A Promise in a Thought 54

Chapter 54

This year’s Spring Festival had been snowing continuously. Perhaps it had stopped for a short while, but Bo Muyu didn’t know.

Because during the Spring Festival holiday, apart from visiting relatives with her parents, she had hardly gone out. Her spirits seemed a little low, and she would always sit quietly in her room, spacing out.

Ye Xialan thought she was pondering something in her room and had opened the door a crack several times, only to see Bo Muyu either on her computer or sitting by the window, looking out without a word.

She was probably tired from work, and having to be on her best behavior when visiting relatives, it was inevitable that she would need to be alone.

So Ye Xialan and Bo Mingliang didn’t call her much and let her rest in her room.

But only Bo Muyu knew in her heart that there was a reason for this quietness.

After returning home from watching the fireworks on New Year’s Eve, she had begun to dissect the possessiveness that had welled up in her heart while watching the fireworks.

This feeling was both familiar and strange. Familiar because she had always wanted to be by Jiang Chenyin’s side, and had even been troubled by the thought that Jiang Chenyin would have a lover in the future. Strange because she did not have this feeling for her parents, nor for anyone else, only for Jiang Chenyin.

She carefully recalled her dependence on Jiang Chenyin, recalled how she would miss her even over small things in life, and also, during the four years Jiang Chenyin was away, the wet marks on her pillow every time she woke up from a dream in the middle of the night.

Finally, returning to the desire that had emerged while watching the fireworks, the emotions that had been dormant in her blood for many years were boiling. She wanted to possess Jiang Chenyin entirely.

Such a desire for closeness could be nothing other than familial love, friendship, or romantic love.

Familial love, she had already clearly understood that her feelings for Jiang Chenyin were different from those for her parents. Friendship, that would be Lin Chuwan, Su Man, and Yang Shuhan. The answer was even more obvious. It was not.

She did not want to possess Lin Chuwan, Su Man, or Yang Shuhan. But while watching the fireworks, she had wanted to have Jiang Chenyin’s gaze, Jiang Chenyin’s smile, and even Jiang Chenyin’s lips…

Her heart was almost trembling as she turned her thoughts to the word “love,” and then she opened all the search engines she knew and searched for this word one by one.

The nerve growth factors, testosterone, dopamine, and so on that the web pages displayed, she couldn’t understand at all. What did these have to do with love? Did one have to have these in their body to produce this feeling? Did she have them?

What finally made her stop searching was this sentence: “Having desire does not necessarily mean having love, but having love definitely means having desire. Perhaps it is an emotional possessiveness, perhaps a physical possessiveness, or perhaps both.”

And then, her mind began to fill with the memories of her longing for Jiang Chenyin over the years, and also the indescribable thoughts she had had about Jiang Chenyin’s naked body when they were living together.

When Jiang Chenyin was changing her clothes, her gaze would unconsciously drift over, but after looking for a little longer, she would feel a surge of emotion, making her want to look but also feel that she shouldn’t, and her face would also get a little hot.

She was still very unclear about the specific manifestations of love, but she was certain that she did not have this kind of desire for her parents and friends.

Not long after, she remembered the Jiang Chenyin fan fiction that Xu Zijun and Sun Ruowei were reading. At night, when every family was happily watching TV and eating snacks, and even the shops on the street were starting to open, she read all of the things that the blogger she had searched for before had written.

But this was not enough. She went to find some yuri novels to read.

But those, to some extent, all had default descriptions of same-sex feelings. Bo Muyu was a little dejected, but after a short while, she realized. Since love did not distinguish between genders, then the nature of both homosexuality and heterosexuality was the same.

With a clue, she continued to look for novels to read, this time reading popular domestic romance novels.

She spent several days, from searching web pages to reading novels, watching movies and TV series.

When she had confirmed the name of the emotion in her heart, she became very quiet. The first thing she felt was an indescribable softness and sweetness, followed by a hint of helplessness.

She could clearly feel that something in her heart had completely broken through the soil, different from before.

After the Spring Festival holiday, Qinzhou came back to life.

Before Bo Muyu could say anything, Ye Xialan and Bo Mingliang urged her to go to Jiang Chenyin’s place, because the couple was planning to travel to another city for a while again.

Having resumed work, Jiang Chenyin naturally also returned to her residence in the city.

With that secret feeling in her heart, Bo Muyu’s gaze on Jiang Chenyin was as focused as ever. This made her can’t help but recall when this feeling had started, but she couldn’t think of an exact time at all.

This feeling was like a wooden bucket that had a small amount of water from the very beginning, so little that it was almost unnoticeable. It was only when the water became more and more, and finally overflowed, that she realized that the water in the bucket had been there for a long time.

Not two days after resuming work, Bo Muyu received a notice. The filming of God of War was about to begin. After some thought, she applied to Su Man to join the crew.

“Xiaoyu, are you sure you want to join the crew?” Su Man frowned. “I can agree, but you have to know that if you only go for a few days and then come back, it will easily cause controversy.”

“I’m sure,” Bo Muyu nodded, indicating her decision.

Having just understood her own heart, she was unwilling to leave Jiang Chenyin. But she understood even more the words she had just said. A person who stood still had no ability to protect the person they wanted to protect.

The admiration in Su Man’s eyes was even more obvious. “Okay, then you should prepare well after you get off work today and pack the things you need to bring.”

Bo Muyu pressed her lips together and smiled. “I know.”

Su Man thoughtfully picked at the files on her desk, and after a moment, she asked her, “What are you planning to write after you come back from the crew this time? To be honest, I still really like the tone of the story Dust World.”

“It’s enough to write a story with the same theme once,” Bo Muyu shook her head slightly. “So I’m considering a Republican-era theme. There aren’t many excellent films with a Republican background at the moment. We can give it a try.”

Su Man leaned forward curiously. “You already have an idea?”

Bo Muyu thought with concentration, and only after a long while did she speak, “I have a rough idea. I wanted to ask you in advance, can I write an open ending?”

“Oh? Tell me about it.”

“The Republican era was a time of social turmoil. I plan to design a suitable plot based on history, and under this plot, create three original characters, two female protagonists and one male protagonist. As the historical events progress, the male protagonist will die.”

Before she could continue, Su Man’s brow twitched, and she asked, “The two female protagonists are lesbians?”

Bo Muyu was a little surprised and shook her head. “No, I plan to have the two female protagonists support each other after the dust has settled.”

Why did she feel that Su Man was a little sensitive? She had no intention of involving homosexuality at all, just wanted to add a touch of warmth to a serious story theme.

Su Man gazed at her face, and after a few seconds, she cleared her throat and smiled. “I just wanted to remind you that if you’re going to push the boundaries, you must be careful with the scale. If it’s too obvious, it won’t pass the review.”

“Don’t worry,” Bo Muyu had no such intention and answered quickly.

She didn’t stay in Su Man’s office for long and left. It was also close to the end of the workday.

But Jiang Chenyin had a social engagement in the evening and had sent Bo Muyu a WeChat message telling her to eat well at home and that she would bring her back a dessert.

Thinking that she hadn’t seen Yang Shuhan in a long time, Bo Muyu arranged to meet her at a sushi restaurant outside.

After all the food was served, Yang Shuhan picked up a piece of salmon sushi and said with relish as she ate, “Xiaoyu, why did you think of treating me to a meal? You usually don’t look for me.”

Bo Muyu had just taken a bite of udon noodles. She put down her chopsticks and said to her, “I was eating alone at home tonight. I remembered that I hadn’t seen you in a while, so I asked you out.”

“So that’s how it is,” Yang Shuhan said indistinctly, her mouth still full of salmon sushi as she eagerly went to pick up a cherry blossom roll. “Oh right… you’ve never told me who you’re living with.”

“Just a friend,” Bo Muyu said, her eyes lowered, her chopsticks unconsciously stirring the udon noodles in her bowl.

“For…” Yang Shuhan suddenly fell silent, then her eyes rolled and she rephrased, “Forget it. Do you have to keep it from me for so long? What’s our relationship? It’s no big deal to tell me.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to tell you…” Bo Muyu frowned, her tone low.

She had originally not known how to say that the person she was living with was Jiang Chenyin, because Jiang Chenyin was an elder, and she couldn’t explain her thoughts. Now that she understood, she was even more at a loss for how to explain.

“Oh, forget it, forget it. Anyway, I’ll find out sooner or later.”

Seeing her troubled, Yang Shuhan couldn’t bear it and simply waved her hand to let her off.

Bo Muyu looked up and said, “You will definitely know. I promise.”

She rarely joked, and she would definitely do what she said. Yang Shuhan understood her personality. She was not good at making friends and was a bit dense. There must be a reason for her to be so secretive. It was useless to force her, so it was better to just wait quietly.

With her thoughts cleared, Yang Shuhan smiled brightly and said, “Alright, alright, hurry up and eat your noodles. They’ll get cold in a bit. By the way, let me tell you, a handsome guy came to my unit before the new year…”

The two of them rarely met. After leaving the sushi restaurant, they even went to see a movie, and then went home separately.

It was only eight-thirty when she parted with Yang Shuhan. Bo Muyu sent a WeChat message to Jiang Chenyin, saying that she was going home.

There was still some distance from the subway station to Jiang Chenyin’s residential complex. She walked on the road with her briefcase, her posture straight. Under the streetlights, her face was cool and clear, her gaze pure, her aura calm.

After entering the residential complex and walking towards Jiang Chenyin’s small villa, she ran into a neighboring family who had come out for a walk after dinner with their child. The parents held the child’s hand and greeted her. She pressed her lips together and returned a smile.

This kind of life was very comfortable. A hint of sweetness grew in her heart, and she quickened her pace.

But this mood was quickly broken. Bo Muyu saw a person she had met once before in front of Jiang Chenyin’s small villa.

Shao Sinan’s mother.

It was clearly not snowing today, but a chill instantly rose on Bo Muyu’s face. All the feelings that had grown in her heart these past few days were temporarily suppressed, and her vigilance towards Jiang Chenyin’s past quickly spread to all her nerves.

“Isn’t this the little sister from Miss Jiang’s house?” Mrs. Shao saw her and hurried over. “You’ve really made me wait. It’s still freezing today.”

Bo Muyu glanced at her watch and said in a placid tone, “Mrs. Shao, it’s already so late and you’re still waiting here. It seems you have something urgent.”

“Of course,” Mrs. Shao said, looking a little awkward because she was asking for something, but she quickly dropped her posture and smiled brightly. “If it weren’t for something urgent, how would I dare to disturb Miss Jiang? Miss Jiang is a busy person. I also considered it for a long time before coming.”

Bo Muyu’s gaze was grave. To have been waiting from dinnertime until now, she was glad that she had come back earlier than Jiang Chenyin.

Mrs. Shao stopped in front of her and, under the streetlight, sized her up just as she had last time. “Little sister, which university are you from?”

A thousand thoughts raced through Bo Muyu’s mind. In a moment, she had sorted them out. A glint flashed in her eyes, and then she said in a low voice, “I’m from Qinzhou Film Academy. I’m a senior this year.”

“Ah… that’s amazing,” Mrs. Shao said, looking a little surprised, and then she gossiped, “Miss Jiang must have helped you a lot. You look like you have very good grades.”

Bo Muyu’s lips curved up silently, no emotion in her eyes.

Seeing her ambiguous attitude, Mrs. Shao’s smile became even more friendly. “What I said last time was a bit harsh. Don’t mind it. I really have something to see Miss Jiang about this time. You’re also being sponsored. You must understand the difficulty of not having money.”

“I understand.”

Mrs. Shao said again, “So, I really have to see Miss Jiang. I have something very important.”

“Auntie Yin is not at home tonight. Let me see the message she just sent me,” Bo Muyu said, pretending to be troubled as she took out her phone. She quickly turned on the recording function and then put it in her suit pocket.

“Did she say when she’s coming back?” Mrs. Shao was anxious.

“She didn’t,” Bo Muyu shook her head, a glint in her eyes flashing by.

“Oh, what should I do…” Mrs. Shao was so anxious she didn’t know what to do, stomping her feet in frustration in front of Bo Muyu.

A small smile appeared on Bo Muyu’s face, and the small canine teeth that usually looked very cute now had a hint of a sinister look. “Mrs. Shao, I remember you promised Auntie Yin that you would not contact her assistant again, nor would you come here again. The money you were given last time was the last time. The Spring Festival has just passed. Why are you here? This doesn’t seem right.”

“You’re young. Of course you don’t know about these things.”

Mrs. Shao was anxious, and being caught on her sore spot, she couldn’t help but get a little angry.

“This money was exchanged for my son’s life. It’s what I deserve. I’m in trouble now. It’s only right that I look for Miss Jiang. What’s wrong with looking for her?”

Bo Muyu’s gaze turned cold, and her grip on the handle of her briefcase tightened. But the corners of her lips lifted in a slight, unnoticeable curve.