Chapter 22: Color
The boy’s steps were extremely fast. He seemed to have been really scared by her, or perhaps there was nothing here worth lingering for.
Her lies were full of loopholes. As long as the other party calmed down a little and the anger dissipated, he would soon find out what was wrong. But she didn’t need that long.
Su Xi walked through the empty corridor and stood at the elevator door, watching as the numbers slowly descended, finally stopping at the first floor, and then there was no more movement.
A faint hope in her heart was completely dashed.
She leaned against the wall, her face completely devoid of the sharp and mean expression she had shown when she had angered the boy. Her dark and gloomy eyes were out of focus, filled with an empty void.
The tide was rising, drowning her mouth and nose.
Her entire body was buried in the darkness of the deep sea. Only a few fragile, thin threads were pulling at her, trying to pull her up.
“I’m sorry…”
She thought, she should apologize to the boy for doing such an outrageous and absurdly stupid thing. But the other party couldn’t hear her anymore. But it would be good if he could always hate her. It would be considered as leaving a little room for her in his heart.
The ugliest appearance of a person is when death comes. Instinct will always make them expose many ugly states.
But Su Xi found that she was very calm. She went back to the house, locked the door, and left herself no way out.
The remaining time was actually very ample. There was no need to rush to die in such a pathetic state.
She went back to the bedroom and rummaged through it. The final wish that had been torn to pieces in front of the boy had been pieced back together by her from the trash can and was hidden under her pillow along with the beautiful dagger.
Actually, the method of death she had decided on at the beginning should have been suicide by slitting her wrists. She would use the dagger she had stolen from her mother to cut her wrist and quietly wait for the blood to drain, her body to turn cold…
But she had regretted it. The moment she saw the boy appear in the alley and reach out to her from above, she had regretted it. It wasn’t because she was afraid of pain, but because she simply and stubbornly thought that such a way of death was too ugly, let alone jumping off a building and smashing herself into a bloody mess.
The boy would definitely see it, see her ugly state. She would never let such a thing really happen.
Did she have to die?
She had asked herself this question countless times.
Her mother had once wanted to use this dagger to resist the man’s violence, but before she could even swing it, she had borrowed it to take the man’s life. From then on… she had completely lost her reverence for life.
Her vision had lost its color. The filthy and unbearable malice had woven a chaotic and gray wall, ruthlessly pulling her away from the crowd. She naively thought that as long as she had this dagger, she could fight her way out. The knife stabbed into the gray wall, but what gushed out was bright red and dazzling blood.
She was covered in the sticky and smelly red, and the violent factors that were ingrained in her bones began to stir. She had killed until her eyes were red. The few days she had spent with the boy, the desire that had been dormant for more than a decade had grown wildly like weeds in a field.
She was afraid that one day she would point the blade at the boy, and his blood would splash on her face. She would have killed her own light with her own hands.
But the boy was beautiful… and free. She was the twisted and deformed one. She was the ugly villain in the TV series. The one who should end her life… should be her.
The medicine was prepared in advance. The boy’s appearance had delayed this insignificant death for a few days, adding a few colors to her gray and dull life.
She naively thought that she was the lucky one, but now it seemed that it was just a trick of fate.
The most cruel part of her life was not that she had encountered too much despair, but that she would always encounter a little bit of hope that was within reach when she was pushed to a dead end by despair, forcing her to drag this broken body to continue to live, and then to experience more despair.
The cold water, mixed with the medicine, was poured down her throat. The medicine was very bitter. When it passed her taste buds, it was so bitter that she wanted to vomit, even surpassing her fear of death.
She couldn’t help but think of the boy’s painful appearance when he took his medicine every day. She suddenly raised her neck and drank the water in the cup in large gulps.
Before the medicine took effect, her body was as usual. She stood up calmly and walked into the bedroom, lying on the bed where she had been intimate with the boy. She sniffed gently, and she could still smell the lingering fresh and clean scent of the other party.
The air conditioner was turned to a very low temperature. This season, which had just entered spring, was not too hot, but the body would still rot, stink, and grow maggots if it was left in the room for a long time… that would be so ugly, even more frightening to her than death itself.
Because the bedroom door and window were tightly closed, the cold air from the air outlet spread quickly in the room, and the temperature dropped quickly, as if it had returned to the winter that had just passed.
She closed her eyes in a daze, and a sudden wave of sleepiness almost made her fall asleep just like that. The cold air rushed through her limbs, mercilessly robbing her body of its surface temperature. She didn’t know if it was because she was sleepy… or because she was cold. Her body became stiff and slow. She sniffed her red nose and took out her phone to scroll through it, trying to distract herself a little so that she wouldn’t fall asleep too early.
The light from the phone was faint and dim, illuminating her pale and gloomy face. The slightly curled, linen-gold long hair that had just been permed and dyed kindly gave her a bit of vitality, making her look like most people, just habitually scrolling through her phone before going to sleep.
She suppressed the urge to cover her increasingly stiff and cold body with the blanket, worried that this would speed up the decay of her body after death. Her fingers trembled as she touched the screen. She didn’t know what to look at, so she simply opened the photo album that was closest to her fingertips.
Even though she had a pretty and natural face, she was not as obsessed with selfies or sharing her life on her moments as most girls. There were very few photos in her album.
The most recent few were photos of a Ragdoll cat that had just been born, which she had accidentally found online. Although the bald little cat looked weak and pitiful, and even a little ugly, she could feel that these were little lives with their own consciousness. They tried their best to face the camera, exuding the warmth of life.
Su Xi smiled. She suddenly remembered that when she was very young… she had wished to have a cute little cat.
She flipped through it again, her movements becoming more and more difficult. The screen slowly slid to the group photo. A sudden awareness arose in her. Her heavy eyelids were propped open a little. The photo was taken recently.
The background was the main entrance of this building. She was wearing a purple stand-up collar coat, a coffee-colored short skirt, and flesh-colored stockings that wrapped around her long, straight legs.
At that time, she still had black hair. She was standing on the steps, her chin resting on the boy’s shoulder, with a playful expression. The gradually clearing sky shone through the gaps between the buildings, casting a thin layer of white gauze, which melted into the background.
So beautiful… it was rare to see so many colors on her. She hadn’t expected it to be in a stiff photo.
She curled her lips, her smile light and plain. Her fingertips touched the screen, caressing the boy’s cheek.
The moment before she couldn’t hold back her sleepiness, she used her last bit of strength to turn off her phone. Her consciousness began to gradually dissipate. The last bit of color in her eyes disappeared along with the graying screen, and her consciousness completely fell into a long and peaceful darkness.
A remnant of consciousness spread along her nerves, fulfilling its final duty, sending itself to the central nervous system.
I heard that people who commit suicide go to hell…
Yes, just to hell, she thought calmly.
I’m sorry.
My life has been full of gray colors.
