Chapter 18: Beginning

Cheng Zhanya had just woken up, her eyes still heavy with sleep.

After a moment, her mind cleared a little, and she remembered what had happened before she drifted off. She turned her head to look at the empty spot beside her.

Good.

The person wasn’t there again.

Cheng Zhanya wasn’t surprised at all. She was used to it.

She lowered her gaze and let out a silent laugh.

She had expected this outcome, yet her heart still held out hope—and couldn’t help feeling a pang of disappointment.

She threw off the covers and got out of bed. Without bothering with her slippers, she padded across the carpet, feeling little beneath her feet, until she reached the window. The chill of the porcelain tiles seeped up from the floor, making her shiver despite the summer heat.

The moon had emerged early without a drop of rain, round and brilliantly bright.

Pale yellow light filtered through the half-drawn curtains, casting a clear glow throughout the room.

Cheng Zhanya stood by the window, her eyes distant and unfocused.

That afternoon, she had proposed divorce to Lin Hanbing.

It hadn’t gone through.

Now, after a full night’s sleep, did she still want the divorce?

Yes.

She still wanted it.

No matter if she felt lost or content, she always longed to confide in someone close—but there was never anyone there.

Cheng Zhanya sighed and slipped on her shoes.

She washed up, cooked, and went through the same ordinary routine. In the vast house, the only sounds were the faint clinks of bowls and plates.

She ate alone—a simple bowl of noodles.

She had been away on vacation for ten days, so the pantry was bare. There was still some frozen beef she could use, so she sliced a few pieces to add flavor to her plain noodle soup.

She turned on the TV and cranked the volume to maximum.

Anything would do, as long as there was noise. She didn’t even watch it, just listened to the sounds while slowly eating her noodles.

Once she had satisfied her hunger, she switched off the TV and sat quietly in the living room for a bit, preparing to head back to her room.

Click.

The study door suddenly swung open.

Cheng Zhanya’s heart skipped a beat. She turned to look, and there was Lin Hanbing’s nearly icy expression.

She was still home, after all.

Cheng Zhanya thought.

“Woken up? Have you eaten?”

Lin Hanbing gave a gentle smile, completely unlike her demeanor at noon.

“Mm.” Cheng Zhanya nodded.

“What did you have?”

“Noodles.”

Lin Hanbing stepped closer, her voice tinged with pitifulness. “I haven’t eaten yet.”

Cheng Zhanya lowered her eyes, recalling how Lin Hanbing had specially prepared a full table of dishes after returning from her business trip. She hadn’t touched a single one—not even glanced at them—before heading straight to the study.

“I didn’t realize you were home,” Cheng Zhanya said.

The house had decent soundproofing. With the TV blaring, sounds from the living room should have reached the study, which faced it directly. The door had been closed, but either Lin Hanbing hadn’t noticed, or she simply hadn’t paid attention.

No need to guess—Lin Hanbing had been busy with work.

Cheng Zhanya knew full well that her wife tuned out the entire outside world when she was working.

“Still hungry? Want some dessert afterward?” Lin Hanbing watched her with a smile. “Let’s order takeout.”

Cheng Zhanya shook her head.

How could Lin Hanbing act so nonchalant, as if nothing had happened?

Had an afternoon of reflection made her agree to the divorce?

Cheng Zhanya felt a wave of sadness.

Lin Hanbing sighed softly. “You still don’t want to talk to me?”

In her memory, Cheng Zhanya had always been so compliant. They rarely argued and made up quickly even when they had little spats.

But now, her wife’s face was impassive, as if she wanted nothing to do with her. It left Lin Hanbing feeling flustered and anxious.

“Yaya… Obedient One.”

Lin Hanbing reached out gently to touch her hand. “Please don’t be mad anymore, okay?”

Cheng Zhanya finally met her eyes, a deep sense of helplessness washing over her. “Do you really think I’m just angry—that’s why I brought up divorce?”

Wasn’t that the case?

Lin Hanbing frowned in confusion.

She hadn’t noticed that her wife had gone on a trip and the house had gathered dust, so she was mad enough to demand a divorce.

Cheng Zhanya shook her head, her resolve to divorce growing even firmer.

With disappointment in her voice, she said, “You should eat first.”

“I’ll sign the divorce agreement and send it to you.”

Lin Hanbing grabbed her arm, her voice low. “Do we really have to go this far?”

Cheng Zhanya choked up.

Was she the one forcing them to this point?

“I don’t want us to argue over this and ruin everything,” Cheng Zhanya said, taking a deep breath. “Not even our friendship.”

“We’ll have to see each other again someday.”

Living in the same city, running into each other was easy if they crossed paths—or avoidable if they tried. She didn’t want their lingering affection to wither away in strife.

“Impossible.”

Lin Hanbing growled lowly.

Cheng Zhanya startled, her eyes wide with shock.

The Lin Hanbing in her memory had never been so rough. Perhaps due to her personality, she rarely even showed her emotions.

“Sorry.” Lin Hanbing realized it immediately and apologized with regret.

Cheng Zhanya glanced at her but said nothing as she returned to her room.

She wasn’t frightened. If anything, it felt novel—her wife, who always seemed as steady as a rock, could panic and fluster too.

She opened her computer and logged into QQ.

She hadn’t muted the penguin sound effect, so as soon as she signed in, it chimed loudly, her avatar flashing wildly.

It was a message from her editor.

—Baby, back from your trip?

—The standee’s ready. Can you submit a chapter tomorrow? Even a short one is fine—we can update the day after and promote it.

After delivering the standee artwork, she had asked her editor for time off, pausing the serialization for a week.

Her series had always leaned sweet and fluffy, but now, with her and her wife on the brink of divorce, could she still draw it?

It would be difficult.

But she had to push through these emotions. Was she supposed to just end the series after the divorce?

End it…

Cheng Zhanya paused, the word appearing in her mind for the first time.

Of course. The story had been inspired by her and her wife. If they divorced, shouldn’t it end?

The thought suddenly filled her with sorrow.

Ending things with Lin Hanbing would mean ending everything.

For so many years, her life had revolved around Lin Hanbing. Her wife had been her whole world.

That realization was terrifying.

Cheng Zhanya replied to her editor with a simple “Okay” and logged off right away. She opened WeChat and messaged Fan Yaobai.

—I brought up divorce with Hanbing.

—I feel like my whole life is over.

—Baibai, are you busy?

Cheng Zhanya desperately needed to vent and stared anxiously at the screen, refreshing repeatedly as she awaited her friend’s reply.

Fan Yaobai responded quickly.

—For real?

Cheng Zhanya could picture Fan Yaobai’s shocked expression. She typed back rapidly.

—Yeah, for real.

—Do your parents know?

—Not yet. I’ll tell them later.

—No matter what you decide, I’ll support you. Divorce isn’t the end of your life—it’s a new beginning. Change your perspective, and the world looks different.

Fan Yaobai wasn’t sure if she was saying the right thing.

Cheng Zhanya was her friend, and while she didn’t know Lin Hanbing as well, they had met.

They said it was better to reconcile than to split.

But she couldn’t bring herself to care about that.

They were adults with their own minds. Other people’s opinions wouldn’t sway much.

After chatting with her friend, Cheng Zhanya felt much more at ease.

Lin Hanbing came in from outside and saw her wife exhale in visible relief.

Her heart twinged painfully.

In a soft voice, as if afraid to disturb her, she said, “I ordered some sweet soup. Want a bit?”

Cheng Zhanya set down her phone and looked up at her, her expression utterly serious.

“Lele, let’s get divorced.”

The words rang in her ears. Lin Hanbing froze in place, her fingertips turning white around the sweet soup container. “Do we really have to go this far?”

Cheng Zhanya nodded. “I want to start over.”

She had spent most of her life orbiting Lin Hanbing, and she was truly exhausted.

“Why start over?”

“Was marrying me really that miserable?”