021 Teenage Girl Fights Monster Bare-handed
When he got back to the residential community, it was 6:30 p.m., an hour later than expected.
This wasn’t because Qin Ren was bad at time management, but because he didn’t know why, every time he had coffee with Cheng Siyu, time seemed to pass faster than usual.
It was the kind of thing where you’d hang out, not really knowing what you talked about, and when you were finally ready to bicker a bit more, you’d find that, snap, an hour or two had already passed.
In this respect, Little Orange and Orange—that is, her sister Cheng Siyun—were complete opposites.
When Qin Ren was with Cheng Siyun in the past, he always felt that time passed very slowly.
Not the kind of slow where a day feels like a year, but a slow, hazy kind of slow.
On a date, just half an hour after meeting, his mood would become as light and joyful as if he were in the clouds. Once they held hands, it felt like they could go the whole day without letting go.
…
Overall, if he had to make an analogy, Qin Ren felt that being with Cheng Siyu was like eating spicy crayfish.
A full plate of two jin of shrimp, after peeling, only yielded half a jin of meat. You knew that in a sense it was a bit of a raw deal, but it was so satisfying. Even after peeling a pile of shells, you’d want to suck on them a couple more times. After finishing, you’d want to eat it again for the next meal.
And when dating Cheng Siyun, it was like eating Want Want QQ Gummy Candies.
A small bag, a big delight. Reading a book at a desk in the summer, with a bag like that beside you, you’d leisurely pop one in after flipping a few pages. Chewy and springy, the fresh fruit flavor sweetly filling your mouth. Even though it was just a small candy, you’d be reluctant to part with it, gently biting it between your teeth, rolling it on the tip of your tongue until it dissolved, still wanting more, and quickly reaching for the next one.
To summarize simply:
Orange was full of lingering aftertaste and chewiness.
Little Orange was spicy, explosive, and satisfied a dry craving.
“Huh? Wait, why is it all about eating…”
It was only when he got into the elevator that Qin Ren realized his analogy was a bit strange, filled with the two words “eat people.” He figured he must have been influenced by a certain Pixiu through constant exposure.
…
“I’m back.”
“Meow~”
After getting home and entering the house, Qin Ren didn’t see the Pixiu running over, calling “Qin Ren, Qin Ren.” Only Tuantuan jumped from the entryway into his arms, rubbing his arm with her soft, fluffy rump.
Qin Ren gave her a good petting. Tuantuan enjoyed it very much, squinting her eyes and purring in her throat. Not long after, she kicked with her hind legs, and her body, along with her tail, went limp and fell to the floor.
“Oh right, Luo Yao is next door.”
After petting the cat for a long time, Qin Ren belatedly remembered this. So he straightened his clothes, shook off the cat hair, and went to the neighbor’s door, ready to “pick up the child.”
“Phew…”
Qin Ren prepared to knock, feeling slightly nervous.
After all, it was the first time he was knocking on a neighbor’s door, and also the first time he was meeting this neighbor.
But there’s a first time for everything. Luo Yao had made friends with Tang Bobo and had played at her house today. There was still a long road ahead. Even though he didn’t like to socialize, as an adult, this was a step he had to take.
So, Qin Ren stretched the muscles around his mouth to avoid his smile being too stiff later. Then he raised his hand, just about to knock.
Bang—!
“Bye Bobo, bye Auntie Su… eh? What’s this…”
A familiar muttering sound was heard. When Luo Yao opened the door from the neighbor’s house and came out, she felt a strange resistance. It was only after she closed the door that she found a fresh lump of Qin Ren squatting on the ground behind the door, looking very aggrieved and wriggling a couple of times.
“Qin Ren, you’re back~”
Luo Yao was pleasantly surprised and also very curious.
“What are you doing squatting on the ground?”
Qin Ren stood up with teary eyes, clutching his sore nose, not wanting to say anything.
——————————
After the two went inside, Luo Yao unexpectedly didn’t cry out that she was hungry. Upon asking, he found out that she had already eaten at Bobo’s house.
“Was it good?”
“Not good.”
This kid was very direct, with no intention of giving her good friend any face. Then she looked at Qin Ren expectantly.
“Qin Ren, can you make another delicious meal for this eminence, please?”
“No.”
“But I’m hungry…”
“Your mouth is hungry, not your stomach.”
If not eating, then playing.
Playing was the third thing the High Immortal was best at, besides eating and sleeping.
“Qin Ren, Qin Ren.”
“Spit it out.”
“I want to watch Teddy Ultraman.”
“?”
Qin Ren actually had to think for a moment, then he slowly froze.
“What the hell?”
“Teddy Ultraman.”
Luo Yao repeated loudly. She had watched it for a while at Bobo’s house today and hadn’t finished. She wanted to continue watching it at home, and it would be more satisfying on the big screen.
Luo Yao fished out the remote control from between the sofa cushions. Currently only able to handwrite and not type, she could only use the voice search on the set-top box. But she had never used it before, only seen Qin Ren use it once. After fumbling for a long time, she mimicked him and commanded the remote.
“TV, TV, this eminence wants to watch Teddy Ultraman.”
“…”
This time, not only was Qin Ren speechless, but the set-top box was also dumbfounded. After spinning in circles for a long time, it displayed:
[Sorry, please say that again]
“Useless.”
The great Spirit Beast was angry, very dissatisfied with the set-top box’s performance. She stomped her tender little foot on the sofa in frustration and spoke into the remote’s microphone again.
“Te-ddy-Ul-tra-man!”
She enunciated each syllable. This time, by a fluke, she found the correct search method. After a series of circles, three results appeared on the screen.
One was Ultraman Taro.
One was Ultraman Tiga.
One was Animal World.
“Qin Ren, which one turns red and then blue?”
Qin Ren was already shocked by his set-top box’s extremely advanced AI recognition. He numbly pointed to Tiga.
Luo Yao clicked on it, randomly opened an episode, and snuggled into Qin Ren’s arms, watching with great interest.
“Qin Ren, are there really monsters on your Earth?”
“No.”
“Oh… what about Ultraman?”
“None of those either.”
Luo Yao was a little disappointed, but it wasn’t the disappointment of an ordinary child, because Qin Ren clearly heard a “gulp” sound of swallowing saliva.
“…”
So this kid’s first thought upon seeing any new thing is whether it’s edible…
——————————
In the age of big data, Qin Ren had long witnessed the ability of smartphones to collect user information. Once, he had mentioned an oven in a chat with Yun Wanhe, and that very night when he got home, he saw a certain e-commerce site pushing him “super value oven recommendations” that he had never searched for online.
And right now, Qin Ren suspected that Bilibili had done something similar.
Because just a few minutes after Luo Yao asked him a few questions about monsters, he came across a video on his Bilibili homepage:
[Actual Footage! Teenage Girl Fights Monster Bare-handed!]
The footage was indeed real, not only because the video’s thumbnail was a black and white surveillance camera shot, but also because the dark, man-sized, unidentified creature in the thumbnail looked very familiar to Qin Ren.
“Damn! Isn’t this Goudan?”
After careful identification, Qin Ren was amused.
The so-called “monster” in this surveillance video was the very same vampire he had encountered not long ago when buying milk tea for Luo Yao.
The reason Qin Ren could confirm it was Goudan was because Goudan was the only vampire he had ever seen that could walk upright.
Developed muscles, a heavy, large head, and two forearms that were particularly thick compared to its hind legs…
Qin Ren clicked on the video. He genuinely found the way Goudan walked upright very funny, like the big dog in Tom and Jerry when it stood up.
The content of the entire video was actually quite bland. To put it bluntly, it was just Goudan wandering around a construction site at night when he ran into a teenage girl.
Of course, the image was very blurry, and you couldn’t see what the girl looked like. She vaguely seemed to be wearing a school uniform, probably a student.
Then the two locked eyes. Goudan seemed a bit flustered, because a vampire’s hearing is very sensitive. Generally, when wandering in the city, they can flexibly avoid humans. But for some reason, in the video, it failed to avoid this girl. So it waved its large hand and threw a handful of sand at the girl.
Based on Qin Ren’s years of exorcism experience, this behavior was similar to a skunk farting when it encounters a person.
And then, the camera was obscured by the flying dust. At most, you could see the girl making a leg-lifting motion, which was probably her running away.
At this point, the video ended.
Qin Ren was unimpressed.
Things like Demonic Scions being recorded by human electronic signals actually happened every now and then. But the Planar Administration Bureau’s public relations team was the kind that could crush ten thousand celebrity fan studios, and would take quite hardcore measures if necessary.
Sure enough, when Qin Ren finished watching the video, clicked back, and then clicked on it again, the video was already gone.
Very fast, practically light speed.
But Qin Ren felt that in reality, the only thing faster than this was the speed at which a client changes their mind.
——————————
“What? You got a new boss? The proposal has to be redone?”
Early on Monday morning, Qin Ren received a call from the client at the company, and his whole body went numb.
Translator’s Notes
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Jin (斤): A Chinese unit of mass, equal to 500 grams. Two jin is 1 kilogram.
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Want Want QQ Gummy Candies (旺仔QQ糖): A very popular brand of gummy candy in China, known for its small size and fruity flavors.
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Teddy / Taro / Tiga (泰迪 / 泰罗 / 迪迦): A series of puns/mishearings. Luo Yao combines the names of Ultraman Taro (Tàiluó Àotèmàn) and Ultraman Tiga (Díjiā Àotèmàn) into “Tàidí Àotèmàn,” which sounds like “Teddy Ultraman.”
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A certain e-commerce site (某宝): “Mǒu Bǎo” is a common way to refer to Taobao, China’s largest e-commerce platform, without naming it directly.
