Chapter 26: Sensation

The sudden wave of pain hit her like a physical blow, dragging up a visceral memory of a sweltering summer day. She remembered the thirty-seven-degree heat, the agonizing cramps that had left her drenched in a cold sweat, her clothes as sodden as if she’d been fished out of a river.

The intensity of it left Xu Yinian unable to care about what the other three girls in the room were saying. She didn’t even hear them call out her name in unison.

Shen Ruoshuang, who was already standing at her side, watched as Xu Yinian began to crumple. She dropped into a crouch instantly, catching a glimpse of the pale, small face Xu Yinian was trying to hide. Fine beads of sweat broke out across the younger girl’s forehead, matting the thin fringe of her bangs.

It took a long moment before Xu Yinian could force out a ragged breath. As the throbbing agony receded slightly, her consciousness finally flickered back to life.

When she opened her eyes, she found herself staring straight into a pair of Peach Blossom Eyes, their corners tinged with a faint, frantic red. The once-frozen depths of those eyes were now flooded with a desperate anxiety that threatened to sear Xu Yinian where she sat.

Is Shen Ruoshuang… actually worried about me?

Xu Yinian had heard from others that Shen Ruoshuang had gone to the infirmary to look for her out of concern. But seeing this burning emotion with her own eyes was different; it was utterly at odds with the girl’s reputation as a cold, distant Ice Queen.

Xu Yinian’s mind went blank. A part of her was weak enough to want to run away, but another part desperately wanted to know why someone as unreachable as Shen Ruoshuang would look at her with such intensity.

Just then, a shadow stretched across her legs from behind. The sudden intrusion broke the locked gaze between the two.

Startled, Xu Yinian glanced back to see Bai Ran had already moved to her left. One of Bai Ran’s hands gripped the back of the chair while her other elbow rested on the desk. Her hand was thin, the knuckles and veins prominent from the force of her grip—lingering traces of the illness that had long tormented her.

As Bai Ran leaned down to check on her, the movement turned a polite distance into an accidental, suffocating intimacy. Xu Yinian’s lips nearly brushed against Bai Ran’s skin. For a fleeting second, she felt a flash of danger, as if she were about to be pulled into Bai Ran’s absolute control.

But that wariness vanished the moment she met Bai Ran’s gaze.

Compared to Shen Ruoshuang’s heat, Bai Ran’s amber eyes were always peaceful and warm. They offered a sense of security that made one relax instinctively. It was as if no words were needed; she simply understood and accepted everything about you.

Those clear eyes reflected Xu Yinian’s pale, sweat-streaked face, and a look of deep pity began to spread through them. Knowing it was Xu Yinian’s time of the month, the cause of the pain wasn’t hard to guess.

Bai Ran leaned close to her ear and whispered softly, “Niannian, is it period pain?”

A stray lock of soft hair brushed against Xu Yinian’s neck, like a fragment of the morbid obsession Bai Ran kept hidden in the depths of her heart. No matter how much she suppressed it, she couldn’t help letting it fall against the curve of Xu Yinian’s shoulder.

Whether it was intentional or an accident, Xu Yinian felt a restless itch against her skin. However, her attention was occupied by the fact that Bai Ran had whispered to protect her privacy. She didn’t move to brush the hair away.

She failed to notice the deeper, darker possessiveness lurking beneath the surface.

The pain had ebbed enough for her to speak, though her voice remained weak. Just as she was about to respond to Bai Ran, Shen Ruoshuang interrupted from the other side.

“It’s worse than before. Did you take any painkillers?”

Shen Ruoshuang acted as if she couldn’t see the two of them whispering. Her focus remained entirely on Xu Yinian.

Used to answering similar questions from her mother, Xu Yinian didn’t realize that Shen Ruoshuang’s phrasing framed their relationship as something uniquely intimate. She answered reflexively.

“I… I took some. It didn’t help much…”

Her voice was softer and more fragile than usual, punctuated by the shallow, uneven breaths of someone in pain. To the other three girls, the sound stirred a strange, fluttering sensation.

They suppressed it instantly, leaving no trace behind.

Ji Yan had also moved to stand behind Xu Yinian at some point. She had intended to check on her as well, but Bai Ran had beaten her to it. Staring at the slender, trembling back of the girl surrounded by Shen and Bai, Ji Yan lowered her long lashes to hide the complicated look in her eyes.

She hadn’t forgotten the name she had blurted out moments ago. Looking back, she could still feel the unprecedented panic that had spiked in her voice.

She told herself her interest in Xu Yinian was purely because the girl happened to fit her specific “type.”

But… is that really all it is?

As Xu Yinian turned her head, the lock of hair Bai Ran had let rest on her neck slid away silently. Bai Ran glanced sideways at Shen Ruoshuang.

Shen Ruoshuang was staring fixedly at Xu Yinian, treating Bai Ran as if she were thin air. It was obvious that Shen Ruoshuang knew just as much about Xu Yinian’s condition as she did. Bai Ran knew this was the “dividend” of being an old classmate.

Bai Ran’s hand tightened imperceptibly on the back of the chair, her knuckles turning a ghastly, frightening white.

Realizing she had ignored Sister Ran’s polite concern, Xu Yinian quickly turned back to explain, her words stumbling over each other. Although she was looking only at Bai Ran, she spoke loud enough for everyone to hear, hoping to ease Shen Ruoshuang’s worry as well.

“I’m… always like this. Don’t worry, by tomorrow it’ll—”

Before she could finish, her teeth suddenly chattered. Another wave of agonizing cramps hit her, making her “don’t worry” sound like a blatant lie.

Ji Yan was undoubtedly the last person to find out why Xu Yinian was in such pain. Now that she understood, she looked at the small figure curled up in the chair—pale, helpless, and visibly pitiable.

Even in such a state, Xu Yinian remained gentle and obedient. It was the kind of vulnerability that effortlessly triggered a primal urge to protect.

Ji Yan suddenly remembered catching Xu Yinian eavesdropping earlier. The girl had stumbled and almost fallen. Her face had been pale even then… she must have been in pain since that moment.

What did I do then?

She had grabbed the girl’s hand, teasing her and refusing to let her leave.

Ji Yan’s heart sank. No wonder she cried so bitterly.

Ji Yan had always been reckless, never one to regret her own cruel or mischievous behavior. But in this moment, a strange, suffocating emotion clogged her chest. She wasn’t sure if it was because of this loss of emotional control, or because the girl who was making her heart race was currently being monopolized by Shen and Bai. It was incredibly irritating.

As the wave of pain passed, Xu Yinian knew she had to act. If she didn’t get her hot water bottle and brown sugar water ready so she could lie down, she wouldn’t have the strength to climb into her bunk later.

Maybe it was just a psychological comfort, but having a warm weight on her lower abdomen always made her feel safer. Back at home, she had always prepared everything herself.

She didn’t think there was anything wrong with doing it now. She stood up, intending to go to the water room down the hall.

“Where are you going in this much pain? I’ll help you,” Shen Ruoshuang said, standing up. Her slender, tall frame loomed over Xu Yinian, effectively blocking her path.

“Huh? I… I can do it myself…”

Xu Yinian’s refusal was weak. Her eyes instinctively darted to the other side to avoid Shen Ruoshuang, nearly forgetting that Bai Ran was right there.

Sensing her gaze, Bai Ran gave her a soft, gentle smile.

“I actually wanted to tell Niannian… I suffer from the same pain as you. I brought some things that might help. Why don’t you come over and see if there’s anything you need?”

As she spoke, Bai Ran’s left hand clenched into a fist at her side. The untreated wound in her palm tore open under the pressure, and a sticky wetness stained her fingertips.

Bai Ran felt nothing. Her perception of pain was dull; of course, she didn’t actually suffer from period cramps.

However, to be the “Sister Ran” who could take care of Niannian, she had prepared for everything. It wasn’t just menstrual supplies; she had stocked up for injuries, fevers, and every possible accident. She was gentle and considerate to a fault.

Every seemingly “extra” action Bai Ran took was for that one-in-a-thousand chance that she might be needed. Maintaining a perfect lie was never easy.

Yet, she performed the role flawlessly. Except for the moments when Xu Yinian caused her to spiral into obsessive episodes, she was almost entirely one with her “gentle” persona.

She wasn’t worried about being exposed. The secret that she was born without the ability to feel pain was known by only one person: the girl standing right in front of her.

In fact, before she met Xu Yinian as a child, she hadn’t even known that things like “pain” or “feelings” existed in the world. Since then, she had spent her life imitating and pretending.

Xu Yinian had discovered her secret, yet she had never treated her like a monster.

Even now, Bai Ran remembered that day clearly.

In a field of daisies under a wide sky, the little girl who almost never spoke used a soft, stuttering voice to tell her something with earnest determination.

“I… I won’t… tell anyone. I promise… no one will… laugh at you.”

No one would have dared to laugh at Bai Ran. The one who was always teased and bullied for being soft and weak was Xu Yinian herself.

She couldn’t even protect herself, yet her first reaction upon learning Bai Ran was a “monster” was to muster all her courage to protect her.

Every time she dreamed of that flower field, Bai Ran would say, “Okay.”

If only she had answered that way back then.

Fortunately, everything had started over…

As expected, the claim that Bai Ran also suffered from cramps caught Xu Yinian’s attention. She was shocked at first, then felt a wave of understanding, remembering how frail Bai Ran’s health was.

Then, Bai Ran’s previous words about them being “the same kind of people” echoed in her mind. She hadn’t expected them to be similar even in this regard.

Xu Yinian felt as though this shared burden brought her even closer to Bai Ran.

“Sister Ran… then you must be hurting even more than me.”

The thought that someone as kind as Sister Ran was constantly plagued by illness made the corners of Xu Yinian’s mouth droop. Her voice sounded muffled with sadness.

“That’s not it,” Bai Ran said, lifting her clear, amber eyes. They were filled with a warm, sighing tenderness that seemed to envelop Xu Yinian. “At the very least, I know now just how hard this must be for my Niannian.”

In reality, Bai Ran was the only person in the world who could never truly empathize with that pain.

But even so, she was determined to have it all. She wanted to taste every part of Xu Yinian’s life.