandma Zhu. After leaving, she lived for Sister Xi. Now, she lived for her maternal grandmother.
She dug a small pit with her bare hands, her clean fingernails caked with black soil. Zhu Qiao buried the little sparrow at the base of the pagoda tree.
The ancients often said the pagoda tree was a ghost tree, for its twisted branches resembled a wailing human face. But Zhu Qiao felt the pagoda tree was a tree of mercy, for it wept for those who died unjustly. Grandma Zhu had once warned her never to “See” the dead, or she would be dragged into another world, because only the dead can see the dead.
But she wanted to live for herself just once, to be willful just once, even if only for a single time.
Zhu Qiao pressed her hands onto the small mound of earth and silently closed her eyes. Just once is enough, let me see Mr. Producer again. Let me say to him personally: “I was so happy to be your friend~”
After she closed her eyes, a point of light suddenly flashed in the dark world, and the graceful figure of a young man became faintly discernible. He was sitting at a table, and there seemed to be the figures of several girls beside him. Zhu Qiao was delighted. Could I really be Seeing Mr. Producer? Does that mean he’s not dead? But in the next second, that figure disintegrated like a snowflake. All the colors and lines twisted and stretched toward a single point, as if being pulled into a black hole.
A wave of terror surged in Zhu Qiao’s heart. She didn’t know what was happening. After “Watching” for so many years, this was the first time she had ever encountered such a situation.
She didn’t open her eyes. Instead, she tried her best to transmit her thoughts to that constantly disintegrating figure:
“Lu… Li…”
“My… name… is… Zhu… Qiao…”
“I’m very… happy…”
“To have… met…”
“You…”
A sharp pain shot through her brain. Zhu Qiao cried out and snapped her eyes open. Everything in her vision was stained crimson. A throbbing ache came from her pupils, and then a brilliant white light exploded before her eyes. The next second, everything in her field of vision vanished, along with the flying eaves and glazed bamboo tiles, along with all the colors of the world.
“Ah…” Zhu Qiao fell to the ground, a world of blackness before her. “…Sister Xi… Sister Xi…”
Sister Xi wasn’t here.
The housekeeper on duty outside merely twitched her ears but didn’t move an inch, letting Zhu Qiao call out hoarsely for Zhu Xi.
“Sister Xi… I can’t see…”
No one answered. There was only the rustling of the wind through the bamboo grove, followed by the sound of a young girl’s sobbing.
Time rewound to the day Zhu Xi came to pick up Zhu Qiao.
Zhu Xi and Grandma Zhu sat opposite each other.
“Before you take Little Qiao, I have a few last things to remind you of,” said Grandma Zhu. “I know you don’t believe in ghosts and spirits, but you must acknowledge Zhu Qiao’s divinity. If you want what’s best for her, don’t let her ‘See’ anything ever again. You must also keep this matter a secret, not even telling that ruthless grandmother of yours.”
“…I understand.”
“Do you know why the Mikos of the Zhu family can ‘See’ the past, present, and future?”
“I don’t.”
“Because their minds are pure, unstained by worldly dust. This is also why the Mikos must live in seclusion in the ancestral hall. The more people and things she comes into contact with, the more karma she bears, and the more limited what she can ‘See’ becomes. Until one day, she puts on modern clothes and lives and thinks like a modern person, then she will completely lose her Miko power.”
“…”
“And if she is not guided correctly and develops malicious thoughts, she will suffer a backlash from her own power.”
“I will protect her.”
“You can’t even protect yourself, how can you protect Little Qiao?” Grandma Zhu shook her head. “If that day comes, you must stay by Little Qiao’s side. Don’t let her be lonely and helpless. You cannot let her malicious thoughts fester and grow. People are most prone to extremism when they are at their lowest, and the purer a person is, the more easily they can fall.”
Malicious thoughts. Those two words were incredibly distant from Zhu Qiao. At that moment, Zhu Xi believed that Little Qiao would never have a malicious thought in her life.
She certainly could not have guessed that Zhu Qiao’s malicious thoughts would stem from… jealousy.
Grandma Zhu pleaded earnestly, “Promise me, you must spend more time with her. If you can’t, then find someone who is willing to stay with her. Don’t let Little Qiao cry out for help in her despair only to be met with silence, alright?”
Zhu Xi stated firmly, “My company is enough.”
“You should go.” Grandma Zhu sighed helplessly.
“Grandma Zhu. I have one more question.”
“Go on.”
“If Little Qiao continues to ‘See’ without restraint, what will happen?”
“I don’t know.” Grandma Zhu’s answer surprised her. “Because it has never been recorded in the archives that a Miko has overused her power.”
Zhu Xi frowned. That seemed unlikely. The Zhu family of the Mikos and the Royal Zhu family were two sides of the same coin, intertwined for hundreds of years. How could every single Miko have been so perfectly obedient?
