Chapter 147: Tears
The long street at night stretched into an even deeper darkness. There were few cars on the road, and the lights were dim. Only the scattered stars in the night sky shone with a faint light.
The shadow spread out on the asphalt, like a deep and turbulent river. Its shadow was winding and tortuous, extending to the deep darkness in the distance.
On New Year’s Eve, a bone-chilling cold wind was blowing. The camphor trees on both sides of the road swayed, as if they were about to fall. The leaves rustled in the cold wind, and the deserted street was silent.
Su Yu was panting heavily. The familiar bus stop from the past flashed past his eyes. He faced the howling, cold wind and tried to distinguish the direction of the road in the dark night.
The muscles that had been running hard for a long time began to ache and soften, which made him pant even more violently. The cold wind blew straight into his lungs, hitting the thin walls of his lungs, but it brought a burning, stinging pain.
Su Yu didn’t have time to feel the pain of his body’s overload. It was as if his nerves had been precisely cut by a sharp, small blade. Those unbearable memories appeared one by one in the boundless darkness. They were clamoring to rush out of the already loosened vent, rampaging in his mind.
“Cough cough… cough cough!”
Su Yu was suddenly choked by his rapid breathing. The violent cough seemed to be about to completely detach his lungs from his body. He finally stopped his sore and tired body and knelt on the cold asphalt road in the dead of night. The heart in his chest was still pounding violently, and a sweet and metallic taste of blood spread in his mouth, but he could only let out a harsh, dry retch from his throat.
He looked up at the residential area on his right. The buildings were all lit up with the bright and warm lights of New Year’s Eve. But outside, it was dead silent, like a lifeless wasteland. As far as his eyes could see, it was a desolate and bleak darkness.
He felt as if he were about to turn into a cold and dry inorganic body in this lonely night. The layers of doubt, helplessness, and anger in his heart grew wildly like messy and desolate weeds.
It was all because of him!
Suddenly, a bright light appeared in the dark night. It was as obvious as a lighthouse lit in the long night. Su Yu, like a tired traveler lost in a dense forest at night, chased after that light. He looked at the light as if it had turned into the sharp edge of a spear of eternity, which could pierce this silent darkness.
His gaze tried to continue to follow the light, but hope was still extinguished in the deep darkness. The night returned to silence.
A moment later, the sky broke.
Countless bright fireworks rushed into the sky, staying in the high altitude for a moment, making a few dull sounds, and then exploding into a sky full of fireworks, like golden chrysanthemums in autumn, spreading their beautiful and enchanting petals, blooming with a fleeting brilliance in the night sky.
He looked up at the colorful and exploding fireworks. The night covered his expression. The brilliant and grand fireworks were bright and dazzling. They spread across his clear and clean eyes like a starry river, and then suddenly fell in the cold dark night, making him look fragile and lonely.
Suddenly, he heard a noisy cheer. People opened their windows and shouted loudly to celebrate the arrival of the new year. The festive atmosphere completely broke the silence of the night.
The fireworks were too short-lived. The darkness would eventually fall again. But the girl seemed to be very afraid of the dark. Actually, he and the girl were the same kind of people. It was just that he was a little luckier. He had found a temporary home before the darkness fell. But the girl’s only remaining home had also been ruthlessly destroyed… thanks to him.
Su Yu slowly stood up from the ground. He stumbled forward a few steps. The rolling waves under the calm water surface rolled him up and threw him down. He was bobbing up and down, but he couldn’t find that piece of driftwood.
He had to be faster, before the fireworks faded.
…
The fireworks in the night sky grew dimmer, and the bouquets of flowers in the sky withered and died. Xia Qian Ge reached out, trying to hold on to those specks of light, but it was useless. The last bit of firework spark was extinguished in her dark and deep eyes.
The old wooden window creaked and swayed in the wind. The biting cold wind rushed into the room, robbing it of its last bit of warmth. Her hands and feet were numb with cold, as if they were not part of her body. Her thin pajamas swayed in the cold wind, and the scattered stars illuminated her pale and sickly face, like a terminally ill patient in the evening of her life.
Xia Qian Ge closed the door and window, blocking the cold wind. She wanted to make her body as warm as possible. If her body temperature continued to drop, she might die.
She would die.
The fear of death was as weak as a small stone falling into a pond, not even making a ripple.
But the boy should be coming to see her tomorrow. She had to continue to live. She should even wear some nicer clothes. She didn’t need to wear makeup. Otherwise, when she cried in front of the boy, her makeup would be ruined. But…
Xia Qian Ge found a mirror. She looked at her ugly appearance in the mirror. Her hair was messy and tangled, her skin was dull, her dark circles were deep, and her face was as pale as a ghost in a horror movie.
So ugly… Xia Qian Ge thought silently. She didn’t want the boy to see her like this. Xia Qian Ge wanted to boil some hot water to warm herself up and go to bed early. Maybe her skin would be better tomorrow, not so ugly that the boy would dislike her.
She took an old kettle from the kitchen and put it in the sink. The old faucet was not very sensitive, and it was not easy to control the flow of water. The water accidentally splashed on her clothes, making them damp and cold.
She turned off the faucet and held the handle with both hands, lifting it with all her might. She had only eaten an apple and two egg yolk pastries since yesterday. Her weak arms were trembling slightly. She struggled to lift the kettle and put it on the gas stove, but her head suddenly became dizzy, and her vision blurred for a moment. She lost her strength.
Before she could even react, the aluminum kettle, which was full of water, fell heavily to the ground, making a clattering sound in the quiet room. The kettle rolled to the corner and stopped. The cold water spilled all over the floor, soaking half of her clothes and pants. The water seemed to be about to freeze into solid ice in the extremely low temperature, piercing her flesh and blood, bringing a bone-chilling cold.
Xia Qian Ge stared blankly at the kettle in the corner. She stumbled towards the kettle for two steps, subconsciously wanting to bend down and pick it up, but she stopped just a few inches away.
She suddenly realized that she didn’t know what the point of picking up the kettle was. She was living numbly, just to pursue the distant star in the sky, so tired that she couldn’t stop.
She was a little envious of her mother. She had found a way out so easily, leaving her alone to continue to struggle in the darkness.
She should pick up the kettle now, wash it clean under the cold water, fill it with water, and put it on the gas stove. She should endure the hunger and cold, wait for the water to boil, and then continue to live, to find that slim hope of seeing the light.
But she was really out of strength. The fatigue was like a boundless sea, drowning her. Every cell in her body was filled with weariness. Compared to the suffocating pain, death was as insignificant as a small wave on the sea.
He was like a meteor streaking across the night sky, giving her a glimpse of the bright world outside through the small opening he had created. Then he suddenly disappeared into the darkness, and the gap closed, and she could no longer see.
She had been chasing with all her might, just to catch up with the meteor, to see the bright world outside that gap again.
But she was really too tired.
The last string broke, without making a sound.
Xia Qian Ge knelt down, slowly relaxing her body, and finally lay silently in the cold water on the floor. The moment her consciousness completely relaxed, she finally cried.
Warm tears flowed down her cheeks, silently merging with the cold water in the room.
I’m sorry.
I thought… I could make it until tomorrow.
I’m sorry.
