Chapter 14: Dress
The summer of that year was extremely hot, seemingly the hottest in recent years. The weather forecast reported a terrifying red alert almost every day. But as long as the sky didn’t fall, life probably had to go on, and the pain had to ferment along with the gradually rising temperature… like the rotting and stinking garbage piled up by the trash can.
In the afternoon of a summer day, the sky was a vast expanse of blue. The clouds seemed to have been burned away by being too close to the sun, like cotton candy roasted on a fire. Not a single cloud could be seen.
The sun was hanging in the middle of the sky, and the scorching sunlight was pouring down. Everything on the ground had nowhere to escape. The poor-quality plastic track on the playground seemed to have melted, and it was soft to the touch. Only the energetic boys were still running wildly on the playground, and the dark soccer ball was running back and forth on the field.
The girls were all hiding in the shade of the trees, protecting their delicate skin with the shadows. The gray and black cicadas were clinging to the old and mottled tree trunks, chirping incessantly. Sometimes, a few dead gray cicadas would accidentally fall from the tree trunks, scaring a few little girls into screaming in panic. Afterwards, there would be a burst of laughter of relief.
This was a common sight in the physical education class in the summer, and it was also a monotonous replay in the eyes of the girl who was always a spectator. Su Xi… no, she was still surnamed Lin at that time, the same surname as that disgusting man.
Su Xi was squatting under a very lush camphor tree. In this hot summer, which made people want to throw away the shackles of morality and walk on the street with bare arms, she was still wrapped in the school uniform that the school had issued in the autumn, with long clothes and long pants. The steaming hot air entered her sleeves and refused to leave. She was as if she had been thrown into a steamer and steamed. Fine beads of sweat were constantly flowing down her forehead, and her thick bangs were soaked with sweat.
She took a few deep breaths, her head a little dizzy. The sweat on her forehead dripped into her eyes.
Su Xi rubbed the corners of her eyes uncomfortably. Her dry and yellowish skin was very greasy. If it wasn’t for the fact that her skin was still as tight as a little girl of her age, most people would have probably been mistaken. She endured the scorching heat and wrapped her clothes even tighter.
A few sixth-grade senior sisters on the playground were laughing and talking as they walked past Su Xi. No one looked at her. Her malnourished and thin body was squatting, curled up in the shade of the tree, and she was really not very noticeable.
But she stared with her big eyes at the swaying skirts of the senior sisters as they laughed and played. The edges of the skirts were adorned with beautiful lace. The hot wind blew, and the skirts swayed slightly, revealing their snow-white thighs, dazzlingly white, full of the youthful vitality that a girl of her age should have.
Su Xi’s eyes were very big. When a ray of light fell into them, they were like two crystal-clear grapes. It was the only feature on her young, undeveloped face that could make people take a second look.
But her eyes were always dark. No matter how strong the sunlight was, it seemed that it could not penetrate. Even adults, after looking at her for a long time, would feel a chill in their spines. They would all secretly mutter that this daughter of the Lin family… was evil.
When such words reached the man’s ears, he would lose face, and if he was unhappy… he would definitely be beaten.
Actually, Su Xi felt that others were not wrong. She was really not like an ordinary child. She had an indescribable evilness, just like the villains in TV shows. They were all ugly.
And she was also very ugly. She had been called an ugly monster by the mischievous boys in her class many times. There were not many classmates in the class who were nice to her. The greatest kindness to her… was to keep a distance from her. No one wanted to be classified as a villain.
Who was to blame for the fact that villains were always ugly and evil? Of course, they would not bear the condemnation of their conscience. They would even be complacent. Everything slowly became a matter of course. They were righteous, and this world was precisely a world where evil could not defeat righteousness.
Fortunately, a bright mirror would not follow a person around. She didn’t have to always face herself in the mirror. Naturally, she escaped from reality, and it was inevitable that she would have beautiful fantasies.
Like a weed struggling to grow on a barren land. The weeds in the garden were annoying, as annoying as mosquitoes. But these few weeds that had emerged from the barren soil were the last green in this yellow and dim world. Things that should not exist were also given meaning.
She liked pretty and beautiful dresses. She even stubbornly believed that dresses were probably the most beautiful clothes in this world that could embody all the beauty contained in the word “girl.”
The intricately designed and dazzling dresses seemed to be able to retain all the beautiful colors. The waistband was just right on the slender waist that could be held in one hand. With a few movements, it would flutter like a butterfly. The flower-adorned hem would sway slightly in the wind, revealing the most beautiful existence in this world.
The bell for the last class of the fifth grade in the afternoon rang, and the crisp sound interrupted Su Xi’s thoughts. Her consciousness slowly returned. She suddenly frowned, and the movement of standing up pulled at her wound. The new wound on her calf was aching again.
The day before yesterday, the man had lost money in gambling and had no spare money to drink… he had a craving for alcohol. She had just happened to appear in the man’s field of vision. A belt was very painful to be hit with, especially the side with the iron buckle. When it hit the flesh, it could sometimes scrape off a large piece of flesh. Even if the wound slowly healed, it would leave an ugly scar for a long time.
That was precisely the annoying weed, not the one growing in the barren land, but the wild grass that grew next to the delicate flowers and stole their nutrients, eye-catching and ugly.
…
Su Xi stood alone at the school gate. She watched as the noise and chaos at the school gate gradually subsided. The woman was always late to pick her up from school, and she would explain to her with clumsy excuses over and over again.
Later, she got used to it and stopped asking. But the woman would still explain the reason to her with a full of apology. The woman was such a weak person. She would only say a worthless “sorry.” Before the man’s raised hand had even fallen, she would lower her head and apologize.
The woman probably still needed some time to come and pick her up on that old bicycle. Su Xi’s way of passing the time was to wander the street in front of the school. She would walk back and forth on the short street, and she would stop for the longest time in front of that somewhat old children’s clothing store.
A plain dress was hanging in the dim glass window of the shop. The milky white fabric was dotted with light blue patterns. The hem of the dress, which was hanging on a hanger, would sway with the breeze from the yellowing electric fan. Her gloomy and dark eyes were filled with the simple lace at the edge of the hem, which was gently swaying, creating ripples in her heart.
…
The woman would come to this street to find her if she didn’t see Su Xi at the school gate. Most of the time, she would see the girl standing in front of the window in a daze.
Su Xi heard the woman’s call and turned her head, obediently sitting on the back of the bicycle.
“We’re not going home tonight. Mom will take you to stay out for the night.”
The woman was pedaling the bicycle with some difficulty. The girl’s not-so-heavy weight on the bike seemed to be the last straw. The old bicycle was creaking, as if it were about to fall apart in the next second.
“Aren’t you going to work part-time tonight, Mom?”
“Yeah… I’ve asked for leave from the barbecue stall owner. I’m not going today. I’ll take you to eat something good tonight.”
“Is Dad going?”
“Dad, he…” The woman heard her daughter’s childish voice, and her heart seemed to be pulled hard by something. She endured the pain and said with a smile, “Dad has something else to do today. He can’t go.”
“Oh, I see.”
Su Xi obediently agreed and didn’t say anything more. She was not like the girls of her age who always had endless things to say. She lowered her head, still thinking about the blue-dotted dress. The faint ripple seemed to be etched in her heart, and it was hard to calm down for a long time.
It was not until later that she suddenly realized that the reason she loved to wear dresses so much after she grew up was probably to commemorate this childhood that was wrapped in long clothes and long pants.
