Chapter 78: Deep Night
The sleep time seemed to be getting shorter and shorter. She couldn’t sleep but she woke up very early. But fortunately, she would no longer be in so much pain that she couldn’t control herself because of a sudden headache.
Although the pain was getting stronger and stronger, she was no longer as pathetic as before. The boy had never discovered her disguise, and his attitude towards her had even started to improve a little. Although it was so slight that it could be ignored, she was still happy to write these things in her diary.
The only thing that made her afraid was the moment she opened her eyes in the morning and felt the sunlight falling on her eyes. She would immediately search her memory for those things that should not be forgotten. She suddenly felt that those things were not so important anymore. As long as she could see the boy’s serene sleeping face at first glance and call out his name, it would be fine.
She had finally completely accepted the memory loss that came with her worsening condition. She resigned herself to her fate and began to write a diary every day. She wanted to record all the important things on paper, so that even if she really forgot something important one day, she should be able to recall it quickly as long as she saw these words.
She would often flip through her diary, but she suddenly found that almost all of it was about Su Yu. It was as if her world was left with only him. They were clearly living together in this villa, but it was as if there were endless things to write.
Auntie Jing had been urging her about the surgery, saying that her condition was already very serious and could not be delayed any longer. There were no miracles in this world, let alone for a villain like her. So of course, her condition was still getting worse day by day. In the X-rays taken at the hospital, the shadow in her cranial cavity was getting bigger and bigger. It was as if a menacing monster was hidden in her body, and its roars were making her spirit fragile and neurotic.
No wonder they all called her a complete madwoman. She thought she really was. Otherwise, she would not have done these things to Su Yu. It was all her fault for loving him too much, so much that she had developed a hatred. She thought that a person would do anything to survive, let alone the fact that she was not a good person in the first place. She was a bad seed from heaven, and her life was filled with a blatant evil.
Perhaps she would never be forgiven in this life. But so what? She was about to die. It was probably a case of evil getting its just deserts. This was what she deserved.
Auntie Jing had even threatened her, saying that she would completely forget Su Yu before she died and would treat him as a strange passerby. How could that be… she would not forget him even if she died. She could write so much about him in her diary. How could she forget him?
But she seemed to only remember things about Su Yu. She had to recall other things for a long time to find the desired memory from the wreckage of her collapsed memory. But that was not important. As long as she had Su Yu, it was enough.
But soon, another terrifying change made her a little uneasy. She seemed to have found that she didn’t love him as much anymore. This discovery came a little suddenly, but it was more terrifying to her than death.
The possessiveness that had always been excessive had made it almost impossible for her to get along with him normally. Every time, she needed a great deal of restraint to suppress the possessiveness in her heart to occupy him, abuse him, and make him obedient. It seemed that it was no longer so strong. Her love had changed from a crazy storm to a gentle and calm sea. Even once, when he had walked to the half-open main entrance and was only one step away from escaping, she was actually just a little angry in her heart, instead of immediately rushing up and slapping him, using pain to make the other party learn his lesson.
She stubbornly believed that if you love someone, you should want to get them, control them, and possess them… this should be love, a top-down absolute control, just as that woman had taught her. She had clearly loved him so much before, but now it seemed that everything had changed.
So did she love him?
She thought she probably did.
If she didn’t love him, she wouldn’t have written so much about him in her diary. How could she only think of him? She had just lost the ability to quickly find her memories. She had not become a madwoman, nor was she mentally deranged.
Even if at a certain moment, when she was looking at his profile in the shadows, she would have a strange feeling, but she would still hold him tightly afterwards. At that moment, her heart was filled with a gentle and comfortable emotion.
She had lost some very important things, but she seemed to have also gotten some equally precious treasures. She heard the monster in her body let out a terrified roar. It seemed to be inexplicably a little scared, and it was afraid of her sudden change.
She cherished every minute and every second in front of her, but she still felt that it was not enough. She used her graceful and alluring body to constantly seduce him to be intimate with her in bed, to enjoy the pleasure of making love, and she would not stop every day and every night. She really loved the moment when the two of them embraced and reached a climax together.
So she frantically wanted to make love with him, just purely to make love. It was as if only in this way could she completely possess him, to deeply carve everything about him into her flaws, to achieve a complete her.
She left a very short sentence at the end of today’s note, which was like a reminder and also like a wish.
“I will never forget Xiao Yu.”
Her head started to hurt again. She habitually took out the last bottle of painkillers from the drawer of her desk, poured out the remaining few pills, and swallowed them with water. She pressed her temples and rested for a long time before she recovered from the end of the pain.
She put down her pen, closed her notebook, and rubbed her sore eyes as if she were relieved. The light that was pouring down on the desk was slowly seeping into the pages of the book, illuminating the rows of neat and elegant small characters. The night wind was about to rise, and it seeped in through the crack in the window. The curtains were lifted, and a few strands of bright white moonlight fell on the photo on the desk.
She stared at the family photo in the frame. She saw herself as a child, and she also saw a man and a woman behind her. She looked at it for a while, and her heart was at ease. Fortunately, she still remembered that these were her deceased parents. It seemed that she should go back there to see them. It had been so long.
She turned off the light and only then did she realize that it was already late at night outside. She walked silently in the darkness barefoot and gently entered the bedroom. Under the dim yellow bedside lamp, the boy was already fast asleep. His quiet and beautiful sleeping face had plucked the strings of her heart, and a sweet and moving music was playing in her heart.
She carefully got into the blanket and shared the bed with him. She could clearly feel his warm breath on her face. She quietly looked at the boy and couldn’t take her eyes off him. She didn’t know how much longer this kind of day would last. Three years… five years… no matter how long, she would not get tired of looking at the boy’s appearance.
She was like a devout believer, believing in her holy light. Those self-doubts were just ridiculous fantasies now that she thought about it.
She loved him so much. She wanted to see him every moment, wanted to hug him, longed to kiss him, and liked to make love with him… as long as it was related to him, she loved everything about him.
She would always love him, and she would never forget him.
