Outside the window, the moon had at some point hidden behind the clouds. The hazy moonlight was swallowed by fog. The first rain after the beginning of autumn arrived quietly. It was not a downpour. The rain fell thread by thread, fine as silver needles. Yet it was precisely this ceaseless, drizzling rain that most tore at the heart.
Inside the room, on the single bed near the bathroom, Tang Feiwan had fallen asleep quickly from exhaustion. Her dreams were filled with Lin Ye. Lin Ye pushed her away, refused her, said she had been hurt by her. In the dream, she cried until she was a mess…
Suddenly, a startled cry pulled her out of it.
Lin Ye…
Tang Feiwan’s eyes flew open. She turned her head. By the light from outside the bathroom, she saw Lin Ye curled at the edge of the bed, seemingly trying to suppress her sobs, her whole body trembling faintly. She had never seen Lin Ye like this, before their breakup or after her return. Tang Feiwan’s heart clenched with pain. She didn’t bother grabbing her glasses. She rolled out of bed and, without even putting on slippers, hurried to the other bed. Climbing in from behind would seem abrupt, so she chose to go around the foot of the bed. Along the way, because of her nearsightedness, Tang Feiwan couldn’t see clearly and twice banged her shins against the bed frame. But she paid it no mind and groped her way to Lin Ye’s bedside.
She half-crouched in front of Lin Ye and saw the person before her breathing heavily, her teeth biting into her clenched right fist, struggling to hold back her emotions.
“Lin Ye.” Tang Feiwan’s voice instantly caught in her throat. She called her name softly.
The person on the bed seemed not to hear. She only buried her head lower. Tang Feiwan could barely see her face.
“Did something happen?” Tang Feiwan carefully leaned a little closer and said gently, “If you’re hurting, you can let it out.”
Lin Ye finally stirred. She turned her back, gripped the blanket on her left, and sobbed.
The trembling cries seared Tang Feiwan’s heart. She wiped away the tears that fell unbidden and said in a rough voice, “Don’t hold it in. Cry if you need to.” At that moment, Tang Feiwan desperately wanted to throw caution aside and hold the other woman in her arms. But she didn’t dare. She couldn’t. She had no standing. Maybe this was also a punishment, punishing her by forcing her to watch her beloved weep beside her, unable to do anything.
The crying grew more sorrowful, like the outpouring of years of suppressed grief. Tang Feiwan stared at Lin Ye’s thin back, gripping the bedsheet beneath her hand. Her heart ached as if cut by a knife. She bit her lip and held back, again and again. Finally, she quietly climbed onto the bed and wrapped her arms around Lin Ye from behind, pulling her into an embrace. The person in her arms froze for two seconds, then visibly stiffened and struggled, her voice shaking. “L-let go.”
“Lin Ye.” Tang Feiwan was a little stronger than Lin Ye. She gently turned Lin Ye to face her, letting her body lean against her. A face-to-face embrace often carried the most security. Tang Feiwan loosened her arms and said softly, “Just think of me as a friend. Friends can keep you company. Friends can lend you a shoulder.”
In an instant, the tears streaming from Lin Ye’s chin soaked through her shirt. Tang Feiwan felt the dampness on her shoulder, and her heart turned into a river of mud. But within five minutes, the crying gradually stopped. Lin Ye pulled away from her, shifted back half a body length, and said words of thanks, though her tone was as cold as winter ice. “Thank you. You can go back now.”
Without her glasses, Tang Feiwan was practically half blind. The light was dim, so she couldn’t make out Lin Ye’s expression. She could only hear that her breathing was still uneven. But she had no reason to stay. She pressed her lips together and said, “I’ll get you some water.” Crying for a long time dehydrates the body, so she needed to replenish fluids.
“No need.” Her voice still carried the sound of tears. After speaking, Lin Ye turned away.
Tang Feiwan said no more. She silently withdrew from the bed, walked to the television stand, and took out a paper cup. She filled it with mineral water, then poured a little out, worried that Lin Ye might spill it. She placed the cup on the nightstand by the window and returned to her own bed.
“The cup is on your left. Good night,” Tang Feiwan said. But she herself couldn’t fall back asleep. She lay with her eyes open, staring at the ceiling, her chest aching. She wanted to know what had happened. Why had Lin Ye been like this? Who could she ask to understand the whole story?
Lu Yuqing.
A name appeared in her mind. Tang Feiwan urgently grabbed her phone and searched her contacts until she found Lu Yuqing’s WeChat. Just as she typed out a message, she noticed the time at the top of the screen: 2:48 a.m. What shift was Lu Yuqing on today? Would messaging disturb her?
Tang Feiwan held the phone and debated for a long time. In the end, emotion won. She pressed send.
“Sister Yuqing, Lin Ye and I are in Chucheng. She’s in a very bad state right now. Forgive me for asking, but do you know why?” Tang Feiwan knew Lin Ye and Lu Yuqing were close enough to talk about anything, so she had thought of her first.
After sending the message, she stared at the screen, unwilling to look away. Not until after five in the morning did the drowsy woman finally give in and close her eyes.
Early morning, soft sunlight slipped through the window and silently filled the room. Clothes lay scattered on the floor or piled at the edge of the bed. On the nightstand sat three or four opened pink boxes. On the bed, Lu Yuqing rolled over onto her stomach, exposing her bare shoulders. The clusters of red marks on the back of her neck stood out sharply against the surrounding fair skin. A phone alarm rang again and again. The woman frowned, lifted a slender finger, and pressed the power button on the phone by her pillow. The ringing stopped. Beside her, Jiang Mu’s lashes fluttered, also showing signs of waking.
“What time is it?”
“Officer Jiang, it’s only 8:13. Today is Saturday, and both of us are off.” Lu Yuqing’s voice was a little hoarse, threaded with lingering desire.
“Oh.” Jiang Mu’s lips curved. The next second, she moved closer and said with a smile, “Dr. Lu, morning exercise.”
“Again? Aren’t you tired?” Lu Yuqing turned aside, dodging the hand reaching for her waist.
Jiang Mu pulled the hair tie from her wrist and began binding her long hair. She shook her head. “Not tired. Last night you came twice and I came twice. That’s only four.”
“Who counts times?” Lu Yuqing was speechless. She picked up her phone and said, “Wait. Let me check if there’s anything I need to deal with.” Barring surprises, she should be hired as an associate chief physician next year, so in August the department had assigned her a resident trainee who asked ten thousand questions a day.
Lu Yuqing scrolled through her messages, replying one by one and joking with colleagues. Further down, her smile abruptly vanished.
Jiang Mu noticed the change and asked quickly, “What’s wrong?”
Lu Yuqing ground her teeth. “That heartless woman messaged me.”
“Heartless woman?” Jiang Mu normally didn’t pry into her private life, but gossip was worth hearing. She leaned closer and wrapped an arm around Lu Yuqing’s waist from behind. “A heartless man or a heartless woman? A heartless guy or a heartless gal?”
“Are you reciting tongue twisters?” Lu Yuqing deliberately shielded the screen, not letting her see. She only said, “Not convenient to explain. Later, if there’s a chance, you can find out yourself.”
“Find out myself? Someone I know?” Actually, Jiang Mu had already caught sight of Tang Feiwan’s profile picture in the chat. If Lu Yuqing hadn’t said that, she wouldn’t have thought of her own distant relative.
“I don’t know.” Lu Yuqing grabbed Jiang Mu’s shirt from the edge of the bed, draped it over herself, and swung out of bed. “I’m going out to make a call.”
She left the bedroom and closed the door behind her. She called Tang Feiwan. It rang twice before the call was cut off.
“What are you doing?” Lu Yuqing sent a WeChat message.
“Sister Yuqing, training starts at nine. We’re having breakfast at a restaurant next to the training site.” The skills competition was in the afternoon. The morning was an American Heart Association CPR training session.
Lu Yuqing asked, “Where’s Lin Ye?”
“At the table across from me. Wait a bit. I’ll go to the bathroom and call you.”
Lu Yuqing waited patiently. Two minutes later, Tang Feiwan’s name appeared on the screen. She answered and asked directly, “What’s this about Lin Ye?”
“Last night she and I shared a room. Separate beds.”
Lu Yuqing’s temper flared. “Obviously separate beds. Did you think you’d sleep together? Get to the point.”
“She woke up in the middle of the night from a nightmare. She’s in a really bad state.”
“Crying?”
“Yes. Sister Yuqing, do you know why?”
Lu Yuqing needled her. “I know, but why should I tell you? Why don’t you go ask Lin Ye? Are you afraid?”
“I…”
Lu Yuqing pressed harder. “Or she won’t tell you?” She had wanted to scold Tang Feiwan for a long time. Lin Ye had told her not to, that it wasn’t necessary. Now she had the chance.
Tang Feiwan’s voice was low. “Yes, that’s right.”
“Of course. Why should she let you know? What are you to her?”
On the other end, having rested less than two hours, Tang Feiwan wasn’t in good shape. She held the phone and swallowed. “Sister Yuqing, no matter what happened, I hope Lin Ye can walk out of the shadows.”
“What does it have to do with you whether she can or not? Huh? Tang Feiwan, where were you when she needed you most? What were you doing?”
“I…”
“I don’t want to say too much. Her business is for her to tell you. If she doesn’t, I won’t say a word more.”
“Mm, okay. I’ll ask around myself. Thank you.” Tang Feiwan thanked her repeatedly. She waited until the other hung up, then put away her phone. She stepped out of the stall and stood at the sink, turning on the tap. Water rushed down. She cupped cold water and washed her face until she was sure she didn’t look like she had been crying. Then she touched up her makeup and went back out. By then, everyone was preparing to leave.
A colleague said with concern, “Xiao Tang, you didn’t touch your noodles. Want me to pack some steamed dumplings for the road?”
Tang Feiwan forced a smile. “No need. Thank you. I’m not hungry.”
The morning training lasted from nine until almost noon. For the first time, Tang Feiwan set work aside and absorbed none of the training. Her mind was filled with the image of Lin Ye curled in the corner crying the night before. At noon, colleagues planned to grab Chinese food at the restaurant next door. She declined, saying she hadn’t been sleeping well recently and was worried it would affect the afternoon competition. She said she would book a nearby hourly room to rest.
A colleague reminded her, “Okay, we gather at two. Don’t oversleep.”
“I won’t. Don’t worry.” Tang Feiwan walked quickly out of the training building and waved down a taxi at the curb. “Driver, please take me to Anxin Road, Anxin Community.” She remembered that the first time she came to Chucheng, Lin Ye had pointed out the area, right across from Anxin Community.
At noon, the driver drove fast, intending to drop her off and find a place to eat. In less than fifteen minutes, the taxi stopped in front of Anxin Community.
“Thank you.” Tang Feiwan paid and got out. She looked around at the unfamiliar scenery and the passing crowd, searching. Suddenly, her gaze stopped on a sign across the street: Sanjiangyuan Noodle Shop. She waited for the pedestrian light to turn green, then hurried over.
Tang Feiwan had seen a photo of Lin Ye’s mother. She entered the noodle shop and sat at a table, observing for two minutes. She suppressed the faint suspicion she had formed but was unwilling to face. Then she asked the woman greeting customers at the door, “Auntie, hello. Could you tell me who the proprietress of this shop is?”
