272: Approval
Not a heartless monster, just a human.
Liz’s words were… heavy. As I stood there, frozen, she continued.
“That’s why I… regret it. To have made someone like you take such a name.”
“…Oh?” I smiled. Probably a ‘bad smile.’ The kind of smile that had once made Clarion say, “It looks like you’re trying to teach the world the true meaning of evil.”
A smile that twisted my lips, that cracked my emotions. I smiled.
“What do you know about me?”
I continued, my words like a blow.
“I am the Lord of Disease. I gave the order. To kill the powerless, without distinction, women, children, and the elderly. To poison the water, to burn the fields. To turn the night into a world of terror. To create a hell on earth, a hell where if you fled from fear, the nation would slowly rot from hunger. …I gave the order.”
What kind of a person I was, in truth, didn’t matter. What mattered was what I had done.
If this country lost, I would undoubtedly be recorded in the enemy’s history as the worst of all mages. And even if this country won, I might be recorded in our own history as the worst of all mages.
No… I should be. My actions were ruthless, and they should be recorded as evil.
The name ‘Lord of Disease’ was for that purpose.
To lessen the guilt of my subordinates, who followed my orders, and to make them carry out those ruthless acts. To make them seem like a single, unified terror.
The name ‘Lord of Disease’ was a tool for that.
No one had thought of it. Or, if they had, they hadn’t done it. A ruthlessness they had not chosen, because they did not want to stain their kind, soft, white emotions, what could be called a conscience.
And yet, I had taken this name. Because this was the only name I had in this world. Because if I didn’t take even a name like this, I would be on the receiving end again. And because I had to protect my subordinates, who followed my orders.
So, the fact that Liz, one of them, knew that I was just a human… was, in truth, not a good thing.
The Lord of Disease could not be such a weak being. I had to be an evil sorceress. Otherwise, no one would be at ease.
It was true that I probably shouldn’t have taken such a name. Perhaps I didn’t need a name at all. Perhaps I didn’t even need a personality. Perhaps it would have been better if I had been a mere function, a being who, under the influence of mind magic, simply spewed out grim knowledge and ruthless plans in a room in the royal castle.
It was not good to ‘know’ that a ‘mere human’ could do so much. Because then, someday, someone else would do it. Not a ‘human,’ not an enemy. But an ally, a ‘demon.’
So, at least officially, I should be a heartless monster of unknown race.
“And yet?” So, I had to say this.
“—Do you really think… that I am not a heartless monster?”
“I do. …You don’t have to be strong anymore. At least, not in front of me.”
But Liz looked at me, and she said that, and she smiled, a gentle smile, and she said that to me.
I pulled my hood down low.
“Master?”
“You’re an idiot, Liz.” I suppressed the tremor in my voice and looked down. And in the shadows of my hood, I squeezed my eyes shut and gritted my teeth.
“…I don’t really understand what you’re scolding me for.”
“You don’t have to. …Ever.”
My life? Liz’s? I didn’t know which.
It was so painful, I wanted to cry.
And I was afraid of getting used to it.
It was so happy, I wanted to cry.
And I was afraid of getting used to it.
Liz’s words seemed to be saying that it was alright for me to be myself, to be the Lord of Disease.
That ‘I,’ not the function of the Lord of Disease, was needed. That I didn’t have to be alone.
And the fact that that made me so happy that tears welled up in my eyes… This child didn’t have to know. And yet, I wanted her to know.
I slowly raised my hood, just a little, and met her gaze.
“Let’s go on a date, next time. An order… a request.” I had almost used the word ‘order,’ a word that used my position as a shield, and I had corrected myself. This child was my subordinate. She would obey an ‘order.’ As long as she didn’t judge it to be an act of treason against the nation.
She would wear a maid uniform and stay by my side. And she would listen to any other ridiculous thing, as long as it was an order backed by my authority as a supreme commander.
But that was no longer enough.
“You’ve come back to that again. Well… a request, is it?” Liz placed a hand on her chin and seemed to think.
The things I had ‘requested’ of her had all been trivial. To call Lizlit ‘Liz.’ …That was probably the only sensible one. The rest were things like asking her to make me an apple bunny, or requesting a specific dish for dinner, things that were… to be blunt… insignificant.
I had only had the courage to ask for such things.
“…Alright, Master. Your requests are rare, after all.”
Liz’s smile was mischievous. And cute. Ah, I probably couldn’t win against this child, ever. And for some reason, that made me happy.
“But I’ll have other guards with me.”
“Huh?”
“Of course. …This is my first ‘vacation’ in a long time, isn’t it?”
“Yes… I understand.” I nodded.
“So, I can just flirt with you as much as I want!”
“We’re canceling the date.”
“I’m sorry.”
Liz’s smile was perfectly beautiful. And scary.
Ah, I probably couldn’t win against this child, ever.
And that was a little frustrating.
