Chapter 30 Part 2

“My uncle is my dad’s younger brother. He’s pretty lenient with me. If I told him I wanted to be with a girl, he wouldn’t object. At worst, he’d just say I’m too young to be thinking about that right now.”

“Is your uncle good to you?”

“Yeah. He used to visit me all the time in high school. In college, he’d take me to movies and out to dinner. We really hit it off.”

“That’s nice,” Luo Qingmeng said enviously.

But she was sure Qiu Shuxue’s uncle would despise her. He struck her as the intellectual type, someone who placed great stock in propriety.

Qiu Shuxue said, “He always thought my parents cast too big a shadow over me. Wherever he went for fun, he’d bring me along. Right after graduation, he got me this job at the company.”

Luo Qingmeng had never pried into her life before, always too proud to learn the details, afraid that hearing how rough Qiu Shuxue had it would make her soften toward her.

“What about your mom and dad, then…”

“I’m not sure. They wire me money every month and never ask about my future,” Qiu Shuxue said. “I especially loved that one thing you wrote.”

“What was it?”

“‘I’m done chasing hopeless love. I’m accepting the way the world works now. Some people are just destined not to love you—they’re like rusted gears that won’t break free of their constraints for my sake. But I’ll wait, wait for those who shatter the chains of fate to come love me.'”

Luo Qingmeng didn’t remember writing those words anywhere, but she had always believed there were two kinds of love in the world. One was the love she craved, but the other person wouldn’t break free of fate’s chains to give it to her—not because there was anything wrong with them, but simply because they didn’t love her. The other kind was the love she craved, and the other person would strive just as hard to break free of fate’s bonds to give it to her.

In a world this big, there was always someone who would love her.

Luo Qingmeng said softly, “Other people don’t matter. What matters is loving yourself.”

Qiu Shuxue gave her a deep look and said, “I’m still young. I really want someone else to love me.”

The elevator doors opened, and the two of them stepped out. Qiu Shuxue fetched her car, buckled her seatbelt, then suddenly turned her head. “Do you think I’ve stopped being mad?”

Luo Qingmeng’s heart leaped into her throat, but Qiu Shuxue continued, “I am mad. Give me a kiss, and I won’t be anymore.”

Qiu Shuxue never seemed to stay mad at her.

What an amazing person Qiu Shuxue was. Luo Qingmeng had stormed out that morning, yet she’d waited obediently at home, fuming for just a few minutes before letting it go.

Luo Qingmeng leaned over but didn’t dare kiss her. Qiu Shuxue asked, “Sis… did I do something wrong?”

Luo Qingmeng closed her eyes and brushed her lips against Qiu Shuxue’s. Qiu Shuxue didn’t press further; she let her finish before driving off.

Luo Qingmeng sorted through her thoughts anew. At first, she’d assumed Qiu Shuxue was with Li An, then later set her sights on Luo Qingmeng herself. Qiu Shuxue had been scheming behind the scenes all along without Luo Qingmeng realizing it, until she started acting all twisted and unhinged.

Looking back now, it was all her own wild speculation.

Qiu Shuxue hadn’t known a thing. She’d been nursing a secret crush before, only bold enough to pursue her after the divorce.

I deserve to die.

Whenever she’d lashed out at Qiu Shuxue, the girl never talked back—probably because she had no idea what Luo Qingmeng was even going on about. They just weren’t on the same wavelength.

The car eased along, and Qiu Shuxue put on some pure instrumental music. Luo Qingmeng couldn’t hold back any longer. “When I said you had something going on with Li An, why didn’t you argue back? Why?”

“I do have ties to him—we work together. We see each other every day at the office, and sometimes we have to grab meals as a team. I haven’t found a better job yet, so I can’t just cut ties completely.”

Luo Qingmeng stared at her in shock and disbelief. “So you thought I hated you just because you’re coworkers?”

“…What else? Why else would you hate me? You don’t like most of our colleagues either. Back at Li An’s place, you weren’t thrilled with them—especially Yin Sisi,” Qiu Shuxue said. They hit a red light just then, and she smiled. “I’ve already stopped talking to Yin Sisi. I blocked her straight up.”

“No, it’s not that. I thought you were…”

“I’ve always thought it was cute how you are—all or nothing. If you don’t like someone, you really don’t. But if you do like someone, you go all in for them too.”

Qiu Shuxue cut her off with a smile. “After all, you’re the best big sister.”

With praise like that, Luo Qingmeng didn’t want to explain… didn’t want to tell Qiu Shuxue she’d misunderstood her and been so harsh as a result.

If she admitted she’d thought Qiu Shuxue was a homewrecker, would that shatter the pedestal Qiu Shuxue had her on?

Luo Qingmeng was terrified—terrified of losing that idealized image in Qiu Shuxue’s eyes and becoming just an ordinary person.

But that guilt gnawed at her with a sour ache.

Why was she so afraid? She felt like she had to figure it out.

She gazed out the window. In her heart, she said to herself:

Luo Qingmeng, you’ve been a people-pleaser for twenty-eight years. It’s okay to be a little bad sometimes. If you don’t tell her you got it wrong, she won’t know. It’s just a secret…

But keeping that secret meant paying a price. No matter what Qiu Shuxue did to her, she wouldn’t put up much resistance.

They arrived, and she pushed open the car door. She’d only taken two steps when Qiu Shuxue, who’d been staring at her hand, hurried over. Her fingers lightly traced the back of Luo Qingmeng’s hand. Luo Qingmeng’s heart fluttered, but when Qiu Shuxue took her hand, she didn’t pull away. Qiu Shuxue paused in slight surprise, glancing first at their hands, then up at her.

Luo Qingmeng didn’t dare move a muscle; her hand went limp.

Qiu Shuxue squeezed tighter and leaned in close to Luo Qingmeng’s side, as if testing how far she could go. Her lips pressed toward Luo Qingmeng’s.

Luo Qingmeng didn’t resist; she let Qiu Shuxue kiss her.

In the underground garage, they shared a light kiss. Qiu Shuxue tried to pull her back into the car and whispered two words in her ear. Luo Qingmeng’s cheeks flushed bright red. “No… we can’t… disturb people… someone’s around…”

Qiu Shuxue said okay, and the two of them headed upstairs together. Qiu Shuxue punched in the floor number with practiced ease, and Luo Qingmeng remembered—they were at the bookstore level?

Qiu Shuxue led her by the hand as they wandered the floor. Every time they passed a shop, she’d glance inside. Today, Xiao Tang was at the register; everyone was busy and no one noticed them.

Luo Qingmeng tried a few times to slip her fingers free.

Qiu Shuxue said, “Sis, you didn’t eat breakfast. Let’s grab something. What do you want? There’s a decent pan-fried pork place upstairs.”

Luo Qingmeng stopped struggling at that. She murmured an agreement but stared at their joined hands. Qiu Shuxue let go right away and said thoughtfully, “Let’s buy some books.”

Luo Qingmeng was about to say “mm-hmm,” but she remembered the twenty-five books Qiu Shuxue had already bought. “You have enough books. Go in and grab them. Don’t buy more.”

“Okay, next time I’ll get them at Star Continent Plaza.”

“I don’t work the register anymore.”

At the bookstore entrance, Qiu Shuxue glanced at the recommendation blurb, critiquing how the day’s handwriting looked sloppy and the wording wasn’t punchy enough.

Inside the bookstore, the two of them fell quiet. The place was always hushed. Xiao Tang didn’t notice them, but Chen Xin did. Usually, she saw the pair dancing around each other awkwardly, but this time they seemed so in sync—and Luo Qingmeng’s cheeks were all flushed…

What were they up to? It was like they were newlyweds…

Luo Qingmeng headed to the back corner, and Qiu Shuxue followed. She asked softly, “What do you recommend for me today?”

Luo Qingmeng recalled something she’d never paid attention to before. Qiu Shuxue rarely came by during the week when she was swamped with overtime; she’d only show up on weekends and snap up a bunch of books at once—all the ones Luo Qingmeng had recommended that week.

She really likes me.

Qiu Shuxue suddenly wrapped her arms around Luo Qingmeng’s waist. Luo Qingmeng stiffened in surprise. Tucked away in the corner, Qiu Shuxue said, puzzled, “Why are you being so sweet today, Sis? It feels like a dream.”

“Can you hand me a book, Sis? Do you want to know why I like you so much? I can tell you.”

Right under everyone’s noses, they were being incredibly intimate. Holding hands had already seemed a bit too cozy, and now with the hugging—it didn’t scream straight girl at all.

Luo Qingmeng felt like she was doing it on purpose, but she couldn’t call her out on it. She reached for the Rimbaud Poetry Collection on the shelf.

Qiu Shuxue asked, “So which one do you like?”

She softly recited the poem: “My eternal soul gazes at your heart, even if the night is lonely and the daytime burns like fire.”

Luo Qingmeng pursed her lips tightly.

She liked the Song of the High Tower.

Qiu Shuxue said again, “Later, can we go to Water City and soak in a bath?”

“Mm.”

“Then, later we won’t go back—can we go to a hotel and get a room first?”

Luo Qingmeng gripped her fingers; her legs still hurt a little. “Mm.”

“I want to do whatever I want, make you wet in front of the mirror—is that okay?”

Luo Qingmeng bit her teeth and said, “I know what you want to do. Don’t say it out loud. But actually, I want more…”

“Want more what?” Qiu Shuxue pressed, repeatedly testing her bottom line, always pushing right up to the edge. But Luo Qingmeng was even more…

She pressed against her ear. “Want more it at my place? That way you can let loose more, right?”

Normally she’d be angry by now, and Qiu Shuxue wouldn’t hold back either. But now she said, “You have to say it out loud. I like hearing it.”

“Mm.”

“Then tonight, can you be a little more proactive and invite me? I want you to seduce me,” Qiu Shuxue said.

Luo Qingmeng kept biting her lip, head lowered, cheeks flushed red—as if she’d gone back to the beginning, when her introverted personality had her always hunching her shoulders.

“I’ll try.”

Qiu Shuxue’s breathing grew heavy. She really wanted to devour her.

Qiu Shuxue loved being indulged like this and said, “Jiejie likes you so much. Likes you especially.”

Luo Qingmeng couldn’t help wanting her to stop talking. Qiu Shuxue said, “No problem—later I’ll buy twenty-five books. Even if we’re talking, it’ll be fine.”

“No, it’s not good if your colleagues see…”

“Then just say I’m your little sister,” Qiu Shuxue said.

“No little sister is this intimate…”

“Mm…”

“Then can I be your girlfriend, Mommy?” Qiu Shuxue gently kept nudging her bottom line. “I really want to be your girlfriend. Is that okay?”

This pushed Luo Qingmeng right to her breaking point. She finally couldn’t hold back and started lightly scolding Qiu Shuxue, her voice soft: “You can’t keep saying stuff like that outside…”