Chapter 87: Both Sides Suffered Losses

Five years ago, Cui Wangshu couldn’t refuse Jiang Chenbi. Five years later, she still couldn’t refuse the woman’s proactive intimacy.

Her breathing stalled, and the hand hanging at her side clenched then loosened. Cui Wangshu lowered her gaze and gently pushed Jiang Chenbi away. Her throat bobbed as she rasped, “You don’t need to do this. I won’t let you go.”

In the past, she had thought love could keep Jiang Chenbi by her side. But in those long five years of lonely nights, Cui Wangshu had come to understand that love could never hold onto a person—only power could.

Only by standing at the pinnacle of power and controlling every corner of Great Zhao in her grasp could she firmly hold onto the one she wanted to keep.

Jiang Chenbi met her stubborn and suppressed dark eyes, unable to utter a single word.

In Cui Wangshu’s view, this proactive intimacy from her was just a ploy to lower her guard and escape her side.

Such a knot in the heart wasn’t formed in a moment. Jiang Chenbi knew that no matter how much she said now, it would be useless. She lowered her eyes and softly asked, “Do you hate me?”

Cui Wangshu remained silent, saying nothing.

Jiang Chenbi gave a self-mocking curl of her lips. She knew the answer. Taking a breath, she lifted her gaze to Cui Wangshu and asked, “Will you love me?”

Cui Wangshu met Jiang Chenbi’s eyes, a sharp pain stabbing at her heart, her throat swelling with suppressed ache. After a long moment, she rasped, “…Would loving you make a difference?”

Jiang Chenbi fell silent, not daring to make any more promises. Before, she had believed that mutual love could overcome all obstacles, vowing to grow old together, but she had broken that promise. Now, what Cui Wangshu wanted was simply for her to stay by her side forever.

But the Love Gu… Jiang Chenbi didn’t dare give her false hope.

Seeing no answer, Cui Wangshu’s lips tugged into a cold smile. “See, even you don’t dare to answer.”

She averted her gaze and said, “Just be my Empress in peace. I won’t force you.” She bit her teeth, swallowing the words “As long as you stay by my side.”

With things said so plainly, what more was there for Jiang Chenbi not to understand? Cui Wangshu wanted the same obsession she once had—the vow of growing old together that she had made.

Let it be repayment. She would stay as long as she could.

Jiang Chenbi’s lashes trembled lightly, and her face took on that familiar smile from before. “Alright.”

Cui Wangshu looked at the familiar expression on her face and felt a moment of daze before turning away. “Let’s go. It’s time to return to the capital.”

Luozhou was close to the capital. When they arrived back in the capital, Jiang Chenbi noticed that the carriage wasn’t heading toward the Imperial Palace. As familiar street scenes passed by, a guess slid through her mind.

When she saw the familiar words “Shangshu Residence,” her heart shrank. She asked softly, “Have you been living in the Shangshu Residence all this time?”

Cui Wangshu lowered her eyes. “The Imperial Palace is merely a place to handle state affairs.”

Jiang Chenbi pressed her lips together and followed her out of the carriage. Everything in the Shangshu Residence was just as it had been—clean and tidy, not even the furnishings moved an inch. Jiang Chenbi’s gaze was drawn to the large tree in the courtyard, where countless red ribbons hung from the branches, swaying gently in the wind.

Her eyes moistened. Jiang Chenbi hastily shifted her gaze away, only to spot the concubine chair.

Five years had passed, yet it was still so well-preserved, not even the color faded. Jiang Chenbi reached out to touch the armrest, the smooth wood texture instantly bringing back memories of the days she had lounged there.

Jiang Chenbi silently tugged at her lips and looked up to carefully take in the courtyard.

Cui Wangshu stood not far away, watching Jiang Chenbi’s slender and frail back. She lowered her eyes and said, “From now on, you’ll live here. You can move freely within the residence. If you want to go out, tell me in advance.”

Jiang Chenbi turned to look at her, considering her words. “Won’t you live here with me?”

Cui Wangshu stared at the ground, her gaze darkening slightly. “State affairs are busy.”

Jiang Chenbi’s lashes quivered lightly. “Alright.”

“I have government matters to handle.” Cui Wangshu’s eyes flickered with panic as she threw down the words and nearly fled in disarray.

Jiang Chenbi stared at her retreating back, unable to recover for a long time.

How had she and Cui Wangshu reached this point of mutual destruction?

Ever since that day when Jiang Chenbi had threatened death to resist her, Cui Wangshu had rarely appeared before her. Jiang Chenbi knew it was because Cui Wangshu didn’t want to see the disgust in her eyes, so she was avoiding her.

But at the time, she hadn’t known that the so-called Empress position was from Cui Wangshu’s ghost marriage to her, nor that she had guarded this place alone for five years. If she had known, how could she bear to hurl harsh words at Cui Wangshu again?

A sour ache spread through her heart. Jiang Chenbi’s nose stung, tears nearly spilling out.

She bit her lower lip hard, forcing the tears back.

There were no “ifs” in this world. Both she and Cui Wangshu needed time to untangle their heart knots. With Cui Wangshu avoiding her now, she didn’t even have a chance to ease their relationship.

Jiang Chenbi sighed and walked toward the room.

Meanwhile, Cui Wangshu lowered her eyes and instructed someone to bring Ying Lan to accompany Jiang Chenbi. At least that way, there would be a familiar face to make her want to stay.

Cui Wangshu glanced back, taking a deep look at the Shangshu Residence before turning, bending at the waist, and entering the carriage.

Over these years, she had many questions she wanted to ask Jiang Chenbi. But the moment she saw her standing before her, Cui Wangshu felt that none of it mattered anymore. As long as she had returned, that was enough.

That day, she had clearly seen the undisguised disgust in her eyes, reminding Cui Wangshu of what Jiang Chenbi had once said—that she hoped such things were born of love, not mere venting.

Jiang Chenbi held a fatal attraction for her. Even after five years, Cui Wangshu couldn’t suppress that instinctive craving. Unwilling to force her, she chose to keep her distance to avoid seeing the disgust in her eyes.

She hadn’t lied about having government matters to handle. A backlog of memorials had piled up during this time, and she needed to deal with them quickly.

Back when she was the Minister of Rites, Cui Wangshu had been busy. Now, as ruler of the nation, she was even busier.

These years, it was thanks to that busyness that she could divert her attention from the grief of losing Jiang Chenbi and avoid complete despair.

Now that she had regained what was lost, Cui Wangshu hadn’t forgotten the responsibility she bore for Great Zhao’s people.

Over these years, Song Yu, Li Qingqing, Ji Yunwei, and the other female officials she had once favored had become her left and right arms.

In Yangxin Hall, Ji Yunwei had resolved the Zhongnan Mountain case and returned to the capital to report.

Cui Wangshu lowered her eyes to skim the summary of the dossier and said flatly, “The case was handled well. You’ve worked hard.”

Ji Yunwei lowered her gaze. “Thank you, Your Majesty.”

“Your Majesty, there’s a clinic in the town at the foot of Zhongnan Mountain that’s rather suspicious. I request permission for a thorough investigation.”

Cui Wangshu lifted her eyes. “Is it related to the case?”

Ji Yunwei shook her head. “The clinic’s owner left Zhongnan Mountain on the day I was interrogating suspects. Since it wasn’t connected to the case, I didn’t pursue it then. But after returning, something felt off.”

Cui Wangshu narrowed her eyes. “Do you know which direction that person went?”

Ji Yunwei lowered her eyes. “I checked at the time. Someone said they saw a woman in white heading toward Tongzhou. I’m not sure if it was her, but I worry it might be some cult organization—why else avoid me so thoroughly?”

A woman in white, Tongzhou…

Cui Wangshu’s gaze darkened slightly. “Very well. Investigate carefully. Find out that woman’s background and what she did in Zhongnan Mountain.”

“Yes.”

After Ji Yunwei left, Cui Wangshu continued reviewing memorials until late into the night. When she finally came to, it was already very late.

A palace maid immediately stepped forward. “Your Majesty, will you return to the residence or rest in Yangxin Hall?”

Cui Wangshu rubbed her brow, exhaustion in her eyes. “Back to the residence.”

The palace maid was accustomed to her late returns and nodded. “Yes.”

Cui Wangshu added, “Prepare some wine for me.”

The palace maid pressed her lips together and reminded her, “Your Majesty, the medicine you’re taking cannot be mixed with alcohol.”

Cui Wangshu’s gaze darkened slightly. She had nearly forgotten. “Stop that medicine for now.”

The palace maid didn’t dare persuade further. “Yes.”

Her duty was done; whether Her Majesty chose to stop the medicine and drink was beyond her control.

By the time Cui Wangshu returned to the residence, it was very late. She glanced at the courtyard where Jiang Chenbi stayed—the candlelight had long been extinguished. Cui Wangshu lowered her eyes and headed to her own room.

The palace maid had prepared the wine in advance. After bathing, Cui Wangshu stared at the moon through the window, downing cup after cup.

These years, because of the medicine, Cui Wangshu had rarely drunk alcohol, and her tolerance from before was gone. Soon, the wine hit her, and she crawled into bed to sleep.

In her dream, Cui Wangshu saw the scene from five years ago at the cliffside again—He Yin shooting Jiang Chenbi through the heart with an arrow.

She jolted awake from the dream, retching sounds filling the room. The palace maid hurried in to support her.

Smelling the faint aroma of wine in the room, the palace maid sighed inwardly.

Over these years, Her Majesty had relied on medication, or else she would wake from nightmares like tonight, unable to stop retching.

Ever since fainting at the cliff that day, Cui Wangshu had developed this affliction—falling asleep only to relive that scene. Only with Wang Xian’s medicine, using a bit of Jade Face Asura to create illusions, could she evade the nightmares.

Tonight, having drunk wine, she couldn’t take the medicine. Cui Wangshu wiped her lips and lay back down, telling the palace maid to leave.

Moments later, sounds came from the room again. Before the palace maid could enter, Cui Wangshu’s voice rang out: “No need to come in.”

The palace maid halted, lowering her eyes. “Yes.”

Cui Wangshu lay on the bed, hand back over her eyes. Her side hand clenched tightly. After lying motionless for a while, she rolled over and pulled a box from under the pillow.

She hesitated but still took a pill.

The reason this medicine couldn’t be mixed with alcohol was that it intensified the hallucinations, potentially making the user unable to distinguish reality from illusion even during the day.

Jade Face Asura was inherently addictive. Back then, if not for Cui Wangshu’s extreme suffering, Wang Xian wouldn’t have taken such a risky approach. Fortunately, Cui Wangshu was restrained and never overused it, avoiding heavy dependence over the years.

But addiction was still there.

Cui Wangshu swallowed the pill, and the scene before her gradually blurred into illusion. Jiang Chenbi’s figure appeared.

On the concubine chair in the Shangshu Residence courtyard, Jiang Chenbi lay with eyes closed, like an exquisite porcelain doll. Cui Wangshu’s lips curved as she walked over, brushing her face with the back of her hand.

But Jiang Chenbi showed no reaction, her expression serene and peaceful, as if asleep.

Cui Wangshu’s expression remained normal, seemingly unaware of anything amiss. She lay on the outer side of the chair, pulling the person into her arms. Inhaling the familiar scent at her nose, Cui Wangshu murmured about the day’s events.

“Actually, when you kissed me today, I almost couldn’t hold back. But I was afraid you were just trying to please me, so I pushed you away. Don’t be mad…”

The Jiang Chenbi in her arms kept that serene expression, like a lifeless doll. Cui Wangshu’s eyes were gentle as she chattered on about handling state affairs that day.