Chapter 37: Indecisive
The evening wind had scattered the clouds, and the dim yellow streetlight was swaying.
The girl was holding on to a lamppost, and she was covering her thin and prominent collarbone, and she was vomiting violently on the side of the road. The fishy smell of the food stall in the distance was drifting away, and the smell of alcohol was faint. The pedestrians and the traffic were in a hurry, and the orange-yellow headlights were sweeping away the darkness. Her face was pale, and the alcohol was steaming and was burning in her throat.
“Have some water…”
Su Yu sighed and handed over a bottle of mineral water with its cap unscrewed. He watched as He Mu Qing took it. She was gulping it down, and the barren and desolate bitterness was nourished. She was slowly waking up from her drunkenness, and she was looking at his eyes. Her transparent lips were slightly trembling.
“I…”
She licked her lips, and she was hesitating. The embarrassing memories of her being drunk were still there. She swallowed a mouthful of clear water, and the red from the wine on her face had finally faded. The two of them were in an awkward silence again.
He was the first to break the silence. “Wang Yao said you didn’t eat today, and you drank a lot. Are you hungry?”
“Huh?”, He Mu Qing was stunned for a few seconds, and she nodded with a bewildered look. The sound of her stomach growling was drowned out by the car horns. She turned her head away, and she said honestly with a red face, “I’m a little hungry.”
“What do you want to eat?”
Su Yu’s tone was very plain. She subconsciously frowned, and a sense of a frustrated gain and loss arose. She was embarrassed because of her drunken antics, and she was also vaguely looking forward to getting some kind of a positive response. But there was none.
He was a block of wood. This was almost a fact that He Mu Qing had long since agreed with. Was he like this with other girls too?
Or was it just her? She couldn’t pick it up, and she couldn’t put it down. Then what was she? Thinking of this, she was suddenly sad. As if she were self-deprecating, she raised her eyes and looked at the brightly lit food stall at the end of the street. Her throat moved, and her thoughts were unclear.
“Don’t think about it. Let’s have something else.” Su Yu shook his head, and his tone was serious. “You’ve just vomited so much. Your stomach can’t take it. You’re a medical student. Don’t you know these things?”
“I know a lot of things. Do I have to follow them all? I also know that you can’t drink on an empty stomach.” She raised her fair and small face, and her eyes were filled with a familiar stubbornness. “I’ll eat what I want. You can’t control me.”
He Mu Qing twitched her nose and turned and walked towards the other end of the street. She was not walking very fast. She didn’t know how much of a temper tantrum was in it. It was like before. She clearly didn’t have much of a reason, but she was still being stubborn. He would always let her have her way. It was always like this.
Now, will it always be like this? She was as if she were gambling. She was gambling that nothing had changed between them, and that there was no possibility of continuing.
She had grown up, and she was mature. But why was it that as soon as she had met him, the rules and regulations that she had built up were as fragile as glass? She had become naive again, and she was used to being rebellious. She had seen him frown, and she had sighed helplessly. Her every move was because of her. So she was as if she were addicted, and she had done it again and again. She knew it was not good, but he had tolerated her again and again.
“You wait…”
She was held by his hand, and her body trembled, and then she had stopped. He Mu Qing had not turned around, and her pupils were trembling. Her joints were as rusty as if they were rusty. She was opening her mouth, and her lips were slightly trembling. Her stomach had just started to make a fuss again, and a physiological feeling of vomiting was crawling in her nerves.
“Let’s talk. About what you said when you were drunk…”
The voice in her ear was a little hoarse, but it was as if it had a temperature. It was as if he had hesitated for a long time before he had made up his mind. He had gently touched her earlobe.
She turned her head in a panic. The heart that was always swaying on the edge of a struggle had started to be timid again. She suddenly didn’t dare to listen to him continue. She involuntarily raised her voice. “You shut up first, Su Yu…”
“Huh?”
His confused gaze was as if it would torment her. She had braced herself and had wanted to say something. Her lips were parting, and she had just opened her mouth. Her face had changed, and she had pushed Su Yu away. She had covered her chest and was dry-heaving on the side of the road. She really pitied this innocent tree, and it was serving as a punishment for her being a deserter again.
She was eager for a clear answer, and she was also afraid that this answer was too clear and specific.
…
A warm and small lamp, the shop was clean, and the decoration was simple. There was no the usual greasy smell of a restaurant. The warm fragrance of the soup in the air had warmed her somewhat stiff limbs.
The owner was a middle-aged man who was not young. A slightly yellowed towel was on his neck, and his forehead was sweating. A bowl of clear and white wontons was on a plate, and they were placed in front of them one by one.
“We’re closing at about eleven o’clock. You can take your time.”
The uncle had smiled kindly, and he had left after he had said it, and he had not disturbed them.
He Mu Qing was half-tilting her head. She was looking at the busy owner in the back kitchen past Su Yu. She had let out a “tsk.” “Don’t you think… this person… is very similar to Old Mo? I don’t know how his travel wedding is going. There’s really no news at all.”
“His personality is quite similar. It seems that his interests are also the same.” Su Yu had withdrawn his gaze from the back kitchen and had smiled. “But Old Mo would never do this kind of thing that requires washing dishes and getting greasy all day.”
“But people like this are all married. People have to learn to change. Otherwise… they’ll be scolded to death by their wives in the future.”
She had slightly squinted her eyes, and her eyelashes had cast a fan-shaped shadow. She had imperceptibly hidden her dejection and had murmured, “Everyone else can do it. But I seem to be unable to.”
She had scooped a spoonful of the yellow and clear soup and had tasted it. The rich and fragrant soup had entered her stomach, and it was warm. Her restless and uneasy emotions had suddenly calmed down.
She had smiled at him with surprise, as if she had discovered some treasure.
“It’s quite good. You should try it…”
“Okay.”
…
The iron door behind them was creaking and was closing. At eleven o’clock on the street, the night was thick and viscous, and it was about to drip on their faces.
“Are you cold?”
The wind was howling, and the shadows of the trees were rustling on the ground. Su Yu had shivered and had turned his head to ask He Mu Qing.
He Mu Qing had twitched her red nose and had subconsciously nodded. Soon, a black coat was on her shoulder, and it was carrying his body temperature. She had shrunk her shoulders, and the tip of her nose had intentionally or unintentionally rubbed against his collar. She had smelled the unique sunny smell of sea salt, and it was surrounding her, as if she were indulging in his arms.
She had started to hesitate again. Perhaps this was also good. She had uncontrollably numbed herself. Ambiguity was a neutral word in a relationship. If you didn’t blindly pursue it, you would definitely not lose it. She was hovering between cowardice and courage, and the numb feeling of being on the verge of falling had seduced her.
She had pinched her wrist, and she had felt that she was really crazy.
“Where are we going now?”
Su Yu had looked at the time and had followed her wishes.
“I’ll go wherever you go.”
He Mu Qing had lowered her head, and the tips of her feet were rubbing against the rough concrete. She was speaking almost without thinking.
“No. I mean it’s too late. Don’t mess around anymore.”
She had wanted to explain immediately, but the dark and gloomy night had just happened to have broken through her hesitant thoughts. She had changed her words, and her gaze had turned to the glowing neon sign on the side of the road. She had raised her hand and had pointed to it. It was an old and dilapidated small hotel.
“Today… let’s just stay there.”
