Chapter 123: Collapse
He woke up abruptly in the night. He didn’t know if it was because the bedding had been wrapped too tightly around him unconsciously, or if it was the aftereffect of a sudden awakening. A sticky cold sweat was on his back, and his clothes were clinging to his back, and there was a feeling of stuffiness that was like suffocation.
This annoyance came for no reason, as if some addiction had flared up. He was neurotically missing something, and he was in pain if he couldn’t get it. He turned over and got up, and his dark and messy hair was scattered. His dark eyes were in the darkness, and an uncertain shadow flashed.
A hazy white frost was on the window, and the pale moonlight was seeping in, exposing the pale and thin face under his bangs. The whole house was in the shadows, and it was swallowing his shadow and then spitting it out, and it was repeating.
Su Yu grabbed his phone from the somewhat messy table and held it in his hand and turned it on. He scrolled through the messages. The message bar, which was created by the few friends in his social media, was particularly deserted. He saw the message that had been left for a long time at a glance, and his memory suddenly returned.
“I’m working overtime tonight. You should get some rest early.”
It was overtime again. He was rarely annoyed. He punched his soft pillow, and he had lost his strength, and he didn’t make a sound.
It was four o’clock in the morning. He had accidentally fallen asleep and had missed her message. But… Su Yu suddenly realized that the table lamp at the head of the bed had been extinguished at some point, and the half-open bedroom door had also been closed. He got up and got out of bed. He walked to the door silently, and his long and pale fingers were on the doorknob. His chest was heaving, as if a ferocious and terrifying monster were guarding outside.
He used a little force, and a crack was opened and gradually widened. There was no expected light that was shining in. A deeper darkness was in the outside.
He deliberately lightened his steps. There was no heating in the living room. Even if the windows were tightly closed, the temperature was frighteningly low. The cold wind had slipped in from some corner and had gathered, and it was wandering in the empty space. His teeth were chattering from the cold, and the cold sweat on his back had dried. He walked over the cold floor and approached the sofa step by step.
A large patch of a gray and dark color occupied his retina. Su Yu could vaguely see a thin and slender black shadow sitting on the sofa. The air was filled with an indescribable smell, as if the rainwater had overturned the mud by the garbage dump, and there was a rotting and spoiling smell that was choking him.
“Qian Ge?”
Su Su tentatively asked, and his palm was on the wall, constantly looking for the switch.
“Why are you awake now?”
The woman’s tired voice and the sound of the switch turning were heard at the same time. He squinted his eyes with some discomfort to adjust to the strong light, but he still tried his best to see her half-face, which was on the side. The corners of her pale and dry lips were upturned, and the skin on the side of her neck was slowly becoming transparent in the light, as if he could see the blood vessels swimming.
Even her smile was filled with fatigue and perfunctoriness.
Her dark and curled hair was as if it had been soaked in water, and it was shining under the light. He couldn’t tell if it was water or grease. She clearly hadn’t taken off her makeup yet. Her face was white and her lips were red, and she was covered in powder. She was so gaudy that she didn’t suit her at all. But she was still wrapped in a not-so-thick nightgown, and a pink little bear was embroidered on the pocket. Her personality, which was so light that it was almost transparent, was particularly fond of such a lively and cute color.
Xia Qiange turned her body, and her neck was raised. Besides the stiff and weak smile on her face, the other expressions were like melted wax, and they were dripping down her face. She was biting the dead skin on her lips, and she was looking at him with her head tilted.
“You… when did you get back? Did you wake up in the night, or did you work overtime until so late?”
Su Yu stared at Xia Qiange’s eyes, trying to see something from them, but he only saw the dark tide in the deep sea. It would occasionally surge, but he couldn’t catch a single bit.
“Haha… I just couldn’t sleep. I’ll sit for a while. I’ll be back in my room soon.”
She smiled, and she didn’t even bother to hide anything anymore. It was so fake that he could see through it at a glance.
“Then what is this?”
A white medicine bottle was on the coffee table, and two round pills were scattered. Su Yu only took a glance and recognized what this bottle of medicine was. “You tell me what this is.”
Xia Qiange’s gaze followed him to the bottle of medicine, and the smile that was carved on the corners of her lips suddenly disappeared. She shook her head and said a perfunctory “nothing.” Then she began to pick up the things on the coffee table. She threw the half-eaten piece of bread into the trash can and then picked up the medicine and was about to put it away.
“How long have you been like this? You’ve been working overtime every day. Why are you still suffering from insomnia? You were clearly not like this before…”.
Su Yu’s whole person suddenly became restless. Some of the emotions that had been suppressed in his heart for a long time suddenly erupted. Even the most perfect suture would leave a slight trace. He had thought that the wound under the blood scab had already healed. With a slight touch, it was a bloody mess.
He seemed to have understood something. He grabbed the hand that she was using to pack the medicine bottle and used force. A bottle of medicine was shaken and was scattered on the floor. He asked aggressively, “You’ve always had insomnia, right? Why did you lie to me? You shouldn’t have lied to me. I almost thought that everything was getting better. Not just me… you should have gotten better too. Why?”
She seemed to have suddenly become impatient. She forcefully tore off the dead skin on her lips with her teeth, and a bright red blood was seeping out. She pulled her wrist out of Su Yu’s palm and bent down to pick up those pills.
When she bent down, her thin and bony back was bent. Her body was so thin that it seemed that if her spine were straightened, it would pierce her skin. She was as fragile as a butterfly with its wings flapping, and he didn’t know where she would go.
Su Yu suddenly felt a sense of fear. He thought he had still been relying on something to live until now. His body had found a place to rest, but his spirit was still like a wandering traveler with no home.
He naively thought that continuing to live the life he had now was love. But how was that enough?
He was really so scared. He was afraid that she would die silently in a certain night, or that she would just wave her hand and turn and leave.
Why did she have to lie to him? Was it work that was keeping her out early and back late, or was she already tired of the life she had now?
Was it… time for them to end?
“Qian Ge, are you… tired of it?”
Xia Qiange did not answer. Her face was carved with cold and aloof features. She lowered her head and picked up the last pill and put it in the medicine bottle. She was silent all along. She put the lid on the medicine bottle and put it on the coffee table. She crossed her legs and sat on the sofa by herself, and she threw her whole person into the soft sponge.
“Su Yu…”, at the moment when someone was silent to the point of almost collapsing, her eyes were still only filled with a slow and deliberate fatigue. She suddenly opened her mouth, and her tone was slow and unfeeling. “There are some things that it’s better not to ask too much about. It’s good for us… both of us.”
Su Yu didn’t understand. He didn’t know which of his questions this ambiguous answer was meant to answer. So he had to patiently and repeatedly ask, “But you clearly said before that you had no one to accompany you. I’m the same. How can we…”
“Yeah, I seem to have said that. But… do you think this is fair to me? Of course I love you. But it’s really a very painful thing to throw out love and not get anything in return.”
She leaned down again and shortened the distance between them. A meaningful smile was rolling in her dark and gloomy eyes. She spoke in a soft and gentle voice, and her voice was always so gentle. Even if a knife was hidden in a marshmallow, no one would notice.
She squinted her eyes, and the corners of her eyes were slightly upturned. She reached out and gently touched his cheek. She smiled perfunctorily, and her hand was withdrawn by her.
“So, Su Yu, what are you going to ask me for?”
