Chapter 32

Gan Ling went back and forth on the phone, phrasing it every way possible to confirm one thing: one day, I would tell her who the murderer was.

She didn’t care whether that day came sooner or later.

If we went by not getting out of prison early, then around next year, the murderer would return to the human world.

By then, I, Jiang Xiaohui, would be useless to Gan Ling. I only had this half-year to keep her by the tail. Though I couldn’t control what she did, I could forcibly keep this wolf penned in our family courtyard.

This she-wolf was exceptionally vicious, carrying a knife in her pocket, wandering the county town at night. She drove a kindergarten life teacher to climb walls and skip work—absent on Monday, calling in sick on Tuesday. Thanks to her, Zhu Erting said she’d come visit me after work.

My legs were too weak and my breath too feeble for me to get out of bed. Aside from using the toilet and drinking water, I had no other activities, as if I’d welded myself to the bed and hadn’t eaten a grain of rice. Zhu Erting had clearly come expecting me to be ill, bringing a box of finger biscuits, a box of pork floss cakes, and a tray of Wahaha yogurt. She set them on the bedside table. The moment I opened the door, I dove straight back into bed. Zhu Erting was greatly surprised: “Your walking posture is so weird.”

“My legs just won’t put out any strength.” I confessed honestly, but I hadn’t figured out how to explain the complicated details yet. I hadn’t even sorted it out myself. Late at night when you’re sleepy, it’s easy to act on impulse. The tangled clues behind the impulse were like a crumpled plastic bag—I’d just balled it up and stuffed it into a gap, too embarrassed to show it to Zhu Erting.

Unexpectedly, after hearing me speak, her face flushed red. In her excitement, she started looking around furtively and even drew the curtains.

After all that fanfare, she couldn’t wait any longer. She sidled up to sit on the edge of the bed, opened the biscuits, and handed me one. Her posture was practiced, as if she were handing me a cigarette: “Here, eat.”

I didn’t suspect a thing. I took a bite, holding the crumbs with my other hand, eating fairly elegantly.

Zhu Erting suddenly slapped her thigh: “Hey, who was it? When did it happen?”

“Huh?” I was mid-bite, totally caught off guard.

Failing to trick me, Zhu Erting got serious and asked from the beginning: “Tch, not your boyfriend? Hmm? This… legs weak, weird walking posture… hmm?” She winked and made faces, omitting tons of words, like she was making me fill in the blanks. I was even more confused.

“Don’t pretend anymore, I can tell! Spill, when did it happen? Last night, spending a sweet night with your boyfriend… no wonder you overslept! Totally get it! One night of spring breeze…”

How did the topic jump here? The biscuit stuck in my throat. Zhu Erting winked at me, as if a third person were in the room, forcing her to beat around the bush in her super suggestive way. I was a twenty-seven-year-old adult too—I got what she meant. But no matter what, I couldn’t figure out how it connected here.

I explained my midnight route honestly. Zhu Erting’s face was full of mockery, like I was lying and making shit up.

No choice, I had to go along with her words: “So… you can tell something from my walking posture?”

“Of course! Don’t you know? This little trick, heh heh—from walking posture, you can tell if a person’s a virgin.” Zhu Erting cupped her hand by her mouth like she was whispering a secret to me. My doors and windows were locked tight, curtains drawn, no third person around, but she still felt the need to be coy and cover her mouth for the topic ahead, or it’d be unladylike.

I was shocked: “What? There’s such a thing?”

“Aren’t you three years older than me? How do you not know anything?” Zhu Erting patted my leg. I silently screamed and copied her, covering my mouth, hurrying to continue: “No, really, I can’t even tell from walking posture if someone’s had kids—how could it tell if…?”

“Anyway, I can tell. This… this, I just can’t tell you.”

“Then I… me too… I had an ex-boyfriend, so that…” My gut told me this was unreliable. First, Zhu Erting figured I’d rolled in the sheets with some guy, but actually I’d just hiked the wasteland for ages. Second, if it was about judging “virginity,” then seven years ago…

I fell into thought again, recalling me and Lu Jinshi seven years ago. I was pretty traditional back then. A year before Lu Jinshi dragged me to get a room, I still thought premarital sex was cursed. Later, after we got engaged, that very night he got wasted and I didn’t refuse… The next day, Lu Jinshi’s mom looked at me with this ambiguous, affectionate gaze, like I’d already become part of their family—

Could you really tell?

But this thing was hit-or-miss even on me. I thought seriously for a bit: “Is this some special skill of Neng County women? Like… those secrets passed from woman to woman, not man to man?”

“The village women all know how.” Zhu Erting was all mysterious, straight-up ignoring my earlier question.

I didn’t dwell on it, figuring it was just local custom. But then Zhu Erting muttered a supplement: “You don’t have to say, anyway this one definitely isn’t as good as the first… I saw on Douyin, some say a woman’s first guy leaves genes on you. Your ex was pretty handsome, so it’s fine.”

I didn’t have much book smarts, but I got the gist of what Zhu Erting meant. No matter what that supposed “one-night spring breeze boyfriend” was like—whether she knew him or not—it didn’t matter. My first time went to the handsome Lu Jinshi, so I came out ahead. Any kids I had later would carry some of his shadow, more or less.

It all sounded pretty bullshit, but I didn’t have any science to refute it.

She wasn’t here to chat about that anyway. We quickly moved on. With the holiday dragging so long, she briefly mentioned a few kids’ situations, then talked about her own stuff.

“Let me tell you, don’t laugh at me.”

“Mm.”

“I cheated.” Zhu Erting calmly clasped her hands on her knees, her eyes full of feeling.

I sprayed out a mouthful of Wahaha and scrambled for tissues to wipe up.

Zhu Erting had this special contradiction about her. On one hand, she believed a girl’s first time was crucially important, like a brand. On the other, she was super progressive, believing modern women shouldn’t be tied down by men. If one guy pissed her off, she’d find another. She was just making the mistake every woman makes.

I recalled that real estate agent-looking guy Gan Ling had snapped by accident, so I was more cautious: “Your boyfriend treating you bad?”

“No,” Zhu Erting glanced at me, seeming to hesitate on whether to tell me. I think my babyish face made her willing to open up, but the misunderstanding that I’d just banged my boyfriend made her think I could relate. After a brief think, she explained, “You know… eh, I don’t think I’ve told you. Why haven’t I? Anyway, my current boyfriend’s a little puppy dog type, y’know? Nineteen, full of energy, pretty good… but super clingy, y’know? Calling every day. That day I suddenly got annoyed and said we should keep some distance. He got mad, and I had to coax him.”

I nodded along. This was the first time I’d heard Zhu Erting spill details on her boyfriend life.

“It’s always me doing the coaxing… Then I got annoyed, thinking, why doesn’t anyone coax me… So I met this guy online from the city, ten years older, pretty steady… So I tried him out.”

I didn’t dare ask what “tried him out” meant.

With Neng County Grand Hotel winking at me, how else?

Zhu Erting said it like she was quality-testing goods, calm as could be, like doing a review: “Older, good personality, knows women, pretty gentle… but y’know, age catches up, sometimes annoying… always lecturing you on life lessons. Xiao Huixiang, put yourself in my shoes. Imagine you’re me, just… finally getting in the mood, and the guy’s suddenly like ‘You’re still young, society isn’t what you think’… Wouldn’t you lose all interest right there?”

I couldn’t picture it. With Lu Jinshi, there was only that one time. Biggest memory was the heavy booze smell, Lu Jinshi was heavy too, and my mood was heavy—like it was some rite of passage hardship. Nothing about “mood” or not.

But Zhu Erting stared intently. I was three years older, couldn’t admit I’d never felt “mood,” let alone compared to much-older guys. So I nodded in agreement.

Zhu Erting was super troubled, like comparing two products—clicking in and out of shopping cart details, weighing specs and cost-performance. The trial period was ending soon, and she hadn’t decided to buy.

“So yeah… cheated, each has their own vibe… taking the best of both. Tell me, is this bad of me? Not very faithful?” Zhu Erting was really opening her heart to me. First time I learned why she hadn’t told me about her boyfriend before—it was ’cause I had no experience. Now suddenly I seemed like a satisfied woman in front of her, so she spilled.

If you’d told kid-me, Zhu Erting was a total slut, should be dragged to a sulfur fire pit and burned.

But over the years, as a friend, Zhu Erting weighed heavy—heavier than those long-forgotten messed-up rules. I hesitated, no experience to answer. Thinking for her, I couldn’t tell good from bad. Had to say I’d think about it.

Zhu Erting was open-minded, didn’t push for an immediate stance. We chatted a bit more, then she said goodbye and left.

Not long after, Gan Ling showed up at the door carrying a dozen Fantas and stuffed them into the fridge by herself.

“It’s about to expire. Take it and drink it.”

Gan Ling came in while I was still thinking about Zhu Erting.

Perfect, since I had no experience, I threw a bellyful of questions at Gan Ling.

“You read people well. What do you think… what advice should I give her? She… it’s the first time she’s told me in such detail. I want… to do my best, um…” I didn’t know how to go on, gestured vaguely, and Gan Ling raised an eyebrow: “Why do you want to give her advice?”

Ah?

I’m just venting to you, aren’t I? No one else can make decisions for her anyway. I just needed to say it out loud to feel a bit better. She’ll make up her own mind.

“Then I, I’ve heard such a big secret—am I just supposed to say nothing?”

Gan Ling also found me utterly baffling: “And that whole… first time thing… you just believed it? You’re still a teacher…”

Again, it’s that contemptuous tone; she thinks I’m unreasonable.