Chapter 178: Gloomy Day
The doors and windows were tightly shut, the curtains drawn fast. Not a sliver of pale light could penetrate. The room was dark and silent, suffocating, as if wrapped in layers of a transparent film.
The air was exceptionally stuffy and hot. Late winter was coming to an end, the bare branches seemingly ready to sprout new buds, yet the weather felt like a midsummer afternoon. The heat in her heart was like an unquenchable fire, searing her entire body. Those dark and evil things could no longer be hidden; they scrambled madly within her body… as if fighting for survival.
Su Xi’s eyes flew open to a pitch-black view. Her entire body was curled up under the heavy blankets with a profound sense of insecurity. The air in the small space had grown thick and stagnant, and she could barely breathe.
She finally struggled to throw off the blankets, gasping for air. The deep flush that had covered half her face slowly receded down her long, porcelain-white neck. Her sweat-soaked bangs hung down from her forehead, hiding her dark and dim eyes, which glowed faintly between the strands of hair.
She had another dream, and its content had completely changed. It was no longer a rainy day; the afternoon sun was glaring and hot. But she was still wearing old jeans and a long-sleeved hoodie. During her childhood, when her skin was at its smoothest and softest, the envy of others, she wore long pants and long sleeves, covering up the most beautiful time of her life.
She hid in a grimy corner of the old street, like a little thief, cautiously peeking out. To avoid being discovered, she pressed herself tightly against the wall, only her large eyes showing. She seemed completely unconcerned about the grease and dust on the wall. The boy’s shadow overlapped with the fine, fragmented shadows of the camphor tree, mottled and blurry.
She couldn’t see his face clearly, no matter how hard she tried. She only needed to take a step or two forward, but she couldn’t bring herself to move. She could only watch helplessly as the boy slowly disappeared at the end of her vision. Only then did she run out from the corner, covered in dust, powerless and pathetic.
There was medicine by the bed. Su Xi picked it up, unscrewed the cap with some urgency, and shook out two pills into her palm. She tossed the pills into her mouth and swallowed them with the water that had been prepared on the table.
She gulped down the cool water, a few trickles escaping from the rim of the cup, wetting her collar.
Su Xi put down the water cup and the medicine bottle. There were only a few pills left in the light bottle. It was time to buy a new one.
The medicine was taking longer and longer to take effect. It felt like she had swallowed a ball of cotton. Her breathing was heavy and labored. Su Xi sat in the dark room, hugging her knees, for a long time. Only when her breathing became smooth did she reach under her pillow and take out her phone. The light from the screen was glaring in the dim room. She squinted her eyes to read the message on the screen.
Su Xi checked the date. It was the weekend, 1:30 in the afternoon. The boy was supposed to come at this time, but he had sent a message saying that his club had rehearsal, that he was very busy, and that he wouldn’t be coming on Saturday. He would come tomorrow instead. He had thoughtfully reminded her to be careful at home alone, to lock the doors and windows, and had told her to order less takeout and to try making some noodles like he had taught her last time, but to be careful to turn off the gas.
Zhiyan must be busy, Su Xi thought to herself. She typed a few words in the chat box, telling the boy to rehearse well and not to worry about her, but then she quickly deleted them.
Su Xi sometimes felt that she was a bit too well-behaved in front of the boy. Too well-behaved… and she could only be a little sister who needed to be taken care of, a pure and harmless little white rabbit. Little did he know that what she was after was his body, the warm blood flowing in his neck.
When the boy said he didn’t have a girlfriend, she was almost overwhelmed with excitement. But sadness soon followed, like a surging tide.
The sound of ice hitting a wall, a summer plum soup in a white porcelain bowl.
She had fantasized about a comfortable life of domestic bliss, but for love to grow over time… was a luxury for her.
She stood up from the bed, her bare feet on the cold mahogany floor. Her small arches pressed into a crescent shape, the pale blue, transparent veins faintly visible on her fair and delicate insteps.
She pulled open the gray curtains, pushed open the tightly shut window. The air that rushed into the room was still stuffy. Large clumps of clouds were kneaded together, swollen and wrinkled like waterlogged cotton, so heavy they seemed about to fall from the sky.
…
Su Xi looked at herself in the mirror, gently pursing her lips to spread the pink lip gloss. The watery, cherry blossom-colored lip gloss suited her baby-faced, slightly childish face.
For a girl who loved to be pretty, she didn’t have much makeup. Her eyelashes were thick and dense, and she never needed any of the miscellaneous embellishments like eyeshadow. Too many artificial traces would only waste her rare, simple purity.
Su Xi casually tossed the cosmetics on the table, stood up excitedly, and pushed open the closet door behind her. She frowned, suddenly a little troubled.
She was a bit of a “face-con,” and she liked pretty dresses. The closet was filled with a dazzling array of small dresses, even taking up the closet in Su Yu’s guest room. Most of them were very cute, in romantic colors.
Dresses, compared to pants, could better show the beauty of a woman’s figure. Young girls with fair skin and beautiful features liked to wear dresses on the street in any season. Large expanses of snow-white, delicate skin were exposed to the air, attracting countless gazes.
Su Xi took out all the dresses from the closet. Various eye-catching and dazzling dresses… covered the entire bed. If Zhiyan were at home, he would probably scold her for not being tidy.
She couldn’t help but smile at the thought. Finally, she chose a dress she liked from the pile of dresses on the bed. It was a puffy dress with long sleeves, the hem adorned with beautiful lace. She held the dress in her arms, closed her eyes in intoxication, a smile of anticipation and nervousness on her lips. She began to imagine the boy’s expression when he saw her. Zhiyan… I’m no longer the self-conscious and cowardly ugly duckling who could only follow behind you and steal glances.
I’m very beautiful now. I can stand in front of you, in front of everyone.
…
Su Xi stood at the entryway, bent down, and her small, exquisite feet, wrapped in milky white knee-high socks, slipped into her shoes like a water snake. She hooked the thick-heeled leather shoes on her heels and bounced out of the house, as excited as a little elf stepping out of a dense forest for the first time.
She stopped by the window in the corridor. The sky was much more gloomy than before, dark and a little scary. The weather forecast on her phone had issued an orange alert, saying that there might be heavy rain in the next few days. It seemed that this long winter was making its last struggle at the end.
Su Xi stood by the window for a while, looking at the gray clouds piled up in the sky. Those huge and terrifying whirlpools slowly took shape in her eyes.
