Chapter 64

Lin Xu’s brow twitched. Just like that, Shu Qingyou shoved Shu Rong into her arms, leaving her to take responsibility, then departed without a hint of attachment, utterly cold.

The only trace left in the air was a faint whiff of Shu Qingyou’s pheromones—sweet, yet tinged with bitterness.

Even Shu Rong froze in shock, swaying unsteadily for a couple of steps before nearly toppling over. Lin Xu grabbed one of her arms and swiftly deposited her on the sofa.

“I’ll go talk things out with your mommy. Don’t interrupt us—you go play with the Dragon Cat.”

With that, Lin Xu strode to the bathroom door. Clear sounds of pills rattling inside a plastic bottle echoed from within.

She twisted the doorknob, but it didn’t budge. Shu Qingyou hid inside, secretly popping her meds. The more rational she usually seemed, the more it irritated Lin Xu now, who rubbed her temples and knocked sharply on the door.

“Open up. Let’s talk.”

“I know what you’re doing. No need to hide.”

After a long wait, she pressed her ear to the door. Only the sound of running water from the faucet persisted, rushing endlessly.

“Don’t do anything stupid.” Lin Xu gritted her teeth, lowering her voice as memories of Shu Qingyou’s past self-harm flashed through her mind. She clenched her fist and pounded on the door.

Bang! Bang! Bang!

The hollow wooden panel shuddered, and bits of plaster dust shook loose from the wall above.

Lin Xu panted, her fingers trembling. She instinctively glanced back at Shu Rong, who huddled in the sofa’s farthest corner, hands over her ears.

She was being good. Lin Xu reined in her temper a bit and coaxed gently, “Let’s talk it out properly. It’s all my fault, okay? Open the door first—you’ll suffocate yourself in there.”

Lin Xu stood outside for another ten minutes or so.

Sweat beaded in her palms, slick and clammy.

Pacing back and forth in front of the door, she ruffled her hair. Her phone call prompted: The number you have dialed is powered off.

The water kept running. Lin Xu was certain Shu Qingyou wasn’t showering anymore. Unease crept into her heart.

She clenched and unclenched her fist, her chest tight and hard to breathe. She closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them again.

Fine.

Bang—!

Lin Xu raised her long leg and kicked the door open, as if the entire house shook three times from the impact.

Shu Rong had curled into a ball by then, face buried in the sofa cushions.

But the door merely splintered with a large hole; jagged wooden shards pierced her pant leg. She withdrew her leg and bent down.

Shu Qingyou stared in disbelief at a pair of eyes—brimming with worry or perhaps regret—from the hole, locking straight onto her.

“Ah, you’re still alive,” Lin Xu said with a wry grin.

“Hold on.”

She marched off purposefully and returned moments later, clutching a cleaver from the kitchen—one freshly sharpened days ago, its blade razor-sharp.

Light glinted off the knife’s face across her features.

“No need to come open it. I can handle this.”

One chop split it most of the way through. The door hung in tatters as Shu Qingyou sat on the white toilet lid, her back chilled, cold sweat soaking into her clothes. She didn’t dare breathe.

Lin Xu hacked away like a frenzied butcher chopping vegetables, her long hair sticking to her slightly flushed cheeks.

Her eyes burned with determination, as if she were fighting for justice on Shu Qingyou’s behalf.

This knife sure has its uses, Shu Qingyou thought, swallowing hard.

Once the mangled door was dealt with, Lin Xu returned to the kitchen and hurried back, huffing. She took a deep breath, then exhaled.

She shut off the faucet and said patiently, “Can you hear me out?”

Shu Qingyou lifted her gaze, meeting Lin Xu’s deep, bottomless black eyes. Picturing her wielding that kitchen knife, she changed her question.

“Lin Xu, have you lost your mind?”

“Lost my mind?” Lin Xu pointed at herself, eyes widening, rims stinging. “If you want to curse me out or hit me, go ahead. But what the hell is this? Who’s the crazy one here?”

She stretched out her long arm, and suddenly several empty pill bottles appeared in her hand. She shook them, looming over Shu Qingyou.

Shu Qingyou fell silent, lowering her neck. Her hands loosely clasped over her thighs, shoulders rigid, lips bitten nearly to bleeding.

Lin Xu sighed. “These meds… I’m not interrogating you, but have you been getting by on these all these years?”

She ached with anguish, tongue pressing against her cheek. “How long did you plan to keep hiding it from me?”

At that, something lodged in Lin Xu’s throat. Tears spilled from Shu Qingyou’s beautiful, narrow eyes.

“Hide it from you?” Red veins threaded Shu Qingyou’s whites, her voice hoarse and broken. “Whether I live or die—what does it have to do with you? Maybe if I’d died from the start, it would’ve made you feel better, right?!”

Lin Xu knelt before her, heart twisting in pain. Her lips quivered. “You’re insane. Why would I want you dead? If you died, I’d… I’d…”

She clutched her chest, crumpling her white shirt.

“You hate me? Fine, come at me. Hit me if it’ll make you feel better.”

Shu Qingyou’s hand went limp as Lin Xu suddenly seized it, forcing it toward her own face for a slap—but it landed soft as boneless.

It didn’t hurt at all; more like a lover’s caress. Lin Xu dropped to her knees before her, tiles grinding painfully into her skin.

Shu Qingyou sobbed softly, tears tracing her gaunt chin to drip onto her pale thighs with faint patters.

“Just go, Lin Xu.” Shu Qingyou kept her head down from start to finish. “I promise—I won’t pursue those matters.”

“No, you have to pursue them.” Hearing her get chased away struck Lin Xu like thunderbolt from a clear sky. Tears welled at her eyes.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that shitty thing. I was young and ignorant. I really know I was wrong now.”

“Punish me. Please?”

Shu Qingyou’s teeth chattered; even the meds did nothing. Her left hand trembled uncontrollably.

“Punish? What’s the point? Time can’t rewind. Don’t be naive.”

Lin Xu bowed her head and gently lifted Shu Qingyou’s arm, rolling up the sleeve. Under the harsh fluorescent light, scars of varying depths looked even more horrifying.

Her breath ghosted over the crisscrossing marks. Shu Qingyou flinched reflexively.

“Does it hurt here?” Lin Xu reverently traced every inch, cradling her wrist and pressing her lips to it.

“You’re in pain because of me.” Lin Xu’s shoulders shook as fat teardrops splashed onto Shu Qingyou’s hand, scalding her skin taut.

Shu Qingyou’s thoughts scattered, clarity elusive. “One thing at a time, Lin Xu. Why should your assumptions destroy my family?”

“But… but,” Lin Xu sobbed uncontrollably, lost herself. “I don’t have a family anymore either.”

“I’d barely reached adulthood back then. I was still a kid!”

“I didn’t mean to do something like that. Can’t you forgive me?”

Forgive. In the end, Lin Xu was selfish. Shu Qingyou halted her sobs, flashing a mocking smile.

“You always think my feelings don’t matter. You want me happy just to satisfy yourself, right?”

Lin Xu’s face drained of color. She couldn’t deny it—Shu Qingyou was partly right, though her heart refused to admit it.

She blinked her stinging eyes and slammed Shu Qingyou’s palm against her chest.

“Yeah.” Lin Xu trembled all over, forcing Shu Qingyou to feel it too. “I’ve always been headstrong. You want me to change? I can’t. I’ve tried. I can’t swallow my pride and grovel.”

“And so? You’ll just toss me aside? You liked the amnesiac me! You might as well kill the current one—it’s the same person. You want me to pretend? Let me tell you, Shu Qingyou—impossible!”

Shu Qingyou felt driven mad by her. Lin Xu was unreasonable, impossible to reason with—like asking the sun to rise in the west.

Her hand was still pinned to Lin Xu’s chest. Damn it, how can it be so soft?

Even now, in panic, she wanted to touch more.

Shu Qingyou ground her molars and forced out, “I didn’t ask you to change. I want you to leave me.”

“Like hell!” Lin Xu sobbed relentlessly. Words like that made the world spin.

She yanked Shu Qingyou’s collar. Already numb from squatting, Shu Qingyou toppled unstably into Lin Xu’s arms with a light tug.

Lin Xu swayed, then wrapped her in a hug as they tumbled to the floor with a thud.

Shu Qingyou’s head bumped the tiles—not hard, but Lin Xu ignored the pain.

Shu Qingyou buried in her chest, their long hair tangling wildly, fingers digging ruthlessly into Lin Xu’s waist flesh.

Even with neatly trimmed nails, Shu Qingyou’s grip was vicious.

Lin Xu didn’t make a sound, letting skin tear as pain surged.

Go ahead, gouge me to death if you can.

In self-destructive abandon, Lin Xu whimpered, “Impossible. You can’t make me leave…”

Shu Qingyou’s heart went numb from the ache.

Yet Lin Xu’s pheromones poured inappropriately from her gland, invading Shu Qingyou’s nose like honey-laced poison.

“I’m so tired, Lin Xu. You’ve deceived me so many times, over and over. I’m a person—not a puppet, not your personal toy!”

Shu Qingyou twisted, trying to escape. “Let me up!”

Lin Xu’s arms clamped like iron, wailing, “No! I won’t!”

The pheromones—Shu Qingyou’s sweet orange scent—overwhelmed Lin Xu. Her reason crumbled; she was a beast begging shamelessly.

“You marked me, took me. I gave myself to you.” Lin Xu’s cries hitched as she pulled Shu Qingyou atop her, then guided her hand between her thighs.

She pleaded bitterly, “Fuck me, and don’t make me leave.”

They were a mess, clothes disheveled and unzipped in the struggle, exposing smooth thighs.

After differentiating as an Alpha, uterine and ovarian functions atrophied—but Alphas still craved pleasure, deriving sensations from their glands no less intense than Omegas’.

Lin Xu lifted her tear-streaked face, nuzzling Shu Qingyou’s bloodied lips ingratiatingly.

She whispered seductively in her ear, “No one’s ever been there. You’re the first.”

Shu Qingyou stared in shock, the wetness under her hand all too vivid. She couldn’t believe Lin Xu thought this crude method could make amends.

“Really don’t want it?” Lin Xu lifted her hips, kissing Shu Qingyou’s lips. “I’ll give it to you, and you won’t be mad anymore.”

All wrong—wrong!

Shu Qingyou struggled up. Lin Xu gripped her waist, refusing release.

Even if it’s vile, Lin Xu thought, it can’t get worse.

If her body could keep Shu Qingyou, mission accomplished.

Shu Qingyou gasped heavily, steadying her racing heart. Lin Xu pinned her completely, hands immobile.

Breaths mingled indistinguishably; Shu Qingyou’s cheeks burned irreparably. She clung to her last shred of reason.

“Let’s talk properly. The floor’s dirty—you have a germ phobia.”

Lin Xu paused. Her pretty, curled lashes quivered; tears slid from the corners as she smiled. “You’re so nuts, Shu Qingyou. Still caring about that? You do care about me. Admit it.”

She shifted, grinding over Shu Qingyou’s hand, scrutinizing the shock in her eyes.

Lin Xu’s breaths came uncontrolled, each word deliberate: “Shu Qingyou… you… love… me.”