Chapter 44: Hateful Scumbag – 4

In this society, Alphas are defined as “the strong.” When the dignity of the strong is stripped, their body trampled, onlookers feel a kind of sorrow akin to witnessing a whalefall.

Such is human nature: when a fierce tiger reveals a pitiful, helpless side, the foolish yet kind will lower their guard, throwing themselves wholeheartedly into a useless, sentimental pity.

With a few deliberately vague words, Gu Xizhou stirred the pure kindness in Su Zhiyi’s heart, gaining her complete trust.

That night, using her naturally persuasive eloquence, Gu Xizhou talked with Su Zhiyi for a long time, mixing truth with half-truths.

They lay in the same bed. Gu Xizhou held Su Zhiyi, stroking her long hair, whispering softly into her ear.

She said she had psychological trauma, making excessive physical intimacy difficult. Su Zhiyi replied: “If you don’t want to, I won’t touch you.”

She said she actually liked Su Zhiyi very much, and wanted to kiss her too, but needed time to overcome the barrier. Su Zhiyi encouraged her: “It’s okay, I’ll wait for you.”

She spoke of her broken family, her mother dying young, her other mother remarrying, confessing she wasn’t sure if she could have a happy family. Su Zhiyi expressed understanding: “I’m the same. I don’t know if I can be a qualified mother.”

Su Zhiyi was truly too accommodating. Whatever Gu Xizhou said, she received the desired response. The hatred surging during the day, and the conscience gradually worn away by years of torment between love and hate, pushed Gu Xizhou one step closer to the precarious cliff’s edge.

If Su Nanfeng found out she was with Su Zhiyi…

Then I might as well completely claim Su Zhiyi.

Otherwise, when Su Nanfeng sees me again and finds I’m a pathetic, useless Alpha, how laughable would that be?

Gu Xizhou stroked Su Zhiyi’s hair, her hand trembling slightly: “Zhiyi… I…”

Gu Xizhou paused, carefully considering her phrasing, how to best craft an image of virtue: “An Omega’s heat is terribly hard to endure. Over this past year and more, I’ve seen you use suppressants so many times, each time looking like torture. That’s all my fault.”

“As your partner, it’s my duty to help you solve this problem, but I…”

Su Zhiyi lay in her arms, shaking her head gently, soothing her: “It’s fine. Medical suppressants are very effective nowadays. It’s not absolutely necessary to…”

Gu Xizhou placed a hand on Su Zhiyi’s shoulder, her heart pounding like a drum: “But it’s still hard on you, isn’t it? And it’s not that I’m unwilling, or don’t want to…”

The grip on her shoulder was firm. Su Zhiyi looked up at Gu Xizhou’s face, noticing her flushed cheeks, a look of painful hesitation. She understood immediately.

She wants to be intimate, but overcoming the shadows of her youth requires courage.

Su Zhiyi took her hand, making a decision: “Then let’s try again, how about that?”

“If you don’t like someone else taking the initiative, why not try being the one in control?”

This was exactly the answer Gu Xizhou wanted. She wrapped her arm around Su Zhiyi’s waist, looking down at her: “But in doing so, won’t you feel I’m disrespecting you?”

Gu Xizhou knew the Omega rights movement was in full swing now, to the point where Omegas taking initiative in bed between Alpha and Omega had become a trend.

Su Zhiyi, however, didn’t much care. She reached up and hooked her arm around Gu Xizhou’s neck. Her cherry-scented pheromones began seeping into the air from her nape in silky strands, silently tempting the Alpha. “Respect isn’t something that has to be proven in bed.”

“What happens behind closed doors, who takes the lead… that depends on mutual willingness, doesn’t it?”

Su Zhiyi pulled Gu Xizhou’s neck down, letting her breath ghost faintly over her lips: “Won’t you kiss me, Gu Xizhou?”

Gu Xizhou closed her eyes and kissed her without hesitation.

They had kissed many times since their relationship started, but never with such lingering sweetness. Gu Xizhou cradled the back of Su Zhiyi’s neck in one hand, holding her tenderly, tasting her carefully, bit by bit, sighing as if in admiration: “Zhiyi…”

Su Zhiyi nestled in her arms, answering softly: “Mm?”

Hearing her voice, Gu Xizhou felt an inexplicable urge to cry: “You’re so sweet…”

So sweet, so sweet… In the bitterness of her first half of life, the only sweetness fate had gifted her, so sweet it made her want to weep.

The room was filled with the delicious, sweet scent of cherries, completely enveloping Gu Xizhou. Breathing in Su Zhiyi’s fragrance, her arms tightened around her.

“Zhiyi… Zhiyi… Zhiyi…”

With each call of her name, Gu Xizhou drew closer. Their hearts gradually pressed together, their heartbeats slowly synchronizing, until their hearts seemed to fuse into one.

Gu Xizhou clasped Su Zhiyi’s hand, raising herself slightly to look at her. Tears already glistened in her eyes: “Zhiyi, are you okay?”

Su Zhiyi nodded, proactively lifting her arms to wrap around Gu Xizhou’s waist, her voice trembling: “I… I… and you? How are you doing?”

Gu Xizhou was trembling all over—not just her heart, but her whole body. She nodded, the corners of her eyes shimmering with tears: “I can do it… I can do this.”

Su Zhiyi smiled, reaching up to wipe the tears from the corner of her own eye, her tone incredibly gentle: “Yes, you can do it…”

This angelic Omega, like a mother, held Gu Xizhou: “Let’s keep going then, okay?”

Gu Xizhou nodded, tears sliding down her cheeks. She leaned down and softly, solemnly kissed away the tears at the corner of Su Zhiyi’s eye, her voice hoarse: “Okay, my little cherry.”

If everything between them began as a deception… then she would simply maintain the lie for a lifetime.

Never let Su Zhiyi know the truth, let her belong to her forever.

After a night of sweet dreams, Su Zhiyi awoke to a sensation of coolness.

She opened her bleary eyes, glancing outside with unfocused vision. Morning rain was tapping against the window, leaving streaks of water on the clean glass.

It’s raining…

With this thought, Su Zhiyi turned over hazily, wanting to look at Gu Xizhou beside her pillow, intending to wake her: “Xizhou…”

Gu Xizhou’s voice sounded right beside the bed: “I’m here.”

The voice was choked with emotion, like a knife soaked in water for a long time, rusted, rough, and anything but smooth.

Su Zhiyi sensed something was wrong immediately. Her eyes sought Gu Xizhou out, finding her kneeling right beside the bed, silently crying as she looked at her. Her heart jolted in alarm.

Gu Xizhou lifted her gaze to meet hers, large tears rolling down her cheeks, looking utterly wronged: “Zhiyi…”

Seeing her cry scared Su Zhiyi to death. Ignoring everything else, she hastily sat up and pulled her into her arms, frantically asking: “What’s wrong? What happened?”

“Why are you crying again?”

Wasn’t everything fine yesterday? How did she wake up in this state? Had she remembered something upsetting?

Gu Xizhou truly felt sorry for Su Zhiyi, but she couldn’t actually produce such copious tears. The essential oil stinging the corners of her eyes triggered a physiological response, making the tears fall uncontrollably.

She wrapped her arms around Su Zhiyi’s waist, her eyes red from crying, the very picture of someone taking advantage then playing the victim: “I’m sorry, I didn’t do it right, causing you so much discomfort.”

“I…”

Su Zhiyi had initially felt Gu Xizhou wasn’t being considerate of her at all, but seeing her cry, any thought of blaming her vanished. She even found her foolishly endearing.

She’d always thought Gu Xizhou was mature, steady, and considerate in every way. But now, she couldn’t help but see a certain childish naivety in certain aspects.

Human relationships were so strange. Growing closer always revealed the true self beneath the surface. That kind of authenticity and truth was so reassuring and fulfilling.

Su Zhiyi held her head, gently embracing her, stroking her hair, softly coaxing: “It’s fine. I didn’t do very well either.”

Gu Xizhou cried sniffling: “But I was the one taking the lead… you weren’t…”

Su Zhiyi always found a way to take the blame: “Well then, blame me for lacking experience. I couldn’t actively cooperate well with you.”

Gu Xizhou: …

Gu Xizhou had no words for her saint-like girlfriend. She couldn’t even continue the act, because now she genuinely wanted to cry.

How could her girlfriend be so good? She was clearly a beast, yet Su Zhiyi still embraced her with the patience and understanding of a big sister.

Gu Xizhou, what virtue or ability do you possess to deserve this, Gu Xizhou?

She didn’t answer, and Su Zhiyi assumed she was still consumed by guilt. She simply kissed her earlobe and offered warm comfort: “Our Xizhou has already done wonderfully, managing to overcome your psychological shadow.”

“Next time, you’ll definitely do even better.”

Her comfort was exceptionally tender, brimming with love. Gu Xizhou felt both moved and deeply ashamed. What virtue or ability did she have… to have met Su Zhiyi? Yet, cruelly, Su Zhiyi was Su Nanfeng’s sister.

Love and hatred intertwined so intensely that even her tears stopped.

Gu Xizhou gathered her emotions, her face buried in Su Zhiyi’s chest, and nodded: “Mm.”

Having successfully soothed her, Su Zhiyi smiled, reached up to ruffle the top of her head, and asked gently: “Were you just applying medicine for me?”

Gu Xizhou answered: “Yes.”

Su Zhiyi’s face immediately flushed bright red. She leaned close to Gu Xizhou’s ear and whispered very softly: “Then finish applying it for me.”

“You have to take good responsibility for the wounds you caused, okay?”

Gu Xizhou agreed, and then, her face burning with embarrassment, finished applying the medicine for Su Zhiyi.

After the medicine, Gu Xizhou wiped Su Zhiyi’s body clean. Only then did she bring over a bowl of Sampan Congee she had bought from outside early that morning, sitting by the bedside to feed her.

Though she was a beast and scum during the act, she was rather considerate afterwards. Su Zhiyi doted on her; out of understanding and tender affection, she was utterly indulgent with Gu Xizhou.

After they sweetly finished breakfast, Gu Xizhou cleaned up the dishes, settled Su Zhiyi back down to rest, and then busied herself in the kitchen.

A short while later, Gu Xizhou came over holding a glass of plain warm water, a single pill resting in her palm.

Su Zhiyi saw the contraceptive pill in her hand and was a little surprised: “You even bought this. I thought you might have forgotten.”

Gu Xizhou’s eyes were full of guilt, her tone helpless: “No matter how reckless I am, I know my limits.”

“Zhiyi, if you don’t want to get pregnant, I absolutely will not let you carry that burden.”

She didn’t like children, saw no need for progeny, and absolutely didn’t want to have a child with Su Zhiyi.

A child like that, carrying the blood of the Su family… what if it took after Su Nanfeng and herself, and didn’t inherit Su Zhiyi’s kindness? What then?

The offspring of people like them, no matter how you looked at it, would surely be the dregs of society. How could she allow such a being into this world?