Chapter 9

“Just pretend you didn’t hear it.”

“I don’t care anyway.”

Listening to these replies, Xue Tong kept rubbing her temples.

In her eyes, old dream scenes replayed endlessly. The black-and-white girl was suddenly pushed off the rooftop, her screams echoing sharply against her eardrums, finally crashing down beside her feet, twisted in a grotesque way, as if she was reaching out, crying for help.

Xue Tong’s neck was splattered with blood. She looked up in panic, as if she saw herself again on that rooftop.

…Xue Tong felt like she couldn’t breathe.

She realized with stark clarity—Lu Shimiao had triggered her stress response with just a few casual words.

She forced her eyes open, only to see the police uniform on Lu Shimiao’s body, as if mocking her own powerlessness. “So this police uniform is useless too, is it?”

Lu Shimiao was stunned by the question.

She looked down at her Police College tracksuit. On her chest were two yellow letters: PC.

Police College, starkly clear enough to make her panic.

So Xue Tong wasn’t worried about her.

She just thought she had disgraced the Police College… Maybe making her move out was also a way of choosing out of sight, out of mind.

The joy and excitement Lu Shimiao had just hidden away all turned into a heavy punch slamming back into her chest. She hated her overly developed empathy, how it allowed her to so easily perceive Xue Tong’s thoughts.

Xue Tong didn’t want to look at Lu Shimiao’s helpless expression, which seemed covered in an indescribable fog, about to overlap with the girl before her eyes. So she preferred to close her eyes and chew on the pain in her memories, enduring this torment.

To stop herself from sinking deeper, she could only speak to distract herself. “This police uniform is useless, isn’t it?”

She hoped for a response from Lu Shimiao.

“Sorry, Instructor Xue.”

Lu Shimiao rejected any emotional expression that would reveal vulnerability, but looking at the disgust in Xue Tong’s eyes, her nose couldn’t help but sting. She didn’t want Xue Tong to hate her.

This ‘sorry’ was absolutely devastating. With one sentence, it dragged Xue Tong, who had just pulled half her body out of the abyss, right back in. The anger suppressed in her eyes was about to overflow. “Who are you saying sorry to?”

Lu Shimiao lowered her head. “Then what does the Instructor want me to say?”

Lu Shimiao didn’t like using words to solve problems, because no matter how she answered, Qiu Wen never validated her.

So she was used to silence. Even her confidence was silenced within her wordlessness.

After all, as long as she scored full marks, Qiu Wen would praise her.

As long as she got first place, the school would naturally give her the spot.

Lu Shimiao had never thought that one day, her silence would make people dislike her. The confident silence she believed in seemed, from the outside, like weakness, a shortcoming easily exploited, her current miserable life.

“I don’t know who I’m sorry to either, but if the Instructor wants me to say it, I can only say sorry.”

The more she thought about it, the more aggrieved she felt. Tears were about to break out, but Lu Shimiao didn’t want to show any weakness in front of Xue Tong. So after answering, she turned to walk towards the elevator.

She was running away again. “I’ll move out. Thank you for your concern, Instructor.”

Xue Tong heard the tremor in Lu Shimiao’s voice and reached out without thinking, grabbing Lu Shimiao’s arm, stopping her steps.

This issue wasn’t resolved, no one was allowed to leave.

Lu Shimiao’s face was turned towards the elevator, her body half-turned away, tears already streaming down her face.

She didn’t want to turn back.

The other party wouldn’t turn back, and Xue Tong’s hand wouldn’t let go either. She even used her entire palm to fit against Lu Shimiao’s wrist, clamping it tightly.

The moment their hands and skin touched, the real sensation warmed Xue Tong’s consciousness. She organized her thoughts to suppress that overlapping image, earnestly perceiving the person before her.

She couldn’t confuse Lu Shimiao with the person in her old dreams. They were fundamentally different.

As Xue Tong slowly calmed down, she reflected that the terrible emotions triggered by her fear earlier could indeed easily hurt Lu Shimiao.

She didn’t want to be someone who hurt others.

When Xue Tong spoke again, her tone gradually leveled. “What I meant to say earlier was, if you didn’t do anything wrong, you don’t need to say sorry to anyone. You misunderstood me.”

Lu Shimiao, held by the wrist, was dazed.

Xue Tong’s words… was she explaining?

Seeing the person still not answering, Xue Tong pulled her wrist, yanking her right in front of her.

“You’re a student. You need a… stable, safe environment. That place is too unsuitable for you to live. Do you get my drift?” Xue Tong struggled to express her meaning, but when she got anxious, she easily mixed English in. But thinking that speaking English would poke at Lu Shimiao’s language pain again—she had also been present for what happened in the elevator.

“I just hope you protect yourself.”

“Mm.” Although Xue Tong’s Mandarin was terrible just now, Lu Shimiao understood.

Lu Shimiao quickly wiped the tears off her face. She was happy again now. So the Instructor wasn’t disgusted by her, she was genuinely concerned about her.

And Xue Tong was coaxing her, explaining to her.

She had never been coaxed before. This feeling indescribably fascinated her.

“The one who should say sorry is me. My tone was a bit harsh just now. I apologize to you.” Xue Tong’s tone was very sincere.

An apology.

…

Lu Shimiao was dazed again hearing this.

In this lifetime, she had never heard her mom, her dad, her grandpa, her grandma, her grandparents, her teachers, her mentors, any elder or senior she had ever met apologize to her.

Saying ‘it’s okay’ felt wrong.

Saying she didn’t take it to heart seemed like a lie.

Lu Shimiao didn’t want to run away this time, but she truly didn’t know how to answer.

Xue Tong waited for a response. When none came, she tucked the loose hair beside her ear behind it and leaned down, wanting to see if the other person’s expression was still sad. “So… you’ll forgive me, right?”

“Of course.” Lu Shimiao answered, startled into a response.

Xue Tong using the word ‘forgive’ in this context, Lu Shimiao only felt alarmed. She wasn’t used to it at all.

“Then can I hug you? To show that you’ve accepted my apology now.”

A hug was the easiest way to disarm. Xue Tong didn’t particularly like hugs, but she didn’t want Lu Shimiao to just leave like this. She was a bit uneasy, so she unprecedentedly took the initiative to ask.

“I have sweat on me, and tears.” Lu Shimiao hated physical intimacy. She had never hugged anyone in this life. The only impression she had in her memory was the neighbor’s dog…

“Me too.” Xue Tong stretched out her hands, as if waiting for someone to fall into her arms. “Come here.”

Lu Shimiao didn’t know why, but she was drawn in by Xue Tong.

By her way of apologizing, her way of diffusing, her explanation, and even this hug—all drew her in.

She just blinked twice, then walked into Xue Tong’s embrace.

Xue Tong was only wearing a black sports bra on top. Lu Shimiao didn’t dare touch anywhere, her hands hanging naturally at her sides.

Xue Tong’s hands wrapped around Lu Shimiao’s waist, pulling her into her arms.

Being touched made Lu Shimiao uncomfortable all over. Especially the hands on her waist, squeezing her so she could only press against the other person.

Seeing no reaction, Xue Tong spoke again: “Hug me. That’s an order.”

Xue Tong was two centimeters taller than Lu Shimiao. Her hand position had seized the advantage, forcing Lu Shimiao, if she wanted to hug back, to only wrap her hands around Xue Tong’s neck to stabilize their balance.

Lu Shimiao obediently reached out, unconsciously resting her hands on Xue Tong’s shoulders. Short sleeves against a sports bra, too many parts of their skin were touching.

That snow-white swan-like neck was right at Lu Shimiao’s fingertips. She couldn’t help but gently lean her hand against it.

Xue Tong’s tender skin was so soft, so smooth, the touch so different. The slightly curled long hair covered her shyness. Lu Shimiao even dared to lean in and smell the other’s hair somewhat boldly.

No sweat smell, no moldy dampness of the shared apartment, no scent of the Police College, no scent of her Shanghai home.

It wasn’t perfume, nor body wash.

Xue Tong smelled so good. This was the scent that belonged to Xue Tong.

Threads winding into her nostrils, sliding down into her chest.

Her consciousness was untied by this scent.

She felt the hormones in her body burning up.

So hot. Lu Shimiao felt her whole body burning through.

Xue Tong’s hand slowly stroked her back, as if easing Lu Shimiao’s tension. She smiled: “Smells good?”

…

Lu Shimiao buried her head into Xue Tong’s shoulder in panic. She clearly heard her own heart pounding fiercely, the frequency about to catch up to the heart rate from this morning’s deadly ten-kilometer run by the seaside.

“They didn’t do anything else to you, did they?” Xue Tong’s hand moved up all the way, rubbing Lu Shimiao’s head. The inquiry carried a hint of patience.

“No.” Lu Shimiao nestled in the shoulder, feeling the movements on her back.

She had experienced this feeling as a child.

Her grandmother had also comforted her like this when she fell, gently and softly, asking if it hurt. After her grandmother left, no one ever treated her like that again.

She missed her grandmother a bit.

Suddenly, she thought of everything that had happened these past two weeks.

The lack of ability in her studies, the guilt of her grades, the dislike without reason, couldn’t sleep well, couldn’t eat right… Grievances surged towards Lu Shimiao like treacherous waves. These feelings wandering in the pitch-black, endless unknown, all wanted release at once.

But she didn’t want to let her tears fall on Xue Tong’s shoulder, so she could only bite her lip, forcefully holding back.

“Are you about to cry?”

Xue Tong could feel the trembling on her shoulder, and her words were harsh. “Hold it in. No crying allowed. These people aren’t worth your tears.”

After two seconds, Xue Tong reached out again and touched Lu Shimiao’s hair. “But if you’re homesick, then cry.”

Ah.

This person was so gentle.

Lu Shimiao was about to drown.

Tears just streamed down, flowing down Xue Tong’s shoulder straight into her bra.

“You really are a crybaby, huh.” Xue Tong felt the wetness on her chest and patted her head where she had finished crying. “No more crying next time.”

“Okay.” Lu Shimiao felt she was very unsanitary and quickly pulled out a tissue from her pocket, handing it to Xue Tong. “Sorry.”

“You’re saying sorry again.” Xue Tong didn’t take it, saying sternly: “If you say sorry for no reason again, the punishment is a ten-kilometer run.”

“Okay.” Lu Shimiao hurriedly stuffed the tissue into the other person’s hand. “I’ll go now then, Instructor.”

“Alright.” Xue Tong unfolded the tissue and gently wiped the tears off her body, moving her neck stiff from the crying. “Starting tomorrow, run with me. Don’t you embarrass me in physical training.”

“Yes, Instructor Xue.” Lu Shimiao’s heart was so happy it felt like flying. She straightened her back, hands behind her.

The elevator opened, and the two parted.

As soon as the elevator closed, Lu Shimiao’s head drooped again. Thinking about going back just annoyed her.

–

“You’re back.” An Cheng, leaning on the sofa, heard the footsteps and poked Lin Tingting’s arm.

Lin Tingting had an expression like she had the situation completely in hand. She turned her head towards the doorway and asked with a smile: “Police Cadet, where did you go just now? You weren’t out doing something bad behind our backs, were you?”

Lu Shimiao gritted her teeth, didn’t even raise her head, and walked straight towards her room.

Lin Tingting hadn’t expected that after disappearing for twenty minutes, this was how the person would look when she came back.

Her heart tightened. What a buzzkill.

She stood up and followed behind Lu Shimiao. “I’m talking to you.”

Lu Shimiao still didn’t answer. She stood at her door, pressed the code lock to open it, ducked inside, and slammed it shut with a bang.

Lin Tingting couldn’t believe that someone who had been wilted for two weeks actually dared to resist her with silence. The feeling of being trampled underfoot returned to her.

“Open the door.” Lin Tingting pounded on Lu Shimiao’s door. That crappy partition wall shook and trembled from the banging, two pieces of wall plaster falling down with it.