Chapter 42

Bai Kou later always recalled that night.

She remembered the “See you in Beijing” on the letter, and also the words Yang Wanxi had said to her: “hating iron for not becoming steel.” Although Bai Kou didn’t think of herself as “scrap iron,” she had to admit that she had been distracted for a long time, restless and eager.

One afternoon in early December, the whole class had just awakened from their nap.

The homeroom teacher entered from the front door with a stack of A4 papers and stood on the podium, stamping her foot on the desk.

“Class, pay attention. What I have here is the arts and sciences stream selection form.” The homeroom teacher said, “Everyone take one, think it over carefully, discuss it seriously with your parents, and the class monitor will collect them before school lets out on Friday and hand them to me.”

Tap tap tap.

Bai Kou took a blank form into the office.

Teacher Tang looked up at her. “Bai Kou? Is there something you need?”

“Teacher Tang, I want to ask, if someone plans to take the art exam, how should they fill out this form?”

Teacher Tang paused her pen, frowned, and lifted an incredulous gaze.

“The art exam?!”

Ding—

The whole class had gone downstairs for PE class.

Only Bai Kou remained.

She still stood by the desk while Teacher Tang twirled her pen and sighed. “Sigh, Bai Kou, I fully understand that kids your age have their own ideas, but hobbies are hobbies. Our school has never had a student from the key class suddenly decide to become an arts student out of nowhere, especially when your sister is—”

Teacher Tang paused, set down her pen. “Have you been struggling with any subjects lately? You can talk to the teacher about it.”

Bai Kou said, “No, I just have this idea and wanted to learn more.”

“If it’s just an idea.” Teacher Tang continued, “I still suggest you don’t consider it. In any case, go home and discuss it properly with your parents, okay?”

Bai Kou pursed her lips and nodded. “Okay, thank you, Teacher Tang.”

Bai Kou returned to the classroom alone, put away the stream selection form, and then hurried downstairs for PE class.

“Reporting!”

When she joined the warm-up line, she spotted the neighboring Class 2.

Pei Yue was twisting her head to look at her with great concern. The moment their eyes met, a smile appeared on her face.

Bai Kou smiled back, then quickly turned her head away, her thoughts even more chaotic.

Perhaps her sister’s words that night had served as a wake-up call. Bai Kou had fallen from the dreamy bubble of impending puppy love, learned to restrain herself, and no longer fixated on Pei Yue’s state every moment.

Pei Yue seemed to quickly notice her change, but Pei Yue said nothing.

They reduced their fragmented encounters, only eating together and walking home together, tacitly forming a new mode of interaction.

After PE class ended, Bai Kou walked with Tao Miao and the others, discussing stream selection.

“Bai Kou!”

Pei Yue suddenly called out to her from behind.

“I heard your grade handed out stream selection forms.”

Pei Yue and Bai Kou walked slowly around the sports field.

“Mm.” Bai Kou nodded, inevitably showing a bit of worry as she recalled the homeroom teacher’s words. “We got them.”

“Oh, so what are your plans?”

“Um…” Bai Kou clasped her hands behind her back and looked up at the sky. “I don’t know, a bit troubled.”

Pei Yue quietly watched Bai Kou for a while until Bai Kou sensed her gaze, turned her head, and met her eyes. Only then did Pei Yue smile, withdraw her gaze, look ahead, and softly ask, “So where do you want to go in the future?”

“Beijing.” Bai Kou was very certain of this answer.

“Beijing…” Pei Yue murmured in repetition. “Mm, that’s pretty good.”

That evening, when Bai Kou got home, she sat alone on the sofa and carefully searched online. Most opinions suggested that arts and sports students choose the arts stream, explaining that there wouldn’t be time for classes and practice tests during intensive training later, and sciences would be very tough.

Bai Kou twirled her pen, frowned as she listened, then bowed her head and hesitantly wrote “Arts” in the blank space.

By the time Bai Xiaochu got home from her errands, Bai Kou sat in front of the computer, silently scrolling through an account she had registered as a child.

Lu Tongtong had encouraged her to apply for it back then.

Over the years, Bai Kou occasionally uploaded a few drawings, from pencil sketches shot on her phone to richly colored illustrations.

From drawings of Athena to worldly knowledge scenes, from no attention to each piece now getting two or three thousand likes.

Bai Kou had never given up drawing, but just as Teacher Tang said, before her trip to Beijing this year, she had never considered that she could get into university through “drawing.”

She had been so busy with the sports meeting and “liking” someone that she had almost forgotten the flutter in her heart when her sister showed her all that information.

“What are you looking at so intently?” Bai Xiaochu entered the room. “I bought pears, want one? I’ll peel it for you.”

She stopped beside Bai Kou and let out an “Mm?” as she picked up the stream selection form. “Oh, you’ve reached stream selection time. You want to choose arts?”

Bai Kou snapped back to reality and turned to look at her mom. She suddenly remembered what her mom had happily said before her sister chose her stream: “Sciences are great, more job opportunities in the future!”

“Mom, do you think I should choose arts, or are sciences better?”

“What I think?” Bai Xiaochu set down the form, smiled, leaned on the table, and looked down at Bai Kou. “I think whatever you like is fine. It’s you studying, not me.”

“Then—” Bai Kou was a little pleased. “What if I want to study drawing?”

“If you want to learn, then learn.” Bai Xiaochu said. “As long as you don’t find it tiring, sign up for a class on weekends. You’ve liked it since you were little anyway.”

Bai Kou realized her mom hadn’t understood and explained more clearly. “What I mean is, I don’t want to study arts or sciences—” She paused. “I want to choose arts and take the art exam. Do you think that’s okay?”

“Oh…”

Bai Xiaochu’s smile slowly faded, and she withdrew her hand from the table.

She frowned, crossed her arms, turned her face away, and was silent for a few seconds.

“Then this…” Her expression was extremely troubled.

Bai Kou understood.

She immediately grabbed Bai Xiaochu’s hand and shook it. “It’s fine, it’s fine. I just heard some classmates mention it today, got curious, just asking casually. Don’t overthink it.”

That night, Bai Kou tossed and turned sleeplessly.

She flipped back and forth until one in the morning, still feeling a heaviness in her chest. Finally, she sat up and took her phone.

She scrolled through her WeChat list for a long time.

She finally returned to the pinned chat and sent: 【Sis, we got our stream selection forms today.】

After sending it, Bai Kou’s finger hovered over the screen for a long time.

Her sister was probably asleep by now. The earliest reply would be tomorrow.

If her sister woke up to see a dozen messages from her, she would definitely worry.

Mm.

Better to wait until tomorrow noon.

Bai Kou decisively set down her phone, burrowed back under the covers, and began counting sheep in her head to lull herself to sleep.

The next morning, she was woken by her alarm. She grabbed her phone to check the time and sat up in surprise.

Several messages from her sister had piled up on the screen.

All sent around one-thirty in the morning, half an hour after her own message.

“Bai Kou, I have something to do first. I signed the stream selection form for you. Change it yourself if you still want to.”

Bang—Bai Xiaochu left the house.

Bai Kou walked to the dining table, set down her schoolbag, and held up the form with “Arts” written on it.

She shook it under the light.

The weekend was Pei Yue’s birthday, and they were at KTV in the afternoon.

Bai Kou received a surprised call from Yang Wanxi. “Bai Doudou, I heard from Sis Yuqiao that you plan to take the art exam?”

Bai Kou stepped out of the private room. The air was filled with the sweet scent of popcorn. She went to the soundproof glass at the end of the corridor and said to Yang Wanxi, “It’s not completely decided yet. I haven’t taken any classes before, so I might need to study outside for a while first and see if it suits me.”

“Oh, then the painting our little artist gave me will become really valuable in the future?” Yang Wanxi laughed.

Bai Kou laughed too. “What little artist? This is nothing yet.”

She hung up, turned to push the door, and heard people passing by outside. “Pei Yue, you’re going to Guangzhou next semester?”

Bai Kou froze.

Pei Yue: “Mm, probably.”

Bai Kou withdrew her hand and stood alone in the soundproof glass for a while.

When the two passed by a second time, she pushed the door open and silently followed.

“It’s fine, no pressure. Preparing to go abroad at this point is a bit awkward, but you’re still okay.” The speaker patted Pei Yue’s shoulder reassuringly, happened to look back, and smiled. “Ah, Koukou?”

“Xiao Qijie.” Bai Kou smiled.

Back in the private room, Bai Kou sat beside Pei Yue and saw her staring listlessly at her phone, her expression downcast.

She thought for a moment, then proactively touched Pei Yue’s wrist. “So that’s why you’ve been going to Guangzhou so often. That’s great.”

Pei Yue turned to look at her. After a long while, she said, “Not great.” Her voice was heavy, clearly emotional.

Bai Kou had almost never heard Pei Yue speak to her in such a tone.

For a long time after that, the two didn’t exchange words.

They sat quietly in the lively private room. Bai Kou kept unconsciously looking at Pei Yue’s face. The colored strobe lights swept over it, and with Pei Yue’s gaze slightly downcast, she looked extremely hurt.

When they parted that evening, Pei Yue took the initiative to pull Bai Kou aside. “Let’s walk by the river.”

The riverbank was very cold in the biting wind.

Bai Kou wore a pure white lamb’s wool coat, her face half-buried in a light blue scarf, hands in her pockets.

Actually, she hadn’t felt great all afternoon either.

She had thought, why didn’t you tell me earlier? And going abroad is so far away. She and Lu Tongtong had already become like this just from different schools; different countries—Bai Kou couldn’t imagine it.

But she could also feel that Pei Yue was even more unwilling to accept it than she was.

So as they walked by the river, she muffled herself in her scarf, self-soothed for a bit, then smiled first. “It’s really fine, Pei Yue. Look how convenient transportation is now, with high-speed rail and planes. I want to go to Beijing anyway. Even if you go abroad, I can fly from Beijing to find you, and it won’t be too much trouble.”

After a while, Pei Yue let out a low “Mm.”

Bai Kou glanced at the person beside her and added, “Besides, next semester you’ll still stay in Guangzhou for half a year first. So all in all, we have plenty of time to meet.”

“…” Pei Yue was silent for a very, very long time before saying, “But I plan to stay.”

Bai Kou stopped.

Pei Yue didn’t notice and walked a few more steps ahead.

When she realized Bai Kou hadn’t followed, she turned around and met Bai Kou’s somewhat stunned gaze. Pei Yue finally showed the smile that had been missing all afternoon.

She walked up to Bai Kou, her eyes full of streetlight glow. “Bai Kou, I never told you because I’m still figuring it out. First, I’ll figure out how not to go to Guangzhou, then how to stay here for the college entrance exam.”

“…What I mean is, I’m staying, and I want to go to Beijing too.”

After that night, the two rarely met on weekends. Bai Kou was busy with art classes and catching up on foundational knowledge she had never touched before.

As for Pei Yue.

Pei Yue thought Pei Ying wanted her to go to Guangzhou because the institutions there were better than in this small city of Heyan.

So she persisted in going to the provincial capital every week, researching all the institutions, and compiling a information sheet she thought would satisfy Pei Ying.

That day, she made an appointment with her mom to meet at home early, saying she wanted to discuss going to Guangzhou.

Pei Ying entered while on the phone, frowned, and gestured for Pei Yue to sit as she rose. She headed toward the study.

“That’s right, next week’s work meeting—”

Pei Yue sat silently again, hands on her notebook, gripping it tight, breathing steadily.

“That’s it.”

Pei Yue sat beside Pei Ying and, after explaining everything she had to say, looked at Pei Ying’s profile with anxiety.

“The content is good.” Pei Ying closed the notebook. “Anything else?”

“Ah, I, about going to Guangzhou next semester—”

Pei Ying placed the notebook back on Pei Yue’s lap. “This matter is already arranged. No need to discuss further.”

“But I can stay here and find an institution.” Pei Yue said urgently. “You saw it yourself; the strength here isn’t much worse than Guangzhou.”

“Pei Yue, I don’t know what’s making you repeatedly try to change the plan, but I can make it clear to you one last time.”

Pei Ying’s tone was flat. “This topic ends here.” With that, she walked toward the study.

Pei Yue hurriedly stood to chase after Pei Ying.

But Pei Ying stopped, turned back, and gave her a cold look.

“…” Pei Yue froze.

Bang.

Soon, the study door closed.

Pei Yue had failed once, but she didn’t give up. This was perhaps the first time she had been so persistent after growing up.

She insisted on waiting in the living room every day. After Pei Ying finished work and came home, she held the reorganized materials and tried to approach again.

But Pei Ying wouldn’t listen, wouldn’t look, and repeatedly shut Pei Yue out with an unquestionable attitude.

Over time, Bai Kou clearly felt Pei Yue’s disappointment.

She sat beside Bai Kou, not having taken a single bite of the sandwich on her plate—this was even their first time hanging out after being apart for a month.

Bai Kou set down her fork and turned her face to look at Pei Yue, asking cautiously, “So…… still?”

Pei Yue nodded woodenly.

“Or maybe, try another way. Right now, it’s just going to Guangzhou, not the final step yet. Who knows, maybe after you go for half a year, if you don’t pass the exam, you’ll come back?” Bai Kou tried to comfort her, but her own heart was in turmoil too. She quickly realized how could she say Pei Yue wouldn’t pass, and hurriedly added, “Uh, I don’t mean you won’t pass, it’s……”

Pei Yue turned her head to look at her, her eyes actually rimming red: “……Bai Kou, do you not care?”

Bai Kou was stunned.

How could she not care? Even if Pei Yue wasn’t the person she liked and was just a friend, she still cared a lot!

From what happened with Lu Tongtong, she already knew what separation meant—no more seeing each other, meeting new people, losing shared topics.

Maybe right now, both she and Pei Yue thought the other was very important, but after parting? One year, two years, three……

She knew the current Pei Yue would “lose control” like this, almost crying as she asked her, precisely because Pei Yue had thought of the same worries.

She stayed silent, and Pei Yue’s eyes continued to surge with thick sadness.

“Because you have so many friends, losing me doesn’t matter anymore.” After saying that, a tear nearly fell from Pei Yue’s eye. She didn’t want Bai Kou to see, so she immediately turned her face away and wiped it off with the back of her hand.

“……” Bai Kou lowered her gaze and sighed silently.

She remembered the first time Pei Yue handed her the lost phone with an expressionless face, and that night in middle school when they scooped goldfish, Pei Yue bending over under the lights, the water shadows flickering across her face, that faintly smiling look. She remembered the Little Lantern and Yellow Doudou at Pei Yue’s house, and Little Roll, who purred and acted coquettish toward her after she picked it up once.

At this moment, Bai Kou’s heart trembled lightly along with Pei Yue’s tears.

“Pei Yue.” She said softly, “What if not just friends.”

It took Pei Yue a long time to turn her head and look at her, her eyes that had just held back tears still with damp eyelashes.

She hesitated and replied: “……What?”

Bai Kou held her breath for a moment, and when she spoke again, her voice was still quite unsteady.

“I mean…… even though it’s not like that now, but in the future, after graduation, if we’re more than friends……” She asked, “If that’s the case, would you not worry so much, would you feel a bit happier?”