Chapter 23 p2: Sunshine
Noon, the scorching sun was fierce, like a raging fire, as if it would burn everything.
Time was broken here. Only the sound of breathing was in the narrow and cramped space, and it was pressing on the nerves.
The hot and scorching airflow was strangling the two of them, and it had burned the reins of their reason. It was falling straight down, and he was seeing the dizzy passion in each other’s eyes. His hand was slowly on her flesh, and her slender waist was slightly swaying, until he had looked at her wet and red eye tail a few more times.
The arm that was tightening her waist had sprung open as if it had been electrocuted. He had come back to his senses from his daze, and his gaze was lowered, and it was on her eyes, and there was a wet and watery desire in them.
He suddenly couldn’t ignore her anymore. His self-proclaimed calmness had been torn apart, and the brushstroke that had been brushed over was thick. He had thought too shallowly, and it was only after he had stepped in that he had found that it was a bottomless quagmire.
She had chased after him and had held him. She was buried in his chest, and the voice was kneaded into his heart through the diaphragm. The voice was softened, and the fierceness of her biting him was gone. The softness had captured the violent beating. “You… you still like her, don’t you? Hmm? I want to know.”
He lowered his eyes, and he was in a mess. He couldn’t bear to hurt her.
“Okay, I know.”
She was as if she had understood. While he was in a daze, she had suddenly kissed him again, as if she were drinking seawater. The more she drank, the thirstier she became.
Her heart was also in a mess, and it was numb and astringent. She didn’t want to care about anything. She was messing around with her desire, and there was a kind of a self-abandoning indulgence, until she was pushed away by him.
“Enough!”
He had pressed her arm and had pinned it on the wall. Her wet and soft black hair was scattered. The rough and violent physical contact had made him remember something. The darkness was shrinking in a corner and was moving. The shadow was expanding, and it was quickly suppressed by him.
His dark eyes were covered with blood vessels, and his hot breath had dried the tears at the corners of the girl’s eyes. After a while, he had come back to his senses, and his low and deep voice was hoarse. “I’m sorry. I…”
He Mu Qing was stunned. It was a long time before she had red eyes and had looked at him and had said, “Su Yu, you’ve never been so fierce with me before.”
He was staring at her in a daze. The expression on her face was familiar, and he had remembered the past. Some things had slowly removed his heart’s defense.
It had been the same before. When he was young and immature, he had clung to his self-esteem, treating it as more important than his own life. The words he spoke back then were harsh, and he had hurt her without meaning to. At that time, no matter how fiery her personality was, she was still just a little girl. She had cried then, wiping away her tears with her own hands.
He had been just as flustered as he was now. He had never imagined that the girl who burned as fiercely as the sun could cry like that. That scene had seared itself into his memory, and even now it rose vividly before him.
A sudden, heavy guilt wrapped around him. The feeling was inexplicable. He should have long grown numb to such things, yet somehow he capsized in it again. In his struggle, he subconsciously broke free of the restraints of morality, simply wanting a little relief in his heart, unwilling to keep wrestling with it.
It was selfish—he knew. And so he let her hold his hand. Her soft gaze was like a cat’s, licking at his wounds. Her voice choked as she said:
“I don’t want to regret it again. Last time the price was four years. What about this time? Who can guarantee you won’t suddenly disappear? Of course I have to hold on to you. What’s wrong with being unreasonable? Who’s to blame but you, for lying to me once?
Su Yu’s throat was hoarse, and he had no words to say. He could only repeat her question over and over again. “No, no. I’ve already promised you.”
“I’m hungry…”, she had suddenly said. She had taken a step back before him, and her tears were all on his collar.
“It’s cold. I’ll go and heat it up.”
“I’m not full. I want to eat fried rice.”
The stove was on. He had accidentally been licked by the hot flame. He had come back to his senses and had rinsed it under the cold water.
“What’s wrong?”
He Mu Qing had tilted her head and had looked in from the living room. Her voice was still slightly seeping with a cry that had not yet dissipated.
“It’s nothing. You sit down. It’s almost ready.”
“Do you have to go?”
“I’ve already said it. The car is tomorrow.”
“What are you looking for her for?”
He had extinguished the fire, and the plate was full. His Adam’s apple had rolled. “I’m worried about her. She’s living alone. I’m afraid she can’t take care of herself.”
“Oh… then I’ll wait for you at home.”
She had nodded with a nonchalant look, and the way she snatched the bowl was rough. She lowered her head and ate her rice in big mouthfuls, wolfing it down in a way that didn’t suit a girl at all.
Su Yu had opened his mouth, and he could not find his own voice. He had been silent for a long time. He had seen that she was really eating too fast, and only then had he said, “You should eat slowly. There’s still some in the pot. Don’t choke.”
Her body had stiffened, and she had lowered her head. She had swallowed the rice along with her unwillingness. Her chopsticks were stirring in the bowl, and the full and plump rice was crushed. She had asked him.
“How much do you like her?”
“Yeah. I like her. I used to like her very much. I liked the her of the past. Although it was fake later, it was so fake that it made me strange, and I was scared…”, Su Yu had lowered his head, and his fingertips were on the side of the bowl, and they were white. “But when I think about it, it’s also my fault. It would have been better if I hadn’t met her.”
“Then have you thought about it? If you hadn’t met her, maybe she wouldn’t be here now. Maybe you saved her, and that’s why she’s clinging to you…”, she was biting her chopsticks, and she was lightly biting them, and she had tasted the bitterness of the grass and trees. “I’m so envious of her. I can’t love someone as much as she does. I can be indifferent to everything.”
“But I still hate her quite a lot.”
He Mu Qing had pouted. “She’s like a psycho. I really want to call the police and have her arrested. You’re saying now that you only like the her of the past. You’ll definitely be sad later. A good person is just like you.”
“Yeah, that’s right. If I had listened to you earlier, maybe there wouldn’t have been so many things.”
He had smiled, and his expression was far from as relaxed as his tone. He was savoring the words of the person in front of him. If he had saved her, but she had wanted to harm him, then why shouldn’t he have cut her off early?
Perhaps he should have cut her off completely from the very beginning. But how could he be so calm and heartless to this extent? He was sure he couldn’t do it. Even if he didn’t love her, he couldn’t just watch her die alone.
“Bang bang bang!”
The table was being knocked hard. He had looked up in a daze, and the girl was flushed, and her face was in pain. Her voice was intermittent. “Water… water. I’m choking.”
“I told you to slow down. You didn’t listen.”
He had immediately stood up and had patted He Mu Qing’s slender back. He had fed her water, but he had not heard a sound for a long time. He was so anxious, but he could only keep asking in her ear, “Are you better?”
He Mu Qing had come back to her senses after a long while. She had nodded in a daze. “I’m… I’m better.”
“Are you stupid? You’re a grown-up.”
Su Yu had let out a sigh of relief. After he had been flustered, he had gotten angry again. He had knocked on her forehead.
“You know I’m stupid. Why don’t you take care of me?”
He Mu Qing had looked back at him, and the words she had said had forced him, and he was speechless. “I’ve been waiting for a missing person for four years. How can I not be stupid? You can just leave. But I’m stupid… I can’t catch up with you at all.”
It was really quiet. There was only the wind blowing, and the sand was scraping the glass, and it was hurting, and it was calling.
She had said slowly, but she was firm. “I’ve thought about it. I really can’t swallow this. Every time it’s you who is sad, and you just casually hurt me, and you don’t compensate. Now you want to get rid of me.”
“Su Yu, no one is more of a bastard than you.”
This time, she had finally not cried. She had held it in. She was gambling. From the very beginning, she had been avoiding the topic and had been laying out her plan. It was another little trick, to advance by retreating.
The man’s heart had suddenly slowed down a beat, and there had been a pause.
He had slowly and with her eyes met. His gaze was very deep. He had touched her red forehead. “Then… I won’t let you wait this time.”
The wind had brought the light, and the sunlight was deep. A thin layer of gold was on her dark hair. She had lowered her head and had smiled gently.
She… had won the bet.
