A Promise in a Thought 18

Chapter 18

Bo Muyu was sometimes confused about the exact nature of the word “hurt.”

In her understanding, causing psychological or physical damage to others was called hurt. But she had never done such a thing from beginning to end. She had only rejected what she didn’t want to accept.

Something similar had happened in university. Afterward, some rumors spread, saying that she had hurt a certain classmate, causing that classmate to be unable to focus on their studies for a period of time.

And she clearly remembered that she had only said, “No, I don’t like you.” Just that one sentence.

She rejected what she didn’t want, so the other person was hurt. To avoid such things, should she have accepted? But if she had accepted, who would pay for the hurt caused to herself?

Bo Muyu left the party early. Sitting in the taxi, she turned her head to look out the window, her hands stroking the now-dark screen of her phone.

“Check-in. Crying my eyes out. Persisting in being hurt (1/1)”

This was the social media post she had just seen, posted by Yang Qian, whom she had rejected at the party. Underneath the post, several colleagues had liked it with little peach hearts.

The taxi stopped near Jiang Chenyin’s villa. Bo Muyu got out, carrying the dessert she had packed to go.

This wasn’t the first time there had been rumors about her. Similarly, she was already used to it, but sometimes she just couldn’t understand.

She guessed that Jiang Chenyin was probably already home. Her pace quickened, and looking at the small box in her hand, a smile that hadn’t appeared all evening hung on her lips.

As she was about to reach the door, a few sentences of back-and-forth conversation made Bo Muyu stop at the corner.

“Chenyin, I just happened to have a social engagement tonight and saw some nice desserts, so I brought them over for you. I don’t mean anything else…”

The speaker was a man in a sharp suit, tall and with a handsome side profile, his voice deep and resonant.

Jiang Chenyin had her arms crossed, a rare lack of a smile on her face, and her brows were tightly furrowed.

“Yi’an,” she sighed, hesitating. “We’ve already made things very clear before…”

Meng Yi’an took a step forward. “I know. I really don’t mean anything else. I don’t dare to ask for anything. I just hope we can still be friends, that you can occasionally accept a little of my goodwill. That’s all.”

Only then did Bo Muyu see that the man was holding a very beautiful dessert box. With such packaging, there was no way he had just seen it at a social engagement and brought it over on a whim.

She had never seen this man before. Who was he?

Before Bo Muyu could figure anything out, Jiang Chenyin shook her head. “We’re over. This kind of goodwill is fine for ordinary friends, but we were together, after all. To avoid unnecessary consequences, please don’t send me anything anymore.”

“Chenyin…”

“Go back,” Jiang Chenyin said, uncrossing her arms and turning to enter the house without a hint of hesitation.

Bo Muyu saw the man standing outside the door, staring at the closed gate for a long time before finally turning to leave.

She had never seen this person before, but from Jiang Chenyin’s words, he and Jiang Chenyin had been together before. When was this? Why did she have no impression of it at all? Not to mention any impression of Jiang Chenyin ever having been in a relationship, she didn’t even know who this man was. She had never seen him.

Like the man just now, Bo Muyu also stood there for a long while before finally starting to walk back.

She opened the door. A light was left on for her in the living room, but Jiang Chenyin was not there.

She walked further in to the kitchen and saw Jiang Chenyin leaning against the cabinet, her left arm crossed over her chest, her right elbow resting on the back of her left hand. Her long, slender fingers held a short, stout glass, and she was taking small sips of water.

It seemed Jiang Chenyin had been back for a while.

Bo Muyu had been so focused on listening to her conversation with that man that she hadn’t noticed she had already changed into a small T-shirt that exposed one shoulder and a pair of light blue slim-fit jeans. Her figure was tall and slender, and as she shifted her position, the toned abs under her clothes were faintly visible.

“Auntie Yin.”

Jiang Chenyin looked back, her originally calm eyes smiling along with her upturned red lips. “You’re back? What was good to eat tonight?”

“It was the usual,” Bo Muyu shook her head and held up the box in her hand. “I brought you a small cake.”

Jiang Chenyin said with a half-smile, “Are you trying to make my workout from just now go to waste?”

She put down her glass and touched her abdomen. Eating a late-night snack at her age, and a cake at that. Did this child think she was still a young girl in her twenties?

Since turning thirty, Jiang Chenyin had rarely touched sweets. It wasn’t that she couldn’t eat them, but she tried to control her intake, and it had already become a habit.

Seeing this, Bo Muyu didn’t say anything, only saying, “Then let’s not eat it,” and silently started to put the cake in the refrigerator.

Just as she opened the refrigerator door, a fair, long hand reached out and closed it with a “thud.” She turned her head in a daze.

Jiang Chenyin’s other hand took the small box from her hand, her tone natural. “But how can we not eat what our Muyu brought back? At worst, I’ll just work out for an extra half hour tomorrow.”

She was dazedly pulled to the dining table by Jiang Chenyin. Seeing the box she had brought back being slowly opened, she felt a sense of satisfaction, as if a gift she had prepared had been happily accepted by someone she cared about.

Because Jiang Chenyin had not accepted the things the man had sent.

The smile in her eyes turned somber. She wanted to know about Jiang Chenyin and that man. Even though Jiang Chenyin had rejected his goodwill, even though it was in the past, she still wanted to know.

But she wasn’t sure if that man was related to the old stories Old Master Jiang had mentioned, so she couldn’t be so rash.

These thoughts quickly passed through Bo Muyu’s mind. She asked softly, “Is it good? Is it too sweet?”

“It’s alright,” Jiang Chenyin said, taking a little cream with a fork and putting it in her mouth, then looking at her. “How about we go halves? Help me share the burden.”

“Okay, then leave some for me,” Bo Muyu agreed, still looking at her.

“No need. Come and eat together,” Jiang Chenyin said, smiling as she stretched out her arm. “Come, come here.”

Just like when she was a child, whenever Jiang Chenyin wanted to feed her, she would stretch out a hand, signaling her to come over. Then, she would wrap her arm around her body and coax her in a beautiful, gentle voice, “Our Muyu is going to eat. Ah… open your mouth…”

Bo Muyu would smile softly and open her small mouth to be fed a small spoonful of congee or other food.

Her smile was as intimate and gentle as in her memories, like a stream of water that had always surrounded her, soft yet powerful.

Bo Muyu was in a daze for a moment, then quickly moved over, letting Jiang Chenyin’s arm wrap around her shoulder. The next second, she heard her low, smiling words by her ear, “Come, have a bite.”

She obediently opened her mouth and ate. The sweetness in her heart surpassed that of the cake in her mouth.

Even at this moment, she still remembered her doubts. She didn’t want her Auntie Yin to forever bear those emotions that should have long since disappeared.

“Auntie Yin, I saw you talking to someone at the door just now.”

As soon as she said it, she felt Jiang Chenyin’s movement of scooping the cake pause. Although it quickly resumed, she had definitely seen it.

After feeding her another bite, Jiang Chenyin put down the fork and asked placidly, “Did you hear anything?”

“Mmm, I heard a little.”

Bo Muyu turned her head slightly to look at Jiang Chenyin, her hands clutching the corner of her clothes. “I want to know about you… you said before that you would be good to me for a lifetime. So now I want to know about you. Can you not hide it from me?”

“Silly girl…” Jiang Chenyin smiled and stroked her head, her eyes filled with doting affection. “Of course I can tell you what you want to know. Why are you so nervous?”

Bo Muyu didn’t speak, her hands still clutching the corner of Jiang Chenyin’s clothes, but the grip gradually loosened.

“It’s just that this matter is not so easy to talk about,” Jiang Chenyin sighed softly, then smiled. “Can you let me hold you a little tighter?”

Bo Muyu consciously moved closer, her hands now wrapped around Jiang Chenyin’s waist, her voice as soft as a mosquito’s buzz. “Okay, I’m closer to you now. You can hug me.”

Jiang Chenyin chuckled and wrapped her arms around the small heater in her embrace, her head also close to Bo Muyu’s side profile, as if seeking support.

“That person’s name is Meng Yi’an. I’ve known him for many years. My parents like him very much. He went to the same elementary school and middle school as me. We only went to different high schools. His grades were excellent, a little better than mine. So when he took the college entrance exam, he deliberately left a question blank. He later said that he wanted to go to the same university as me.”

Bo Muyu’s eyes widened. She didn’t even have time to react when she turned to look at Jiang Chenyin.

Jiang Chenyin stroked Bo Muyu’s hair and continued, “It wasn’t just my parents. I liked him too. I admit, I once liked him.” She paused, her voice turning a little melancholic. “But it only stopped at liking.”

“So, you broke up?” Bo Muyu rubbed her cheek against hers.

“Mmm, we broke up,” Jiang Chenyin sighed deeply, her tone sounding much more relaxed now. “Before I was with him, I was very afraid of hurting others. I was afraid that something I did would cause others harm, and it would be irreversible harm.”

Her last sentence was very soft, as if she were murmuring to herself. Her arms, holding Bo Muyu, suddenly tightened.

“I’ve known him since we were little. I trusted him very much. He was with me during the time when I was at my lowest, on the verge of collapse. So after my mood gradually calmed down, I still trusted him and tried to accept his confession. But later I found that I couldn’t give him what he wanted.”

“What was it?” Bo Muyu was a little nervous, and also a little curious.

Jiang Chenyin smiled. “Love.”

“Can love be given?”

“Love needs to be expressed,” Jiang Chenyin said, her smile fading. “He said at the time that he couldn’t feel that I loved him. That feeling of being cherished, missed, and loved, he didn’t feel it at all. He also said that I, like this, made him very uncomfortable.”

Bo Muyu asked, “Because you didn’t express the love he wanted, you broke up?”

“Yes, I initiated the breakup. When he said he was very sad, I almost instantly thought of breaking up. I was too afraid of hurting others. To this day, I don’t dare to try again. I’m afraid that the result of a careful attempt will still be me hurting someone…”

Her voice began to tremble, and waves of panic spread through her heart, growing like lush branches.

This feeling, it was as fresh as ever.

It was hard for her to hide herself completely in front of Bo Muyu, because this child had been like a friend to her since she was little. She rarely cried or threw tantrums with her. Whatever she said, this child would listen and remember.

So her unease was also transmitted to the Bo Muyu in her arms through her voice and actions, clearly and continuously.

“After we broke up, I was even more certain that I didn’t love him. Because my friends told me that he was down for a long time, and couldn’t even keep up with his work. But at that time, I felt like a heavy burden had been lifted, and I was much more relaxed. I did feel a little sad, but it was more out of guilt for his sadness.”

“Alright, don’t say any more,” Bo Muyu said, holding her trembling hand, her eyes full of concern. “I know now. I won’t ask again. Don’t say any more.”

Jiang Chenyin’s hands were held in Bo Muyu’s embrace, and her body was also held by her. It had been a very, very long time since she had had this feeling of being able to rely on someone in her moments of fear.

“Muyu…” Jiang Chenyin called her in a low voice.

“Alright, Auntie Yin, don’t say any more. I won’t ask,” Bo Muyu interrupted hastily, but her hand gently stroked her back.

Jiang Chenyin laughed and said leisurely, “It’s okay. Whatever you want to know, I’ll tell you.”

Although she said so, her hands were still trembling. But they were slowly moving away, then wrapping around Bo Muyu, burying her head in the crook of Bo Muyu’s neck.

“No, I won’t ask, I won’t ask…” Bo Muyu murmured.

She couldn’t ask anymore, even though she could feel that the problem was not with Meng Yi’an.

Jiang Chenyin’s fear had come on too strongly. A timely stop-loss shouldn’t have such severe after-effects. Besides, Jiang Chenyin had said that she was very afraid of hurting others even before she was with Meng Yi’an.

The only explanation was that the root of the problem lay even before Meng Yi’an.