Chapter 40: Friends are the Family We Choose Part 1

Gu Qingshuang’s tone grew heavy as she spoke.

The light in her eyes dimmed, and a sudden silence fell over the room. It was moments before she spoke again, her voice barely a whisper. “Let’s not talk about it.”

Ming Li was stunned.

It was like a story reaching its climax only to be cut off mid-sentence. Her heart had been racing along with the narrative, but Gu Qingshuang had shut down.

She lowered her head, clearly haunted by dark memories. Her face was paler than before, and her hands were clenched so tightly that her nails dug into her palms.

Ming Li reached out and took her hands, gently but firmly prying them open. “Was Siwang the girl your mother almost drowned?” she asked softly.

Ming Li had never been this close to Gu Qingshuang before. They had shared a bed, lying skin-to-skin in each other’s arms, yet Ming Li had always felt a vast distance between them.

Tonight was different. Listening to Gu Qingshuang recount her past allowed Ming Li to see a side of her that had been hidden away. More importantly, she realized these memories were the knots in Gu Qingshuang’s heart.

If Gu Qingshuang could resort to self-harm today over a single argument, there might come a day when she couldn’t take it anymore. A moment of despair could lead to something irreversible. Ming Li couldn’t imagine what this house would become without her.

Having lost someone close to her before, Ming Li was terrified of loss—especially in such a tragic way. If listening and talking could give Gu Qingshuang even a glimmer of hope, it was worth it. Living with hope was better than suffering in silence.

Gu Qingshuang shook her head, then nodded, looking conflicted. Finally, she said in a pained voice, “A-Li, please… don’t ask any more.”

It was too cruel. Too cruel for her to speak of, and too cruel for Ming Li to hear.

Ming Li stared at her. “Then why did you lose touch with Chun Liuyi as well?” Her voice was as gentle as spring rain, subtle and soothing. “Logically, the three of you were close. After everything happened, Chun Liuyi should have been the mediator. Even if you couldn’t be friends with Siwang anymore, it shouldn’t have ended like this…”

If Ming Li hadn’t misread things last time, Chun Liuyi’s feelings for Gu Qingshuang were a complex mix of love and hate. Usually, when childhood friends have a falling out and meet again years later as adults, they are mature enough to at least maintain appearances. When Gu Qingshuang had wanted to add Chun Liuyi on WeChat, it was just an app; she could have added her and then blocked her feed if she really wanted to. Besides, Chun Liuyi wasn’t the main protagonist of that old drama.

Ming Li’s mind raced through the possibilities, but Gu Qingshuang only uttered four words: “I ruined her life.”

Her voice was thick with regret.

“And now?” Ming Li realized she wouldn’t get much more of the past out of her, so she pivoted to the present. “You’re both adults now. Friends aren’t a necessity of life, but if your mother still insists on forbidding you from seeing Siwang…”

Gu Qingshuang shook her head, showing a rare moment of resolve. “I can listen to her on anything else. But on this matter, I won’t follow her lead anymore.”

Ming Li silently patted her shoulder. Her thumb brushed over the skin she had bitten earlier, but she offered no further judgment. After a long silence, she said, “In the future, you can talk to me. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

Gu Qingshuang gave a self-deprecating laugh. “Do you think I’m a terrible person? Of all people to befriend, I chose the one person who would hurt my mother the most.”

“I don’t,” Ming Li said, putting herself in her shoes. “Sometimes, friends are the family we choose for ourselves.”

It was like her relationship with Zhu Hanxing. They didn’t talk every day, but they were always there for each other in a crisis. If she found out tomorrow that she and Zhu Hanxing were half-sisters, Ming Li figured she’d hate her father, but she wouldn’t hate Hanxing. Children have no choice in their birth; in such cases, it was better to blame the adults than oneself.

“But I was hateful back then,” Gu Qingshuang said, continuing the topic she had avoided just moments ago. “When Siwang first came to my house, she was wearing luxury brands she could never afford on her own. The watch she wore was a gift from my father. I remember it clearly—that year, Father gave me a limited edition Patek Philippe Starry Sky watch for my birthday. She was wearing the exact same one. She stood in our living room looking so out of place, and when she saw me, she looked completely lost.”

“She didn’t know either?” Ming Li asked, seeing she was willing to talk.

“She had no idea,” Gu Qingshuang replied. “She was raised by her grandparents. Because she was a girl, she was neglected. She had to do all the housework and keep her grades up just to survive. She maintained a scholarship all through high school, and she was an amazing cook.”

As Ming Li listened, a portrait began to form in her mind. If she didn’t know better, she would have thought Gu Qingshuang was describing a “White Moonlight” first love—an idealized, unattainable figure. In fact, Ming Li got the feeling that Siwang was far more important to Gu Qingshuang than Shen Lideng ever was. Whenever Shen Lideng was mentioned, Gu Qingshuang was tight-lipped and awkward. But when she spoke of Siwang, she seemed almost radiant.

In Gu Qingshuang’s eyes, Liu Siwang appeared to have no flaws.

Suddenly, Gu Qingshuang’s voice turned cold. “If we’re being honest, Siwang hates my father even more than I do.”

It was the first time Ming Li had heard her use the word “hate.” Regarding Gu Liufu, Ming Li could only picture that sickly, refined silhouette; she didn’t know enough to judge him.

Gu Qingshuang didn’t elaborate. Her storytelling wasn’t logical or linear; it was a series of fragments, and whenever the mood grew too heavy, she would sink back into herself.

Ming Li knew she couldn’t let her wallow, or else the self-harming urges might return. She pushed her curiosity aside and waved a hand in front of Gu Qingshuang’s eyes. “Do you want to sleep?”