Chapter 13: But You’ve Never Even Hugged Me That Tightly.
After the call ended, Huai Xing didn’t get up immediately.
The sweet fragrance of the garden filled her nostrils. She lowered her eyes, clutching her phone, still feeling a bit dazed.
That’s right, they were each other’s only family. It was only natural to care solely about each other. Chu Wantang’s words weren’t wrong. Her heart couldn’t be allowed to develop other ideas because of them.
Otherwise, in the end, she would be the one who misunderstood, and she would be the one who fell the hardest.
But… was there really no possibility at all?
Huai Xing gently closed her eyes, her mind replaying Chu Wantang’s care and concern for her over the past few years. The thought, which could be considered an extravagant hope, gradually dissipated.
The answer was obvious. Chu Wantang truly only saw her as a little sister.
There were absolutely no other thoughts.
After sitting in the garden for another two minutes and digesting her emotions, Huai Xing returned to the wedding banquet.
Her smile was radiant, showing no trace of sadness.
However, after sitting down, she couldn’t help but ask the friend sitting next to her, “Tu Tu, do you also tell your family that you miss them?”
“No.”
Tu Zhaoyu put some food in her bowl. She thought for a moment and then rephrased, “I don’t usually. I think it’s too cheesy. But a while ago, when I was feeling wronged at work, I video-called my mom and told her I missed her. Guess what she said? She asked me if I was short on money and calling her to ask for it. Seriously, she guessed it right.”
Huai Xing silently picked at the food in her bowl.
Feeling wronged at work? It seemed possible that was the case for Chu Wantang as well.
She had heard from Ren Jiao that because of the sudden addition of an employee runway segment at such a critical time, the entire company’s rhythm had been disrupted. Several managers had complained about Chu Wantang to CEO Mei. But CEO Mei had always trusted Chu Wantang, so those people had no choice but to give up.
But that didn’t mean those people wouldn’t say something to Chu Wantang’s face, nor did it mean that Chu Wantang, who had always been strong at work, wouldn’t feel wronged because of it.
“But,” Tu Zhaoyu pondered for a moment, “I was actually a little sad when I heard that answer. Because I wanted to hear her say that if I missed her, I should come home for a meal, not that any nice words I say are just to ask for money… although that has been the case in the past. Don’t you think? Most of our Chinese families are very awkward. I’m sure my mom misses me too, and when I’m feeling wronged, the first thing I think of is home. But how did it turn into this?”
Han Ying, who was nearby, overheard and joined in. “There’s nothing to be done. My parents and I…”
The topic started just like that. They were all of the same age. Even if their troubles weren’t all the same, there were definitely points of resonance.
Huai Xing rested her chin on her hand and listened quietly. Her situation was still a little different from theirs.
She had no blood relatives in this world.
From the time she could remember, she had only had her mother as family. Now, that position had been filled by Chu Wantang.
But what about her? She actually fantasized about having a relationship with Chu Wantang beyond that of family. Wouldn’t people find it absurd if she said it out loud?
The chat continued. Around one o’clock, the wedding banquet came to an end.
In the middle of it, Zhuo Xin had come over to take several selfies with them, then went to greet other guests with a smile.
Huai Xing took the party favor and went to the parking lot outside.
Chu Wantang had already arrived. She got out of the car with several bags. Their eyes met, and a smile spread across her lips as she called out, “Xiao Xing.” She then looked at Huai Xing’s three friends and nodded. “Long time no see, everyone.”
“Sister Wantang!”
“These are some scented candles a partner company gave me before.” Chu Wantang handed over the small bags. “I brought some for you all. Xiao Xing and I can’t burn through them all even if we light them every day.”
Tu Zhaoyu and the others quickly said, “Thank you, Sister Wantang.”
“Where is the star of the day, Miss Bride?”
Huai Xing answered, “She’s inside.”
“Take me to her.”
“Okay.”
It was some distance from the parking lot to the lobby. Her three friends were very talkative when facing Chu Wantang, but she was used to it and handled herself with ease in front of Huai Xing’s friends.
She would ask about their work situations and also show concern for whether they had been happy lately.
Suddenly, she asked if any of them were dating.
Tu Zhaoyu pointed out that Han Ying was in an ambiguous relationship with a colleague. Chu Wantang couldn’t help but laugh. “Don’t you feel like punching your colleague when you see them?”
“No.” Han Ying was still young, and her eyes danced as she spoke. “But I do have that urge when I see my bald superior.”
“Xiao Xing.”
Chu Wantang looked at the slightly silent girl at the side, a dimple appearing by her lips as she asked, “When you see me at the company, do you have that urge too?”
“How could I?” Huai Xing looked as if she were begging for mercy. “You’re not my direct superior, Director Chu. Besides, you have so much hair.”
A question mark appeared above the heads of Tu Zhaoyu and the others. They had just found out that Huai Xing and Chu Wantang worked at the same company! But given that they had just received gifts from Chu Wantang, they couldn’t very well call Huai Xing out for hiding this information in front of her.
Huai Xing braced herself against her friends’ gazes and walked forward.
She recalled the day they had practiced music with her friends. They had been chatting and joking during a break, and if the words she had carelessly let slip then had reached Chu Wantang’s ears, she didn’t know how it would have been misinterpreted. Fortunately, that was impossible.
Upon seeing Zhuo Xin, Chu Wantang presented the gift she had prepared and offered a few blessings.
Zhuo Xin was very touched and invited with a smile, “Sister Wantang, can I give you a hug?”
Just as Chu Wantang was about to nod, Huai Xing had already wrapped her arms around the bride, hugging her tightly. “Xinxin, you didn’t even say you wanted to hug us? You can’t be like that. There’s a first-come, first-served rule.”
Zhuo Xin hugged her back. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry.”
The photographer, as usual, kept clicking the shutter, capturing each hug from different angles.
Zhuo Xin still had things to attend to, so they didn’t keep her for long.
A short while later, they all returned to the car.
They all lived in different parts of the city. Tu Zhaoyu, in the back seat, said tactfully, “Sister Wantang, you can just drop us off at the subway entrance up ahead. It’ll take too much time for you to drop us off one by one.”
“Okay,” Chu Wantang agreed, not insisting.
A few minutes later, only Chu Wantang and Huai Xing were left in the silver car.
The sunlight streamed in directly. Huai Xing was still thinking about Zhuo Xin and Chu Wantang’s hug. Not wanting to show her unhappiness too obviously, she pretended to be engrossed in scrolling through Zhuo Xin’s Moments feed.
As she scrolled, she saved a few photos that had a nice atmosphere, and along with the selfies on her phone, she posted a congratulatory status.
“Jiejie.” Huai Xing turned her head to look at the woman in the driver’s seat and remembered to ask, “What did you give Xinxin?”
Chu Wantang flicked her hair and answered, “The solid perfume I bought for you on my last business trip. I bought a set for her too.”
Huai Xing felt as if she were frozen in the passenger seat, unable to move.
She tried to tell herself to calm down. It was nothing. Chu Wantang was very busy on her business trip and didn’t have time to think of a wedding gift. It was normal for her to buy a set for Zhuo Xin on the side. Besides, over the past few years, Chu Wantang had given her friends plenty of small gifts, hadn’t she?
She tried her best to console herself, but her swelling possessiveness filled her heart inch by inch, making her feel suffocated, as if her breath had been stolen.
Chu Wantang seemed not to notice her strange behavior and continued to drive, saying to herself, “But I’m a little surprised that Zhuo Xin is getting married so early. She’s only two months older than you, right? Her birthday is May 15th. Am I remembering correctly?”
“You’re not wrong.” Huai Xing felt as if she couldn’t breathe. “You even remember her birthday, Jiejie?”
“Yours is July 17th, hers is May 15th. It’s easy to remember.”
Huai Xing: “Mm.”
She changed the subject. “Jiejie, I’ll connect to Bluetooth and play some music.”
“Okay.”
Huai Xing played some random songs. She rolled down the window, turned her head slightly, and tried to steady her breathing.
She didn’t like it.
She didn’t like Chu Wantang hugging her friend. She didn’t like that the gift Chu Wantang had specially bought for her had a second set. She didn’t like that Chu Wantang could remember her friend’s birthday so accurately.
She didn’t like that, in Chu Wantang’s eyes, she seemed to be replaceable by anyone.
It was as if there were many Huai Xings in the world, but only one Chu Wantang.
Huai Xing’s heart felt heavy. When she got home, she used the excuse of being tired to hide her low spirits.
Chu Wantang was replying to work messages. Hearing her, she nodded. “Take off your makeup and get some rest. You have a break from training today, but not tomorrow. I have to go to the company again.”
“Okay. Drive safely then, Jiejie.”
“Mm.”
A few minutes later, the two of them parted ways.
Huai Xing didn’t take off her makeup immediately. She sat down on the sofa, feeling drained. Her WeChat Moments post had received many likes. The red number stung her eyes. She didn’t open it, nor did she reply to the messages in the group chat.
After zoning out on the sofa for over half an hour, she finally went to the bathroom to take off her makeup.
…
As the sun was about to set, the evening clouds painted the sky into a flowing watercolor painting.
Huai Xing hadn’t drawn the curtains and woke up at this time.
Sleeping did indeed help her not to think about some things, but when she was awake, all the pain swept over her again. The bitterness of her unspeakable secret love flowed through her blood.
She put away the jade comb and reached for her phone.
Chu Wantang had sent a message half an hour ago saying she had a last-minute dinner and would be back late, telling her to message Auntie Chen herself.
Huai Xing: [Okay.]
She asked: [Do you want me to pick you up?]
Chu Wantang’s reply arrived half an hour later. It was the address of the restaurant.
At nine o’clock at night, Huai Xing walked to the restaurant, the cool evening breeze on her face. She recognized Chu Wantang’s car and waited beside it.
The light stretched her shadow. She kicked a small stone at her feet.
A few minutes later, Chu Wantang came out of the restaurant.
She had only had a couple of drinks tonight. Her steps were steady, without a hint of drunkenness.
Huai Xing took the keys and held the car door open for her.
Chu Wantang sat down sideways but reached out to hold the door, not letting her close it immediately. She frowned and asked, “Why didn’t you eat dinner? I asked Auntie Chen. She said you didn’t contact her.”
“…No appetite.”
“Why no appetite?” Chu Wantang said, letting go. “Never mind. Get in the car first.”
About ten minutes later, at Chu Wantang’s request, the car was parked on the side of the road. The trees by the road made the streetlight shadows mottled, sinking the car’s interior into dimness.
Chu Wantang propped her head on her hand, turned her head to look at Huai Xing’s silhouette in the light, and after some hesitation, said, “I’ve felt that something was off with you since noon, Xiao Xing.”
Hearing this, Huai Xing turned her head to look at the traffic on the main road, leaving only the back of her head for her to see.
“Why are you unhappy? Why do you have no appetite? Why this expression?” Chu Wantang propped her left hand on her side, suddenly closing the distance between them. “If you don’t tell me, shall I guess?”
Huai Xing leaned against the car window, not responding.
“Is it because Zhuo Xin got married today, and you thought of the promise between us, so you’re sad?”
Huai Xing immediately turned around, her brows tightly furrowed, and stated again, “Jiejie, you’re misunderstanding and doubting me again. I wasn’t thinking that.”
Chu Wantang leaned in a little more, leaving only the distance of two fists between their noses. Her gaze traveled down along the dim light, clearly seeing Huai Xing’s full lips, before slowly moving back up to her almond eyes.
She parted her lips and spoke again. “Then what is it? Because I said I gave Zhuo Xin the solid perfume? Because I remembered her birthday?”
“…” Huai Xing didn’t respond this time.
Chu Wantang’s eyes shifted. She reached out her right hand and smoothed Huai Xing’s hair back, saying very gently, “Xiao Xing, we are the two closest people in the world. It’s impossible for me not to notice your emotions.” She sighed. “I’m sorry. I just wanted to confirm my specialness to you today.”
Huai Xing was stunned and couldn’t help but ask, “What specialness?”
“When I said I only care about you, why didn’t you give me an equivalent answer?” Chu Wantang’s lashes drooped. “Actually, I didn’t give her the solid perfume. I only bought it for you. And I only saw her birthday on the wedding poster; I didn’t remember it. But I just wanted to see you unhappy. Your unhappiness, in my eyes, is proof that you care about me.”
“I care about you. Of course I only care about you.”
The taut string in Huai Xing’s heart loosened a little at these words. She licked her lips, her tone apologetic. “Jiejie… to me, you’ve always been the most special.”
Chu Wantang replied softly, “I know.”
With that, she hooked an arm around Huai Xing’s waist, closing the last bit of distance between them. She rested her chin on Huai Xing’s shoulder and sighed with some grievance, “But you’ve never even hugged me that tightly. What should I do?”
