The road conditions were good, and they encountered no traffic jams or other annoyances on the way. Xiao Luyan drove more smoothly than usual after work.
However, this calm mood throughout the journey suddenly changed when she reached the doorstep.
A wave of tension suddenly welled up inside her, inexplicably disrupting her state of mind. Xiao Luyan’s fingertips gripping the bag tightened repeatedly, forcing her to take several deep breaths first.
She was even more nervous than the last time she went to explain the Cruise Auction mishap to Madam Li—Xiao Luyan found it surprising herself.
But the door before her had to be opened eventually. Since she had decided to come back and communicate, she had to go in no matter how nervous she felt.
She quickly adjusted her emotions and entered the house as usual.
Her first glance was toward the living room, but from this angle, she could only catch a corner and saw no familiar figure.
However, the shoes haphazardly placed by the shoe cabinet were direct proof that the person was home.
Xiao Luyan paused, and the tension she had suppressed faintly resurfaced. Lu Yuezhi always neatly placed her changed shoes into the cabinet every time she returned home—even if she was rushing inside sometimes, she would circle back later to finish the task.
After changing her own shoes, Xiao Luyan casually put Lu Yuezhi’s away as well before formally walking inside.
Once past the entryway, the full view of the living room came into sight. Lu Yuezhi sat in the spot where she had drunkenly insisted on stargazing last time, her camera bag casually placed at her feet.
She cherished her equipment greatly. Last time at Ji Yunzhuo’s place, she carefully checked multiple times when getting in and out of the car to ensure the bag wouldn’t slip, carrying it almost the entire time and refusing to let anyone else help.
Seeing this, Xiao Luyan sighed silently amid her tension.
She walked over slowly and stopped by her side, calling softly, “Yuezhi.”
Lu Yuezhi had been sitting fixed in this spot since returning home, maintaining the posture for so long that her body now felt a bit stiff. Only now did she notice.
The instant she looked up, Xiao Luyan’s tension spiked another level.
Seeing that her eyes weren’t red, Xiao Luyan breathed a slight sigh of relief—she really didn’t want to see Lu Yuezhi like that day ever again.
But soon, she caught another unfamiliar yet heart-palpitating expression in Lu Yuezhi’s eyes.
Lu Yuezhi was unhappy.
Xiao Luyan silently concluded.
This was within her expectations. Xiao Luyan reminded herself to stay calm and restrained later—don’t just vent emotions like last time.
Lu Yuezhi didn’t respond, but since she had looked up, it meant she was willing to engage.
Xiao Luyan set her bag aside and sat on the single sofa opposite. She curved her lips slightly, making herself appear calm and composed.
Seeing her act like nothing was wrong, Lu Yuezhi was even more speechless.
She had been brooding for so long, unable to figure it out no matter how she thought. But in Xiao Luyan’s eyes, was it just some ordinary little matter?
The spark of anger that had been building since the airport was now impossible to contain—it suddenly flared up.
Her voice low, her tone carrying undisguised accusation: “Why did you make me go to Paris at this time?”
Xiao Luyan’s fingertips stilled.
She had prepared the answer long ago, but Lu Yuezhi’s tone was so unfamiliar that she was caught off guard.
“This auction is a good training opportunity, and Yunzhuo…”
Lu Yuezhi shook her head. “Even now, you’re giving me that reason.”
She let out a helpless, bitter smile. “Can’t you just tell me the truth?”
Xiao Luyan lowered her gaze, pondering her words. The prepared lines she had ready wouldn’t come out under Lu Yuezhi’s abruptly cold tone.
Seeing her silence, Lu Yuezhi’s anger grew, making her questioning even more pointed: “You don’t want me at the Quan Family Birthday Banquet, or do you no longer need me there?”
Xiao Luyan jumped at her suddenly raised volume, a sour ache blooming in her chest as her eyes began to heat up.
She repeatedly reminded herself to stay calm—Lu Yuezhi getting angry was normal; she couldn’t get worked up too.
“This birthday banquet is just a formality; going or not doesn’t matter.” Xiao Luyan chose her words carefully. “I just thought, rather than wasting time on such boring socializing, it would be better to go out and see more.”
This wasn’t entirely false—sending Lu Yuezhi away was to give herself space to think things through clearly. But the banquet truly didn’t require special preparation from her; that was Wu Hengnian’s concern, not something for young people to fuss over.
Lu Yuezhi saw it all as excuses— even now, Xiao Luyan was brushing her off.
She had been so excited when she first heard about the opportunity; now she was just as disappointed.
Her voice hoarse, she said, “So this time, you’re going back on your word again and kicking me out on your own?”
Gone was the previous panic and grievance; this time, Lu Yuezhi’s tone was filled with confusion and frustration.
She truly couldn’t understand. They had been getting along well lately, even moving toward each other. The signals she received were the same—she thought Xiao Luyan had tacitly agreed.
So, was it her illusion? Or had Xiao Luyan changed her mind again?
Even if she had, she could just say it directly! Why use this method again? Lu Yuezhi disapproved of Xiao Luyan’s handling this time—she could hardly convince herself otherwise.
Xiao Luyan was stunned by her escalating anger, momentarily losing her composure.
Lu Yuezhi’s fury exceeded her expectations, but what unsettled her more was her own reaction. During Lu Yuezhi’s cold questioning, she actually felt like crying.
Unable to maintain her prior calm, Xiao Luyan’s emotions were stirred up too.
No matter how much she explained her previous reasons, Lu Yuezhi probably saw them as lies. Xiao Luyan took a breath and admitted frankly, “I need some space to think certain things through clearly.”
“Space?” Lu Yuezhi was puzzled. “Haven’t I given you that?”
She wasn’t as clingy anymore, nor chasing answers— wasn’t that enough?
Xiao Luyan’s fingertips dug into the sofa armrest as she struggled to speak: “It’s not the same.”
“Then what kind of space do you want? Not stay in Sea City? Or not be in your life at all?” Lu Yuezhi’s emotions surged, her questions turning into irresolvable anger.
She didn’t understand—how far did she have to back off to satisfy Xiao Luyan’s need for space!
Any further, and what difference was there from leaving entirely? In the end, wasn’t it all the same meaning?
Her heart ached, and she felt a bit powerless. She didn’t know what more she had to do to make Xiao Luyan understand her feelings. But if this was truly what Xiao Luyan wanted most, she could only comply, right?
After all, she was the one who liked her first.
Xiao Luyan hadn’t wanted to say it, but her words stung badly. Her throat felt blocked, making each word a choked struggle.
“Your feelings for me—are they an unconscious self-indulgent intoxication born from projection, or…” Xiao Luyan’s choking became more evident as she paused.
Lu Yuezhi turned to look at her. “Or what?”
Xiao Luyan took a breath and rephrased: “This affection is too intense, so intense that it feels unreal to me.”
She no longer hid it deliberately: “Just because of this affection, your personality has completely changed—doesn’t that seem strange? Is it that you’re too fickle, or that you’ve made this affection out to be too powerful?”
She had finally said it, voicing her inner doubts in this somewhat inappropriate way.
She didn’t doubt Lu Yuezhi’s sincerity, but it was too sincere—special to the point of almost defying logic.
If Lu Yuezhi were like those vulgar types who only coveted her looks, Xiao Luyan wouldn’t have questioned it. But Lu Yuezhi’s affection was too profound, too pure, like a gift from the heavens.
Xiao Luyan never thought she could have such luck, nor did she believe she deserved such selfless love.
Even her closest kin had never given it—let alone someone she’d known for just a few months?
Lu Yuezhi was a good person with solid character. But what if this was just her first awakening to romance? People always burned with passion for first loves, boundless and blind in their fervor—what then?
Only now did Xiao Luyan realize what bend she had been unable to get past.
She didn’t believe Lu Yuezhi’s affection was solely for her; she didn’t believe she’d be chosen unconditionally and steadfastly; she didn’t dare hope she was the only one in Lu Yuezhi’s emotional choices.
She coveted the purity and beauty of this affection yet couldn’t connect it to herself.
So, she wanted to reexamine all the clues and seriously assess how much possibility there was for what she hoped. But now that she’d asked, she wanted even more to hear Lu Yuezhi’s thoughts.
Lu Yuezhi hadn’t expected the question, but she couldn’t deny it was something she’d puzzled over herself.
She too was surprised at how she came alive the moment she met Xiao Luyan—like being possessed by obsession, driven mad with affection. Hopes she’d never had suddenly gained life after meeting her.
But how to explain? She couldn’t even understand it herself—how could she put it into words?
“What exactly do you want from this affection?” Xiao Luyan asked, her tone lowering as Lu Yuezhi remained silent.
She always felt Lu Yuezhi was yearning for something, but not the shallow kind of intimacy.
“I…” Lu Yuezhi’s mind flashed with thoughts, some long-buried wishes nearly surging forth.
But she couldn’t say it—that was what she least wanted to face.
Before, she avoided dwelling on it, sealing it all away. After meeting Xiao Luyan, she found happier things worth investing in, fully immersing herself and enjoying the joy of loving someone.
Now, the anxiety connected with these cruel memories, instantly puncturing the vibrant energy of these past days.
Lu Yuezhi suddenly sank, as if losing much of her confidence.
She was avoiding something.
Xiao Luyan’s eyes darkened—she felt she had guessed right.
Lu Yuezhi’s current affection was genuine, yet it carried an unwitting self-indulgent intoxication.
A hidden pain stirred in her heart, but this answer brought no relief.
Seeing Lu Yuezhi’s furrowed brows and recalling her earlier cold tone felt like fine grains of salt sprinkling nonstop on her heart.
There was no wound—why did it hurt more and more? Xiao Luyan’s nose stung excessively; she had to tilt her head up slightly.
Lu Yuezhi fell silent, and the argument halted there.
Compared to the big fight in the living room last time, today was clearly more civilized. Yet Xiao Luyan felt even worse, to the point she couldn’t sit still.
She stood woodenly, stiffly grabbing her bag. “I’ll go back to my room first. Let’s both calm down.”
Lu Yuezhi raised her eyes, her gaze following her.
Xiao Luyan knew Lu Yuezhi was watching, but even as she neared the bedroom, Lu Yuezhi didn’t call out to her.
The living room fell silent again. Lu Yuezhi remained in her previous posture, but anger had been replaced by other emotions.
For Xiao Luyan’s earlier question, some parts she couldn’t answer yet. But others, she hadn’t considered before.
For example, was the intense pleasure she felt truly just self-indulgent intoxication?
Or, lacking dating experience, had she unconsciously fallen into self-satisfaction?
She silently compared it to some of You Yuchen’s past behaviors and realized she had quite a few similarities. In that relationship, she had been the Xiao Luyan.
So, when she thought she was doing good for Xiao Luyan wholeheartedly, was that how Xiao Luyan saw her?
