Chapter 187: Like
The sun was just rising outside the window. The sunlight finally broke through the thick and deep clouds, and a dazzling, clear light shone down from the sky.
The orange-yellow sky was like a thin veil, covering the city. It was like a brushstroke of colored ink, painting the modern city’s towering buildings.
Su Xi gently pushed open the glass window, which still had a few raindrops on it. She looked at the sparkling river in the distance, the ripples chasing each other and flashing past.
After a storm, one could always see such a hopeful scene, as if it were trying to wash away the darkness and pain hidden in one’s heart.
She lay on the window and stared blankly for a while, a happy smile on her lips. The bright light dispelled the darkness in her eyes. The cold morning river wind blew past her nose, and soon, the tip of her nose was red from the cold.
Su Xi gently closed the window, and the bedroom door was pushed open from the inside. The boy squinted his sleepy eyes and looked at Su Xi with confusion, his tone a little surprised. “Why are you up so early?”
“Um…” Su Xi covered her cheeks, pretending to be shy, and stammered, “Oh… I don’t want you to see me lazing in bed, brother. Maybe I’m just too excited to sleep.”
Su Yu sighed helplessly. The girl was always putting on an exaggerated and playful act. Such a golden and brilliant personality… why would it be related to such a gloomy and dark mental illness?
“You even bought breakfast?” Su Yu noticed the steaming hot steamed buns on the table. They had obviously just been bought from downstairs. But the girl was only wearing a thin, loose nightgown. “Did you go down wearing so little?”
“Wuwu~ I didn’t pay attention to those things. It’s not that cold.” Su Xi knew she was in the wrong and stuck out her tongue, changing the subject. “Hurry up and wash up, brother. Otherwise, it will get cold later.”
“Go find something to wear. No one will take care of you if you catch a cold.” Su Yu said a few words and looked up at the bright sunlight shining after the rain. “The sky has cleared up. I’ll leave after lunch.”
“Alright, I know.”
Su Xi didn’t make a fuss like yesterday. She nodded obediently. Her hair, which she hadn’t combed much in the morning, was messy. Her dark, inky pupils were hidden by her hair, making it hard to see clearly.
…
“This one is meat-filled. This one… is red bean paste. And this one is…”
Su Xi seriously sorted the steamed buns and pushed them in front of Su Yu. “Hurry up and eat, brother. It’s a newly opened steamed bun shop in the neighborhood. You’ll have to wait in line if you go too late.”
“Thank you.”
Su Yu took a meat-filled steamed bun and took a bite. The fragrant and hot meat juice danced on his taste buds. The greasy meat filling had a good texture, dispelling the dry and tasteless, uncomfortable feeling in his mouth.
He turned on the phone he had left on the bedside table all night, afraid to touch it. He watched as the startup animation played slowly. It was the first time he felt that the animation, which he had always found a little annoying, was so fast. He was in a daze for a moment, and then the password entry interface appeared.
His fingertips trembled slightly as he tapped on the screen. The heart in his chest began to beat faster. Su Yu looked down and scrolled through the messages, his eyes wandering as if he were looking for something.
His fingertips were sore from rubbing against the dry screen. He saw that besides a few messages from Lu Siyuan and the others, saying that they hadn’t returned to the dorm, the message bar was empty.
He replied to the message, indicating that he was fine, just out for a walk.
But the gloom in his heart still grew wildly as if it had been nourished. He suddenly remembered that when he was desperately trying to escape yesterday, he had turned his head and happened to see Gu Zhi’s lips slightly curled up, a cold and contemptuous smile. The coldness, like a persistent curse, had found him.
Gu Zhi… what do you take me for?
“Brother… it’s going to get cold if you don’t eat.”
Su Xi stared at the boy’s handsome and elegant features. His dark hair was neatly draped over his soft forehead. The brilliant sunlight shone on his long, sparse eyelashes, creating a fan-shaped shadow under his eyes.
She pinched her snow-white, delicate thigh under her skirt. The pain pulled her out of her mesmerized state. She came back to her senses and suddenly interrupted Su Yu’s thoughts, puffing out her cheeks and acting spoiled, as if she were not happy. “Is it so boring to be with me? Why are you always looking at your phone?”
“Not at all. A few friends from school were asking me why I didn’t go back yesterday.”
Su Yu’s lips curled up into a smile. He followed the girl’s wishes and put his phone on the table. “Get well soon. It would be great if you could go to school and make some friends.”
“Oh~ I know. You can’t rush these things. It would be great if there was a medicine that could cure me at once. Then I wouldn’t have to take medicine every day like this.”
The girl’s imagination was always so rich. Su Yu couldn’t help but start to nag again. He was a little worried that the girl’s creamy white skin would melt under the scorching sun.
“What are you thinking? Where would you find such a medicine? It’s better to go out for a walk when you have nothing to do. It’s good to get some sun.”
“Of course there is…”
Su Xi’s breathing quickened, and she muttered in a low voice. By the time the sound reached the center of the two of them, there was not much left.
“What did you just say?”
“I said, won’t it be a bit dry to just eat steamed buns? I bought some fresh milk. I’ll go and heat it up.”
“No need to trouble yourself. I’ll just have some water.”
“It’s okay. I can’t always let you take care of me, brother. Just wait for me for a while. And besides…”
Su Xi propped herself up with her arms and stood up from her seat. Her cat-like eyes showed a pure black and white color, with a hint of innocence.
“I bought it a few days ago. It’s probably going to expire if I don’t drink it.”
…
Su Xi stood quietly in front of the microwave, the orange-yellow light of the microwave faintly reflecting in her clear black and white pupils. The last few seconds quickly passed, and the microwave let out a crisp beep. The orange-yellow light went out, and the door unlocked.
She felt the strange organ in her chest begin to pound randomly, as if it had a mind of its own. She smelled the milky fragrance that wafted out after the milk in the cup was heated. She licked the corners of her somewhat dry lips and forcefully tore off a small piece of dead skin.
The milk was divided into two cups and placed on a plate. She secretly glanced at the boy who was eating breakfast with his head down in the living room and carefully hid the empty milk carton in the cupboard. The date sticker on it had long since been roughly scratched off.
“Alright, be careful, it’s hot.”
Su Xi quickly came out of the kitchen, holding two cups of hot milk and placing them on the table. She pushed one of them to Su Yu and then held the other one and sat back down in her seat.
“Sorry to trouble you.”
Su Yu’s tone was filled with joy. He had always told the girl to pay attention to her nutrition, and he hadn’t expected her to actually listen. He put the milk aside and began to clean up the messy table after breakfast.
“Drink the milk first. Otherwise, it will get cold later.”
Su Xi tucked the loose strands of hair from her forehead behind her ear, revealing her delicate, porcelain doll-like face. She held her own cup and took small sips.
“Alright then, I’ll try it.” Su Yu didn’t think much of it. He said “okay” and brought the steaming cup of milk to his lips.
Su Xi stared as the boy’s thin, crimson lips were stained a milky white. She suppressed the thing that was about to burst out of her chest and swallowed the mellow, sweet, and smooth milk in her mouth. The hot milk flowed down her esophagus and into her stomach, but it was like a flame that had lit the fuse of a bomb.
“Brother…”
Su Xi suddenly grabbed the boy’s raised arm, tugging on his sleeve. The pupils behind her parted hair completely exposed the sinister and terrifying darkness within. She spoke with trepidation, “Brother, did you know? I’ve actually known you for a long, long time.”
“Su Xi, you…” Su Yu remained frozen. He had actually caught a glimpse of that familiar and terrifying thing in the girl’s eyes. His numb lips touched the milk, and the warm liquid was subconsciously poured down his esophagus. But his body began to grow cold and stiff, inch by inch.
“I’ve actually liked you for a long time. I’ve never thought of you as my brother, and you’ve never been my brother. I… I…”
Su Xi stammered, unable to get the words out. The confession she had been rehearsing for over a decade had turned into a tangled mess at the tip of her tongue.
She silently repeated the phrases she had practiced countless times in her heart, wanting to say them all. These words had been buried deep within her for who knows how long—the product of a childish, innocent, and timid longing that had been brewing for over a decade.
A fiery and obsessive, bitter love.
In the end, she was just an ordinary girl who had a crush on a boy. In front of the first boy she had ever liked in her life, she would also become timid and shy, eagerly craving the other party’s favor.
Who was to blame for her meeting the dazzling sunlight when she was still an ugly little flower bud, making her eager to bloom her petals?
She had used such despicable means just to get more of the other party’s attention. She knew very well how dark and disgusting she would be in the boy’s eyes after she had revealed everything. But she was still like a moth, unhesitatingly flying into the raging fire that could turn her into a pile of ashes.
Even if it was just a little bit, Zhiyan… I want to know your feelings for me.
“I like you… Zhiyan. I like you so much… so much. I’ve liked you for more than a decade, so much that I’m going crazy. I’ll never forget my love for you, even if I die.”
“Su Xi.” Su Yu pulled his arm free from the girl’s grasp. The veins on his pale forehead stood out starkly as he struggled to control his emotions. The hidden serpent in his heart bared its fangs and bit down hard. The sharp pain shattered his composure completely. “So you’re just like them. You’re all insane. Why… why now, of all times…”
He suddenly stood up from his seat, his voice full of deep disgust. He roared in frustration, “I don’t know what’s wrong with you all of a sudden. If it wasn’t for my aunt’s request… we would never have met more than a few times in our lives. I sympathize with your situation. If what you said is true, I’m really sorry. I don’t have that kind of thought for you at all.”
Su Xi listened to all the boy’s words with her gloomy and uncertain eyes. She listened very carefully, not missing a single word. The other party’s rejection was ruthless and direct, like a gleaming knife stabbing into her chest, and then slashing down, disemboweling her along with her soul. She was in so much pain that she couldn’t cry…
But… it was too bad. How could a prey that had fallen into a trap have a chance to escape? From the moment he had walked into this house, there was no turning back.
Su Xi’s eyes were cold. She watched as the boy walked quickly to the entryway of the living room. She said indifferently, “Do you really think you can get away? Or do you really think I’m a harmless little white rabbit?”
Before she could finish her words, the sound of a body hitting the ground came from the entryway.
Su Xi grinned, her smile wanton. She stepped on the floor with her small, bare ankles, her steps light and graceful, as if she were dancing, and also like the seductive and terrifying steps of a devil. She saw the boy leaning weakly against the door, his long, white palm on the doorknob, but he couldn’t muster a single bit of strength to escape.
Su Yu struggled to turn around and look at the increasingly blurry girl in front of him. Disgust and fear rushed out from his eyes. A painful expression spread across his handsome and elegant face. He whimpered weakly and questioned, “Wh-Why are you doing this?”
Su Xi had already walked up to him. She slowly squatted down, her cute and delicate, porcelain doll-like face filled with the excitement of a successful plan. She smiled sweetly, her tone as well-behaved and sweet as when they had met in that alley. It was really endearing and heartbreaking.
“Because… I like you.”
