Chapter 47: I Can Refuse

Even though I suddenly remembered Gan Ling mentioning how she never made it to high school—but back then, the main point was that her mom was a mistress. It took me a slight pause to recall that detail.

Fortunately, Gan Ling didn’t hold it against me.

“Come on in.”

After running the AC for a bit, my throat felt dry, so I turned it off. The window was half-open, the curtain half-drawn, and a gentle night breeze blew in, though sweat still beaded on my back.

This wasn’t the first time I’d slept next to Gan Ling. I knew she had good sleeping habits—as long as I didn’t make her feel threatened, she wouldn’t do anything to me, like suddenly grabbing my wrist and pinning me down.

But I just couldn’t fall asleep. I wasn’t sure if it was the heat or the worries weighing on my mind. With my eyes closed, all sorts of thoughts flashed through my head in a riot of colors. I might as well open them. Gan Ling was lying on her back. In the not-too-thick darkness, I could make out her features. She seemed lost in thought. She must have noticed me with her peripheral vision and realized I wasn’t asleep. She lifted her arm, rolled up the thin blanket covering her, and tucked it neatly against the wall.

I wiped the sweat from my forehead and muttered about how hot it was. Somehow a mosquito had gotten in, buzzing futilely. I listened for a moment, then Gan Ling suddenly sat up—

Smack—

Her palm held a mosquito corpse. She grabbed a tissue from the bedside table, wiped her hand, and simply sat up straight against the wall.

I panicked a little and started to sit up too, but Gan Ling said proactively, “You lie down. I’ll just sit for a bit and turn on the AC.”

“Turning it on and off wastes electricity,” I grumbled. Actually, it was fine. Soon, it started raining outside, thunder rumbling loudly. The curtain lifted with the cool wind, letting in waves of chill.

With the AC off, it wasn’t too hot anymore, but my back was still sticky with sweat. I rolled over, lying on my side facing the wall, avoiding Gan Ling’s gaze.

After a long silence, I almost thought I’d fallen asleep. But soon, I felt Gan Ling’s hand resting on my shoulder. I was wearing a T-shirt with a crooked neckline. She gently tugged at the bunched-up fabric with two fingers and smoothed it flat.

Eyes closed, I realized Gan Ling was caressing me.

A rough woman’s hand, warm in the palm, brushed my hairline and stroked back. My sweat-damp hair slicked back wetly.

Then it returned to my shoulder, like a ship returning to harbor, rocking gently in the bay—trailing over my arm through the T-shirt until it reached where the short sleeve couldn’t cover, and there it stopped.

After a while, she lay back down. It took me a long time before I dared to open my eyes. She was already fast asleep.

Crack—a bolt of lightning lit up a corner of the sky. Thunder rolled in from afar, booming louder and louder. The curtain billowed up, like swimming underwater, slowly unfurling tendrils, floating in a viscous bathtub.

In that thick water, I suddenly shed my human form, becoming a plankton drifting freely on the ocean floor. Swaying with the current, aimlessly glowing faintly. Gradually sprouting fine threads to feed on emotions in the pitch-black depths… This bed became the sea, became the ship. I was adrift in it, rocking gently. Cilia extending from within spun like oars, propelling me through the waves…

The next morning, the rain was still falling. The electric scooter was fully charged. Standing under shelter, we gazed at each other from afar.

I squatted under the eaves to wash up. The water from my cup poured out alongside the rainwater, rushing into the drain.

Gan Ling pulled out a large black-and-blue checkered umbrella and held it over my head. I rode her to work, and she held the umbrella high.

I said, “I can handle riding in the rain. Don’t tilt the umbrella toward me.”

Gan Ling: “Why would I tilt the umbrella toward you?”

Pretend I didn’t say anything. Sure enough, when we got off, her clothes were dry, barely any rain on her.

“Next Tuesday and Wednesday, swimming together. You got the tickets?” Gan Ling didn’t forget to remind me.

I pulled out three tickets. Gan Ling saw the coupon for full price over 100 minus 5 yuan and laughed, pointing at it. “Why didn’t you use this?”

“Forgot… Hurry up and go in.”

After dropping Gan Ling off, I’d been spending these past few days chatting on WeChat.

Because I’d agreed with Li Yongquan on a trip for the week after next, he messaged me every day—like “good morning,” “eaten yet?”—and I replied sparingly: good morning, yeah, what’d you eat?

Li Yongquan’s complaints about his ex were that she was too controlling and clingy. For him, I probably didn’t have that issue. Detached as I was, seven years older but unlikely to be the nagging type…

Li Yongquan was a guy, so once he started being extra nice to me, his intentions were obvious—like a billboard proclaiming he was chasing me. Parading around with that “I’m pursuing her” sign, sending good mornings and good nights. That was enough for a lot of guys. They didn’t need real actions; just hanging out that pursuit sign, and the other person would supposedly sense the affection and naturally move to dating.

Zhu Erting said my overthinking was pure worrying over nothing: “Nah, when a guy takes a liking to a girl, it’s just natural. Hormones or whatever, or maybe you’re cute and catch his eye, so he pursues you. What’s there to overthink? Can’t feel the love… Well, you haven’t spent time together yet. Once you do, feelings will develop.”

I forwarded that line to Gan Ling: “Once you spend time together, feelings will develop.”

Gan Ling snorted. “A twenty-year-old kid… Besides both being preschool teachers, what common ground do you two even have? And poof, feelings?”

We were already on the shuttle bus straight to Liujia Village Resort. We’d scanned our green codes and boarded ages ago, but the driver still hadn’t pulled out. Gan Ling was hot and told me to open the window. She lifted her mask, blew outward, then put it back on.

Since we’d be staying two days and one night, we both had backpacks. Mine didn’t have much: change of clothes, flip-flops, Huoxiang Zhengqi water, sunscreen… and some other odds and ends.

Our bags were overhead. Gan Ling reached up, pulled hers down, opened it, and took out two bananas, handing me one.

I said, “It’s not like I’m aiming to get married… Just, y’know… Well, he’s popped up right now, and I feel like it’s time to start a new relationship, so I agreed.”

“Not because you’re bad at saying no?” Gan Ling’s question was sharp.

“Well… yeah, partly. But mainly… I don’t want to stay stuck in place forever.”

“You can refuse,” Gan Ling emphasized “can” heavily.

“No need to refuse.”

“You shouldn’t just agree because you want a relationship and here’s someone available… You’ll regret it plenty later.” Gan Ling rummaged in her backpack, then stood to stow it away.

“You and Zheng Chenggang… that’s how it started, right?” I probed, steering the topic to her.

“Mm, yeah.” Gan Ling kept wetting her lips with her tongue tip.

“So, next, will you get married again? Or start another relationship…?” I asked a pretty bold question.