Chapter 155: Aren’t You Good at Enduring?

Xie An had endured for far too long.

She had been holding back ever since she first met Xu Qingzhou.

She no longer wanted to let the other woman slip away from her side. She wouldn’t let go.

The kiss was long and lingering, filled with too many complex emotions.

Xu Qingzhou didn’t push her away.

Instead, she indulged Xie An, letting her vent.

Perhaps these past ten years hadn’t been easy for her either?

Xie An’s decade had indeed been miserable.

On the surface, she attended various academic trips, published papers, and appeared excellent on TV.

But deep down, she had long been hollowed out.

She simply hadn’t gone mad for everyone to see.

When Xu Qingzhou left her, she took away the only joy Xie An had left.

Not a single shred remained.

Even at home, the only thing left with Xu Qingzhou’s scent was that plastic fairy cactus.

So even though it had faded white, Xie An couldn’t bear to throw it away.

Because it was the only thing Xu Qingzhou had left her.

Her alcohol tolerance was poor.

But after Xu Qingzhou left, she had binge-drunk for an entire month.

Several times, she crossed the street without checking the lights and nearly got hit by a car.

She didn’t even know if it was day or night; alcohol was her only companion.

She successfully drank herself into alcohol poisoning.

She lay in the hospital for several days.

At the beginning of their breakup, she had thought that maybe straight women could never be turned.

No matter how good she was to her, it wouldn’t work.

Xu Qingzhou just liked boys—even Xie An had regretted it.

Why wasn’t she a boy?

That way, maybe Xu Qingzhou would love her a little more?

After leaving the hospital, she had thought she would never think of Xu Qingzhou again in her life.

She wanted to erase this person from her world.

But no matter what, she couldn’t forget, couldn’t let go, couldn’t move on. She still loved her.

Whenever night fell and it was quiet, she couldn’t help but think of her. That feeling was impossible to suppress.

Even after ten years, she still liked her so much.

A single back-view photo on her Weibo would make Xie An’s long-dormant heart race again.

So she wanted to try one more time, just one last time.

What was hers would always be hers. If not, there was no need to force it.

She would set her free—and set herself free too.

Xu Qingzhou also sank into the kiss. It had been a long time since she’d done this.

She had intended to try with her ex-boyfriend, but the moment his hand touched the back of hers, she felt disgusted and left immediately.

If Xie An was the one trying to turn her, she might actually succeed.

She might really have bent.

Over the years, plenty of girls—both younger ones who confessed to her and more mature sister-types—had been better than Xie An.

But she felt nothing, no sexual urge.

She just thought they were pretty.

Xu Qingzhou was slowly pressed beneath Xie An.

Xie An kissed her lips, then trailed downward: her chin, neck, collarbone…

Each touch was feather-light.

Her hands weren’t idle either.

Somewhat anxiously, she undid the buttons on Xu Qingzhou’s clothes.

Xu Qingzhou tilted her head back, feeling increasingly restless.

The corners of her eyes reddened, and even her gaze shimmered.

As if brimming with tears.

Her mind clearly told her this wasn’t right.

But deep in her body, it screamed that she wanted it—she craved Xie An’s mercy…

It had been too long; her body was extremely sensitive.

But…

Xie An looked at her hand being grabbed, then met her eyes.

She seemed a bit puzzled.

“You’re sure… you want this?”

Xu Qingzhou’s voice was hoarse.

But she still tried to stay calm and rational, even as her inner self screamed to continue.

There were some things she needed to make clear.

Xie An leaned in to kiss her again. No words were needed—her actions had already conveyed her desire.

She wanted it, and she was certain.

“You should know we’re still exes, right? If we do this, what does it mean? Xie An, I’m not your FWB, nor a tool to vent your desires on. If we really do it, what about our future collaborations? Have you thought about that?”

Xie An froze.

So this was how Xu Qingzhou saw her?

She had never treated her as an FWB. From start to finish, she had always seen her as her girlfriend.

“Then let’s get back together… get back together, okay? I really want to get back together with you. I’m serious.”

“You’re not sober right now. If you want to do it, fine, but tomorrow I want to hear your reason for doing this with me.”

Xu Qingzhou had originally wanted to refuse, but her long-dormant desires had been reignited.

If she didn’t vent, it would be unbearable.

This was just cheapening Xie An.

“Mm, okay.”

Xie An continued kissing her, savoring every bit, tracing the most beautiful canvas before her.

As if branding every inch of her skin into her mind. Each spot felt so familiar yet slightly strange. Until Xu Qingzhou’s familiar moans rose, they both seemed to return to the past—to those reckless times.

The two of them were each other’s little liars.

But Xie An had one truth she had always told, from ten years ago until now.

That was how much she loved Xu Qingzhou.

Xie An had always had her little boat; it was just lost for those ten years.

It had taken her a decade to find the little boat that belonged to her.

This time, she would tie it to her side with a rope first.

No matter what happened later, she wouldn’t let the little boat drift away on its own.

“How so fast?”

“Because… because it’s been so long… I’m very sensitive… and I like it so much…”

Xu Qingzhou trembled lightly.

Even her voice couldn’t stay steady, laced with a hint of sobbing and hoarseness.

As if she’d been tormented for ages.

“Xu Qingzhou, aren’t you good at enduring? Why aren’t you holding back now?”

Xie An stared at her. Xu Qingzhou was too good at enduring.

If she hadn’t dated her, she might never have known what lay deep in her heart.

On the surface, she was carefree, the type to go through fire and water for friends, bold in love and hate—a woman who forced herself to grow strong.

Later, after entering the dubbing industry, Xie An learned about Xu Qingzhou’s past from some seniors.

Sleeping in underpasses, on park benches.

When she first entered the industry, she was still naive, orphaned with a mountain of debt.

Back then, male voice actors were more popular than females.

They earned more; for the same line, males always got twenty yuan more than females.

She faced a lot of bullying.

Some voice actors who knew Xu Qingzhou said they often saw her crying quietly alone in dark stairwells, not daring to make much noise.

She would cry herself to sleep like that many times.

Especially in the early years when she barely made any money.

Besides dubbing, she worked at a milk tea shop, barely scraping by.