Chapter 20

Bai Shuangshuang ran all the way to the school gate.

A lone figure stood outside in the darkness, cradling a bag of sugar-roasted chestnuts that had long since gone cold.

Shuangshuang spotted her from afar and faltered to a stop, her throat turning dry and raw as if scraped by sand.

She dashed up to Bai Tongsheng without pausing to read her expression and wrapped her arms tightly around her.

Tongsheng didn’t resist. She simply murmured by her ear in a voice devoid of emotion.

“So that’s what your ‘sorry’ meant.”

There was no hint of reproach in the words, yet Shuangshuang felt a mountain crash down on her all the same.

She struggled to catch her breath and wasn’t even aware of when the tears had started flowing. She clung even tighter to the person in her arms, her voice hoarse as she repeated apologies over and over. “Sorry… sorry… sorry…”

Truth be told, she hadn’t done anything wrong.

But guilt was carved across that mountain, blotting out all other thoughts.

Tongsheng gently pulled back from the embrace. Her face was impassive, but the way she wiped away Shuangshuang’s tears was infinitely tender.

“I don’t want your sorry,” she said. “I want you to come home.”

Shuangshuang’s vision blurred, yet through the misty haze, she could make out the fierce determination in Tongsheng’s eyes—and the faint, almost imperceptible plea beneath it.

Something tore at her heart from both sides, the pain excruciating.

Tongsheng watched her quietly, waiting for her response.

Shuangshuang spoke slowly, as if trying to convince her—or maybe just herself. “We’ll have to part ways someday no matter what. Better to do it now, for both our sakes.”

“I don’t see how that’s for my sake. If you want me to, I can stay by your side forever.”

Her heart trembled violently, but Shuangshuang bit down hard on her lip, refusing to let herself drown in those careless words that promised nothing. “A-Sheng, I’m not coming back.”

Tongsheng paused for a moment before yielding a step. “We can sleep in separate rooms, then. Just don’t stay in the dorms.”

Shuangshuang tasted blood where she’d bitten through her lower lip—the brittle edge of a willpower on the verge of shattering. She forced out the words with effort. “I’m sorry.”

Tongsheng bowed her head. Shuangshuang could sense the shift in her bearing and tensed, not daring to speak. Only after a long silence did Tongsheng look up again. Her eyes, already as black as ink stones, had darkened further, swallowing all light.

It sent a chill through her.

Tongsheng pressed the cold chestnuts into her arms. “Bai Shuangshuang, this is the last time.”

Shuangshuang assumed she meant the last time she’d buy her anything like this, though her gut told her it ran deeper.

Before she could puzzle out the true meaning, Tongsheng had already turned away. She stepped into the night, each footfall thudding heavily against Shuangshuang’s heart.

“Since you won’t agree to stay with me, I won’t agree to stay with you either.”

~~~

Your room will still have me.

~~~

For the first time, Bai Shuangshuang found the holiday utterly exasperating.

She hadn’t been sleeping well these past few days—not because of an unfamiliar bed or the empty space beside her, but because every time she drifted off, a lonely silhouette would invade her dreams like a nightmare, jolting her awake.

Ten more minutes, and the bell would ring, signaling that she had to face the person who’d walked away alone into that night.

Shuangshuang glanced at the scrap paper she’d mangled in a fit of distraction and let out a long sigh, forcing herself to relax.

Fine. They’d have to meet eventually. Tongsheng hadn’t done anything that night anyway, and a whole week had passed since then. Whatever anger she might have felt should have faded by now.

With that self-assurance, she endured until the dismissal bell finally rang.

When it did, Shuangshuang found herself surprisingly calm.

She gathered her things for the weekend, slung her backpack over her shoulder, and left the classroom.

She didn’t find Yu Xichi. Instead, to her astonishment, she spotted Bai Tongsheng waiting amid a crowd of family members.

Tongsheng’s slight frame didn’t stand out among the adults, but her unique aura made her impossible to miss—like a splash of color in an otherwise black-and-white sketch.

Seeing her in person swept away the lingering tension and hesitation in Shuangshuang’s heart, buried beneath a tide of longing. She hurried over, beaming despite herself, and gazed at her tenderly. “A-Sheng, what are you doing here?”

Tongsheng took her hand. “We get out earlier than you do.”

She let herself be led forward, only to realize they were headed the wrong way. “The bus stop’s the other direction, A-Sheng. You’re going the wrong way.”

Bai Tongsheng hummed in agreement. “I don’t feel like taking the bus today. I’ve already told Mom we’ll eat out tonight?”

“Huh? Eat out?”

“Yeah, I bought movie tickets. Let’s go see a movie first.”

Bai Shuangshuang blinked in utter confusion, realizing she’d been completely planned out for: ???

Bai Tongsheng averted her gaze. “Don’t want to go?”

She shook her head quickly. “No, it’s just… you suddenly mentioning a movie caught me off guard.”

Bai Tongsheng said nothing more.

~~~

The movie Bai Tongsheng had picked was clearly right up Bai Shuangshuang’s alley.

A romance with tearjerker moments and plenty of laughs. At first, Bai Shuangshuang managed to watch while grabbing handfuls of popcorn, but a third of the way through, she forgot all about the snacks, completely lost in the story.

The theater was pitch black. Sitting next to Bai Shuangshuang, Bai Tongsheng could finally stare at her without a care.

Her gaze was ravenous, as if she longed to become a slender finger, tracing every inch her eyes lingered on.

This was her real goal: a place where she could indulge in looking at her without restraint, freeing the beast chained in her chest to catch its breath.

She reached out, snagged a piece of popcorn, and held it to the lips of the woman absorbed in the screen.

Bai Shuangshuang opened her mouth obediently and took it. Her tongue accidentally brushed the other’s fingertip—she felt nothing, but the woman beside her drew in a heavy breath.

Dazed and unable to stop herself, Bai Tongsheng pressed forward, dipping her fingertip into warm, wet softness.

It was like sucking down a whole poppy seed. She was hooked in an instant.

Bai Shuangshuang’s focus splintered briefly from the finger that had slipped into her mouth. Her eyes stayed glued to the screen ahead, but she gently nudged the hand aside. “Sorry, A-Sheng, I think I nipped you.”

No reply came from beside her. She paid it no mind. Had she turned her head even slightly, she would have glimpsed the feral wolf-light gleaming deep in eyes shrouded by shadow.

Bai Shuangshuang felt a touch helpless. She truly appreciated A-Sheng feeding her popcorn, but perhaps because she was so immersed, she kept accidentally biting A-Sheng’s finger every time she opened her mouth.

After it happened a few times, she clearly sensed the other’s body going rigid and awkward. At last, when another piece approached, she didn’t open up. Instead, she pressed the hand downward and said softly, “I’m stuffed, A-Sheng. You have it.”

Bai Tongsheng remained silent. After a beat, she pulled her hand back.

Bai Shuangshuang dove back into the movie. The hitherto quiet Bai Tongsheng toyed with a piece of caramel-coated popcorn whose shell had begun to melt. The next moment, she shoved it into her mouth, swallowed the now flavorless kernel, then flicked out her tongue to give that oft-touched finger a light lick.

—Her taste.

—Sweet.

—But.

—She craved the real thing.

~~~

“That movie was amazing today! A-Sheng, you loved it too, right? After all those twists and turns, those two finally ended up together. So perfect!”

“Mm. I knew you’d like it.”

Grinning, Bai Shuangshuang said, “A-Sheng gets me so well. So, what’re we eating next? What sounds good to you?”

“Let’s head home.”

“Huh?”

Bai Tongsheng offered no further explanation. “Tell me what you want. I’ll make it when we get back.”

Bai Shuangshuang couldn’t quite puzzle out her mood, but it didn’t matter to her whether they ate out or at home—home cooking was cleaner, anyway.

“Then steamed dumplings! With vinegar and chili sauce. Easy to whip up and so tasty.”

“Sure.”

~~~

After a week away, sinking back into her soft bed at home, Bai Shuangshuang figured her sleep wouldn’t feel any different. But the instant her back met the mattress, a wave of utter relaxation swept through her, right down to her big toes—a true sense of home.

“A-Sheng, good night.”

Hearing the reply, she shut her eyes, certain she’d sleep like a rock tonight.

Just as sleep began to claim her, Bai Tongsheng called out. “Bai Shuangshuang, I have a question for you.”

It was rare for Bai Tongsheng to take the initiative like this after so long.

As kids, Bai Tongsheng had been a nonstop talker, peppering her with questions. She’d grown quieter with age. Now, at these words, Bai Shuangshuang’s drowsiness evaporated. She nodded. “Yeah, go ahead.”

Bai Tongsheng spoke slowly. “On Wednesday evening, two people from our class bumped into each other on the playground and got spotted by the school leaders. They were forced to drop out just for that. Why would a simple bump lead to something so serious?”

There was a trace of genuine confusion in her voice, as if she were truly baffled and couldn’t figure it out.

Bai Shuangshuang’s interest was piqued. “Did they get into a fight?”

“No, they get along great and often walk together.”

“Oh. So were they from your dorm?”

Bai Tongsheng turned sideways. “One was a boy, the other a girl.”

Bai Shuangshuang frowned. “A boy and a girl?”

Then her expression smoothed out. “Were they acting too intimate, so the school leaders thought they were dating too early?”

Bai Tongsheng inched slowly toward her. “Just bumping into each other counts as dating too early?”

Bai Shuangshuang nodded. “Could be. But how did they bump exactly? Holding hands?”

She leaned in close, propping one hand beside Bai Shuangshuang’s head. “Not holding hands. Like this—want me to demonstrate?”

Bai Shuangshuang resisted the position a little. Even though Bai Tongsheng’s voice was filled with confusion and bewilderment, she couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something dangerous about her right now. She shook her head on instinct. “No need. Just tell me, A-Sheng. Don’t get so close—I feel uncomfortable.”

Bai Tongsheng wouldn’t let up and edged even closer, her voice turning coaxing and seductive. “Aren’t you my big sis? When your little sister has a question, shouldn’t a big sister teach by example? I’m worried I won’t explain it clearly enough or might leave something out. If I demonstrate once, won’t you get a better sense of it firsthand and then tell me why?”

Bai Shuangshuang’s mind blanked out the instant she heard the word “sister.” It had been so long since those two words had come from Bai Tongsheng’s mouth.

She hesitated, but finally said, “Okay.”

In the darkness, Bai Tongsheng curved her lips into a smile and slowly lowered her head toward her.

“Then I’ll demonstrate for you now.”