Chapter 68
It seemed that everyone had a good impression of Duan Zhiheng. Jiang Chenyin admitted that she felt the same way.
After feeling that everyone around her was praising this man, she would think about this matter in her free time.
Meng Yi’an back then had been good enough for her. He was successful in his career, had a steady temperament, and good character. Besides, he was not a male chauvinist who only cared about his career. And the current Duan Zhiheng was even better than Meng Yi’an, and he could do what Meng Yi’an couldn’t.
He was not impatient, did not show a single hint of pressure, and was very comfortable to be around.
This man was not only suitable for being a friend, but also for developing a romantic relationship.
Even though her family and friends were all secretly hoping for it, Jiang Chenyin could not break her own principles just because of the reason “suitable,” at least not now.
After returning to the city after the weekend, on Monday night, she put on a coat and went back to her room after her workout. Bo Muyu was at her desk, typing with concentration, her side profile exquisite and as fine as white jade.
Jiang Chenyin’s eyes curved up. She poured a glass of water and walked to her side, saying softly, “You’ve been working since you finished dinner. You should take a shower and rest.”
Bo Muyu stopped typing, turned her head, and took the water she handed her. “Auntie Yin, are you done with your workout?”
“Mmm, I’m about to take a shower. It’s time for you to turn off your computer too,” Jiang Chenyin said, unconsciously stroking the top of her head, her fine, soft hair making her reluctant to let go for a moment.
Bo Muyu didn’t dare to look up at her. She lowered her head and drank her water silently, wanting the water to wash down the words that were stuck in her throat.
She wanted to ask if Duan Zhiheng had looked for Jiang Chenyin these past few days, if he had gone to the old residence to visit Grandpa and Grandma Jiang, and if Grandma Wang had made him his favorite dishes. She didn’t want to know about Duan Zhiheng, but she wanted to know if he and Jiang Chenyin had become friends, and if Grandpa and Grandma Jiang had come to like him even more.
Bo Muyu wanted to know all this, especially after discovering that Duan Zhiheng was a truly gentle person. She wanted to know if Jiang Chenyin had been attracted.
These past few weeks, whenever she went back to the old Jiang residence with Jiang Chenyin, she would basically run into Duan Zhiheng. He was polite and thoughtful, so she had some probing thoughts.
This man was much more outstanding than Meng Yi’an. This was the origin of her sense of crisis.
As she was immersed in her own thoughts, Jiang Chenyin’s voice pierced through the fog, “Are you very thirsty? Do you want another glass?”
Only then did Bo Muyu realize that she had unknowingly drunk all the water in the glass. She quickly shook her head and placed the glass on the table. “No more. I was just so thirsty because I hadn’t had a chance to drink water just now.”
“Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat?” Jiang Chenyin asked with a smile, bending down slightly.
Bo Muyu still shook her head, her face cool and condensed, her gaze hesitant.
“Then I’ll go and take a shower first,” Jiang Chenyin said and was about to straighten up and leave.
“Auntie Yin!” Bo Muyu grabbed her wrist, pressed her lips together firmly, and looked up to ask, “Are you and Director Duan friends now? He’s been going to Grandpa and Grandma Jiang’s a lot lately.”
Jiang Chenyin was silent for a moment, then replied, “I guess so.”
Bo Muyu’s heart skipped a beat. She stood up and pressed, “Will you be seeing each other more and more from now on? If he has other ideas, will you accept them?”
Her whole body was very tense, as if she were standing on a cliff. And Jiang Chenyin’s answer would decide her life or death at this moment. Whether it was a forceful push or a piece of driftwood in the sea, it was all in the words of the person before her.
She asked so directly that Jiang Chenyin had to meet her gaze, her expression complicated. “I don’t know. I can’t give you an answer to that question for now.”
An icy chill invaded Bo Muyu’s heart, almost extinguishing the small candlelight within her.
She let go of Jiang Chenyin’s hand, her voice calm but much lighter than usual. “Auntie Yin, you should go and take a shower.”
Jiang Chenyin did not move. After a pause, she asked, “Muyu, what do you think of Director Duan?”
Bo Muyu gazed at her. “I don’t know.”
So far, Duan Zhiheng had left a very good impression on Bo Muyu, but she could not go against her own heart and tell Jiang Chenyin that this man was very good, very suitable.
To praise another person who might be able to carve out a piece of her heart in front of the person she liked, what a painful thing to do. Bo Muyu couldn’t do it, and she was powerless to do it.
But after their “I don’t know” exchange, although the two of them were very close, a chasm seemed to have suddenly appeared between them. The two of them had their own thoughts, and neither could cross over, and for a moment, they also did not notice it.
“Alright, I’m going to take a shower,” Jiang Chenyin smiled and pinched her nose. “You should rest for a bit and then take a shower. You have to work tomorrow.”
“Mmm, I’ll go and get your nightdress for you,” Bo Muyu replied in a low voice and turned to walk to the wardrobe.
Jiang Chenyin gazed at her retreating back deeply, the reluctance for such days to end being replayed in her heart over and over.
Late at night, after a light sleep, Jiang Chenyin finally gave in. She opened her eyes, her thoughts in a jumble in the pitch-black room.
She reached out to turn on the bedside lamp. Bo Muyu, who was sleeping soundly beside her, clutched her nightdress at her movement.
“Auntie Yin… Auntie Yin…”
Bo Muyu did not open her eyes, her brow slightly furrowed, and she murmured her name. Her inky-black long hair was spread out on the pillow, as smooth as satin.
“I’m here. I’m right here,” Jiang Chenyin’s gaze was gentle, and she couldn’t help but soften her voice. “Go on sleeping. It’s not time to get up yet.”
“Sleep…” Bo Muyu murmured again, her voice soft and weak, something that would never happen when she was awake.
“Okay, let’s sleep,” Jiang Chenyin whispered gently in her ear. “Be good. Don’t talk anymore.”
Bo Muyu instinctively buried her head in her embrace, her breathing steady, her eyelashes trembling and brushing against her collarbone.
Jiang Chenyin held her, one hand gently stroking the back of her head from top to bottom, feeling her usual dependence, and also letting her own emotions surface in her heart in the dead of night.
Compared to a suitable relationship, she preferred this kind of life. It didn’t need to be painstakingly maintained, nor did it need to be managed for any purpose. She just lived each day according to her heart’s desire.
She knew that Duan Zhiheng was very good, but she had no expectation of developing a relationship with him. Whether it was his upright and kind character, or his understanding and humor, although she admired them, she did not have the slightest feeling of love.
On the contrary, she liked her full life every day. She liked having Bo Muyu at home to cook with her, to watch TV and eat fruit with her after dinner, and then for Bo Muyu to go back to her room to work, and for them to go to sleep together after her workout.
This kind of life could not be more plain, but she was attached to it, and she did not want to change it. It was just that everyone around her hoped that she could have a lover, and did not want her to be alone for the rest of her life.
She didn’t feel lonely. If there really was such a day, then it would be…
Jiang Chenyin lowered her head to look at the sleeping Bo Muyu. The girl looked even purer and more flawless when she was unconscious, her cheeks fair and smooth. Her heart was full of softness, and a gentle kiss quietly landed on Bo Muyu’s forehead, just like how she had doted on this child when she was little.
If she really did feel lonely, then it must be the day Bo Muyu completely left her.
This kiss did not wake Bo Muyu. Jiang Chenyin gently moved her hands away, got out of bed as cautiously as a slow-motion movie, and quietly left the room.
Downstairs in the kitchen, Jiang Chenyin had originally intended to get a bottle of iced mineral water from the refrigerator, but at the last moment, she changed direction and took out a can of beer.
She suddenly remembered that after the Spring Festival holiday, Bo Muyu had been deep in thought here, a can of beer in her hand, her solemn expression as if she were pondering something serious.
Thinking back now, it was probably when she had just gotten in touch with Mrs. Shao, and her heart was filled with disgust for that matter, yet she had to come up with a countermeasure, which was why she had been so frustrated as to drink iced beer on a cold spring day.
Jiang Chenyin leaned against the cabinet, her slender fingers pulling open the tab of the can, and took a sip of the beer that chilled her to the bone.
She stood there alone with her head down, taking sips of her beer, and in the quiet of the night, she began to face the wishes in her heart.
Many years ago, she had already reached the age when others said she “should get married.” If it weren’t for the incident with Shao Sinan, she might have started a family long ago. She had had the most beautiful yearnings for marriage and family, which most girls of that age would more or less wish for.
Ever since the Shao Sinan incident, she had had a psychological shadow for a long time. Besides the nightmares about him, there was also what Meng Yi’an had brought her. He had repeatedly said that she had hurt him, and those words were just like the accusations that Shao Sinan had spat out one by one as he stared at her on the day before the incident.
Shao Sinan’s every word was as venomous as a viper’s venom, asking her why she was so heartless, as if all the consequences were her fault.
Later, she became paranoid. In the beginning, even making friends was a problem, and after that, she avoided any approach related to love. She was afraid that any decision she made would once again become a hurt, and in the end, it would still be others who were hurt by her, that she was the one with a cruel heart.
The current Duan Zhiheng was an exception. He kept a distance that was neither too close nor too far, which did not make her feel like retreating, and he also showed his advantages in every aspect.
Jiang Chenyin took a large gulp of beer, her facial features not so clear as she slightly lowered her head.
She found that she seemed to be unable to fall in love anymore. This feeling was very similar to when she had been with Meng Yi’an. It was just that at that time, she couldn’t continue, and now, she couldn’t start.
She seemed to be unable to be interested in this kind of intimate relationship, whether it was holding hands or hugging. Including caring about this person’s daily life, being happy for their happiness, and being sad for their sorrow, she couldn’t do it.
She had no such desire, and even felt that this desire was strange. She thought back to her relationship back then in a daze, and she had another thought. Perhaps her feelings for Meng Yi’an back then were more of a sense of security than liking.
Now, the only thing she wanted, the only thing she was reluctant to part with, was her current life. That feeling of caring for someone, of being happy for their existence by her side, and on the one hand, being worried and sad for them, and on the other hand, trusting them with her body and mind, she couldn’t think of anyone else but Bo Muyu.
In the dead of night, Jiang Chenyin drank the last sip of beer, her fingers squeezing the can with a soft crunch.
She felt a little melancholic in her heart, once again clarifying the thought that the rest of her life would probably be spent in solitude.
