Chapter 116: Promise
In one night, Qingchuan seemed to have changed. The fallen leaves on the ground were swept away by the last late autumn wind. A few withered leaves on the bare branches fluttered desolately in the cold wind. It was hard to say if they could survive this particularly cold winter.
The city was deserted. The sky was covered with an opaque shroud, a gloomy gray. Su Yu was worried about Gu Zhi’s condition and didn’t let her drive. The two of them huddled in the cold wind and hailed a taxi to the outskirts of Qingchuan.
The dark green taxi sped along the desolate country road, looking particularly eye-catching. After getting into the car, Gu Zhi’s spirits had been low. The energy she had managed to gather last night had dissipated with the howling cold wind.
She had completely shed her usual mature and steady demeanor and leaned against Su Yu’s shoulder. Her cold, slender hand was pressed against Su Yu’s, their palms transmitting warmth to each other. They were silent, and Gu Zhi held on tightly, as if this could calm her increasingly uneasy heart.
The pet cemetery in the suburbs was far from the city. They were silent all the way. As they approached the cemetery, the wind became more biting. Even through the car window, they could hear the howling of the wind. The pine trees surrounding the cemetery rustled in the cold wind, their needles flipping and making a rustling sound, as if someone’s mournful wail was carried in the wind, making one’s heart tighten.
The car finally stopped at the entrance of the cemetery. Su Yu got out first and then helped Gu Zhi down.
Gu Zhi smiled at him gently, the curve of her lips a bit forced. She wore a dark green long dress, the hem with a simple lace trim falling to her ankles. A matching coat protected her from the damp and cold wind, but her face was even paler.
She, who was usually very particular about her appearance, had only applied a thin layer of blush today and had dyed her pale lips a little red, which made her look a little more energetic. But now, standing in the wind, her hair was blown up and then fell messily, making her look a little pathetic.
Su Yu stood next to her and asked, “Sister, don’t you want to go?”
“Hmm? No… no.”
Gu Zhi gently shook her head. She looked at the stone path behind the cemetery gate and could even vaguely see the shadows of a few tombstones through the grass. She hated this kind of place, desolate, cold, and bleak… Dead is dead, and should be forgotten. This kind of repeated memory year after year would only add to the baseless pain.
Moreover… she sneered inwardly. What was the point of looking at a grave that was buried with a few handfuls of sand as ashes? It would only bring back some disgusting memories. Standing in the desolate wind, she was as pathetic as a homeless ghost, entangled in those silent griefs and fragilities. She hated being swayed by emotions, as if she were remembering her past weakness, and she was so angry that she wanted to burn this meaningless place to the ground.
She was a little tired and didn’t want to continue playing this house game. She looked around at the deserted countryside, her sharp nails rubbing against the palm of her hand.
“Then let’s go?”
Su Yu asked softly.
“Yeah.”
Gu Zhi lowered her eyes, hiding the anger in her heart. But walking in the desolate cemetery, her mood became more and more restless. The fire of desire in her heart wanted to ignite the lush grass and trees in the cemetery, to turn everything here into black ashes before she would be satisfied.
She regretted her sudden weakness last night. She had always hated her weak self. After returning to Qingchuan, she had been tough for six whole years, pulling those stubborn old fools down from their high positions, making them kneel at her feet and beg for her forgiveness.
But why… in front of the boy, she had hesitated. The moment she closed the door lock yesterday, everything should have been irreversible. She had buried her face in the boy’s neck, her sharp teeth brushing against his delicate neck, but at the last moment, just as she was about to pierce his blood vessel and lick the sweet blood, she had stopped.
Had she backed down? How could that be!
Merely thinking of the boy’s scent, tainted with the fragrance of those seductive vixens, filled her with extreme rage and discontent. A torrent of jealousy and fury scorched her heart; the stench of burning flesh was so foul it made her nauseous each time it rose. At the same time, the violent elements in her blood began to stir.
Gu Zhi knew what would have happened if those surging desires had been realized last night. The boy would have been hers forever. Her sadistic desires, possessiveness, and desire for control… all would have been greatly forgiven. It was what she had longed for, day and night. But at the last moment, reason had made her desire collapse, and she had retreated.
She inexplicably recalled the look of fear on the boy’s face after he had struggled free from her embrace last night. If the boy had seen the gentle persona he held of his sister transform into a villain committing demonic acts, watching her tear off that warm mask, baring her teeth in a dense, terrifying grin, as if about to kill and drink blood, what would he do?
Gu Zhi had once been filled with anticipation for such a scene. She had stubbornly believed that seeing the boy’s reason collapse from the inability to accept such a huge disparity, and finally becoming an obedient and numb pet at her feet, was an incredibly wonderful thing. But why did she now avoid it?
Had the boy changed her? No… how could the beliefs she had held for so long be so easily shattered by the boy? No matter how strong her love for the boy was, she only believed in the top-down indoctrination of master and pet. Other bonds should be fragile. Gu Zhi stubbornly denied all of this.
But the boy would be afraid of her… hate her? This fact and realization made her heart clench as if it were being squeezed. The pain of her blood vessels bursting almost made her nerves twitch. She numbly fell to the ground, cold tears welling up in her eyes. She touched the tear stains, remembering how long it had been since she had cried.
She was Gu Zhi, she was Gu Zhi. She was the madwoman everyone feared. She actually cried… the intense sadness in her heart that could not be dispelled made a few real tears well up from her long-dried tear ducts.
She both missed the sunny smile the boy showed when he treated her as a gentle and affectionate older sister, yet she also wanted to immediately strip the boy of all his bonds, to vent the surging possessiveness, so that his refined and dark eyes would only reflect her image, Gu Zhi.
Gu Zhi felt that this contradiction in her heart seemed to have brought her back to the time when she was weak, so unbearable that she was unwilling to look back.
She hated her weak self, and she would not let go of anything that made her weak. Cutting it off… was the best way. Death would not be the end of love. She still loved him.
Suddenly, a choking white smoke appeared in front of her. Gu Zhi frowned and took a few steps back to avoid the wind. She saw that the boy had just started a fire. Yellow paper money was piled up, making the fire bigger and bigger. The wind blew, and the black ashes, wrapped in smoke, drifted far away.
Gu Zhi looked down. On the expensive stone tablet, the name “Xiao Chan” was engraved. Su Yu was squatting in front of the grave with his back to her, starting a fire. His empty back was exposed to her, and the pale, slender neck in his collar was particularly conspicuous. She stared at it, the dark blue veins on the side of his neck pulsating with life.
Her fingertips repeatedly scraped against the fabric of her clothes, as if testing their sharpness. She felt that this was really an inescapable cycle. The thing she had failed to do six years ago was now in front of her again.
Gu Zhi took a few steps forward, slowly closing the distance between her and the boy, as if she were slowly stepping into the darkness of the abyss. The other party was unguarded, fiddling with the extinguished fire. The cemetery was deserted and desolate…
She suddenly panicked. She saw a couple also walking along the path into the quiet cemetery, carrying a bag of paper money and walking towards them.
…
The boy was about seventeen or eighteen years old, his face filled with an unshakeable sadness. He frowned, full of regret, and spoke to the older woman next to him.
“Sister, I wish Fú Jí could have stayed with us for a while longer. Now it’s just the two of us at home again.”
The woman patted the boy’s short hair, her tone gentle. “Haha, don’t worry. I’ll always be with you. We have to live a good life together. Fú Jí is watching us from heaven with Mom and Dad.”
“Mm-hmm, then it’s a deal. I’ll always be with you too.”
“Okay, it’s a deal. Pinky swear, a hundred years, no changes.” The woman smiled gently and took the boy’s arm, passing by Gu Zhi. Her voice was still intermittently carried to Gu Zhi’s ear by the wind. “We should go see Mom and Dad in a few days…”
“Mm-hmm, they’ll be so happy to know I got into Qingchuan University.”
…
Gu Zhi watched as the couple stopped in front of a grave not far away. They also began to prepare to start a fire.
“Sister, come and burn some paper for Xiao Chan.”
Gu Zhi snapped back to reality and looked down. Su Yu was looking at her and smiling.
She looked away unnaturally, her hands not knowing where to put them. After a long hesitation, Gu Zhi finally took the paper money from Su Yu’s hand.
“Mm-hmm, I’m sorry. I was just spacing out.”
Gu Zhi squatted in front of the grave with the paper money and looked at the name “Xiao Chan” engraved on the stone tablet, feeling a strange sense of irony.
Su Yu threw the paper money into the fire, one by one, and said, “I hope Xiao Chan can have a good journey. I haven’t even fed him anything good.”
“Xiao Yu… will you always be with me in the future?”
“Hmm?” Su Yu was a little unresponsive. He looked at Gu Zhi. The other party was staring at his eyes seriously. He smiled. “Didn’t you accompany me before, sister? Now it’s my turn to accompany you. Yesterday was… the first time I saw you cry, sister. It seems you can’t do without me.”
“So you’ve promised me. You’ll always be with me in the future…”
Gu Zhi threw the paper money into the fire, one by one. The raging flames burned the air. She silently looked at the words “Xiao Chan” on the tombstone, which were distorted in the flames.
