Chapter 275: This Isn’t Fair
She hadn’t tried hard enough. On the contrary, she was very hardworking, almost desperately so. She could pull all-nighters, go a whole day without eating, just to draw the best story in her mind, to create her best work. She just wanted to go to a higher and farther place, to become the person she wanted to be.
She had worked so hard, so strenuously, even sacrificing her sleep time, just to gain a little more energy to move towards her dream. If she could succeed, then all her efforts would be meaningful.
But she had failed.
Failed again.
But this time, she had lost very badly. It wasn’t that she hadn’t worked hard before. She had. When she lost at that time, she had just said, “As expected.” But this time, she was fully prepared, rushing her manuscript day and night, even having Yu Linna teach her how to write an outline. She was even more hardworking, more desperate than before. She had put all her eggs in one basket, just to hear, “Your manga is about to be published in the magazine,” when she got home.
Unfortunately, she had lost, lost quite badly, completely defeated.
“Yanhan, although it might not be good to say this, but, have you considered doing something else?”
The editor pushed his glasses, pushing the manuscript in front of her, in front of this heart that had already turned cold.
“I don’t mean anything else. You’ve always worked very hard, we all know that. You’ve submitted to us many times. But, you can’t become your father after all. You’re not him.”
“…”
“Maybe you’re not suited to be a manga artist. You should have a more suitable path to choose.”
“…Then you tell me?”
“I don’t know. You can only find that yourself. You will find it.”
“Mmm, I’ll think about it.”
She picked up her manuscript and silently left the room. She knew that nothing she said now would be of any use. A loss was a loss. Saying more was meaningless. The editor just needed a perfect manuscript, a manuscript that could be published, not a crying little girl.
Leaving the magazine company’s main entrance, the air conditioning was gone. The sun was scorching, shining on her, almost burning her up. She really wished the sun would evaporate her. That way, she wouldn’t have to think about anything, wouldn’t have to do anything.
She gave a bitter laugh.
“As expected.”
She was used to it. She had long been used to being rejected. This wasn’t the first time.
The editor said she wasn’t suited to be a manga artist. Perhaps he was right.
A manga creator who had been drawing for two or three years, yet still had no work published, a perennial failure. It really wasn’t suitable for her to be a manga artist. She didn’t have the talent either.
I really want to cry.
But she couldn’t. There were so many people on the street. She had to hold it in.
She sat down on a park bench, placing the rejected manuscript beside her. She opened her phone. The QQ group was still lively, with many people spamming. The focus of their attention was Shion-sensei, their idol.
◇ Miao Jun: This week’s hot search is once again dominated by Shion-sensei. When will we see Cai Xukun’s hot search?
◇ Lazy Cat: Are you trying to get me to curse your mother?
◇ Night Snow: I really want to see the sensei’s real face. I heard she’s a super cute girl. I want to hug her~
◇ Meng Lu: I’m more concerned about how my family’s expenses will affect my book-buying budget…
◇ Xia Mu: I want to eat Burger King!
◇ Xiao Mo: Speaking of which, I haven’t bought my groceries yet. It’s time to log off QQ.
◇ Lu Nuo: I love Xiao Mo’s home-cooked dinner the most!
◇ Beverly: I want pocket money to buy novels…
The group was very lively, with everyone chatting. In one minute, the messages could reach 99+. Only she was out of place, as lonely as if she had been forcefully Photoshopped into the crowd.
She sometimes wondered if she really wasn’t suited to be a manga artist. After so long, she still hadn’t made a name for herself. Did she still have the right to stay here? How many times did she have to fail to understand that she was not suited to survive here? Just as the editor had said, the place that was truly suitable for her was not here.
…
Xiao Yanhan took a car back to school. Her roommates were waiting for her to come back, to hear her good news. But the moment she entered, seeing the dejection on her face, everyone understood and tactfully didn’t ask. They went about their own business, not interfering at all, as if what had happened in the morning had never occurred.
This made Xiao Yanhan very uncomfortable.
“Why aren’t you asking me?” she said.
Fang Jiangning, who had been awkwardly chatting with Lan Ranyan, her face stiffened. She gave Lan Ranyan a look, asking her what to do. Lan Ranyan was helpless and could only shrug, indicating that she had no idea either.
“Yanhan, this… what do you want to eat today? I’ll treat you to something good. And we can have ice cream for dessert after dinner. Not bad, right?”
“Yeah, I know a good pastry shop. The cakes there are delicious. I’ll treat you to a few later.”
Fang Jiangning and Lan Ranyan both spoke at the same time.
This would only make Xiao Yanhan feel worse.
The deliberate avoidance would only make her feel uncomfortable, make her suffer. She would rather they ask her directly, with their usual expressions, than see them deliberately avoid her like this.
“Can you stop being like this? It’s not like you at all. I was rejected. They said I’m not suited to be a manga artist. I got nothing. What else do I have to care about? I have nothing. What can I lose? Do I care?”
Although she said so, everyone knew that she actually cared a lot, a great deal. If it weren’t for this, she wouldn’t have said it. Xiao Yanhan really longed for her manga to be published, even if it was just a short story. She had been drawing for so long, her drawing skills had gone from graffiti to exquisite. How much had she gone through, how much had she sacrificed, how many times had her manuscripts been rejected? Only she herself knew.
She just wanted to be a manga artist. Was that wrong too?
This world was really too unfair.
Fang Jiangning and Lan Ranyan both went to comfort her, telling her it was no big deal. To make her feel better, they stayed with her, afraid something would happen to her. Xiao Yanhan did nothing, just sat there quietly, putting the manuscript that had been rejected today into a box and locking it up. She didn’t even know how long she could continue to draw, or if she could continue to draw at all.
“Where’s Linna? Where did she go?”
She found that someone was missing from the dorm. The blonde girl was gone.
Fang Jiangning and Lan Ranyan looked at each other and said in unison:
“She went out for work.”
Xiao Yanhan opened her mouth, but in the end, she couldn’t say anything. To make her talk now was still too difficult for her.
She didn’t know what Yu Linna was up to, but she really wanted to see her, to look at her, to talk to her. Even just a glance would be good. It was probably very strange for her to have such a thought, right? This was not normal, right?
But, at this moment, she just wanted to see her.
…
It was the next day when Yu Linna returned to the dorm. It was almost lunchtime when she came back. She had come back in someone’s car, still holding her manuscript. As soon as she got back to the dorm, she put the manuscript on the table, then went to the toilet and locked the door. Xiao Yanhan casually glanced at her manuscript and found that the manuscript on it was not Yu Linna’s usual writing manuscript, but a drawing manuscript, a manuscript that Yu Linna had drawn for her own novel’s illustrations.
Yu Linna had only drawn two pictures. One was a black and white armored girl, clearly a character design. The other was a color picture, also of an armored girl, but this armored girl had short hair and a serious expression. The cannon in her hand was pointed at the sky. Because of the angle, it looked as if it were pointed at the reader.
This is an illustration?
Xiao Yanhan didn’t remember Yu Linna having any novels with such mecha girl illustrations. Even Ballad of the Enchantress didn’t have this character. Could it be a new character?
“This is a game made by Xiaoyue Company. They asked us to help them draw the game’s character designs.”
Yu Linna explained after coming out of the bathroom.
Xiao Yanhan’s heart was pierced with pain.
“Why are you helping others draw character designs?”
“Their game is still in the design stage, and they can’t find a suitable character designer. They came to me and said that cooperating would be a win-win situation, so I agreed. But I’ve only drawn one character design. There are still others to be drawn. I plan to spend the next period of time drawing them well.”
“Cooperating with others? Xiaoyue is also a big company in the industry. For them to find you to cooperate…”
“Is there a problem?”
Yu Linna asked, puzzled. She felt that something was not right with Xiao Yanhan today.
And after Xiao Yanhan put down the illustration, she smiled, but this smile looked extremely pale. Then, tears fell drop by drop. She tried her best to control herself, but she couldn’t. Her tear glands were completely out of control.
“Yanhan?”
Yu Linna wanted to go over and touch her, but Xiao Yanhan’s next words made her retract her hand.
“This is really so unfair.”
She covered her face. She didn’t want people to see her like this. She must look very ugly like this.
“Why is it only me? Why is it only me who has nothing…”
“Yanhan…”
“Don’t touch me! Can you understand my feelings? To have put in all my effort, only to be met with cold stares. Can you understand this feeling?”
She cried, she shouted, for the first time yelling at Yu Linna. Fang Jiangning and Lan Ranyan were stunned. It was the first time they had seen such a Xiao Yanhan.
Xiao Yanhan respected Shion-sensei and liked Yu Linna, but this feeling, in the face of cruel reality, had instead caused her to have an emotional breakdown.
The deeper the love, the heavier the hatred.
“It’s not like that, Yanhan. I understand you very well,” Yu Linna said.
This kind of experience, it wasn’t as if she hadn’t gone through it before. She also knew what it represented. Although it was cruel, painful, it was a fact that had to be accepted. You don’t necessarily succeed just because you work hard. This is the truth.
“You don’t understand. A genius is different from us. As a genius, how can you possibly understand the feelings of us ordinary people?”
Yu Linna’s heart was clearly pierced. She looked very hurt. No matter what, saying such words was a bit too much.
“Just leave me alone.”
Xiao Yanhan took a few tissues, wiped away her tears, and went to the bathroom to hide.
And Yu Linna just stood there, not saying a word. Fang Jiangning looked at her worriedly. She cautiously came over and asked if she was okay.
She just said, “I’m fine, it’s okay.”
She understood her very well, completely understood her feelings. To work hard but not be rewarded, to work desperately but have no harvest, it was indeed very difficult. She could very well understand why Xiao Yanhan would act like that.
Because she had also experienced it, so she understood.
How could she possibly be angry with her?
