Chapter 3: Self-Doubt
“Why do you call me Zhiyan?”
Su Yu’s voice was weak, like a terminally ill patient. His limbs hung limply, and he had to lean against the wall to barely maintain a sitting position, holding on to that little bit of insignificant dignity.
Although Su Yu’s voice was as light as a gust of wind, it was still caught by Su Xi at once. She gently closed the book and placed it on the desk, looking sideways at the boy. The other party was obediently curled up in the corner, showing no intention of escaping.
Su Xi was very satisfied with the boy’s current performance. After that warning, the other party had obediently sheathed his claws and had not been cold to her these past two days. This made the relationship between them very harmonious. She smiled and tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear, revealing her bright, round eyes.
“You mean the name Zhiyan? I like to call you that. Whether it’s brother or Su Yu, I don’t have any feelings for them.”
Su Xi stood up from the chair and walked to the side of the bed. She rested half a knee on the bed, her clear black and white eyes without a trace of impurity, showing a hint of innocence. “But… if Zhiyan likes me to continue calling you by your original name, that’s fine too. I’ll listen to you…”
“Don’t…” Su Yu was still scared by the girl’s actions. He subconsciously wanted to escape, but his back pitifully hit the cold and hard wall, and he couldn’t find an exit. He realized that his feigned obedience had accidentally exposed him. He could only be silent, carefully observing the other party’s further actions.
But Su Xi didn’t do anything. Instead, she asked him if he had been hurt and if he needed a pillow to lean on. The gentle smile was carved on her light pink lips, and there was not a trace of impatience in her smiling eyes.
“You knew me before… but why don’t I have any impression of it?”
Su Yu hesitated for a moment before finally asking the question. He was probing the girl’s motives, trying to find a possible loophole. But he knew how fragile the girl’s gentleness was at this moment. If he was not careful… the consequences would be unimaginable. It was like walking on a thin layer of ice. A slight misstep would make him fall into a bottomless ice cave with no chance of survival.
“Who knows? Didn’t you always say I was childish, Zhiyan? Just consider it a nickname I gave you.”
Su Xi just looked at him and smiled. Her fleshy and cute face was as exquisite as a doll in a display case. She took a pillow and climbed onto the bed, pulling the weak Su Yu up and putting the pillow behind his back.
She didn’t want to argue anymore. She was already very satisfied with this situation. Of course, she knew that the boy was just pretending to be obedient to lull her into a false sense of security. She didn’t expose him. If the boy wanted to act, she would play along. The boy gently complied with her wishes, and she, in turn, was a considerate and caring good sister. But when the pretense was torn away, she was afraid she wouldn’t hold back at all.
Su Yu twitched his nose. The dark and shiny hair brushed against the boy’s cheek, a tickling sensation. The girl, as if she couldn’t feel the temperature, was only wearing a goose-yellow long dress. When she leaned down, a few ambiguous spring sceneries were revealed. He subconsciously glimpsed the drooping, plump breasts under her collar, squeezed into a deep cleavage. A few faint pink halos glowed in the darkness.
The girl wasn’t even wearing a bra… and she was wearing a dress.
A moment of fantasy stirred up lewd thoughts. His body temperature rose uncontrollably, and his earlobes flushed a crimson red.
“Hehe… what are you looking at, Zhiyan?”
Su Xi had no intention of dodging. She pursed her lips and bit his hot earlobe, the tip of her tongue with a sticky liquid gently touching the soft flesh. Her hot breath brushed against his neck, and his earlobe, held in her mouth, felt as if it were about to melt.
“Why are you holding back? People are desire animals. When you have a desire, you have to find a way to satisfy it. You have to pursue it for the rest of your life. If you’re blocked by a wall, then break it down and rush in.”
Her bright red lips were bitten a little pale, and the blush on her cheeks was hidden in her scattered hair. She stammered… saying things that made her blush even more. She had also learned these methods of seducing men from books. They were as clumsy as an ugly woman imitating a beauty, yet they had a different kind of fatal beauty.
“Zhiyan, you… are you very hot? Should I take off a few clothes for you? It’s okay. You don’t have to force yourself. If you want, I’ve already said… I’ll listen to you. I’m all yours, Zhiyan. Should we…”
“You’re a girl. How can you be so shameless?”
Su Yu listened to the girl’s uncontrollable moans, the sizzling sound of water filled with an irresistible ambiguity. He looked away, leaving a cold profile. Fortunately, Su Xi had been giving him those drugs these past few days. Although the drug’s effect on suppressing his emotions was becoming weaker and weaker, it was still having a slight effect now. He suppressed the rising heat in his lower abdomen and held on to the last bit of reason.
The girl’s overly unrestrained actions really made him angry. These past few days, he couldn’t help but recall the girl’s innocent and romantic appearance before. A perfectly good… a girl as brilliant as a summer flower and spring grass, how could she have such a shameless thought? He was both pitiful and hateful. He couldn’t help but mock her with harsh words.
“You look… so ugly. You have a pretty face, but it’s just a beautiful skin. Your soul is still ugly… it makes me sick.”
“I… I…”
Su Xi opened her mouth but couldn’t say anything. These past few days, the boy had been speaking to her with harsh words, and she had listened without a care. Sometimes, when she was impatient, she would threaten him a little. But the word “ugly” from the boy’s mouth was like a sudden grip on her heart. A sharp pain rose in her heart, and she could barely breathe.
“I’m not ugly… I’m not ugly at all. Don’t say I’m ugly…” She suddenly fell into an extreme self-doubt, muttering as if she had lost her soul. “You’re not allowed to…”
“You have your desires, but that’s not a reason for you to imprison… to deprive me of my freedom.” Su Yu mistakenly thought the girl was blaming herself. He felt that this was an opportunity. “I’ve heard about your situation and your unfortunate family from Auntie. I sympathize with you, but you should understand…”
“I…”
Su Xi sobbed a few times. She raised her head and forced back the sour tears in her eyes. She regretted not being more fierce, not using the most sharp and terrifying warning to make the boy understand the consequences of disobeying her, instead of having the strength and mind to say some useless nonsense like she sympathized with her.
She retreated slightly. The plug that had sealed her vulnerability was pulled out, and the sorrow that had been brewing for who knows how long seeped endlessly into every inch of her body and soul. She even felt the urge to flee, afraid of exposing her wretchedness and darkness in front of the boy.
When she was ugly, they all called her an ugly monster. After she grew up and had a beautiful skin, her ears were filled with disgusting flattery.
No one had ever truly liked her.
A person like her… would be better off dead.
“Enough! If you don’t want to die… shut up.”
Her emotions, which had hit rock bottom, suddenly snapped back. It was clear the boy had underestimated her mental endurance—he had even dared to fantasize about breaking through her defenses.
“Don’t always put yourself in a superior position. Zhiyan… I like you, but I’m not crazy. I don’t care about your cheap, trash-like forgiveness. And don’t even think about escaping from here.”
“Your life and death are in my hands. Know your place. Otherwise…”
Her tearful eyes were clearly not very convincing, but her expression was still extremely fierce, without a hint of a joke in it. She snorted with a disdainful tone, her contemptuous gaze on the fear in the boy’s eyes. Her bitten tongue licked the boy’s cheek, leaving a trace of blood. She lowered her voice and gave a final warning.
“I don’t mind adding a little more blood to my hands.”
