Chapter 36: Anyone But You

“Of course, belief makes it work, disbelief makes it not. But I see your forehead is darkened, so you must have run into some troubles lately, right?”

“Who’s got a darkened forehead? I’m doing just fine. Don’t spout nonsense.” Ji Zhenshi felt like she had probably lost her mind, actually resorting to begging gods and Buddhas for help.

After a moment’s hesitation, despite having already taken several steps away, Ji Zhenshi couldn’t resist the temptation of turning her luck around. She turned back, knelt neatly with her knees together under the extremely rickety table, and carefully glanced at the wobbly bamboo chair beneath her. Doubting it could support her weight, she shifted her butt silently. “This chair of yours… and these sunglasses…”

Wearing sunglasses on a cloudy day? Trying to look cool? He just seemed utterly unreliable.

“I think I must be crazy.” Ji Zhenshi felt a pang of regret and stood up to leave.

“Don’t sweat the small stuff. Has this benefactress been having romantic troubles in life? Maybe I’ll be your turning point.”

The next second, Ji Zhenshi suddenly leaned over the table very seriously and asked with utmost earnestness, “You saw through it? Is there any way to fix it? Can you help turn my luck around?”

The man across from her smirked smugly, clearly pleased with her reaction. Then, pretending to be troubled, he pulled out a small brocade pouch. “It’s possible, sure. I’ve got a surefire plan here, blessed at the temple. It’ll definitely help you achieve your heart’s desire.”

“Great.” Ji Zhenshi reached out to take it.

“Hey, no rush, benefactress.” The man suddenly pulled it back, taking out his phone. “666 yuan. Cash or scan to pay—six-six-six for smooth sailing. Consider it an offering to the Buddha for consulting him. Of course, it depends on your sincerity. More or less is all up to your heart. With this surefire plan, I guarantee smooth sailing in love and that the other person will come around.”

“How much? Do I look that gullible?” Ji Zhenshi shrank back, then shot to her feet the next instant, clutching her backpack tightly.

Just then, a clear, crisp female voice rang out. “Whether that transfer gets you the other person back is anyone’s guess, but it’ll definitely buy you a lesson. You were just muttering to yourself like a lunatic at that wall. He’s not deaf—how could he not hear?”

Ji Zhenshi looked up to see a completely unfamiliar woman in her early twenties.

“I know, I wasn’t planning to pay her.” Ji Zhenshi shot the man a glare, stood, and walked toward the woman. “Wait… who are you calling crazy? Everything has a spirit. That’s pretty disrespectful to me.”

Ji Zhenshi absolutely refused to admit her earlier behavior had been a bit foolish.

It was just the emo vibe getting to her, making her head fuzzy and leading to some stupid actions—that was understandable.

The woman turned her head and smiled. “Bad timing—I was filming a vlog just now, and you happened to walk into the shot.”

“Hey, hey, don’t go! How about a discount?” The man tried to keep Ji Zhenshi there.

She shot him a sidelong glance, turned to the woman, and spat out two words lightly: “Boring.”

This was prime blackmail material.

She quickened her pace away from that troublesome spot. Before she knew it, her legs seemed to follow some preset program, leading her unconsciously to the front of the coffee shop.

Standing across the street, Ji Zhenshi could still see Li Yunli inside the glass window, apron tied around her waist as she focused on making coffee. Her soft, natural profile was gentle beyond words, just standing there.

The distance between them, separated by the rush of cars and people, seemed to herald that her six-year secret crush was doomed to fizzle out without a trace.

Hands in her pockets, Ji Zhenshi smiled helplessly.

She had thought Li Yunli was a gift from the heavens, but in truth, the desolation in her heart had been planted by Li Yunli too.

The poison had seeped into her bones, and Li Yunli was the only antidote.

Ji Zhenshi had made her life revolve around the violin and Li Yunli—losing either would leave her unable to go on.

Gripping the strap of her shoulder bag, Ji Zhenshi took a deep breath and stepped into the coffee shop.

Long time no see, my sanctuary.

She stood silently behind the woman without a word. Ji Zhenshi could clearly feel Li Yunli tense up all over, nearly dropping the cup in her hand. In the end, Li Yunli didn’t turn around; her expression calm, she continued making coffee.

Ji Zhenshi remained motionless behind Li Yunli, watching the woman’s shoulders tremble faintly and her movements betray obvious panic up close.

She wanted to ignore her, but she wasn’t pulling it off very well.

Ji Zhenshi didn’t speak, but Xiao Ning did first. “Student Xiao Ji, long time no see! You’re going to be a famous violinist, huh?”

Flashing a perfect hundred-percent smile, Ji Zhenshi raised a brow. “Sister Xiao Ning, you flatter me. I’m just a little girl who likes coffee.”

With that, she turned her head, took half a step forward until she was pressed right up against Li Yunli, and deliberately breathed against her ear. “Right, Sister A-Yun?”

She leaned in close to Li Yunli’s face, her own smile gone. “Not even willing to give me a cup of coffee anymore? Manager Li wouldn’t be that stingy, would she?”

“Xiao Ji…” Xiao Ning eyed their bizarre atmosphere.

“It’s fine, Sister Xiao Ning, keep busy. I’m just here to mooch a coffee.” Ji Zhenshi pressed closer step by step. The next second, Li Yunli shoved a cup of coffee into her hands and pushed her away, heading upstairs.

The warm coffee splashed onto her hand. Ji Zhenshi watched Li Yunli go up to the second floor, then looked down at the cup in her hand and tugged at her lips.

Tilting her head back, Ji Zhenshi downed the coffee in one go, then handed the cup to Xiao Ning. “Thanks, Sister Xiao Ning.”

She pushed open the attic door right after. Li Yunli stood at the threshold. As soon as Ji Zhenshi came up, Li Yunli held up her notebook right in front of her eyes.

“Ji Zhenshi, what exactly do you want?”

Her anger was unmasked, even calling her by full name. The hand holding the notebook trembled.

The woman’s frail body heaved with uneven breaths, her face pale as frost, the whole of her looking desolate and shattered.

It had only been one night apart, yet they felt worlds away, separated by mountains and seas.

Ji Zhenshi, are you satisfied now?

She stared blankly at those three words—Ji Zhenshi—lost in a daze for a long moment.

She’d once thought text could never convey emotions like speech could. But now, just this simple line stabbed into her unhealed wound like a blade.

“Sister A-Yun, what can I do? Do you find me disgusting and want to get away from me? Someone you treated like a little sister, cared for with all your heart, ends up falling for you. Does that disgust you? Does it?” Ji Zhenshi’s eyes grew damp at the corners. It took immense willpower to hold back the love spilling from her lips. The pain spread through her limbs; her legs went weak, and she leaned against the wall.

It doesn’t matter. Those words don’t matter at all.

Her deep affections meant nothing without reciprocation.

I must be wrong. I fell in love with you.

Li Yunli’s pupils shrank slightly, her shattered gaze looking piteously at Ji Zhenshi. “Why do you say that about yourself? I never felt that way. Ji Zhenshi, don’t come here anymore.”

Driven to a corner, Li Yunli’s pale lips trembled for moments, delivering a near-despairing verdict on Ji Zhenshi like a death sentence.

She was just a mute. Ji Zhenshi was still young and naive, but she couldn’t let her sink into this fleeting romance, couldn’t hold her back.

Ji Zhenshi deserved a bigger stage, while she was trapped here. That was their fates—no one could defy them.

“You’re chasing me away?” Ji Zhenshi’s voice cracked with sobs, her brows and eyes showing trapped bewilderment and helplessness.

She really was despised after all.

Li Yunli had told her not to come anymore. But this place was their last thread of connection. If she stopped coming, she’d lose even that last tie to Li Yunli.

“How can you? How can you tell me not to come anymore, Sister A-Yun?” The cold wind whistled bleakly. Ji Zhenshi felt today was unbearably cold, the kind that could freeze her boiling blood solid.

She thought she’d prepared for everything, but Li Yunli simply telling her not to come anymore shattered her completely, leaving her in total rout.

Li Yunli bit her lip, her fragile spine bending slightly. No response.

Dodging the question was the answer.

Yes, she was telling Ji Zhenshi not to come anymore.

Li Yunli’s hidden struggles and bitterness were hers alone to feel, the lingering pain endless.

So, surprises could bring even greater pain.

Ji Zhenshi’s secret crush had been a surprise, but her sneaking that kiss filled Li Yunli with fear.

Fear of losing Ji Zhenshi forever.

Li Yunli’s evasive attitude ignited Ji Zhenshi’s fury, burning away all reason. She suddenly raised her voice. “Yeah, I make you feel disgusted. Even just seeing me in your sight bothers you, right? But I’m a despicable person. I secretly like you. I have this crazy possessiveness toward you. In every moment I can make a wish, you’re my first choice.”

“Li Yunli! All your indulgence toward me was totally unnecessary, but you did it anyway. You’re so good I can’t leave you at all. I just let someone live in my heart. I just have your figure in all my youthful, muddled dreams. I just like you, that’s all. I’ll grow into an adult who can hold up the sky. Give me a chance, okay?”

Begging Li Yunli for one chance, Ji Zhenshi just wanted to love her.

Give her a chance to love her.

Li Yunli lowered her gaze, slowly closing her eyes as if pondering how to end this farce. “Calm down, okay?”

“Why do you keep putting yourself down like that? I never thought of you that way. But do you think I’m suitable? Not everything can be solved with just ‘I like you.’ Ji Zhenshi, know when to stop. I’ll pretend yesterday never happened.”

Ji Zhenshi, just call me selfish. I don’t want to lose you.

“But I can’t pretend nothing happened and stay by your side. If my brother can, why can’t I?” Ji Zhenshi roared lowly, snapping the string in her mind in an instant.

Ji Tingjun had done nothing—he’d even held the title of Li Yunli’s husband for a full six years from prison.

Yet she’d been so cautious at Li Yunli’s side, always fearing she’d come to hate her because of Ji Tingjun. Time-forged feelings reduced to a mere “know when to stop.”

Li Yunli lifted her head in disbelief. Ji Zhenshi had actually said something like that!

She’d really gone mad.

“You can’t. Anyone but you.” Li Yunli told Ji Zhenshi firmly in sign language.

Because I don’t care about anyone but you, so anyone but you is fine.

Bitterness spread in her mouth. Li Yunli steeled herself to push Ji Zhenshi away.

“Why? I can’t?” Ji Zhenshi stared in shock.

Anyone but her?

How could Li Yunli stab at her softest spot like that?

“To be precise, I can’t. Ji Zhenshi, what do you even like about me? I’m just a mute. You got the family warmth you never had from me, and now you mistake that for liking me?”

Her pen scratched rapidly across the paper. Li Yunli wrote decisively, word by word, determined to push Ji Zhenshi away.

Just a mute—the words once used to humiliate her now became her reason to refuse Ji Zhenshi.

Whatever, Ji Zhenshi was still too young. She should meet more outstanding people.

Ji Zhenshi closed her eyes in agony, desperate not to see Li Yunli’s words. Every one tore at her. “You think I can’t even tell what liking someone is? Am I that ignorant in your eyes?”

“Xiao Zhen, if it’s not right, there’s no forcing it.” Li Yunli didn’t look at her.

It couldn’t happen. Ji Zhenshi’s love was too pure, like a surprise dropping from the sky.

She was terrified. She had only one reason to accept Ji Zhenshi, but countless to refuse her.

Never mind her own status—consider just the contract clauses Ji Zhenshi had signed with the company. Did she not want her future anymore?

She’d finally arranged for Tang Xien to guide her, finally reached this point. That kiss was just youthful impulsiveness. Li Yunli forced herself to forget it all.

Ji Zhenshi’s bloodshot eyes shed scalding tears in the blink of an eye. Hurt beyond repair by Li Yunli’s words, her face ashen, she said coldly, “This is the first time I realize how heartless you are. Not willing to leave me even the slightest chance? Does my love seem that ridiculous to you?”

So Li Yunli’s gentleness was limited to their so-called sisterly bond. Once crossed, her ruthlessness was something Ji Zhenshi couldn’t withstand.

Ji Zhenshi, do you regret it?

No. Ji Zhenshi inched closer to Li Yunli bit by bit. She didn’t regret confessing, nor was she forcing a relationship.

It was Li Yunli telling her not to come that made her lose her reason.

Legitimacy be damned—she just wanted to stay by Li Yunli’s side.

“You have no feelings for me at all? Not even a tiny bit different? Tell me, really not even a little?” Ji Zhenshi pleaded like a drowning person, desperate for that breath of oxygen from Li Yunli to live again.

Li Yunli’s gaze paused, then she stiffly looked away.

She wouldn’t lie, especially not to Ji Zhenshi.

Last night, she hadn’t slept a wink, thinking of many things. Everything grew chaotic, but one thing crystallized clearer: her leaping heartbeat, mercilessly betraying her heart.

She’d shamefully fallen for her too—replaying the warmth of her lips, heart racing at the memory. She wanted to stay by Ji Zhenshi’s side forever, to keep the girl’s hot body temperature as she slept beside her, worried she’d end up with someone else.

Ji Zhenshi always called herself vile—well, Li Yunli was vile too.

“You didn’t deny it. You do have feelings for me, right?” Ji Zhenshi seized Li Yunli’s wrist, seeking that sliver of possibility like a madwoman.

Li Yunli, I might become the person you hate.

Clinging desperately like this—I must look pathetic, huh?

Li Yunli’s lips curved in a miserable smile. “Ji Zhenshi, do you even know what love is? Can you distinguish dependence from love? I’m just a mute. I can’t give you anything—only the care I can manage in daily life. Getting moved and dependent over that isn’t love.”

“What if I say it is love?”

“You’re so young. Do you even know how to love someone? Do you think the way we were before counts as being in love? You’ll meet so many people later, and you’ll understand more and more what you really want.”

“That’s why I keep saying I’ll grow up!” Ji Zhenshi nearly broke down, clenching her fists and slamming them against the wall. She cried until her voice was hoarse.

She knew it!

Li Yunli saw her as just a kid who didn’t know shit about love.

A child’s love had no credibility—loving this one today, declaring it for another tomorrow. Love seemed so cheap.

But what about her six-year crush?

Just a pipe dream, she’s out of luck, she must be out of her mind!

This reason hurt worse than Li Yunli saying she didn’t like her. Li Yunli didn’t believe in her, didn’t want to face everything with her. In Li Yunli’s eyes, she’d always be that little ghost who needed her to make it on the violin path.

She had no capital to make Li Yunli believe her.