Chapter 57 Part 1

It felt like a breeze had blown past.

It was the wind in Lu Qingxue’s eyes.

Yun Chun couldn’t see the misty rain in Lu Qingxue’s eyes, but those willow-leaf eyes held an expression that Yun Chun had never seen before.

Yun Chun’s heart fluttered with panic. She took a step forward, closing the distance between them, and blinked her clear, bright eyes. “My mom came to see you to make us break up, right?”

“…Yeah.”

“So what did you tell her?”

Lu Qingxue lifted her gaze, chuckling dryly in a hoarse voice. “It doesn’t seem to matter anymore what I told her, Little Darling.”

The breeze whispered softly.

Yet it shook the tiny whirlwind in Yun Chun’s heart, making it tremble twice.

She realized her words had caused a misunderstanding.

She hurried to explain. “That’s not what I meant.”

She went on. “Auntie Xu said before that even without the marriage certificate, I could still see you if I wanted to.”

If she could still see her, then they weren’t really separated.

If she could still see her, then it didn’t matter whether that marriage certificate existed or not.

Lu Qingxue’s slender brows furrowed slightly. “How?”

She and Yun Chun shared no blood ties. It wasn’t like Yun Yueqin, where a simple thought from Yun Yueqin would let Yun Chun see her.

“Open Ghost Eyes.”

Yun Chun said, “She told me before that once I open Ghost Eyes, I’ll be able to see you.”

“So I wanted to ask what you told my mom. If you didn’t agree, then we can burn the marriage certificate. I’ll go tell her we’ve already broken up. That way, she…” Yun Chun paused. “She won’t come looking for you anymore.”

Lu Qingxue fell silent for two seconds before murmuring softly, “You’re really afraid of Aunt Qin coming to find me.”

The lake within Lu Qingxue had already frozen over.

Yun Chun stood upon it, walking on thin ice.

“I…”

“I just don’t want her keep trying to convince us to break up.”

“And then what? Burn it and sneak around with me in secret? What if Aunt Qin finds out in the end? How will you handle it then?” Lu Qingxue asked calmly, though her tone carried an undeniable edge. “And do you even know what a living person like you would see if you opened Ghost Eyes? Little Darling, I don’t want you taking risks.”

Yun Chun replied, “I’m not afraid.”

The frozen lake surface seemed unable to hold anything more. Every time it touched something, it just wanted to skate around in circles with endless questions. “You’re not afraid of seeing those ghosts and ghouls, but you are afraid of me dealing with Aunt Qin, aren’t you?”

“Is that the impression I give you?”

Yun Chun asked softly in return. She clearly hadn’t realized how deeply her earlier behavior had hurt Lu Qingxue.

She lowered her head, her eyelashes fluttering like the wings of a dying butterfly gasping its last breath. Her voice was low and hoarse, unable to hide the bitterness in her heart. “I’m just not sure, Sister Qingxue. I’m not afraid of you. I just don’t want to go through the pain of losing my mom again.”

Her hands hung at her sides, clenched so tightly that her fingernails dug into her palms, but Yun Chun felt no pain. The mere thought of Yun Yueqin leaving her made it hurt so much she barely dared to breathe.

Afraid Lu Qingxue would misunderstand, Yun Chun opened her mouth to explain further. “I can’t let there be even the slightest mistake in this. Because if there’s even one slip-up, I’ll never have the chance to call her Mom again.”

Yun Chun lifted her head to look at Lu Qingxue, her eyelashes trembling, her eyes reddening.

She raised a hand, her two fingers timidly tugging at the corner of Lu Qingxue’s clothes, and spoke in a soft voice. “I don’t want to lose you either.”

As the sun drew near, signs of melting appeared on the ice.

Lu Qingxue’s heart softened in an instant. She gazed at Yun Chun’s slender, graceful hand, silently digesting her words.

Yun Chun let out a breath, steadying her emotions before continuing. “I don’t want to put you in a tough spot. I know you won’t do anything to my mom, but your duty is there. If she keeps coming to find you, what will you do? Pretend not to see her? That would be too hard on you.

“And besides…”

“I don’t want my mom obsessing over this every day and feeling miserable because of it. I don’t want to hear her say we should break up every time I go see her. Sister Qingxue, I don’t want to hear it. It frustrates me when she keeps saying it.”

By this point, Yun Chun’s voice had broken. She couldn’t bear to look into Lu Qingxue’s eyes anymore. She even bowed her head, avoiding Lu Qingxue’s gaze—a sign of her escape.

Yun Chun was fleeing from herself. She thought she was pathetic, a bad person.

She feared Lu Qingxue saw her the same way.

She feared Lu Qingxue would hate her.

Yun Chun slowly squatted down, wrapping her arms tightly around herself, drawing a sense of security from the tight embrace. “I don’t know what I’m frustrated about. Am I frustrated at my own powerlessness in this? Or at how poorly I’m handling it? Or… at my mom.”

Yun Chun didn’t want to cry, but the weight on her chest seemed to grow heavier.

She choked out, “I shouldn’t be frustrated with her. I’ve lived this long and never been frustrated with her before. Whatever she said, I listened. I never talked back. Being with you is the only time I’ve disobeyed her. And all it got me was her nagging me over and over. Now I don’t even dare to go see her…”

In the past week, she’d only gone twice. Normally, no matter how busy her work was, she’d visit once a day.

But since coming back from Milan, Yun Chun hadn’t dared go to Xu Lanmeng’s house. She hadn’t dared face Yun Yueqin.

She was afraid of seeing disappointment in Yun Yueqin’s eyes. She was afraid her repeated refusals would make Yun Yueqin angry and scold her…

She knew Yun Yueqin only wanted what was best for her, and that’s exactly why she was even more terrified.

It was like when she was a kid and didn’t do well in school. Yun Yueqin never scolded her for her grades. She just encouraged her now and then to study hard, saying effort would lead to first place. Yun Chun feared disappointing her and taught herself desperately.

But she just wasn’t cut out for school. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t grasp it. Her grades improved, but first place remained distant.

Back then, Yun Yueqin would say, “Effort is what matters. First place isn’t important.”

How Yun Chun wished Yun Yueqin could say to her now, “If you want to be together, then be together. Mom won’t interfere.”

But no.

“Yet ever since I turned seventeen, I’ve longed to hear her voice, longed to see her again. Now that I’ve heard it and seen her, I’m actually starting to feel frustrated. Sister Qingxue, am I unfilial…?”

She pressed her eyes tightly against her arms, plunging her vision into darkness. Yun Chun couldn’t bear to face her own heart.

She was afraid of seeing a stranger inside herself.

“But I can’t control my emotions. Because I don’t want to separate from you. I don’t want my life without you in it. But no matter what I say, she counters with how the living and the dead follow different paths…”

This was harder than getting first place.

First place didn’t matter, as long as she tried.

But she and Lu Qingxue had to separate, no matter what she said.

“These past few days, I’ve even thought… what if I died? Then could I be with you?”

After saying that, Yun Chun slowly raised her head. She’d assumed Lu Qingxue was still standing, but to her surprise, Lu Qingxue had crouched down beside her at some point.

The moment she lifted her eyes, they met Lu Qingxue’s gaze.

Looking into those eyes that had begun raining again, Yun Chun wiped away her tears and knelt straight down on the ground. The cold surface stung her knees with icy chill, but she felt nothing. The pain in her heart had numbed the rest of her body.

She opened her arms and hugged Lu Qingxue, drawing her into an embrace, seeking solace.

Breathing in the faint, fresh fragrance of Lu Qingxue’s body, Yun Chun’s anxious heart gradually steadied.

She bit her lip inwardly and said, “Burning that marriage certificate is the best solution I can think of right now. Even though it’s deceiving my mom, it won’t hurt either of you.”

It would also let her briefly play the role of a “good child,” one who listened to her mom.

Yun Chun wanted a short escape, a respite from Yun Yueqin’s persuasions.

And during that time, she could still love Lu Qingxue.

“…Alright.”

Yun Chun heard Lu Qingxue’s response.

She turned her gaze sideways, her damp eyelashes like a lifeless butterfly, too weak even to flutter.

Meeting her eyes were Lu Qingxue’s softly curved ones, gentle pools holding threads of rain.

Lu Qingxue placed a hand on Yun Chun’s head and asked softly, “Didn’t I tell you before that if there’s a problem, you should tell me? Don’t go overthinking things on your own next time. What kind of nonsense are you coming up with?”

When Yun Chun had said she wanted to be with her even if it meant dying, the ice on Lu Qingxue’s frozen lake had shattered completely.

The kind that could never refreeze.

Her heart called Yun Chun a fool, but she knew the dilemma had pushed her to the brink.

Yun Chun stared at Lu Qingxue in a daze, her arms around her tightening abruptly.

Why had Lu Qingxue agreed, yet her heart still ached sourly? This was her own idea, the best solution she could think of right now.

But somehow, a piece of her heart felt empty, as if something precious was slipping away.

Lu Qingxue ruffled the soft hair on top of Yun Chun’s head, addressing the question among all of them that weighed on her the most. “Little Darling, you’re not unfilial. You respect Aunt Qin so much. You’ve already done more than enough.”

Looking into Yun Chun’s eyes, she said calmly, “If you want to burn it, then burn it. To you, it’s just a shackle anyway.”

Lu Qingxue recalled what Yun Yueqin had said. For a living person like Yun Chun, bearing the label of a ghost marriage truly wasn’t right.

Being with her meant even holding hands had to be done in secret. Otherwise, they’d be seen as weirdos with strange behavior. If they were drunk, maybe it could pass as drunken antics.

But would Yun Chun want to get drunk for the rest of her life just to hold hands with her in public? Or wear pocketed clothes forever to hide it?

Perhaps there was a good solution, but Lu Qingxue couldn’t think of a single one at that moment.

Her mind seemed clear, yet it had already devolved into chaos.

The only coherent thought she had was focused on comforting Yun Chun.

Lu Qingxue smiled faintly as she brushed the stray strands of hair from Yun Chun’s cheek. For today’s event, Yun Chun had put on makeup—quite different from the fresh-faced Little Darling she usually saw at home. She looked brighter and more vibrant than usual, exuding pride and poise.

Except her eyes were smudged from crying.

She resembled a little raccoon.

Yet it didn’t diminish Yun Chun’s beauty at all. If anything, it lent her a fragile, shattered allure that tugged at the heartstrings and stirred deep pity.

Someone worthy of standing by such a Yun Chun should be an exceptional person.

Not a ghost like her, who even had to hide just to hold hands…