Chapter 12: A Troubled Heart

Su He told her, “You have injuries. Don’t get them wet. I’ll have someone send hot water later so you can wipe yourself down. For now, you should leave.”

Su Wei struggled to focus on her master’s words. She was panting in short, shallow breaths, her face flushed bright red from the steam. Her eyes were opened wide, unwilling to miss a single expression on Su He’s face.

Her ears had truly deteriorated. To fully understand her master’s words, she now had to read her lips. A small part of her felt grateful that her eyesight had mostly recovered.

Su Wei returned to the front chamber and sat upright on the edge of the bed. Her lips were slightly swollen from being bitten. Based on the previous time, it seemed that Su He wasn’t particularly inclined to kiss. Instead, she seemed to prefer teasing Su Wei, watching her reactions.

Su Wei’s head drooped, her fingers fidgeting together nervously. She couldn’t quite figure out why her master had kissed her, or why she had engaged in those intimate acts with her before. She knew it was wrong, indefensible no matter how you put it. But she also knew she had to obey her master’s commands.

Suddenly, Su Wei felt an overwhelming urge to go see the Leader. But she had to stay obediently by Su He’s side.

“What are you thinking about, with such a gloomy face?” Su He walked up to her and lifted Su Wei’s chin with a single finger. She narrowed her eyes slightly, struck by the sudden thought that perhaps this deafness wasn’t entirely a good thing. “Feeling unwell somewhere?”

Su Wei reacted with a few seconds’ delay. Watching Su He’s lips form the words, a faint sadness flickered in her eyes. “This subordinate wants to go see the Leader.”

Hearing this, Su He withdrew her hand, her voice taking on a sharper edge. “To see all those good friends of yours?”

“I… I just miss them a little.” Su Wei’s mind was in utter chaos. Everything had unraveled the moment she woke up. It shouldn’t be like this. “The Leader is like a parent to me. I—”

Su Wei didn’t know how to explain. She stood up abruptly, realized her mistake, and immediately dropped to her knees. Her face was pale, all color drained away. “Master.”

Su He walked past her. She cast a downward glance at Su Wei’s tense back. After a few seconds of thought, her tone softened considerably. “Gu wasn’t blaming you. Get up.”

Su Wei rose to her feet and turned toward Su He. She looked at her master with wide, anxious eyes, her lips pressed tightly together in a tense line.

“Su Wei, do you know what people outside are saying?” Su He curled a finger, beckoning her closer.

“Master.” Su Wei knelt beside Su He’s bed. She tilted her head up slightly. When she felt the familiar warmth draw near, her shoulders gave a tiny, involuntary flinch.

Su He bent over, her mouth right beside Su Wei’s ear, making sure every word was enunciated with perfect, crisp clarity: “They’re saying you are Gu’s first consort in the rear palace, that you have deeply gained Gu’s affection.”

This time, Su Wei was genuinely terrified. Her body went rigid; she didn’t dare move a muscle. Her eyes were wide with sheer horror. “Master, I have never, ever entertained such thoughts.”

“Gu knows. You are a good child.” Su He’s thumb rubbed against Su Wei’s lips. With deliberate leisure, she began to untie Su Wei’s inner garments, her hand then coming to rest against the body wrapped tightly in gauze bandages. “Because you’re obedient, Gu likes you. But now you know what people are saying about us out there. So you cannot have too much contact with others—it will lead to unavoidable gossip and scandals.”

Su Wei blinked, her gaze flickering. After a moment, she lowered her head again. “But Master and I… our relationship is not what the rumors claim.”

Su He let out a short, amused laugh, though the humor in her eyes had dimmed considerably. “But you and Gu have kissed. We have even shared the same bed to sleep. Does none of that count?”

“Master…” A panic the likes of which Su Wei had never known flooded her heart. Tears welled up in her eyes, and she fought fiercely to keep them from falling. “Shadow Nine truly does not understand.”

Su He knew she couldn’t push the girl too hard. She soothed her: “Think it over slowly. Don’t panic. Tomorrow, Gu will grant you leave to return to the camp. It’s getting late. Go to sleep.”

Su Wei nodded and retreated to her small bed. The moment the candlelight was extinguished, she could see nothing at all. She carefully wiped away her tears, silently cursing her own weakness—a full-grown adult, still shedding tears like a child. At the same time, an unease gnawed at her. She couldn’t digest Su He’s words so quickly.

Her body was still healing, and as she mulled things over, she eventually slipped into a foggy sleep. She didn’t even know when Su He had left for the morning court assembly. When she finally awoke, the only thing she saw was the back of the Imperial Physician as he was leaving.

“Master,” Su Wei pushed herself up. “Did I pass out again?”

A Palace Attendant stepped in to explain. “You’ve had a fever since early this morning. It’s been burning all this time.”

Su Wei turned to look out the window. It was almost evening. She had planned to go see the Leader today.

Su He waved a hand, dismissing the Attendant. Her fingers idly swirled a teacup in her hands, her tone unreadable. “Have you thought everything through?”

“No.” Su Wei lowered her head in shame. “This subordinate is dull-witted.”

Su He shook her head. She raised an eyebrow, making a soft hissing noise. “Take your time. No rush. It’s too late today. Don’t bother going to see the Leader anymore.”

Su Wei nodded. The worry on her face was impossible to hide. She just sat there, saying nothing.

She truly looked pitiful.

A faint glimmer of amusement surfaced in Su He’s eyes. “Do you want to go back to the Shadow Guard Camp?”

Su Wei hesitated for a beat. “Yes.”

“Why? Is staying by Gu’s side making you unhappy?” Su He’s voice dropped, sounding crestfallen. “Or does Gu disgust you?”

“Neither!” Su Wei tried to kneel upright, but her body lacked the strength. She almost tumbled to the floor, barely managing to brace herself. She knelt properly, her posture ramrod straight. “Because this subordinate wants to go back and train.”

This had practically become a sickness in Su Wei’s heart. She still believed it was her own insufficient strength that had put Su He in harm’s way.

Hearing this, Su He instantly understood what Su Wei was thinking. She stood and walked over, then crouched down slightly to bring her eyes level with Su Wei’s. Her fingertips squeezed the girl’s earlobe, casually brushing against the White Jade Eardrop. Leaning in close, she whispered, as if casting a spell to bewitch the heart: “Gu can teach you. Once your body has recovered a little more.”

“Sleep now. Don’t think about anything.” Su He raised a hand and covered Su Wei’s eyes. “When you wake up, everything will be resolved.”

.

After taking her medicine, Su Wei was prone to falling into a deep, drowsy state. She had very few waking hours during the day, and the times she saw Su He were scant. Mostly, she caught sight of her master at night. But recently, Su He had been extremely busy. When she returned to her sleeping palace, she rarely said much and quickly fell asleep.

And her ears—there was still no sign of improvement.

She lingered in this muddled, half-conscious state for a full ten days before she started to feel any better. Su Wei had a small, delicate frame, and now she looked even thinner. She found her shoes and slowly put on the clothes Su He had prepared for her. Her master seemed particularly fond of dressing her in red.

Su Wei moved very carefully, afraid of knocking anything over. She had been living in Su He’s quarters for some time now, and the longer it went on, the clearer her mind became. She was nothing more than another one of her master’s possessions, to be arranged and manipulated at will.

Today, she had made up her mind. She wanted to see the Leader.

Su Wei informed the maidservant who served her, and the girl—likely having received prior instructions—let her go without a fuss.

The Shadow Guard Camp was very far from here. Su Wei still couldn’t properly circulate her Inner Strength, so she simply quickened her pace.

When she arrived, the others were in the middle of training. Spotting Su Wei, they exchanged glances. After a moment’s hesitation, they turned and walked away. Su Wei’s smile of greeting slowly faded as she watched them retreat.

Swallowing the discomfort in her heart, Su Wei headed for the Leader’s quarters. She was in luck; she hadn’t run into a time when the Leader was out on business.

“Su Wei.” The moment the Leader saw her, she immediately dismissed everyone else from the room. She gestured for Su Wei to enter and then shut the door behind them. “Did the Master come with you?”

Su Wei shook her head. “No. It was Shadow Nine who wanted to see you.”

“Whatever it is, sit down first.” The Leader sighed as she turned away, pulling out a chair and sitting down. She noticed Su Wei hadn’t moved and squinted slightly. “What’s wrong?”

Su Wei seemed to snap out of a trance. She forced a smile, trying to make her tone sound light. “My ears… I can’t hear very clearly anymore.”

The Leader immediately shot to her feet. She swept a thorough, scrutinizing gaze over Su Wei. Her hands clenched into tight fists at her sides, but in the end, she could only helplessly suppress a torrent of words. “Sit down first. In the future, you must take good care of your body.”

“Thank you for your concern, Leader.” Su Wei wasn’t particularly bothered about her own hearing. She fidgeted for a short while before finally forcing the question out: “The Master told me… that outside, there are rumors about our relationship. Rumors that it’s… not ordinary.”

The Leader felt a faint stirring of unease. “And then?”

“That day… the Master kissed me.” Su Wei’s brow furrowed. She bowed her head, nervously twisting the hem of her clothes. “It had happened once before… The Master said our relationship was never ordinary to begin with.”

Summoning her courage, Su Wei continued, “I just don’t understand. I am the Master’s subordinate. It shouldn’t be like this. I haven’t even properly protected her yet… Leader?”

The Leader’s face had gone ashen. She opened her mouth, but for a long moment, no sound came out. She hadn’t imagined that Su Wei’s visit would reveal something so monumental.

Their master had favored an ordinary Shadow Guard.

The last time, Su He’s attitude had already made the Leader deeply suspicious. But they had grown up together; she understood the Empress to some extent. This wasn’t affection. It was more like Su He had acquired a rare, curious trinket, and was currently in the throes of fascination.

When had it started? From the moment she forbade them from seeking out Shadow Nine without reason? No. It should have been the day Su Wei single-handedly counter-killed those five assassins.

The Leader shut her eyes in pain. Su Wei was too pure, and too stubborn. She simply didn’t understand what their master was trying to do. No one could guess the inner workings of Su He’s mind.

“Little Nine, what are your feelings toward the Master?”

Su Wei looked completely bewildered. “I don’t have any particular feelings toward the Master. I just want to protect her properly.”

The Leader nodded. “Good. That’s all that matters, then.”

She stood up and crouched in front of Su Wei, telling her with absolute seriousness: “Listen to me. The Master’s actions always have her own considerations. You need not overthink them. Just remember one thing: You are a Shadow Guard. You will always, only, be the Master’s Shadow Guard. Do you understand?”

Su Wei nodded immediately. “Shadow Nine understands.”

“Shadow Nine will always be her Master’s Shadow Guard. I will never overstep my bounds.”

.

By the time Su Wei returned, it was late in the evening. Her talk with the Leader had taken much longer than expected. Rushing back, she saw Su He standing in the doorway, waiting for her.

She took two more steps inside and called out softly, “Master.”

Su He had her hands clasped behind her back. Suddenly, she swung a thin branch forward, pressing its tip firmly against Su Wei’s throat. Her entire figure was silhouetted against the moonlight, her brows and eyes soft with a smile, but there was not the slightest trace of humor in her gaze. “Gu had originally planned to teach you martial arts tonight.”

“Su Wei, you’ve made Gu wait for quite a while.”