Chapter 33

The little snake’s eyes glistened with moisture. She snuggled in Ah Wan’s embrace and panted in small breaths. Her lips were kissed red and swollen, and her knuckles were a faint pink, as if she had been bullied quite harshly.

Ah Wan held her waist tightly and kissed the top of her head affectionately.

“Human, what did you just say?”

The little snake had recovered. Blushing, she grabbed Ah Wan’s arm and asked shyly.

“I said,” Ah Wan deliberately stalled, enjoying the eager, curious look on the little snake’s face. It lifted her spirits. She flashed a grin and said casually, “you are a—”

“Little Stupid Snake.”

The little snake instantly refuted this upon hearing it. “Snakey is not stupid.”

She was the smartest little snake in the Snake Clan, a little snake who could cultivate into an immortal.

Ah Wan didn’t care about any of that. She grabbed her arm, her palm slowly moving down until she found the little snake’s soft hand and held it tightly. She teased in a lilting voice, “Are you sure you’re not stupid?”

“Of course! I can already count to one hundred!” The little snake puffed out her chest, speaking proudly.

Ah Wan laughed while nodding in agreement. “Mm, you’ve learned to count to one hundred. That’s really impressive.”

Then she looked down at her and asked, “So what comes after one hundred?”

“It’s…” The little snake froze instantly. She pursed her lips with some embarrassment and muttered quietly, “It’s…”

“What comes after ten?” Ah Wan prompted.

The little snake didn’t hesitate. Her reply was crisp and clear. “It’s eleven!”

Ah Wan nodded approvingly and praised, “Impressive.”

She asked again, “What about after twenty?”

“It’s twenty-one!” The little snake grew gradually more confident.

“Thirty?”

“Thirty-one!”

…

“Then one hundred…”

“One hundred one!” [T/N: In Chinese, 101 is read as “one hundred zero one” (一百零一). Saying “one hundred one” (一百一) is shorthand for 110, which is why she is wrong.]

The little snake had even learned to answer before the question was finished. After speaking, she looked at Ah Wan with bright, spirited eyes, obediently waiting for praise.

But Ah Wan suddenly laughed. Her laugh snaked into the little snake’s ears like a serpent. Then she leaned in by her ear and whispered, each word distinct, like a devil, “Wrong.”

“You really are a Little. Stupid. Snake.”

“Impossible!” The little snake’s world collapsed, but she still held on, swearing confidently. “Snakey didn’t say it wrong. Human, you are tricking Snakey.”

“Then what is one hundred and one?” Ah Wan asked her.

Hearing this, the little snake lowered her head and pondered to herself, mumbling quietly, “One hundred and one…”

“One hundred, and one more…”

As she mumbled, she suddenly covered her mouth and spoke in utter shock, “Oh no.”

She really had counted wrong.

Seeing this, Ah Wan reached out and patted the little snake’s head, speaking in a gentle voice, mimicking her, “Oh no.”

Being mocked, the little snake felt a bit embarrassed and annoyed. She glared at Ah Wan indignantly, then turned and walked away.

Ah Wan chuckled lightly and chased after her. She grabbed her arm to make her stop, patting her head and soothing her gently, “Alright.”

Then she held her face in both hands, lowered her head, and used her lips to gently brush against the little snake’s soft ones, coaxing, “My fault.”

“Let’s stop fussing. Let’s go home, okay?”

The little snake stared at her, stunned. For a moment, she was so mesmerized that her temper vanished. She replied quietly, “O-okay, then.”

Ah Wan seemed to know exactly what she was looking at. She deliberately gave a faint smile, further charming the little snake, who hadn’t been human for very long, into a daze.

It was already midnight when they got home. Ah Wan still didn’t let go of the little snake’s hand, kneading it inch by inch, enveloping it completely in her palm.

Then she turned her head, her eyes heated as they looked at her, and spoke slowly, “Go take a bath?”

“Mm mm!”

The little snake nodded, but she actively pulled her own hand away, walking towards the sofa as she said, “Human, you go bathe first. Snakey will watch some TV.”

The moment her palm felt empty, Ah Wan reluctantly rubbed her fingertips together, feeling the faint lingering warmth.

She then looked up at the little creature who was expertly flopping onto the sofa. After a moment, she lowered her thick eyelashes, suppressing the surging desire in her eyes. With a slightly regretful tone, she said, “Then I’ll go wash up first.”

“Mm mm!”

The little snake nodded without hesitation. She picked up the remote and turned the volume up to the max, then leaned back lazily, sitting there comfortably.

Seeing this, Ah Wan could only turn and head back to the bedroom.

The TV was playing the little snake’s favorite movie. Once again, it was a same-sex romance.

But this one was rather tame. She finished it without seeing a single kiss scene and thought she had missed it, so she planned to watch it again.

Sitting on the sofa, the little snake watched while reaching to gently stroke the necklace her human had given her. She adored it immensely, secretly pressing it against her heart.

Ah Wan went back to her room and changed out of her clothes. After washing up, she changed into pajamas and walked out. The little snake was still curled up on the sofa watching TV, playing with the necklace pendant in her hand.

“Go wash up.”

Ah Wan called to her. No reaction.

“Stupid snake, go wash.”

Ah Wan raised her voice, but the little snake was still sitting on the sofa, staring straight ahead, as if entranced.

Was this movie really that good? It’s her second time watching it.

Ah Wan turned her head to look. When the female lead appeared on screen, her brow immediately furrowed. Her expression looked a little jealous.

“Go wash up.”

As she spoke, she took the remote and turned the volume down by two-thirds.

“Huh?”

The little snake jerked her head over, scrunching her brow and expressing her displeasure with a puffed-up look.

Ah Wan put the remote down and sat next to her, saying casually, “Why turn the TV up so loud?”

“But Snakey can’t hear if the sound is too low.”

The little snake looked at her pitifully, clasping her hands together under her chin and cooing in a soft plea, “Please, Human, turn it up for Snakey.”

She’d learned this whole move from TV as well.

Ah Wan glanced down at her. Her breath caught for a moment. She then slowly turned her head away, coughed twice in a way to cover something up, and said, somewhat unnaturally, “How can you not hear it?”

“Really, really.” The little snake, seeing her dodging, simply placed her hands on Ah Wan’s lap and leaned over to look at her, blinking her big eyes pitifully. “Snakey won’t lie to you.”

Ah Wan was stunned for an instant. Taking another deep breath, she immediately averted her gaze and ground her molars, urging, “Don’t act cute. It’s useless. Go wash up.”

“Hmph.”

Seeing her pleas were ineffective, the little snake slapped her angrily, then got up and reluctantly walked towards the bedroom.

That slap landed right in Ah Wan’s palm. She instinctively closed her hand, wanting to catch the little snake, but she slipped out like a slick fish.

Ah Wan gazed in the direction the little snake had left, unable to resist rubbing her fingertips. She suddenly felt a wave of heat inside her, so she simply got up and opened the door to go outside for some fresh air.

Half an hour later, the little snake came running out, wearing the fuzzy hooded pajamas Ah Wan had bought her. She couldn’t wait to watch TV.

Ah Wan was in the kitchen heating up Milk. She saw the little snake standing stiffly right in front of the TV, not moving at all.

“Why are you standing so close?”

Ah Wan spoke as she walked over to the sofa and sat down, placing the Milk on the coffee table.

The little snake turned to look at her. Ah Wan beckoned with her finger, speaking lazily and casually, “Come here.”

“Hm?”

The little snake looked at her, then turned her head to look at the TV. After hesitating, she finally turned and walked over, obediently sitting down next to Ah Wan.

“Why stand so close? Doesn’t it hurt your eyes?”

Ah Wan gently put her arm around her. Her cool fingertips traced the little snake’s picturesque brows. She then handed her the freshly warmed Milk.

The little snake took it, put it under her nose and sniffed, then pushed it away, frowning. “Don’t like drinking this.”

Seeing this, Ah Wan didn’t force her. She put it back down and started playing with her phone, casually scrolling through a shopping platform.

The little snake sat obediently beside her, watching the TV with rapt attention, fully focused.

Ah Wan scrolled on her phone for a while, then secretly looked up at her. But as she watched, she suddenly felt something was off.

She immediately tossed her phone behind her without a second thought, grabbed the little snake’s shoulders, and turned her around.

“Human, what’s wrong?”

The little snake was wearing her oversized pajama hood. Two long rabbit ears drooped down, and her exquisite little face was tucked inside the hood, making her look incredibly cute.

Ah Wan gently held her face and gazed at her for a long time. Just as the little snake was growing puzzled, Ah Wan suddenly spoke with a guilty tone, “My fault.”

“Mm?” The little snake tilted her head slightly, rubbing her plump cheek into Ah Wan’s palm, curious. “Human, what are you talking about?”

She understood absolutely nothing.

Ah Wan chuckled softly and rubbed her face before explaining, “My fault. I forgot you’re an illiterate snake.”

“Illiterate?” The little snake’s head was full of question marks. She frowned and asked, “What kind of snake is an illiterate snake?”

Ah Wan: …

“Forget it. Watch your TV.”

Having said that, she proactively picked up the remote and turned up the volume.

The little snake was overjoyed. She hugged Ah Wan’s arm and snuggled against her, then looked up and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you, Human. Human, you’re so nice.”

Ah Wan’s exposed skin turned red at a speed visible to the naked eye. She coughed twice, then handed the remote back to her, pulling her arm free and standing up. “Watch by yourself. I’m going back to my room.”

But halfway there, she stopped, turned her head, and warned, “At most until 9:30.”

“Mm mm.”

The little snake bobbed her head vigorously, the two rabbit ears swinging back and forth. “Snakey knows.”

Cute.

Ah Wan clenched her hands tightly. After a deep, lingering look, she immediately turned and left.

Seeing her leave, the little snake carefully pulled out the phone hidden in her pajama pocket. She turned it on and snuggled into the sofa, whispering a question to the voice Smart Assistant, “Why did Human kiss Snakey on the mouth?”

After speaking, she sat up straight and waited expectantly.

The familiar childlike voice rang out, “Okay, regarding the question, ‘Why would a human kiss a snake on the mouth’…”

“Do you know what time 9:30 is?”

Ah Wan suddenly opened the door and came out to ask, startling the little snake into frantically hiding her phone. Looking utterly guilty, she struggled to calm her breath, then answered quietly, “It’s… it’s twenty-one thirty?”

Hearing the correct answer, Ah Wan suddenly choked up. The prepared lecture failed to leave her mouth. With a rather unpleasant look, she nodded, grunted an “Mm,” and went back in somewhat unwillingly.

The little snake clutched her chest and let out a huge sigh of relief. Only after confirming the door wouldn’t open again did she take out her phone. The result was a screen full of dense text.

“What is this?”

The illiterate little snake couldn’t read it. She could only exit and summon the little assistant again, secretly asking the same question one more time.

The same familiar child’s voice replied. The little snake held her phone and listened with utmost concentration. Yet, she hadn’t understood a single word.

Until the very last sentence: “In conclusion, whether it’s a venomous snake or a non-venomous one, it is not advisable to kiss their mouths. It is very easy to get bitten. Especially in the wild, once a human is bitten, it can be life-threatening.”

Hearing that the human could die, the little snake felt a sharp, sudden pain in her chest. Frantic, she held her phone and argued with the voice assistant.

“You’re talking nonsense. Snakey never bites people.”

“Oh heavens! This is a huge misconception! Do not listen to anyone saying a certain snake species is docile and try to kiss them. Provoke them and they will still bite. It’s highly inadvisable to try.”

“Nonsense, nonsense, nonsense!”

The little snake yelled angrily, but the voice assistant retorted without backing down.

“This is by no means alarmist. Even with a non-venomous snake, getting bitten is no joke…”

The little snake had only been human for less than a year. She couldn’t out-argue it. She could only hold her phone, tilt her head back, and wail tearfully. Her two sharp fangs were clearly visible as she wiped her tears and stubbornly insisted in a small voice, “You’re lying.”

“Stupid snake,” Ah Wan’s voice came from somewhere. She didn’t know when she had come out and was leaning against the doorframe looking at her, frowning slightly. “What are you doing?”

The little snake stopped crying and turned her head. She immediately clutched her phone and ran over to tattle.

Sobbing and sniffling, she stretched out her hand and showed Ah Wan the phone.

“It said I would bite you to death.”

Ah Wan looked down at it. She found it funny, yet also felt helpless and very heartbroken. She took the phone and put it aside, patting the little snake’s head and soothing her in a gentle voice, “Why argue with it?”

“It said Human would die.”

One hand still extended, the little snake had her other hand clenched behind her back, twisting her pajamas almost to the point of tearing them. She was incredibly stubborn.

“I don’t want Human to die.”

These words made Ah Wan’s heart go soft. She squeezed the little snake’s hand and sighed. “It was my oversight. I should teach you to read.”

“Read?”

The little snake looked up. Her thick, curled eyelashes were still holding two crystal-clear teardrops, but she had already stopped crying. Now she looked at her human curiously.

Ah Wan grunted an “Mm.” She clearly didn’t want to see the little snake driven to tears by something like this, but what she said was, “So you won’t struggle with a phone and still have to ask me for help. It’s a hassle.”

“Hm?” The little snake tilted her head and wiped her own tears away. “Snakey is a hassle?”

“A little bit.”

After Ah Wan finished speaking, she took her back to the room, adding, as if nonchalantly, “Barely acceptable.”

Hearing this, the little snake reached out with her other hand and grabbed onto Ah Wan’s wrist. She spoke gleefully, in a soft voice, “Then Snakey will barely trouble you just a little bit. Not too much of a hassle.”

Then she giggled silly.

“Stupid.”

Ah Wan glanced at her but smiled too.

In the corner of the bedroom was an old wooden chest. Ah Wan opened it and took out a slightly faded, annotated storybook.

Though old, it wasn’t stained with a speck of dust. It was clear Ah Wan had treasured it well.

The two of them took the storybook and lay down on the bed. Ah Wan leaned back, sitting against the headboard. The little snake, wearing her big hood, snuggled over and leaned into her arms. As soon as she poked her head over, the storybook was completely covered.

“Do you want to read by yourself?”

Ah Wan stared at her big fuzzy hood and asked.

The little snake leaned back then, resting on Ah Wan’s shoulder without moving, trying her best not to block the view. She said sheepishly, “Snakey can’t read.”

“Then listen carefully if you can’t.”

Ah Wan finished speaking and pinched her soft, tender cheek, then opened the storybook and began to read.

“Tonight, I’ll first tell you a story about a little mermaid. The goal is to learn ten words by the time the story is over.”

“In a couple of days, I’ll buy you a set of pinyin books.”

The little snake, unaware of the difficulty of learning, nodded vigorously and agreed, “Okay, okay!”

Ten minutes later, the story was finished.

Ah Wan closed the book and looked at her with a smile, deliberately asking, “How many words did you learn?”

The moment the book closed, the little snake’s mind went completely blank. Her two eyes stared wide open, completely full of what happened to the little mermaid after she went ashore. How could she have had any mind left for learning words?

After thinking for a long time, she only managed to blurt out a single heartfelt thought: “Why does the little mermaid have a name, but Snakey doesn’t?”

Hearing this, Ah Wan, unusually, didn’t brush her off. Instead, she asked seriously, “You want a name?”

“Mm, I want one.”

The little snake had always remembered that getting a name meant you could get married, and then you could be with your human forever.

If she had a name like the little mermaid, then she could marry her human like the little mermaid, and they would be together forever.

Ah Wan’s fingers brushed over the pages of the book. After thinking for a moment, she answered, “When you can read three thousand words, you can give yourself a name.”

“Three thousand?” The little snake didn’t understand.

“That’s thirty one-hundreds.”

“Is that a lot?”

“Quite a lot. Enough for you to live well.”

“How long will it take to learn?”

“At your speed,” Ah Wan glanced at her and drawled, “ten days for one word. At least thirty thousand days.”

“Which is three hundred one-hundreds.” She smiled after saying it.

The little snake, hearing this, clung to her and rolled around in her arms, acting spoiled. “That’s so long! Snakey doesn’t want to wait.”

Then she suddenly remembered something and asked curiously, “Does Human know three thousand words?”

“Mm.”

Ah Wan lowered her head to look at her, letting her act up in her arms.

“Then Human, give Snakey a name!”

The little snake crawled up and down in her embrace, snuggling softly. She wrapped her arms around Ah Wan’s neck and looked at her with immense anticipation.

Ah Wan’s normally calm heart suddenly rippled with a small circle of disturbance. She admitted to herself that, for an instant, she was incredibly tempted.

But after hesitating, she still refused. She closed the book, set it aside, and pulled the little snake down to lie with her.

“Give yourself a name.”

“Why?”

The little snake was somewhat dissatisfied. She couldn’t wait to have a name.

And more than just a name. Unfortunately, she still couldn’t articulate this accurately using human language.

Ah Wan didn’t answer immediately. Instead, she smoothed the fur trim on the little snake’s pajama hood and gave it a kiss, soothing, “Not everyone gets the chance to choose a good, cherished name for themselves.”

“Don’t understand.” The little snake looked at her, confused.

“When you’ve chosen a name for yourself, you’ll understand all this.”

Ah Wan held her hand under the covers. She lifted it out and kissed it, then said:

“I will spend thirty thousand days teaching you.”